Possumblog

What’s a Thursday without a Three?

Hmm? What’s that? You don’t understand what I’m saying?!

Well, first of all, that’s because I’m not saying anything, I’m writing it.

And second, actually, I’m not even doing that, since I don’t blog anymore.

But by way of backstory, here at Possumblog back when it was fully funct (and not defunct as it is now), we (the editorial we) and our (again, editorially) vast swarm of readers would take every Thursday and engage in a bit of alliterative memery, namely, the Thursday Three. Three (or more) probing, insightful questions would be proffered by the editorial staff writers, and readers would chime in with their very own answers to said questions. By doing so, we (collectively) could all learn what made each other tick (or how we got ticks) and revel in each others virtual companionship.

Believe it or not, at one time the Thursday Three was the most widely-read and participated-in, weekly day-of-the-week meaningless Internet meme in the entire world. (You shouldn’t believe that.)

Sadly, though, as occasionally happens with such things, the fun came to a screeching halt on August 1, 2007 when I was getting ready to take on my new job and pretty much lost the free time I once had to sit around and piddle and maunder. Since that time, I have completely never blogged ever again--not even a single post. With the exception (maybe) of the last Thursday Three on August 9, 2007.

So, why am I posting something now?

I’m not. Since I don’t blog anymore, this can’t be a blog post.

However, my good friend Jim Smith (his real name) mentioned he’d like to see something like the ol’ T-3 from Possumblog again. You know, it being that his 60th birthday is coming up this Saturday. Not that there’s any pressure.

Geez--nothing like a load of GUILT to make you heave a heavy sigh and grudgingly grab your keyboard and knock together a quick simulacrum of a quiz to give all both of my remaining readers something to do for several minutes. And celebrate Jimbo's SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY! ICE CREAM AND PONIES AND CAKE!

But how to do this, since I no longer do this?

How about the Non-Thursday Non-Three!

Sounds good to me.

SO, take a moment to peruse the following non-three non-questions and either leave your answers in the comment section below, or a link to your blog (although it’s been so long since I’ve done this, the idea of people having a blog is so early-21st Century that I should probably have some accommodation for you not-quite-as-early-21st Century Twitter people. Good thing I don’t care about you like that.)

ANYwho--since we’re coming up on Thanksgiving, answer me these nonqueries:

1. What one person are you most thankful for this year?
2. What one thing are you most thankful for this year?
3. What one event are you most thankful for this year?

AND, as a big fat bonus unquestion:

4. So, how’s it going? How’ve you been lately?

Okay, go off and figure those out. As for my answers...

1. Well, there’s always the one I’m always thankful for, Miss Reba. But if you exclude her (and understanding that you do so at your own peril) and other immediate family members, I’d say Andrew Breitbart. Big Government’s takedown of ACORN took some guts and savvy, and it’s nice to have someone willing to out-Alinsky the Alinskyites. For those who have some sense of what classical liberalism means, it’s heartening to see someone exposing illiberal utopian statists (thanks to Charles Austin for that apt turn of phrase!) for what they are. In what would have been an otherwise rather depressing political year, it has been a breath of fresh air.

2. Obviously, the one thing I’m most grateful for this year above others is having a job, and my wife having one, as well. And Rebecca and Ashley, too. I know people make fun of bureaucrats and their general level of uselessness (I know I do), but I do try to make sure that I actually do give the folks who pay my salary their money’s worth. I really am thankful that I still have that opportunity.

3. Hmmm. I’d say the fact that there are at least 12 people in the U.S. Northern District of Alabama who refused to be hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, or run amuck. What a sad, pitiful little tale. I'm glad it's over, and I'm heartened by the outcome.

4. Hey, thanks for asking! It’s busy in my little corner of the world, and Reba’s been even busier, and it all sorta blurs together and I lose track of time and what I’m doing. That’s one of those things that was nice about blogging--it helped me keep track of what I did.

But you know what? I do know that life’s good, and I’m thankful for it. All of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a happy Thursday before Thanksgiving. OH, and Doc Smith? Happy birthday, sir!

It's....

"The Von Trapp Family Singing 'So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Good Night'" Version of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Except without the Nazis. Or singing. Or nuns. Okay, it's not at all like anything in the movie. SO SUE ME!! (Not really.)

Anyway, as you all know, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three has been one of the more popular recurring features of Possumblog over the years, dating back to April 8, 2004. It has been on summer hiatus to allow it to be properly aired-out and disinfected, but when we sent it out, we had no idea that we'd be making our big exit before resuming production for the Exciting New Fall Season.

SO, in the spirit of the times, and to cap off the most drawn-out, insufferably melodramatic blogdeath sequences ever recorded, we herewith assault you one last time with The Completely Self-Centered Good-bye Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! Since the original idea was posited by none other than Jim Smith, PhD, he has graciously written out the final question set for us.

As has always been both rule and custom, anyone may play along by either leaving a comment below, or by leaving a link to the answers on your own blog. Answer us now these things:

1. What was your favorite Possumblog post over the years? (With archive link, please, if you can find it.)

2. What will you miss most about Possumblog?

3. Do you have any final words? (And it better not be "Rosebud"!)

And, the exciting bonus question!

4. What will you not miss at all about Possumblog?

So, there you go.

As for my answers...

1. I don't have one that's my favorite, but several do stand out in my mind. One is not even a blog post. It's what got me interested in writing in the first place, though, at least as a method of catharsis. It was my set of recollections of September 11, 2001, and the months following.

On Possumblog proper, I still take time every year to update and post a little Valentine's Day paean to Miss Reba, whom I love more than life.

On a post related to September 11, this one was about getting to hear one of the engineers who designed the World Trade Center discuss their construction and destruction.

For you lovers of Southern culture, this one is pretty funny.

And for some reason, this one still strikes me as humorous.

2. Oh, that's easy. Everyone I've met, whether in real life or over the wire. I cannot thank you all enough for dropping by and chatting.

3. Love God, and love each other. Really.

And for the bonus:

4. Cleaning up after Chet the E-Mail Boy. That, and trying to remember not to start every single sentence with either "Well," or "ANYway."

Oh, and speaking of Thursday?

For old time's sake, next week we are going to have A Very Special Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, which has already been written up by our favorite college professor, ham radio operator (MMMmmm--ham!), and small engine repairman, Jim Smith.

Despite feeling a bit queasy when it comes to soliciting opinions about Possumblog superlatives, I figure it won't hurt this once. So, stay tuned next week to give this old barge a sendoff.

Be sure and bring plenty of finger foods for the party--you know, like collard greens.

Entertaining?

You betcha!

Nothing like exploring alternative lifestyles and philosophies--today we visit the Kalabarians, who are able to tell much about you by analyzing your name. It's very scientific.

And they are so scientific that they give EVERY name the same thorough, reasoned analysis, even if the name sounds odd and vaguely insulting. So, even if you're named something like, oh, I don't know, maybe "Dingleberry," you can still receive top-notch information about you and your chances of success in this world and hidden secrets about your personality!

There are hundreds of thousands of names in their database, so no matter if you're a Booger, a Twit, a Turd, a Possum (male, or female), or nothing more than Dirt, you will find out all sorts of valuable things you never knew about yourself, and maybe get over the deep-seated anger you feel toward your parents.

Oh, you might be tired of people making fun of you, but when you find out that even with a name such as Dirt, you have a "very responsible, stable nature" and your "calmness of mind enables you to analyze objectively, and to make decisions quickly, making it possible for you to do well in business or in any professional capacity," well, the sky suddenly becomes the limit for you!

So thanks to the Kalabarians and their supernatural insight into YOUR name!

Never fear!

POSSUMBLOG IS HERE!!

Well, okay. Maybe a little healthy fear is a good thing.

ANYway, sorry to be so tardy with your morning bowl of mush, but I had another stupid early meeting this morning to attempt to pick a color for the front of a building.

You know what?

Women are very sexist.

I swear, if I heard one more time about how a couple of certain women saw colors differently from me, and how they were right and the other men with me and I were wrong, and how we just couldn't be expected to see colors well because we're just genetically incapable of it, I tell you I was gonna swat them with my purse.

What makes it even funnier is that the developer already had consulted with a couple of designers about his color selection, and BOTH OF THEM WERE WOMEN! This seemed to pass right over CERTAIN people's heads. Yeah, I know--it doesn't match the preconceived narrative and therefore must be discarded or ignored. Not that good open-minded, diversity-lovin' progressive sorts would ever do such a thing.

YES, I'M IN A BAD MOOD.

And to top it off, I had to go back over to the Volvo dealership and get my parking deck card, and my poor ugly lump of iron was sitting there wondering why he had been left amongst a bunch of mortally wounded strangers. You could tell all the other cars had been telling him horror stories about having their quarter panels sawn off and their subframes sheared and their precious essences dribbling away across the asphalt. I told him not to listen to that garbage and that he'd be well again in no time. I don't think he believed me.

ANYway, you didn't come here this Thursday for all that sort of garbage, did you?

No, of course not!

YOU, gentle reader, came here to see the BEST of what Thursday has to offer as you await the return of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three this fall!

So, without further delay, Possumblog presents to YOU...

Something so AMAZING...

Something so BREATH-TAKING...





That it may cause you to be STARTLED, and AMAZED...







IT'S...

THE DULL MEN'S CLUB!!

Learn about BAGGAGE CAROUSELS!

Enjoy SAFE EXCITEMENT!

Learn the difference between a DULL MAN and a BORING MAN!

Yep, it's just one thing after another, and perfectly in keeping with the high quality of entertainment we have here on Possumblog!

SO ENJOY YOUR THURSDAY, and DO come back soon!

Seeing as how...

...the writers of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three are all out trying to find gainful employment during the summer hiatus, we have all this free time on Thursday mornings to fill with something equally entertaining.

THUS, it is with great pride that we present for your enjoyment...

DO-IT-YOURSELF THEATER of the ETHER!

I'll give you the characters and setting, and YOU, the vast Possumblog readership, will get the opportunity to write your very own production!

GUARANTEED TO BE FUN, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

SO then, let's see what we have:

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

REUEL J. PUDDLER--Crusty patriarch of the Puddler dynasty. Made his fortune in the broom industry.

GLADYS PUDDLER--Crusty matriarch of the Puddler dynasty. Maiden name Rutabenner, of the Albany Rutabenners.

NORDEAN PUDDLER--Dim eldest child of the Puddler dynasty. Given to fits of singing and shopping cart theft.

SAKS PUDDLER--Rakishly dissolute second child of the Puddler dynasty. Rumored to have been sired by SAKS FUNDERBURGER.

BRYTTANIEEGH PUDDLER--Youngest child of the Puddler dynasty. Graduated cum laude from AAA Community University. Rumored to have been sired by REUEL PUDDLER.

WILLIAM J. CLINTON--Handyman of the Puddler estate. Was won in a card game between REUEL PUDDLER and SAKS FUNDERBURGER.

SAKS FUNDERBURGER--Curmudgeonly paterfamilias of the Funderburger empire. Made his fortune in toothpick dispenser industry.

BRITTINI FUNDERBURGER--Vivacious materfamilias of the Funderburger empire and fourth wife of SAKS FUNDERBURGER. Maiden name Newly, of the Whispering Pines Subdivision Newlys. Graduated summa cum laude from Harvard Med.

TIM AND RICKY FUNDERBURGER--Twin sons born of ROBERTA LEE FUNDERBURGER, first wife of SAKS. Interests include gambling, drinking, and BRITTINI FUNDERBURGER.

NELDA FUNDERBURGER--Eldest daughter of SAKS, born of MONICA FUNDERBURGER, second wife of SAKS. Quiet, unassuming, favors sensible shoes, works for NSA in counterintelligence.

QUINN FUNDERBURGER--Burly, yet passionately artistic, plays offensive guard for local AFL-2 league and owns local gallery specializing in Russian Suprematist art. Born of CINDI FUNDERBURGER, third wife of SAKS. Secretly dallying with BRYTTANIEEGH PUDDLER.

MAYOR BLOOMBERG--Mayor of Palastski Township, bitter archrival to both SAKS FUNDERBURGER and REUEL PUDDLER. Father of CINDI FUNDERBURGER.

FLYING OFFICER WHITBEY JEROME SKATTLETON, RCAF (ret.)--Flew three supply missions to Northwest Territories in 1967 before becoming debilitated due to toe injury suffered from dropped pallet of canned mutton. Retired to warmer climes to nurse toe back to health, insists on being called full name with honorifics.

TOWNSFOLK, VARIOUS--Sturdy, good-hearted people who always vote Republican unless they vote Democrat. Generous, hard-working, loyal and not given to violence unless urged on by petty, damp-armpitted demogogues.

OPENING SCENE: Midday, Palastski Township-Bloomberg Municipal Justice Building, mob of TOWNSFOLK, VARIOUS crowd front staircase.

A woman screams as a baby carriage begins bouncing down the marble steps...

NOW! Each of you add your own paragraphy and direction, and we'll have the grandest two (or twelve) act blogplay EVER CREATED on a Thursday in June!

POST-LUNCHTIME UPDATE!

See how fun this is?!

NEARLY TIME TO GO HOME UPDATE!

We wish to thank everyone for your incredible outpouring of passion and creativity, making this the single most successful blogplay ever to have been done on Possumblog on this date! Of course, we couldn't have done this without our kind sponsors: Playtime Costume Rentals at East South Plaza; Lorenzo's Catering #3 at 923 West 154th Street; and Buddy G. Music and Trophy, Highway 9 Bypass. And our most profound thanks to Ted McGinley for stopping by and delivering a searing portrayal of Ricky Funderburger.

Thank you again, everyone!

What Goes Great With Thursday?

Vanishingly little!

Thankfully, you do have the hard-working staff here at Possumblog to provide you with the finest possible entertainment for the price. With the summer hiatus of the Thursday Three continuing, we use this time as a way to experiment with new content and features to make your reading experience ever more enjoyable. To that end, today we have an exciting segment we like to call...







RANDOM USDA LABORATORY RESEARCH PHOTOS!

Here's Technician Brandy Jones, examining a rose plant that began as cells grown in a tissue culture! Photo by Scott Bauer!

In another Scott Bauer image, using a differential scanning calorimeter, plant physiologist Christina Walters can detect phase-state changes of water and lipids in seeds! First she cools thin slices of seed tissues sealed in tiny aluminum pans (held in tweezers) to -170°C! The relationship she finds between a seed's water content, temperature at which its heat capacity changes, and size of the change give clues about the nature of glasses that form!

Now, you might not realize this, BUT--deciphering the genetic code of livestock could help researchers reduce the total numbers of live animals needed for studies! At the U.S. Meat Animal Research Center in Clay Center, Nebraska, technician Kristen Katzberg reads DNA sequences! Photo by Keith Weller!

In this Vermeeresque image by Jack Dykinga, Technician Brooke Balsam prepares ground beef for fat analysis!

We hope you've enjoyed this exciting, fascinating look at the United States Department of Agriculture, and we thank them for allowing us to use their photos.

I sure hope Chet got those forms filled out and returned...

I know how worried you all have been.

"What will we do on Thursday mornings while the Thursday Three is on summer vacation?" you ask.

Was there any doubt that Possumblog would continue to provide the stellar, executive-quality entertainment you've all grown to expect!?

OF COURSE NOT!

So, without further ado, we proudly present to you...






...right now...

A SUPER EXCITING THING YOU'LL ALL LOVE!







That's right--RANDOM U.S. GOVERNMENT PROPERTY AUCTIONS!!

Today's highlighted auction is something I've always wanted around the house, an OHIO MEDICAL PRODS ANESTHESIA MACHINE, SN 216-7188-801, located at the VA Medical Center in Durham, North Carolina!

It's quite lovely, isn't it?

And looks to be in good shape--perfect for those times when a gallon of PGA and a blow to the head just with a hammer just isn't quick enough! Winner of the OHIO MEDICAL PRODS ANESTHESIA MACHINE, SN 216-7188-801 was bidder "TMG," who only paid $313 for this high-quality bit of machinery.

We hope you've enjoyed this week's installment of RANDOM U.S. GOVERNMENT PROPERTY AUCTIONS!!

Thursday Three Season Finale!

Yes, it’s time once more for the cast, crew, and writers to take a well-deserved summer hiatus, but before everyone clears out, they’ve left you with a THRILLING, ACTION-PACKED edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Okay, it’s not thrilling.

Nor particularly action-packed.

In fact, there’s really not much of a theme. But that’s what you get when you assemble your program from stuff you find wadded up in the trash can.

But it’s the only thing we got, SO--

1) If you could hang out with a famous living person for a day, who would it be, and why?

2) What sort of plans do you have for summer vacation?

3) Blake or Jordin?

Okay, all of you get to work and let’s send out this year’s final episode with something resembling enjoyment! Leave your answers in the comments below or a link to your own blog.

As for my answers…

1) When I pulled this one out of the circular file, I thought it would be pretty simple, but it's really a bit too open-ended, and let's face it--why would someone famous want ME hanging around with them all day!?

If they're doing the stuff that made them famous, you probably won't be able to get too close to them, and if they're just chillin', well, what would you have to talk about?

Then again, some people have a pretty fun life--I sorta think it would be neat to hang around with Paul Newman for a day during racing season. Lots of stories in that guy, and he seems pretty normal for someone famous. It might also be fun to hang around with someone such as automotive writers Peter Egan or Denise McCluggage. Again, lots of stories, and there's the option of going off driving if you run out of stuff to talk about.

If not swapping lies and driving, the other alternative would be to combine food and feminine pulchritude, so maybe a day with Nigella Lawson. Or Paula Dean.

2) We're going to rent a cabin up near Mentone for a few days in June. It's closer, it's quieter, and it's cheaper than where we stayed last year in Pigeon Forge.

3) Jordin. Blake annoys me with that weird way he holds his mouth when he sings, and the gimmicky beatbox noises are annoying when he does them on every song. It's sorta like the first time you heard Michael Winslow in Police Academy and thought it was pretty cute how he could sound like a siren and a telephone and all that. But after Police Academy 2, Their First Assignment, the novelty had worn off. A lot.

Anyway, Blake's a good singer, and he'll do fine in some niche, but Jordin is a good singer and can sing a wide variety of things well, without relying on a gimmick. And she's pretty, and her dad played in the NFL.

Mommy Dearest

Time once again to take that thing out of your mouth because you don't know where it's been, come inside and get cleaned up, and get ready for our special Mother's Day Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

As you can tell, since Mother's Day is upon us, we've decided to dedicate this week's set of questions to dear ol' Mom. So sit up straight, at least run a brush through your hair, don't talk to me in that tone of voice, take off your cap at the table, and take a moment to answer the following questions about her by either leaving your answers in the comments below, or a link to your own blog.

1) What three things do you think are (or were) your mom's best characteristics?

2) And although we're trying to honor Mom, we still have to know--what is one thing she does (or used to do) that drives you absolutely insane?

3) If your mom is still in circulation, do you have any plans to do anything special for her this weekend?

There now--quit slouching and get to work on those answers!

As for my answers...

1) Fear, and surprise...and ruthless efficiency! Not really. (Much.) But I'd have to say her honesty, fairness, and hard work are hard to top.

2) She has a habit of reminding me to do things that I already am all set up to do, therefore not needing further encouragement. And then proceeds to remind me why it's a good idea and that I need to do it.

"You need to do [whatever it is]."

"I'm going to."

"Well, good, you should."

"I am!"

"Because you know you blah blah blah and if you don't, it could be blah blah blah..."

"I HAVE GOT IT COVERED!"

Silly mother.

3) Not this year--she's going to drive down to Destin with my sister this weekend, so I'm out of luck. Or in--when she's here, she wants to go eat at Golden Corral, which to me is like being a beef cow in a slaughterhouse feed lot. But she likes it for some reason. Maybe that's another one to add to #2.

Awwwww! How CUUUUTE!!

Why, thank you! But enough about me--it’s Thursday, and that means it’s time once more for The World’s Greatest Waste of Resources, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Today, we take a tip from Weevil Ambassador to Memphis Mike Hollihan, who suggested yesterday that it would be interesting to find out about the odd names people give their pets. A fine idea, indeed, given that until then I’d not figured out anything to ask.

SO, take a moment, grab your fluffy white Persian up into your lap and stroke her while pretending to be Blofeld, and answer the following three questions either by leaving your answers in the comments or a link to your bloghouse.

1) What is the most unusual name you ever gave one of your pets, and why?

2) Forget names--what’s the most unusual pet you’ve ever owned?

3) And last but not least, the age old question for all you dog and cat fanciers out there--which one is the better pet, a marmoset or a piranha?

Now scamper off and come up with your answers, and I’ll do the same.

1) I guess probably Booger, my beloved cat that my dad brought home from US Steel before he got laid off way back in the day. The kitten was nearly feral, and he looked for all the world like a rat. He was an ugly little booger, and the name stuck. He grew up to be a fine looking cat, though, similar in looks and color to a Russian Blue (not to be confused with a Norwegian Blue). He was one of the best cats I’ve ever had. He was affectionate to a fault, yet was also one of the most muscular, meanest tomcats I’ve ever seen. Full grown, he looked like some kind of miniature panther and could leap from the rail of our back deck to the kitchen window with the ease of someone tossing a ball. ANYway, his name of Booger was a source of much amusement to everyone when it came time to take him to the vet.

2) I never really owned anything unusual. I did have a box turtle for a while, and somehow in the distant past we managed to catch a raccoon that one of our dogs had cornered in the garage. But neither of these stayed around long enough to be named. Or eaten.

3) Oh, I’m a big marmoset fan. Nothing like ‘em for fun and friendliness.

Oh, come on, now…

…the painting of Dogs Playing Poker that never fails to give you a chuckle, the stack of Slim Whitman LPs that you just can’t bear to part with, that pale turquoise polyester waffle-weave necktie with the square ends--YOU know you’ve got them.

That’s right…GUILTY PLEASURES!

This week, America’s Most Entertaining Blog Meme Thing, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, explores those nasty little secret proclivities that give us great pleasure in life, yet we still can’t quite admit it. The untoward, and awkward, and uncomely, and downright uncool things we all cling to, in spite of the snickers they evoke amongst the hip and trendy sorts who look down their noses (conveniently located beneath their high brows) at our favorite articles of unseemly pleasure.

SO THEN, get out your keyboard--you know, the one with the WordPerfect 3.0 plastic template pasted over the keys so you can remember the shortcuts--and answer the following three questions.

1) Art! Name one (or more) pieces of highly unsophisticated artwork, literature, music, etc., that you have in your possession that you’re really sorta ashamed of, yet love too much to get rid off.

2) Science! What bit of embarrassingly faux high-tech machinery do you keep around your house simply out of some sort of geekly love affair you had with it in the past, even though there are better and more efficient alternatives around that you could replace it with?

3) Fashion! Okay, you know you’ve got something from a completely different fashion era that no one in good conscious would dare to wear today, except as some sort of postmodern mockingly ironic sort of way, yet it’s something you love and enjoy wearing, even though it causes small children and snotty po-mo pseudointellectuals (but I repeat myself) to laugh and point. So, what is it?

GO NOW AND ANSWER! Either leave a comment below, or a link to your very own “weblog” that are becoming so very popular amongst the youngsters these days!

As for me--

1) Well, it’s not mine, actually, it’s Miss Reba’s, but in any event, we have a cheapo rectangular Chinese silk embroidery picture thingy of butterflies and bamboo hanging on the wall of our bathroom over by the water closet. She’d gotten it from someplace like “Cheap Chinese Crap and Things,” and then took it to be framed in a marvelously expensive frame, and it turns out that the dipwads at the Framin’ Shoppe put the hanger wire on the wrong half of the rectangle, and so now it’s hanging upside down.

But you don’t really notice it at first.

Or, rather, I didn’t notice it at first.

Until one day, when I was contemplating all of life’s little indignities as I sat upon the privy throne, and after looking closely at the artwork, thought to myself, “Dang, those bamboo leaves look really peculiar. And those butterflies are flying down toward the bottom. Stupid Chi--oh, WAIT A MINUTE!”

After finishing up my one square wipe, I stood up and found the picture was upside down. But have I ever fixed it? Nah. It makes me laugh, sometimes. Which is a nice break from the constant uncontrollable sobbing I usually do whilst on the pot.

2) Well, aside from the Volvo, we don’t really have much in the way of embarrassingly obsolete machinery lying about. Which is kinda weird given what a Luddite I am, but when it comes to tech stuff, we might not be the cutting edge, but we aren’t quite that out of date. Although I guess the IBM Aptiva the kids use downstairs (running a crippled version of Windows95) is probably getting a little long-in-the-tooth-looking. But it’s good enough for the kids.

3) Well, first thing, every time I see the word “pseudointellectual,” my mind says “suedointellectual” and I think of smelly professors with suede elbow patches on their jackets. ANYway, as far as fashion, I still cling to these Florsheims I’ve been wearing for years. All the smart young men have recently been wearing those terrible square-toed clod-hoppers that look like security guard brogans (although I have no love for the newest style, either, with the ridiculous pointiness more suitable for wearing by Witchypoo), but to me, there is something calm and comforting about an old-timey pair of shiny black wingtip oxfords with the nice round toe. They look even better when I hike the waistband of my slacks up to my armpits.

Anyway, that’s about it.

Kid Stuff!

This week we again delve into the places of our childhood for the “Halcyon Days of Yore Edition” of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Take a moment and journey back to your childhood and answer the following three questions (ably supplied by an actual college professor) by either leaving you answer in the comments below or a link to your blog.

Tell us about how it was when you were growing up—what was your--

1) Favorite restaurant.

2) Place to spend time, but not money.

and

3) Place to go that DID cost to get into.

There you are--scoot along now and don’t play in traffic!

As for my answers:

1) Well, when I was little, it was a big treat to go to the Shoney’s Big Boy drive-in over on 3rd Avenue West, or to the Britling’s cafeteria in Five Points West, or the Ensley Grille. All of them are now quite gone (at least as restaurants), except as memories. Shoney’s was for burgers and terrible strawberry shortcake, Britling’s was for fancy cafeteria dining with actual cloth napkins, and the Ensley Grill was for trout almondine.

2) I always enjoyed getting to go to either Western Hills Mall or Five Points West. Both seemed awfully big-city and exotic and though I didn’t know the word at the time, urbane.

3) When I was young, we didn’t do that much stuff that required paying for admission, but we did go to the Alabama State Fair a few times and I enjoyed it. Except for the scary carnival people.

SO, there you go.

FAR BE IT FROM ME...

...to deny you all the intense joy presented by the unveiling of yet another Thursday diversion. I realize that I've not been very forthcoming in the past few days with entertainng matter for your reading pleasure, having instead to provide nutritious snacks (in the form of my furry haunches) to the variety of alligators that are firmly latched onto my buttocks.

BUT THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! It is about YOU and YOUR fun. So let me stop what I'm doing and do this. For you. Because I'm just here to serve you, like some kind of slave.

As you can guess, this is going to be the Guilt Trip Version of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

SO, take a moment, if you can, and you're not too busy to participate, after I went to all the trouble to stop my work and come up with these questions, and answer these three questions:

1) Who is the best person in your family at inducing guilt in others?

2) What is the last thing you did or didn't do that you later felt guilty about?

3) Is there anyone in your family who is immune to shame and guilt?

There now--all done--JUST FOR YOU! Leave your answers in the comments below, or a link to your blog. If it's not too much trouble. Because Lord knows it was no trouble at ALL for me to do this, just because I'm covered up with paperwork. NOOOOoooo, I do this for you because I know at least a couple of you enjoy it. Not that I ever get to enjoy anything anymore, but at least SOMEone can. [Following maudlin 4,564 word statement redacted for lack of space. Ed.] OH SURE, the EDitor can come in here and just cut me right off. Figures. Just go answer the questions.

1) I would have to say my mother. Or maybe I'm just more susceptible to it. But no matter--she's still quite good at it.

2) I was going to take the laundry room door off the hinges and move the old washer and dryer out of there so it wouldn't be so hard for the delivery of the new ones. I didn't get that done. Because I was so bleedin' tired Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Visibly so. But that didn't stop someone from asking me, "Terry, weren't you going to move the old washer and dryer out?"

3) Oldest.

So there you go.

A Re-Sounding Success!

That’s what EVERYone says about the game that’s sweeping the globe, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! This week’s set of three questions is brought to us via Mr. Spud himself, Tarheel Marc, who has been quite attentive to the auditory manifestations of springtime.

Let’s allow him to explain:

Every year at about this time, we get to open up the windows in the house/car and enjoy the sounds of spring coming out again (birds chirping, lawnmowers buzzing, car beatboxes booming). So please share with the rest of the gang:

1. What 3 sounds do you like to hear at your household?

2. What 3 sounds do you not like to hear at your household?

3. What 3 sounds will you always remember?

NOW THEN, hear [sic] are my answers…

1. I like hearing the kids playing outside. It’s been a long winter, and they NEED to get outside. I like hearing the birds, especially the hummingbirds. And despite the fact that it makes the platter on my electric meter spin around like a dervish on meth, I do enjoy being in bed late at night and hearing the air conditioner cut on, just because I love that blast of cold dry air. (Trying to sleep when it's so warm and humid is just gross.)

2. As much as I like birds, those danged mockingbirds singing ALL THE LIVE LONG NIGHT really needs to stop. They’re out there 24 hours a day, singing like it’s the middle of the day. Stupid birds. Second, tornado warning sirens. Third, other people’s lawnmowers early on Saturday morning.

3. I’m assuming that since Marc didn’t specifically mention springtime, he’s asking for all-time most memorable sounds, so I’d have to say the absolute best would be the first time Reba ever said that she loves me. Everything else is faint by comparison.

So there you go.

“Whhhhhhy, back in MY day…”

Good morning all, it’s time for you to clamber into the Wayback Machine and participate in this week’s “The More Things Change” Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Our inquiries this week were supplied by our favorite college professor and small-engine repairman, who claims he was inspired by my recent jaunt through the freshly-constructed suburbs south of town--suburbs that in my youth were full of free-roaming wooly mammoths and cave-dwellers. At least in the perception of my youngest child.

Anyway, as is the usual case, all of you are free to play along by either leaving your answers in the comments below or a link to your very own blog.

And away we go--

1. Do you still live in the town where you grew up? If not, what do you miss the most? If so, what has changed the most?

2. Does your family still own the house you grew up in? Either way, what was it like the last time you saw it?

3. What is the biggest change in the last 5 years where you live now?

Okay, now that Sherman has closed us in and set the dial, my answers look like this--

1. Not really moved away--I still live in the same metro area, but just on the other side of the county from where I grew up in Forestdale. It’s changed a lot, for the worse. At one time it wasn’t much more than a wide spot in the road on the way to Adamsville and Graysville, but from the late-‘50s to the mid-‘80s, it had grown into a pretty bustling suburb. And then it seemed to take a nosedive. Older businesses moved out, and the title pawn places and arcades moved in, and the quiet tree-lined streets got ratty-looking and mean. I don’t like going back there now.

2. No. We had two houses, one on the highway where we lived until I was 14, then another one in a subdivision in a bit more private spot, where I lived until I was 28. The first one was sold off as commercial property and started off as a florist shop, that went bust, then later it was made into an attorney’s office. The house is actually still there, but covered with brick veneer and a large front addition. But it’s a testament to the solidity of the place that they didn’t see fit to demolish it, but instead added on. And it’s now got a title pawn place next door. The second house is safe from being converted to commercial use, but the area looks sad and the house equally so. It used to be such a nice place, but now it just looks old and broken down and tired--the whole place--our house, our street, our subdivision, our neighborhood. Again, I don’t like going back.

3. Well, now that I live in the shiny happy land of Paradise Upon the Pinchgut, probably the biggest thing has been the explosive growth of the two retail areas on both ends of town, which was fueled by the explosive growth in high-end residential developments. It’s still a pretty and charming small town similar to what I grew up with, but I sure hope it doesn’t turn out the same way.

So there you go.

I don't usually post this late...

...but I was just reading e-mail and saw that Kitchen Hand had decided to drop in and play along on the Thursday Three. Neat! I was looking forward to seeing what all he was up to today (or tomorrow--danged Date Line) and then started reading down through his posts. He'd first noted that as he was typing up his comment that he saw some smoke from a vent shaft in Melbourne's Burnley Tunnel.

And then he posted an update and the full story became apparent--an awful vehicle collision then a subsequent fire in the tunnel that has led to the deaths of three people.

I know you will join me in offering prayers for the families affected by this.

Down and Dirty Thursday Three

Okay, no time for long-windedness and literary flourishes--answer these questions, NOW!:

1. What are you supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW? (Aside from answering these questions, of course.)

2. How long is it going to take you?

3. What do you have to do after that?

GO! RUN! Get your keyboard and leave a comment or a link to your blog.

1. As with most Thursday Threes, I’m actually writing this a day ahead of time, and I am right in the middle of preparing the Thursday mailout while simultaneously helping a lady who’s about to come back upstairs to the counter in about five minutes, not that I really mind that, because she’s as pleasant as can be--a little short solid chunk of a woman, with pretty eyes and hair and a wicked sense of humor. And obviously, I’m writing this right now. And some guy just came in the office to ask me how to describe a steel-framed elevated crosswalk with an aluminum-framed glass curtainwall exterior cladding. So I told him that.

2. The mailout prep should be done in a few more minutes, waiting for the stupid copier to make stupid copies. The deal with the citizen-client person will take a bit of time--have to update several bits of paperwork (eww) and sign off on some other bits of paper and then grumble at someone.

Well, one of the benefits of this is that I can tell you that helping Client Girlwoman went well since her papers vere in orter [said in oily German-accented English] and the computers aren't puking up electrons everywhere.

So now just to find a grumble target.

3. If I have time, I’m going to try to go ahead and get the mailout material folded and shoved into the envelopes today so I won’t have to do it tomorrow morning and mess up playing along with other people on the Thursday Three.

SO there!

THURSDAY UPDATE: Got the Thursday Mailout done and in the box before close of business yesterday, meaning today I might actually get to come out and play!

TEE-THREE!

Once more the calendar grinds around to Thursday, and once more we slather upon the viewing public yet another Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! Today we’re going to talk about hometown landmarks, so all of you get your pencils ready and answer the following three questions:

1) If you only had one hour to show a visitor something interesting in your hometown, where would you go?

2) If you then had to find that friend a great place for a quick bite to eat, where would you go?

3) Now that you’ve entertained and fed your friend, it’s time to send him on his way. You’re not sure which way he’s going, but he’s got a fast red convertible, and you want him to see something nice as he drives. What route from your home to someplace else, either to the north, south, east, or west would you recommend to him as the most scenic drive?

Man, I wish I was the friend in this story! ANYway, go and answer those and either leave a link to your blog in the comments below, or the actual answer itself.

As for my answers…

1) Well, I guess we have to decide if we’re talking my actual community or the whole metro area. If we say the whole metro area, I think we’d go to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. If we had a bit more time, we’d do the whole zoo-gardens-Vulcan tour, but that takes more than an hour.

2) This one’s tough, since the place is swollen with great eating joints. I think for something hot, fast, cheap, and good, what we’d do is just pull out of the parking lot at the Botanical Gardens and stop at the first place we saw. I think a shot in the dark like that would turn out to be pretty darned good. (There is a fancy restaurant at the gardens, but it’s fancy and not necessarily fast or cheap.)

3) Hmm. I’m gonna cheat and combine north and east and tell him to drive State Highway 79 all the way to Guntersville. Beautiful mountains and stuff, and not a lot of interference from the constabulary.

So there you go!

To sleep, perchance to answer a blog quiz...

That's right, fans, it's Thursday, and that can only mean one of several million things, but in this particular case we're talkin' The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, America's Most Restful Diversion!

As you recall from last week, if you recall, I thought I might still be a ward of the courts and so the call went out for hosting volunteers. I received no one willing to demean themselves quite THAT far, but one intrepid soul did send along a nice set of questions that we'll get to in just a moment.

As always, we invite you to play along by either answering the questions in the comment section below or by leaving a link to your own blog. Anyone can play, assuming you can read and write in English, or failing that, Alabamanese.

SO THEN, on with the show--

In honor of losing an hour of sleep this weekend, I [meaning Jim] propose The Wonderful Night's Sleep Thursday Three:

1. Do you sleep on a feather pillow or foam?

2. Do you like a firm or soft mattress—or other if you're an old hippie?

3. Do you keep it cold and sleep under lots of cover, or hot and only a sheet?

There you go now--slip on your flannel jammies or that naughty scrap of silk that I like so much and go figure your responses.

As for my answers:

1. Feather AND foam. We have four regular-sized feather pillows (two of which are made from the feathers of Reba's late grandmother's ducks) and then Reba also has one long body pillow that's full of foam. I like the feather pillows for sound absorption when I have to resort to covering my head up with them to keep the noise and light out on weekend mornings, but there are some foam pillows I've used before that I really like better because they're lighter and don't moosh down so much.

2. Firm.

3. I like it coldish. I like having a bundle of covers close by in case it gets too cold, but I mostly stay sweaty hot even in winter, so I'm usually in a tee shirt and shorts and on top of all the pile of covers. Reba, on the other hand, can't seem to get warm enough, even with an electric blanket on top of her and me (Mr. Furnace) beside her. That is, until she DOES get too hot, and then suddenly I'm awakened by a whumping pile of bedcovers that comes flying over on top of me.

So there you go.

If only I had...

...a laptop. Why, next week when I'm on jury duty, I could sit there and blog all the live-long day. Well, I suppose I'd also have to have an Intertube connection, too, but surely there's a wireless connection somewhere in or near the courthouse I could jump on surreptitiously. If I had a laptop.

I guess I'll have to fall back on the old standard, reading a book. Or I could join the crew that usually gathers by the television and watches soap operas. Or I could sleep. I wonder if anyone would object to some guy in a sleeping bag, if I get over in a quiet corner?

And just how is it that I have been called for jury duty for what seems a relatively large number of times over the past few years? Seems like it comes around every two years or so, whereas Reba's never even been called! It's not that I don't like it--I actually do enjoy parts of it. Civic duty and all that. It's just that the waiting to get called part is boring. Maybe if they had a show. Have some of the local theater companies come and perform or something. Or maybe some video games. Or a slot car track! That would be cool.

Anyway, all that to say I again need someone to volunteer to host next week's Thursday Three.

Deep South Version of the Thursday Three!

Many thanks to someone even MORE Southern than I am for stepping in today with a set of questions for the Thursday Three, the Favorite International Blog Question Thing! Many thanks this morning to Kitchen Hand (not his real name) who kindly volunteered to help out with the following questions. Remember, anyone is free to play along either by leaving your comments below or a link back to your own blog.

SO, here we go:

Thursday Three Questions:

1) Here, it is the first day of autumn - Wednesday Thursday 1st of March. However, in some parts of the world, the new seasons do not arrive until the 19th of the month, or later; due to large cattle breeds called solstices and equinoxes that issue huge amounts of methane, which increases global warming and makes the seasons run late. Question: what is your favourite season, and why?

2) When you started your weblog, did you deliberate over whether to choose a nom-de-blog or use your real identity? What swayed you either way?

3) Discussing religion, politics or sex has always been impolite at cocktail parties, because of the risk of embarrassing face-to-face arguments. However, this is not a cocktail party, but a blog. And since the whole point of a blog is to have robust discussions, make a comment on the first thing that comes to your mind about religion, politics or sex. Pour yourself a martini first, if it helps. Don't forget the olive.

Wow--he's good. Anyway, off you go now to cogitate upon those things.

My answers are now up for your confusion.

1. Okay, before we even start off, let me just say that this poor Earth of ours is so messed up by our continued carbon-spewing abuse that not only does global warming cause it to be cold AND hot, I'd like to also point out that it's almost springtime here, yet in Australia it's AUTUMN!! How much longer will Gaia nurture us if we continue to confuse her in this way!?

As for favorite season, I like fall and spring, mainly because of the mild temps. Of those two, spring is better because of all the trees and flowers and things blooming out--looked outside this morning and Boy's pear tree is in full flower. And the daffodils have been up for at least two weeks now. Love it. Summer is okay as long as I can find myself an air conditioner because I don't like being drenched in sweat all the time. Winter is least favorite, but around here it's not like it's really bad Yankee/Canuck winter because it's usually not really cold for a long stretch, but I don't like the lack of daylight more than anything else.

2. I never thought about being anonymous, and I'm not sure why not exactly, other than to not encourage people to try too hard to figure things out. I guess when I started I figured that if I went ahead and used my actual name, crazy people wouldn't obsess about trying to find me or out me. Oddly enough, very few people I know have managed to stumble across me over the last six years, including my family, despite using my real name. It is constraining somewhat because there are a lot of things that I could say but won't, but that's really no different than real life--see Question 3.

3. First thing that comes to mind about religion, politics, or sex?

Hmm.

I would say that over the years, I've found that my positions have changed in all of them.

So there you go.

Surely you jest!

No I don’t, and don’t call me Shirley!

Another week, another kavalcade of komedy here on the Knee-slapping HI-larity Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

As we do every week, we’ll ask you three questions, and it’ll be up to you to answer them, either by leaving a comment below, or a link to your blog. You might have guessed that this week’s topic is about funny things, in which case you’re right. Which isn’t really funny at all. BUT THAT’S OKAY! Think up something funny to go with these, please:

1) Who is the funniest person you know personally in real life?

2) Who is your favorite comedian (living, dead, or both)?

3) Which type of comedy do you find most humorous?

Alrighty then--slip on out on a banana peel and answer those as best you can. As for my answers:

1) I guy I went to Auburn with named Sammy West is probably the most funny person I’ve known, aside from my Aunt Margaret. I can’t repeat most of her jokes, though. Sammy is a native of Jackson, Tennessee, birthplace of genial game show host Wink Martindale.

2) I’d have to say Jonathan Winters.

3) I enjoy rapid improvisational type stuff (Winters) which requires a very sharp mind and a familiarity with a wide cross section of popular culture to be effective, followed closely by the cerebral/absurd ensemble work of Monty Python.

So there you go. And yes, I thought it was going to be funnier, too.

Although it is slightly too late for Valentine’s Day…

…today is the Love Connection Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, America’s Best Loved Time Wasting Diversion!

As we usually do, we ask you to answer the following three questions either by leaving a comment below or a link back to your blog. And as you can guess, the inquiries today have to do with that warm feeling you have deep inside.

No, not the one caused by your breakfast.

Here we go:

1) Who was the first person for whom you had romantic feelings?

2) Do you believe it’s possible to fall truly in love with more than one person in a lifetime?

3) What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done out of love?

Okay, flit away and begin thinking syrupy thoughts and come up with some answers! As for my answers…

1) That would be a little girl named Linda W. in the third grade. She had short, wavy blonde hair and blue eyes, and I thought she was so pretty and sweet. But one of the other boys in class found out I liked her and in front of everybody asked if I loved her and I got mad and embarrassed because everyone knew girls were gross and had cooties and not only that, but I was a chubby crippled kid with a metal brace on his leg, and as my round little cheeks burned red I blurted out “YES!” and everyone started laughing at me and I ran out of the room. I trace a large part of my shyness toward girls to the trauma of this one event.

2) Oh, I sure think so. And probably several at once. But that’s a bad idea.

3) Well, I never got thrown in the lockup or anything like that, but in the past I have had a terribly odd compulsion where I would get restless and agitated late at night and have to leave and just drive by the girl-of-the-moment’s house or apartment. Sometimes numerous times. I have wasted untold billions of gallons of gasoline doing this in the past. Thank heavens all I have to do now is drive home!

SO there you go.

HUNGRY!?

Well, if you’re not, then you will be soon, as we cook up a sizzling plate of Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, the Internets’ Most Delicious Junk Food! For those unfamiliar with our menu, we ladle up a steaming portion of three questions, delicately breaded and heated to 94 degrees Fahrenheit under a lamp, and then ask only that you reward us with answers to those questions!

This week’s helping of gastronomic guesstimation will have to do with, of all things, food. Answer the following questions by either leaving your tip in the comments section below or a link to your very own establishment.

You might be asking yourself, “Hmm, it seems as though we recently did a food-related set of questions.” Well, obviously that’s just the hunger talking, and you can’t be expected to be entirely lucid on an empty stomach. So just forget about what you think you remember.

NOW THEN, on with the specially prepared gourmet selection of questions!

1) Of your local hamburger joints, which is your favorite and why? And by “local,” we mean REALLY local--no national chains! Only your local mom-and-pop establishments or regional chains, please.

2) What is the most adventurous meal you’ve ever personally prepared?

3) What dish did your Mom used to fix that you steadfastly refused to eat?

Now then, put your napkin in your lap and dig in!

As for my answers…

1) Well, there’s two--Hamburger Heaven out in Irondale is the epitome of the local joint--prefab metal building, sticky tables, chaotic kitchen, and the best and most delectable seared ground beef I’ve tasted. Their jumbo deluxe bacon cheeseburger is about the size of a car tire, but tender and juicy. And healthy, too! It has lettuce, tomato, and pickles, all of which are considered vegetables. The second is the regional Milo’s chain, which started out in a tiny little building over in the industrial part of Birmingham. Good meat, with a nice zesty sauce, although not particularly huge. At one time, the only option was “with” or “without,” meaning with or without onions. They now have the option of a single or double, and single or double cheeseburgers, with or without. AND they added chicken fingers a few years back. They’re also famous for their sweet iced tea, which is twice as dense as water due to the sugar content, and for their fries, seasoned with popcorn salt. Mmmm. I’m hungry.

2) I think it would have to be some sort of stuffed meat thing of some sort--I can’t remember if it was pork tenderloin or chicken breast--and it included such exotica as pine nuts and capers. We were having over My Friend Jeff™ and his wife My Friend Cathy™ and My Friend John™ and his wife My Friend Angela™ (all of whom are also Friends of Reba™, but it’s beginning to get cumbersome to type all of that) and wanted to do something nifty since we’d just moved in to our new house. We even got out the good china and crystal and silverware. It turned out REALLY well and everyone was suitably impressed with my mad cooking skilz.

3) Nothing, really. My mom is a good cook and she never made anything I really hated, although I will say rutabagas weren’t high on my wish list. I also didn’t particularly like her fried corn when she’d use the bland white corn instead of sweet yellow corn.

So, there you go.

Thursday Three!

It's an "On the Fly" edition this morning--no time yesterday or this morning to do any sort of deep thought or induce any cleverness into the process, so here's you a slapdash, thrown-together-at-the-last-moment set of questions, guaranteed to be neither entertaining nor insightful!

Everyone is free to play along, of course, although you might not want to. But go ahead anyway just to stay in practice.

ANYWAY-

1) What is the last product you recommended to a friend?

2) What is your favorite section of the grocery store?

3) Joe Biden--lunatic, or idiot?

There! Quick, run and answer those by either dropping a comment below, or a link to your blog!

As for my answers:

1) I guess it'll be our new vacuum cleaner, the Hoover Fusion whatever-it's-called. I can't remember who I told besides all of you, but I gave it good marks. Takes a lot of emptying, though.

2) I really enjoy the so-called "ethnic" food aisles, just to look at the packaging. The frozen food aisles and cases are also kinda interesting, just to see what all people have come up with as convenience foods.

3) I don't think they're mutually exclusive, but I think he's probably not crazy, he's just got a tin ear and a disconnect between his brain and his mouth. Idiot.

How peculiar!

After my previous inquiry regarding any readers who might have a crumbling-crackers-in-soup habit, it seemed that there was sufficient interest in other sorts of bizarre behaviors to merit their inclusion in this week’s “My, Aren’t YOU Odd!” Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

As always, we ask a series of three questions and expect you to answer them in as forthright and expeditious a manner as possible, although I do want to remind readers in other time zones or hemispheres that the questions do not necessarily have to be answered on Thursday. BUT, do please either leave your answers below, or a linky-link to your very own blog as you ponder the following:

1) Do you have any peculiar rules about the foods you eat? Not stuff like religious dietary restrictions, but stuff like having to have the crusts cut off your PB&J sandwiches, not having the peas touching the carrots, having to eat foods in a particular order--stuff like that.

2) What about your personal grooming? Do you have a particular way of brushing your teeth? Do you have to always put on your left sock and shoe, then the right? Tell us please!

3) Have you ever embarrassed yourself with the public display of any of your peculiar habits? Details appreciated, of course!

Now then, go off and get your lucky keyboard, turn around once, tap your head, and answer the questions and let’s see just how odd you are.

As for my answers...

1) Well, I don't really like a pile of mush in my plate--I prefer it if all the foods keep to their own territory, but I'm not freakish about it if a few corn kernels want to go visiting the turnip greens. I probably was more weird as a kid, but having gotten older and become a parent, I tend to eat what I can, when I can, and not complain too much about how it's fixed or put in front of me. But, I will repeat, I DO like crumbling up saltines in my soup. And I don't consider sopping up the gravy in my plate with a biscuit as peculiar.

2) I suppose the most peculiar thing is my habit of shaving while sitting upon the porcelain throne in the mornings after my shower. I have a rechargeable electric razor, and I can't see any good reason to stand up shaving when I could sit down, and I figure if I'm gonna sit, might as well take care of something else as well. Saves time, too. If I could only find a way to fit a TV into the bathroom...

3) Not that I recall, although I do recall going into the cafeteria at a department store (which tells you how long ago this was) and ordered a slice of apple pie, and asked them to put a slice of cheese on top and heat it up for me. The waitress thought I was insane.

So, there you go.

UNICORNS!!

And such things, because this week’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three (America’s Most Popular Thing!) is all about fantasy and flights of fancy and falderal such as that! Why? I have no idea, other than the fact that I can’t remember asking questions like this before.

So then, take a moment and take leave of your senses and ponder these three questions about all sorts of made-up things!

1) Of the fictional sorts of outlandish made-up places you’ve ever seen in the movies or read about, which one would you most like to live in, and why?

2) If you were a cartoon character, which cartoon character would you most like to be married to?

3) Which would you rather have right now--flying cars, or robot servants?

There now--start dreaming and either leave your answers in the comments below or a link to that magical fantasyland blog of yours.

As for my answers:

1) Hmm. I’ve always thought Brigadoon was kinda nice. Then again, I could just be thinking of Cyd Charisse. ::sigh::

I think the Hobbit’s Shire would be nice, too, although I’m rather put off by the idea of all those tiny women with big hairy feet. In either case, both places seem to have the sort of idyllic wistfulness about them, and everyone speaks English.

2) Well, the obvious first answer would probably be Jessica Rabbit, but let’s face it--she’s trouble. So I’d have to say Kim Possible’s mom, who has several good things to offer: one, she’s a brain surgeon, so she’s really smart AND could fix my brain; and two, she looks just like Kim, except for being of legal age. And yes, I know it must seem that I have some sort of redhead fixation.

3) Oh, robot servants, most definitely. I know everyone who cares about such things is all disappointed by the no-flying-cars present we’ve inherited, but if people flew as badly as they drive, they’d be skyborne mayhem all day long. And do you really think flying cars would fly in a neat pattern like they do in Star Wars or in those new Chevrolet commercials? NO WAY--I know I’d be taking a short cut and the heck with all this flying-like-you’re-on-a-grid stuff. So, yes, a nice robot servant would be plenty cool, and it wouldn’t even have to look like veteran NBC News Washington correspondent Norah O’Donnell.

Although, this being made-up stuff and all, I think in MY version of Brigadoonshire, there would be a requirement that all of the robots look like her. And not have big hairy feet. And they'd know how to drive a manual transmission.

Upon the cutting edge!

As part of Possumblog’s insistence in 2007 of being NEW and BOLD and FRESH, we’re gonna take the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three (The World’s Most Exciting New, Bold, and Fresh Online Diversion!) to some new places today!

Specifically, Las Vegas, and Detroit, and Harrisburg!

Yep, today we’re going to ask you for your thoughts on the swanky 40th Annual Consumer Electronics Show, the super-sexy 100th North American International Auto Show, and the ultra-cool 91st Annual Pennsylvania Farm Show, the largest indoor agricultural show in the entire country!

As usual, the media buzz surrounding these events is deafening, and in order to stay out there where all the hip and savvy people are, we’d like to solicit your opinions about what all you’ve heard and seen there.

SO, take a moment and tell us:

1) What do you think is the most significant product introduced at the Consumer Electronic Show?

2) What is the biggest surprise of the Detroit Auto Show?

3) What one thing are you most excited about at the Farm Show?

After you’ve all had a chance to visit all the venues, leave your comments below or a link to your blog, and let’s find out what’s HOT this year!!

As for my answers:

1) Well, all the attention is on Apple’s new dessert topping/floor wax iPhone, and I suppose it does what it’s supposed to do.

At some point there has to be a point, though, where there’s too much stuff on something like this. But looking around at electronics, it doesn’t seem that things that can call - text - e-mail - surf - game - music - two-way - page - taser - bake - photo - video - slice - dice - julienne etc., have reached that point yet. For me, I’m still trying to wait out the technology and let everything settle down--I don’t quite see the point in buying all this stuff if it’s outdated in three months. I also am a bit dubious of the need for people to have universal instant access to me. I don’t really want to be able to be found quite so easily, because you invariably have to go do something you’d rather not do. And I’m not sure the one-thing-does-all model works all that well. From using the variety of old hand tools I have, sometimes it’s hard to beat a purpose-made tool that does one thing extraordinarily well, rather than a combination of things that doesn’t do anything particularly well. People seem to love the Leatherman-type combo tools (and I have several myself), but there’s still nothing as good as a real pair of pliers or a real knife. Anyway, I’d be willing to try out a new iPhone if they’d send me one.

2) Well, to me the biggest surprise is the new Chevrolet Malibu, mainly because it actually looks nice, and sounds like it might actually be worth owning. I’m not in the market, but for those who are and are looking for a good midsized sedan, for once in a very long time, this looks like something worth shopping. I do wish Chevy could see its way to offering a performance-oriented SS model, but having something that looks this nice is surprise enough, I suppose.

Other pleasant surprises are a much less goofy-looking Focus and the continued good words for Mercedes’ Bluetec diesel engine technology. Still hard to beat the power vs. cost of plain old gasoline, though, but it’s nice to have a usable alternative to hybrid or fuel cell technology.

Bad ideas? The continued living room-ization of cars, where technology is being pushed that isolates the driver from the task of actually staying awake and paying attention to piloting the vehicle. The continued race to add video and audio and cellular and wifi and hands-free parking and other entertainment-oriented stuff tends to make the driver something more like a passenger along for the ride. It all seems designed for people who don’t particularly like cars or driving very much.

3) Oh, well I think that the addition of the Boer goats is very fresh and exciting, as is the introduction of Texels to the Junior market Lamb division. Also, the interest in alternative biomass/biofuels energy sources is good to see. And don’t miss the Milk (Yeah, I Like Milk) Rap!

So, there you go.

So Fresh, So NEW!

So VERY 2007ish!

Of what do we speak? Why the All New, Super Terrific, Two Thousand Seven, Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

What with a brand new year ahead of us, why don’t we find some bright shiny new questions and see what people have to say!

::looking around for shiny things::

Hmm.

Well.

Okay, so these are going to be pretty much like any of the other set of three questions we’ve ever asked. Just play along and act like they’re fresh and exciting.

1) What new thing would you like to attempt in the New Year?

2) What one new thing do you really, REALLY need (not want, but truly need) to have?

3) What grungy old ramshackle thing do you have that you should replace with something shiny and new but just can’t bring yourself to make the switch?

SO, there you go--all of you rush out and purchase some nice new thinking caps and either answer in the comments below or leave a link to your blog and we’ll come over and oooh and ahhhh over it! Remember, anyone can play along, even if you’re a raging kainophobe!

As for my answers:

1) I keep acting like I would like to write a book of some sort. Maybe that. Or maybe lose another twenty pounds or so.

2) Well, at this immediate moment, I need the fuel pump I ordered for the Focus to get here ASAP. Second would be a pay raise that actually exceeds the rate of inflation.

3) I have a bunch of old stuff, but I don’t really have anything that’s lived beyond its usefulness. Especially after the Omnibus Garage Cleaning of Summer ’06. I probably got rid of some junk I shouldn’t have then.

THREE!

It being Thursday and all, it's once more time to throw off the tarp from the Most Exciting Thing in the Whole World, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

::golf clap::

As it is now toward the end of 20-Ought Six, and seeing as how I will be gone all next week, what say we have a big year-end wrap up/new year preview?

Take your keyboard in hand and answer the following questions (which were inspired by last week's host) by either leaving a comment below, or a link to your answer over at your blog. Remember, anyone is free to play along!

So now:

1) What sorts of things will you be doing this year to bring the year to a close? Any special traditions or such that signal the end of the old? Parties, football games, airing of grievances, Twister?

2) What are you most looking forward to in the new year?

3) And since we missed talking about such things at the end of last month, what things that came your way in 2006 were you most thankful for?

Okay, now--get to work and let's see what you come up with!

As for my answers--

1) Well, there's always the taking down of the tree and ornaments (or vice-versa) that happens sometime after Christmas around New Year's Day or so. We don't ever (and never did, for that matter) go out to New Year's parties or stuff like that. Miss Reba and I tend to go the low key route and listen to the fireworks the little miscreants in the neighborhood shoot off. Wouldn't be so bad except we usually go to bed early and get woken up by said miscreants. Grr.

2) I'm really really hoping that we can have a bit more peace and harmony in the household. Still remains to be seen if anything can help, but we're in the process of beginning something new to combat a particular child's difficulties in acting halfway decent to others. And to herself, for that matter. A long road lies ahead.

3) Well, if we're just talking about things that have come along ONLY in 2006, well, I'm not sure. It's been a very long year, frustrating and very tiring, and it's been hard to write with as much vim and pep as in years past. Yet, still, no matter what, I consider myself blessed beyond all measure. So I'm not sure what to be most thankful for, but I sure am thankful for it nonetheless.

Alrighty then, there you go.

Christmas Vacation!?

NO WAY!!

Despite the fact that I am too preoccupied with silly stuff such as getting paid DOESN'T mean that your most favorite Q&A pasttime, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three is going to take a nap! So let us all give thanks for Doc Smith's willingness to volunteer to host today's event, because as we all know, the show must go on.

I do also want to thank the ever-faithful Sarah Getzler, our first runner-up in the competition to host the event, and remind her that if Jim is unable to fulfill his duties, it will fall upon her to finish his reign.

In any event, here are Jim's questions today:

1. Best/worst Christmas/holiday party you have attended?

Well, I would have to say that the best one would be the one sponsored by my former employer, The Bad Place, that was held in December 1990. This was mine and Miss Reba's first date. That one date pretty much glued us together from then on.

Worst? Can't really say, but the ones we have at my current workplace are terrible. Which probably explains why we got this e-mail from the secretary yesterday:

Since nobody wants to party, Rudolph has decided we should have snacks beginning Wednesday Dec. 20th, Thursday 21st and Friday 22nd of next week in lieu of our usual Christmas Party. A sign-up sheet will be available, choose the group day you want and what you bring is up to you.

2. Best/worst religious Christmas/holiday activity.

Well, this one always throws everyone for a loop, but we don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday. We don't have special church services or decorate the yard with Nativity scenes or stuff like that, because to us, it's a nice excuse to eat, see the family, and swap presents.

3. Best/worst gift--given or received?

When I was little, I always got stuff like apples and walnuts and tangerines in my stocking. I always hated this, because come ON! Who wants crap like that when Santa gives all the other kids big socksful of CANDY!!

It wasn't until many years later that I realized that when my mom and dad were growing up, there was nothing better than to get up on Christmas morning and find that Santa Claus had left them a piece of fruit. Because in little backwater Alabama coal towns in the 1930s, an orange or a tangerine was something so wild and so exotic--so expensive--that kids like my mom and dad didn't get them except at Christmas. And usually, that orange or that handful of nuts was all they got.

So when I think about it now, I think the best present I ever got were those reminders of the lives my parents had lived.

And we go to the big box of questions and...

...find that it is empty.

WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE AXIS OF WEEVIL THURSDAY THREE, THE INTERNETSES MOST ENGAGING AND POINTLESS WASTE OF TIME!?

Never fear, gentle readers, the show must go on and all that stuff. It might just not be up to the usual high standard of quality you might be used to. Then again, it may exceed it by a wide margin.

IN ANY EVENT, all of you gather 'round and listen to these questions and then take a moment to answer them, either by leaving your answer in the comments below or a link to your online journal, or as the kids call it, a "blog." As is the usual case when I don't have any questions, today's offering will be a grab-bag selection of entirely unrelated questions. We call it Potpourri, because it gives a high-tone air to the place and makes it seem much more uppity than just "Pile of Junk."

SO,

1) Have you ever been removed from a public conveyance for breaking rules regarding passenger behavior, such as Miss Windybritches on the DC-Dallas flight?

2) What is the latest movie you've seen (theater, broadcast, or video) and how did you like it?

3) What is your favorite soft drink?

And since these are all so pitiful, we'll even throw in an extra question that you can use as a substitute or as a bonus question--

4) Who do you consider to be the worst United States President in your lifetime?

There now--take that box full of odds-and-ends and see what you can do with it!

As for my answers...

1) No, of course not. And in the case of the turbulence aloft scenario, I tend to be a big believer in Ben Franklin's philosophy.

2) That would be 1998 Jonathan Taylor Thomas version of I'll Be Home For Christmas on VHS. It's really a pretty funny movie, even though it seems to have scored quite low amongst IMDb readers. Which is really a shock. Also includes a wondrously squishy Jessica Biel back before she decided to go trashy, which is worth the price of the movie.

3) Diet Coke, of course.

4) Well, let's see--in my lifetime there's been Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, GHW Bush, Clinton, GW Bush.

Johnson was a petulent, preening, blowhard ignoramus, but at least he had the decency to shut up after he was out of office.

Nixon was a mean, petty, paranoid opportunist, but at least he had the decency to resign in disgrace and later on spoke with some sense of reasonableness about politics in general. Despite his venality, he was pretty smart about some things and didn't actively try to harm American interest merely to puff up his own ego.

Carter is a weak-willed elitist who played his down-home good ol' boy act to a tee, getting himself elected to an office he was not fit to fill and did more harm to America's future than anyone could have ever imagined. Rather than have the simple decency required to admit his abject failure as a chief executive and keep his mouth shut after being dealt a humiliating defeat, he has continued to pontificate from his self-proclaimed moral high ground--high ground which makes up for its notable lack of height with great measures of ego-centricity. (Related link)

Clinton is an enormously charming vat of amorality, with no interest in anything other than filling his bottomless maw of personal proclivities, for whom the very idea of decency is foreign and vaguely threatening. As with his Democratic predecessor, he never misses an opportunity to interject himself into anything that serves to demean and diminish America's place in the world.

Of that list of worsts--I say Carter is number one, followed by Johnson, Nixon, and Clinton.

So there you go.

If this is Thursday…

Then this must be The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, the World’s Most Popular Internet Question and Answer Blog Filler and Time Waster!

What probing inquisitories do we have for you today? Well, seeing as how we are now officially into the Unspecified-Holiday Shopping Season, our seasoned team of university-based question writers wants to know the following things about you and your gifting habits.

Remember that anyone is free to play along by leaving your answer in the comments below or by leaving a link to your very own festively-decorated blog!

So, here we go:

1. Are you good at letting others know what you might want or need?
2. Are you good at shopping for others?
3. How much of your shopping this year (purchasing or looking) is being done online?

Now then, put down your packages and get to work answering those!

As for my answers...

1. No, I'm terrible at it. I don't like to feel as though I'm begging for something. Second is that everyone who asks seems to be very disappointed when I am finally hemmed into giving suggestions that turn out to be very prosaic. Shirts, socks, toothpaste, stuff like that. No one wants to give that stuff for Christmas, but I like getting it anyway.

2. Pretty good for a guy, although the last few years I haven't been as successful with stuff for Reba. Clothes have to be tried on, she has so much jewelry (obviously not precious gems and stuff) that it's all over the place and she doesn't know where half of it is, she doesn't wear perfume, and like me, she generally doesn't wait to get something she wants until Christmas, preferring instead to go ahead and get it when she sees it. She's a lot better at gift-picking than I am, however. She puts a lot of thought into it.

3. A good bit--maybe up around 10 percent or so of purchases, with a lot more looking and reading reviews for stuff I'm thinking about getting.

So there you go.

It’s not Thursday…

But if it were Thursday, I wouldn’t be here, because I’m off tomorrow for Thanksgiving, and worse, we wouldn’t get to have a Thursday Three (the Internets’s most popular time-wasting diversion!) It’s awfully difficult to have a Thursday Three today, since it is a Wednesday, but the week just wouldn’t feel right without our usual set of probing, insightful inquiries.

SO IN THAT CASE, let’s have us an Axis of Weevil Wednesday One!

Now, since it’s close to Thanksgiving, we might want to ask the usual question about what you’re most thankful for, but in order to make it slightly different, let’s do this--

What do you think other people aren’t thankful enough for?

Everyone is free to play along (even if in you never had any Pilgrims and Indians) by either leaving your answer in the comments section below or a link to your very own blog.

As for my answer…

I don’t think people in this country are sufficiently thankful for the simple fact that they live in such a bountiful and free country as we do. Now I know there are other people in other countries who think they have it better, and that’s fine--I’m all for having a competition to see who can have the best and most free country on the globe. Don’t even have to shoot each other! But still, even if we were second or third, we’ve still got a great big pile of people here who live richer, more expansive lives than anyone in the history of the world, and yet all they seem to do is want to complain. Or worse, to try to act like their OPPRESSED by being forced to live here.

It’s an odd psychopathy we have amongst some of our brethren. They see people across the world who truly are oppressed--subjected to daily humiliation and deprivation--and on some level recognize that’s not a good thing. But rather than try to uplift those people, help them break their shackles, these numbnuts pretend to be enslaved themselves. There’s got to be some name for it, but the idea that somehow these folks who can speak from anyplace and say anything about anybody are subject to brutal suppression is silly on the face of it, and demeans those who truly are powerless. Why would you want to deliberately be unhappy? What in your makeup makes you think the only way you have value is to cloak yourself in pretend sackcloth and ashes? Why not take the true freedom you have and help other people, instead of trying to gnaw off one more little entitlement for yourself?

It’s a mystery.

Myth! Myth!

“Yeth?”

Sorry, got Muppet fever for a moment there.

BUT WHAT BETTER WAY to lead into our “Sock-Puppetry Version” of the world-famous Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Today we want to ask you three simple questions and expect highly detailed, well-though-out, laboriously researched answers in return. Or just any answers. As usual, anyone may play along--either leave your answers in the comment section below, or cutnpaste everything over to your own blog and leave a link.

NOW THEN, HERE GOES:

1) Who is your most favorite puppet character (and no, it doesn’t have to be a Muppet), and why?

2) Did you have a favorite puppet that you owned as a child?

3) Do you ever engage in puppetry?

Now then, stuff your hand in a sock and start typing out those answers!!

As for my answers…

1) Well, I can’t think of many puppet characters ASIDE from Muppets, mainly because I don’t count ventriloquists, and that because I don’t really like ventriloquists, because who walks around with another person sitting on their knee!? Anyway, I always liked Statler and Waldorf the best--

They were mean and grouchy and old and Wilford Brimley-esque, who happens to be my second favorite puppet of all time.

2) No, not really. I suppose I must have had one or two, but I can’t really recall having any. I did have a few stuffed animals that I thought were much more fun.

3) Why yes I DO! I will take one of the kids’ (many) stuffed animals and do a little mime act with it. Catherine especially likes this and really gets into the interaction, forgetting every once in a while that I’m the one making it move. Such great fun, for both of us.

And for some reason, Reba likes this act, too. She has a few stuffed animals (being a little girl at heart) and every once in a while I’ll grab one and make it jump and walk and nod and look quizzical and mad and lonesome and stuff. Of course, this never fails to devolve into something less than wholesome, because I am the way I am, but even THAT still manages to get a laugh. And a slap or two.

So, there you go.

Finally!

The votes have been cast, the people have spoken, the Republic survives, and we can at last have some relief from wall-to-wall political ads everywhere we look, from the annoying recorded phone calls, from the ticky-tacky flotsam of ugly campaign signs. And what to discuss now?

Oh, that’s easy.

MORE POLITICS!!

We bring you the Political Postmortem Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, because as we all know, too much of a good thing is just about right! SO, play along with us now as we ask you some probing, uncomfortable questions about the results of the immediately past election.

Everyone is free to play along, even if you’re not even from America! What a country! Anyway, just leave your answers in the comments below, or a link to your own blog. Okay, here we go--

1) Now that the balance of power in the House and Senate has changed (due in large part to Democratic Party gains brought about by running more centrist candidates than they have in the past), will they surprise everyone and purge their fringe elements and actually try to lead from the center, or will they continue to pander to the tinfoil-hat folks with impeachment/frog marches and putting all the filthy Christianists into reeducation camps?

2) When you cast your ballot, do you do so with at least some desire in the back of your mind to make a decision that the international community would be pleased with?

3) Now that this little exercise has passed, everyone is now ready to talk about the REAL race, that of President in ’08. Who’s it going to be?

So, there you go. Please take a pencil and mark your choices and place them into the machine.

As for my answers:

1) Well, they don’t have a large enough majority to override a veto along party lines, so I don’t think they can go too far afield with their more lunatic pronouncements. And they ran on a platform that at least paid lip service to fiscal conservatism, although I don’t expect much of a change to smaller government or cheaper government or more efficient government. It would behoove them to cull their nuts right now, though, because although they won, it wasn’t because the general public is really that enamored of the idea of punishing President Bush for whatever fever-dream offenses he might have committed. For the most part, Americans still don’t think he’s Hitler, and don’t think the U.S. military are storm-troopers, despite the howlings of the Democratic Underground/Kos crowd. Giving in to these folks would be a sure recipe for disaster in ’08.

2) No. And neither do I expect the world to vote with me in mind, no more than I expect a Frenchman to worry too much about what the Irish might think. I’m all for us all voting based on our own personal interests, then living with the result, whether it went our way or not. But I could not care less whether other folks are happy or sad with our election results, other than I would feel a lot better if the people who consider themselves our enemies weren’t quite so chipper.

3) Despite everyone trying to read the goat entrails on this one, two years in the middle of a hot war is a very long time. It’s really impossible to say what will happen, and much of it depends on how the Congress reacts to the challenges it will face. I do think you’ll see at least one female presidential candidate, and possibly two. And it could be that Hillary will be neither one of them. I do predict that both candidates will be politicians, which means that you and I won’t get exactly what we want.

So there you are.

NOW--no more political talk! Unless it just happens to come up.

Thursday Pollen Count!

Leave it to our crack research team of sniffly and itchy Jim Smith to come up with an inspired selection of questions for today, based entirely upon his own seasonal distress!

Jim, suffering through some sort of allergic malady, sent the following to us (in a somewhat more condensed form) and suggested we have an Stopped Up, Wheezy, Sneezy Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

1. Do you have any food or plant allergies that kick in this time of year?

2. Is there anything in the food or plant realm that you might not be allergic to, but that you dread seeing during the fall anyway?

3. Setting aside your discomfort for just a moment, what are some of your favorite fall things?

Okay, all of you drink your chicken soup and Allerest and get to work. Remember that anyone is free to play along, even if it’s not autumn where you live, or if you think people with allergies are just big babies trying to get sympathy!

AS FOR MY ANSWERS…

1. Thank goodness I’m not bothered by allergies, either of the food or the plant or the medical or the animal variety, unless we’re talking about something like molten lava.

2. Even though I’m not allergic to them, I’m not a big fan of cranberries, and I’ve gotten to where I don’t really care that much for pumpkin pie.

3. I like goldenrod, and mums, and I like seeing the leaves change colors. And that’s about it. Fall means women in big bulky wool sweaters and overcoats and hats and scarves, and there’s just nothing good about that.

So there you go.

You know what ELSE I just realized?

Tomorrow is Thursday.

Someone needs some inspiration...

Why, if this is Thursday…

…that must mean it’s time for The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! ::restrained applause::

We’ve covered so much together over the years that coming up with new and interesting questions to ask is something of a difficulty.

Okay, well, so that’s not true.

Thank goodness for such an excuse, though, because it leads us right into this batch of questions. Today we’ll be dealing with those things we tell ourselves in order to keep from doing what we should be doing. Take a moment to answer the questions below, either in the comments or by leaving a link to your blog, and tell us, please:

1) What is your favorite all-around go-to excuse for not doing things that you really just don’t want to do?

2) Is this excuse a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, or do you have one set of excuses for work, and another for social situations?

3) What is one of the lamest excuses you’ve ever heard?

There now--if it’s not too much trouble, or if you’re not having to go wash your hair, or if you don’t have a roast in the oven--take a minute or two and fill us in on your answers. As always, the game is open to everyone, so no excuses for not playing.

AS FOR MY ANSWERS…

1) Generally it’s either wife, kids, or wife/kids. Which is not only my excuse for NOT doing the things I DON’T want to do, it’s also the thing that usually KEEPS me from doing the things I WANT to do. Not that I don’t love them all dearly, because I do, but when a person’s ideas of “fun things to do” drift toward the dangerous, grubby, or a combination of the two, there’s not really a good way of including the family in that.

2) No--my work excuse is that I’m busy. This works as an excuse due to a finely-honed ability to appear harried. Part of the success of this ability is actually being harried. It also helps to have a well-established understanding of the best time to go to the restroom, to always be seen carrying Important Things, and walking as if I had somewhere to be. My other favorite excuse is, “I forgot.” Again, convenient, in that I actually am forgetful.

3) Oh, I hear so many, but one of the more comical ones was one offered by the girl from whom My Friend Jeff bought his family’s previous house several years ago. He’d asked me to go with him to look it over, and I pointed out the doors on a couple of the kitchen cabinets had some areas where the door stiles had separated. The homeowner's excuse? “Uhm, well, those doors close together so tightly that it’s made the wood separate.” Gosh, just like global warming makes the earth colder! Anyway, that was pretty lame--it was obvious they’d just warped a bit--it DOES happen, after all--no use to try to pretend any different.

So, there you go.

POTPOURRI!!

Yes, it's Thursday again, which means it's once again time to put on your writing/thinking caps in order to participate in The World's Favorite Internets Thing, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

AND, as you can surmise from the title, today is YET ANOTHER Thursday where I didn't have anything prepared ahead of time due to the constraints of gainful employment, and so now I'm in the position of having to come up with a set of questions on the fly, and that always means a scattershot sort of affair, full of non-themed, unrelated questions.

SOUNDS LIKE FUN? YOU BETCHA!!

As is the usual case, everyone is invited to participate in answering the following set of questions by either leaving a comment below, or leaving a link to your blog, or writing them out in longhand and mailing them to our headquarters building here in Godly Hollow, Alabama.

NOW, here we go:

1) We know none of you are full of vainglory, but everyone has a little something they like to have around to show off as a status symbol. What thing (or things) do you have that you use to signify your high level of couth and culture?

2) What time do you go to bed at night?

3) What year did you first experience the Internet?

NOW, all of you go answer those, and I'll do the same--in a while. ONCE MORE, gainful employment is interfering with things, so you'll have to wait a bit to see my answers. YOU, on the other hand, please fire away!

10:00 a.m.--OKAY!! Now then--that's taken care of (for the moment) so here are my answers:

1) I'm not into clothes (other than I think it's important to wear a tie every day) and my taste in cars runs toward the more moronically off-beat anti-status type. We live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, so I suppose that should count, but one thing I like having beyond all others is a nice watch. I used to also like really nice pens, but since everyone else got on the Mont Blanc kick a few years back, that sorta went by the wayside for me. But I like having a watch that's relatively obscure, not tremendously and stupidly expensive, but one that's still stylish. I wear a Limes Nightflight automatic with a black dial, stainless case, and black band. High spiff factor, and luckily, when I bought it they were still quite inexpensive, and they've gotten out of my price range now.

2) I would love to go to bed every night at 10:30 after the late news, but there is usually one or more children awake doing homework. Or avoiding doing it. Grr.

3) I think it was around 1991 or '92 or so, but I didn't really think it was that interesting until around '95 when I got to my current place of employment where we had high speed access. I remember the coolest thing I found was when I was looking for a better search engine, and had heard about the concept of massively parallel searching, and stumbled on something called "Google." Not much to look at, but boy, it really did do a good job of finding stuff.

I wonder whatever happened to them?

Anyway, that was all so very long ago, wasn't it?

Not to play favorites, but…

…we simply MUST have a memetheme for today’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! AND SO, today we ask you to think about a few of your favorite things. And don’t start humming the song until it’s time!

As with all other episodes of our long-running series, anyone is free to participate by either leaving a comment below with your answers, or a link to your blog where your answers can be found.

Now then, let’s get right into it, shall we? Of course we shall!

1) What is your favorite color? (Yeah, I know it’s an easy one, but they get a LOT harder.)

Okay, now you can start humming the song.

2) Of all the items on the following list:

Raindrops on roses
Whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles
Warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
Cream colored ponies
Crisp apple strudels
Doorbells
Sleigh bells
Schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eye lashes
Silver white winters that melt into spring

Which item is your favorite, AND, which item is your LEAST favorite? (See, told you it gets a lot harder!)

And finally,

3) What are three of your favorite memories from childhood?

Okay, now--take a moment to think about those and then let fly with your answers.

As for mine:

1) Blue. And my least favorite is green, even though it’s kin to blue.

2) Favorite would be obviously be “girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,� in that such a thing incorporates my favorite color (see #1 above) and my favorite thing in general. (Which would be girls, not white dresses.) Least favorite would probably be brown paper packages tied up with string. Why? Well, no one uses string anymore except lunatics, so it would probably turn out to be something explodish or gruesome, like kitten schnitzel. I also would probably take issue with annoying, non-melting snowflakes, but I don’t have enough experience with them to make a truly informed decision about their favorite status.

3) I remember the overwhelming joy at getting the Sears Christmas catalog in the mailbox, and I remember the thrill of getting to go eat at The Ensley Grill cafeteria (or out to eat ANYwhere, for that matter), and I remember one particular episode when I was probably about 4 or 5.

My mom was getting dressed and putting on her makeup in the bathroom, and I had found a little plastic piece that had come off the bottom of the little roll-around canister vacuum cleaner we had. I showed it to her and she told me she could make it disappear. She waved her hands around and up and down, and by golly, she DID make it disappear! I giggled and laughed for what seems like forever (at least through the fog of forty years) and tried to find where she’d hidden it, but couldn’t figure out how she’d done that or where the piece of plastic had disappeared to. By the time I was finally old enough that I figured she would tell me, she’d forgotten it had ever happened.

Or so she says.

SO, there you go.

AS PROMISED!

Now then, having successfully dispensed with the special morning sports report, we return to our regularly scheduled diversions. Since last week's parlor game was so sparsely participated in, SOME might think that the whole enterprise should be dispensed with permanently as a sign of ineptitude and failure.

BUT IF THERE IS ONE THING that can be counted as success, it is that there IS INDEED an edition of the most funnest thing to do on a Thursday morning involving a computer and time to kill, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three--Miserable Failure Edition!

Everyone loves a winner, right? Sure they do! But come on--failures are pretty doggone interesting, so let’s take a look at some of those today.

As usual, the object of the game is to answer the following three questions by either leaving a comment below, or a link to your very own highly successful blogging operation. Anyone may play, even people who are completely successful in all aspects of life. (As if anyone fitting that description would be here!)

SO, here we go:

1) What is one task that you have started innumerable times but just haven’t finished?

2) What one thing in your life would you consider your biggest mistake or failure?

3) What is your general attitude toward failure--do you see it as proof of your eternal inadequacy; simply part of life; something of a learning experience; or as something that shows you’re actually trying to do something?

Okay, there you go--if you can manage to go off and answer them without blowing something up or poking yourself with a sharp object, please do so now!

AS FOR MY ANSWERS…

1) There are so very many--finishing fixing the floor in the downstairs bathroom, writing a book, making money, finishing the final three volumes of Durant’s The Story of Civilization, reading the Bible through in a year. Making a list of things I haven’t finished doing…

2) I think it would be waiting so late in life to overcome my natural shyness--not wanting to be noticed or seen or heard can make life hard, and limits your choices of things to be or do. There’s plenty of small personal failings that continue to happen, but they don’t seem so bad as they might once have to me since I’m a bit more willing to speak my mind. Shyness can be endearing in a way, I suppose, but it’s still can be quite a cage. A second thing would be not trying harder in mathematics. If I had only tried just a bit harder, I might could have managed to find myself a much more remunerative occupation. Or not--one of those things you'll never know about, I suppose. I guess I could calculate the odds and such, but I'm at a loss to figure out how.

3) I fall more toward the latter nowadays--I figure the only people who never fail are the ones who aren’t doing anything in the first place. And I do see my mistakes as a learning experience, because my mother told me I should.

So, there you go.

HEY, OLD TIMER!

It’s time again for the 5,901st (or so) consecutive edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! Last week’s theme dealt with items of a novel and new-fangled nature, so as a counterpoise to that, THIS week we will talk about things ancient and decrepit. Sound like fun? OF COURSE IT DOES!!

As with all T-Threes, we will give you three questions, and in return expect nothing but your time and answers to those questions. All you have to do is either leave your response below, or leave a link to your blog so we can come over there and look and see what all you’ve written.

To begin, then:

1) What is the oldest book you own? (Modern reprints of old books don’t count, so don’t say stuff like the Bible. Unless you actually HAVE an old copy of the Bible, in which case that’s okay.)

2) What is the oldest object you have that you still use on a regular basis?

3) What is your favorite old joke?

Well then, there you go. Hobble off on your walkers and try to remember what the quiz was about, and tell us your answers!

As for mine:

1) I have a bound compilation of agricultural data from the U.S. Census of 1820, which is just remarkable for its depth of information and the really neat color lithographs of cows and stuff. It’s in poor shape--some water damage, and just the effects of being 186 years old, but aside from that, still pretty neat to peruse.

2) Our kitchen clock, which I dearly love. I’ve talked about it a couple of times in the past--it’s an 1850s English fusee clock (sans chime) that still keeps good time and has a nice, soothing tic-toc sound.

3) Unfortunately, due to the results of poor supervision and upbringing, many of the old jokes I know are hopelessly insensitive to all those inferior peoples of other beliefs and/or ethnicities. HOWEVER, not being one to let such things stand in the way, I will endeavor to recite one that never fails to make me laugh. Technically it’s not that old, since it only dates back to the early days of space exploration, but it’s my blog so you’ll just have to get over it. As with all jokes of this sort, feel free to insert the stereotypical stupid person of your choice as the butt of the joke rather than the one I’ve chosen.

ANYWAY, back in the very earliest days of the space program, NASA was still not quite certain that manned flight would be safe for its astronauts. They had sent up mice, and dogs, and monkeys, but were still leery of sending an actual person up. In order to be as safe as possible, on the next test mission they decided to send up a monkey and the University of Alabama engineering student they had working as a janitor.

The student, who wasn’t that bright, was excited about going, but to keep him interested, he was told that he would be in charge of the capsule and the monkey would only be his assistant. In reality, his controls were dummy ones, and the monkey was actually in charge, but since he didn’t know any better, he was quite proud of his accomplishment.

The launch day arrived, and things went smoothly, and soon the Bama student and the monkey were orbiting the Earth, each one busily pushing buttons. Soon, however, the Bama student noticed something about his ‘assistant.’

Every so often, the monkey would quietly take a small scrap of paper out of his space suit, unfold it, look at it, look at the Bama student, nod, and then fold the paper and put it back in his suit. This behavior continued off and on every few minutes, until the curious Bama student simply could not stand it any longer. The next time the monkey took out the paper, the Bama student lunged and grabbed it away from him and quickly unfolded it.

Neatly typed on the paper were the words: “Don’t forget to feed the Bama student.�

Yes, it’s starting early this year…

Hmmm.

It’s Thursday. Seems like there used to be something we would do around here on Thursdays.

What was it?

Why, it was the AXIS OF WEEVIL THURSDAY THREE, you big silly you! That’s right, folks--America’s Most Popular Online Question and Answer Diversion Posted on Thursdays on a Blog With a Marsupial-Derived Name is BACK and BETTER than EVER!

Or not.

Our team of writers is all fresh and new and ready to go (after we were unable to come to an equitable compensation package for all the stale, old, and unprepared ones and had to send them on their way), so this season should be full of rip-roaring human interest!

Or not.

For those of you new to this exciting and grueling sport of kings, we provide for you three questions, and you provide for us three answers to those questions, and then we all read each other’s answers, and laugh and laugh and laugh. Assuming we aren’t asking questions about mortality. Anyway, all are welcome to join in--you can leave your answers in the comments section below, or you can leave a link to the answers on your very own blog.

It’s so simple even flatworms can do it!

Not quite as well as you, obviously. And they leave icky slime on the keyboard. Which I suppose all of us do from time to time, but I do have the decency to get a paper towel and wipe the keys off, something flatworms have yet to master. Then again, when you put them on a paper towel, they tend to dry out very quickly, so that might be part of the problem.

Or maybe they’re just lazy.

I tried to get one to help me carry my groceries in the house the other day and it wouldn’t. I mean, maybe I’m being too hard on them, what with them not having arms and legs and such, but still, I could have used just a little help, but NOOooo. Sorry bunch of organisms.

ON second thought, even though this is easy enough for flatworms, no flatworms may answer any of the questions. Complain all you want, but you might as well just shut up and let someone with fingers handle this one!

Where was I?

OH YES! The Thursday Three this week celebrates newness and novelty and originality and freshness and sparkly brightness with THIS SET OF QUESTIONS:

1) What are three new books that you’ve read recently?

2) What three new products have you tried lately and what were your experiences?

3) What are three new movies or shows or plays or whatever that you have seen lately, or would like to go see soon?

SEE HOW EASY THAT IS!?

So, leave your answers below or a link to your exciting new blog post for us all to come peruse.

As for my answers…

1) Well, let’s see--a couple of weeks ago I finished John Stossel’s new book, Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity. I liked it, although I think if you are an online news junkie like me, you have probably already heard a lot of the debunking of things already. Some of the chapters didn’t interest me, so I sorta skimmed them. I can’t remember which ones now, since I skimmed them.

I also just finished Tom Shachtman’s Terrors and Marvels: How Science and Technology Changed the Character and Outcome of World War II. This one took a while to get through--although reasonably well-documented, the prose doesn’t exactly fly off the page. Like so many history books that I manage to find time to read nowadays, it feels as though I’m reading through conjunctioned stacks of index cards and Post-It Notes. It also feels somewhat screedy--the implications hinting, as all good modern-day histories must (or else be deemed as unnuanced), that the overall story of World War II is missing some key parts. This seems to be the way of things now--anyone who finds out more information than what was printed before (or who is more apt at repackaging old truths) cloaks themselves in some kind of oddball clothes as the Setter-Straight of Truth. It’s not enough just to bring something interesting for everyone to ponder over, but it has to Right Past Injustices. It’s why you’re a lot more likely of late to know more about Sally Hemmings than you do about Thomas Jefferson.

Anyway, I still liked it--the theme of science being used or misused for political purposes is something to think about.

The third one is one I’m just starting-- Beyond Band of Brothers: The War Memoirs of Major Dick Winters. I enjoyed the movie version of Band of Brothers, and stand amazed at Winters, who personifies a distinct kind of Americanism that is in short supply in a big part of the population today. More after I’ve finished the book.

2) Three new products? Hmm.

Well, I know one, but it’s new only to me since it HAS been around for several years--something called Water Wetter. Sounds dumb, and I was dubious at first, but this stuff is something you put in your radiator to help the water do a better job of removing heat from the engine. It’s really made for racing engines in place of glycol coolant/antifreeze, but will work well in passenger cars, too. The summertime has not been kind to a certain 20 year old Volvo I know of, especially in traffic, so I thought I would get some and see if it worked. Works like a charm--I could tell a difference in the coolant and oil temperature. The car really needs a good radiator flush, too--something a product like this can mask since it makes things run cooler and might cause you to think everything’s fine in the coolant department since it's not running as hot, but even with that caveat, it’s still a product that does what it says it will do.

I’ve been shopping for digital cameras again--this time one for Rebecca since her birthday is coming up at the end of the month. We went and played with some Monday evening at Target. Hard to believe that in only a couple of years since I bought my camera how far they’ve come in sophistication. There was a clearance-priced HP that was cheaper than what I paid for mine and had more junk on it and a bigger screen. Anyway, we didn’t get one, but I think I know which ones she likes best. The ones that come in bright colors.

Third? I can’t think of anything--we’re really just not the early-adopter sort.

3) Movies and such, huh? Hmm--well, I think I would maybe like to see All the King’s Men, but since it has Sean Penn in it and James “Gollum� Carville is one of the producers, I might be better served by getting a copy of the 1949 Broderick Crawford version.

Flags of our Fathers looks like it might be good, although I sure hope they don’t try to Pearl Harbor-ize it with all sorts of mushy love story stuff.

Flicka looks like a nice family movie, and the kids have already put in a request to go see it.

What else…oh, surely anything with Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek would be worthy of a look, right? Sure it would.

Anyway, there you go.

Thursday Three Summer Vacation!

Given the tremendous outpouring of no one wishing to host the Thursday Three for the next couple of weeks, it has been suggested by a certain college professor that maybe we should do what we did last year, that is, give the Thursday Three the summer off. It is, after all, the summer solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere, so what better time to go a'hiatusing, right?

SO, although many of you wake up all excited-like and run to your computers on Thursday mornings, don't do that tomorrow, or the week after, or for the next few months.

IN LIEU OF OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING, in order to keep some amount of interest alive in Possumblog, we will instead be having an entire summer full of exciting replacement pilot episodes, such as:

Smell THIS!

Flannel is WARM!

And so many more! I know you're all just as excited as I am! Or maybe even more! Or not! But, be that as it may, just don't abandon me because the Thursday Three is on vacation!

Thursday Three Missionary Journey! (UPDATED)

I realize many of you come here bright and early every Thursday in order to play America's Most Popular Parlor Game, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, but in a break from the usual routine, today's T3 will be hosted by famed Long Island archivist and bowling guru, Skinnydan.

At least, that's what I HOPE is going to happen. We had an e-mail exchange earlier in the week on the topic of religion, and Dan said it would make a good question set, and in his last message to me, he said he'd volunteer to make up the questions.

OR, at least that's the way it came across to me via Chet the E-Mail Boy's neatly Linotyped printout.

If I am wrong in my supposition about Skinnydan's hosting today's fun (and I fear I might be given that there are, as of yet, no questions on Skinnyblog), I beg your forgiveness. Rest assured Chet the E-Mail Boy will be thrashed soundly for making such a mistake, and he will NOT be given ANY milk for his bowl of corn flakes this morning.

UPDATE: Ahhhh--Chet breathes a sigh of blessed relief, and is granted a full 4 ounces of precious moo-juice for his breakfast bowl of cereal, because the questions is now done up!

And here is what Mr. Dan has for us:

1) Are you now a religiously committed person, and have you always been one?

Well, I try to be, and I suppose I am better at it than I was in the past when I was more involved rather than committed. (Ref. joke about the pig and chicken and their breakfast meal.)

2) Did you come to your faith on your own, or are you simply continuing traditions instilled by your parents/grandparents, etc. (For the non-believers, feel free to describe your absence of faith in the same vein)

Well, again, early on I didn't have a whole lot of parental guidance, even though I was going to a Christian school from the time I was in first grade. My mom (who had grown up in church then fell away after a while) and my dad (a highly lapsed Baptisterian) didn't take us to church after I was about four or five, although my sister and I started going again when she got old enough to drive. My mother finally did return to the church, and years later my father even became a Christian. But I didn't really become strongly convicted in my faith (although admittedly still not quite there when it comes to follow-through) until I simultaneously became a husband and father. The responsibilities inherent in both of those jobs made me appreciate all the more the depth of our Creator's love and concern for us, and why throughout the Scriptures we are referred to as His children.

3) Have you ever abandoned your faith and its teachings for any significant period of time, or in any significant way?

Well, not abandoned totally, although that's a bit like being a little pregnant--you either believe or you don't. If you really DO believe, you show it by your actions. So, even though I might have never thought my beliefs were wrong, there have been some relatively long stretches of time in my life when I failed to live up to them as I should. Not that I don't still have those moments where I mess up--I do--but nowadays it's much more akin to going into the wrong room on the wrong floor rather than endlessly walking in circles in the desert.

SO, there you go. Thank you, Skinnydan!

Do-it-yerself!

Today's Axis of Weevil Thursday Three is ALL about self-reliance and self-sufficiency! To that end, EACH ONE OF YOU will be required to make up your OWN three questions to answer! Now some of you might think that this is because I got sidetracked with eleventy-thousand other different things yesterday and simply forgot to formulate the contest for today. WELL, YOU'D BE WRONG! I just think it's time for you to show a little initiative, a little self-starterism, some up-by-the-bootstrapitis to show everyone that the Possumblog Reading Audience is full of go-getters and independent spirits!

That, and I forgot to do the questions.

SO, ANYWAY, please leave three questions and your answers in the comments below or a link back to your blog. Readers who don't have the same drive and energy that YOU do have the option of being lazy and stealing your questions and answering them in lieu of making up their own. BUT DON'T WAIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE to do it, or otherwise this will be QUITE boring.

And we CANNOT have that.

Very often.

Or more than once a week.

Okay, once a day.

OKAY, so it's boring all the time! DON'T BLAME ME--come up with something interesting yourselves!

Ahem. Sorry.

Now then, as for my questions and answers--

1. What do I most need to do--buy a new belt, have my shoes resoled, or have my eyes checked?

Hmm--I think I most need a new belt. The one I got at Christmas broke. It was reversible, and the buckle swivelled around so that it could be used equally well on either side. The only problem is that the swivel worked on a tiny metal axle arrangement, and one day I cinched myself up and the buckle popped right off the end of the axle. I had to fall back to using my ratty black leather belt I got several years ago from Wal-Mart.

Shoes would be next. Eyes? Nah.

2. Where do I want to go on vacation?

Somewhere quiet where I can sit and not do anything all day long. I don't think we're going to the beach this year--maybe Gatlinburg. But I'd rather not have to go and have to find ways to be entertained, I'd rather just be a vegetable.

3. What is my earliest memory?

I remember playing with a beach ball in our front yard, and picking at the little rubber valve stem. I was probably no more than about 18 to 20 months old.

So, there you go.

Pets and/or Children!

Today’s episode of the vaunted Axis of Weevil Thursday Three comes to us via the dog- and child-rich person of Sarah Getzler, who wrote last week to say she wants to know some things about us:

1) What is the most destructive thing your pets and/or your children have ever done?

2) What is the most constructive thing they have done?

And finally, 3) What is the most amazing thing they have done?

As usual, anyone may play along, even if you have no pets and/or children--just make up stuff if you have to!

Just leave your answers in the comments below, or have your trusty sled-dogs pull all of this over to your blog and answer it there, and leave a link below.

As for my answers--

1) I really don’t want to jinx myself, because as of right now, the kids have never torn up anything really, REALLY valuable. They’ve made some messes, such as when Catherine stopped up the shower and flooded our bathroom, but so far nothing worse than that. Pets? Nah, they’ve never been a problem. Although long ago, we had a white flocked Christmas tree we kept in our open garage, and one of the cats we had made himself at home in the box one winter.

2) Well, the pets I’ve had have never been very constructive, unless you count the dirt daubers who make those long dirt tubes all over the house as pets. Well, and there was my family of pet beavers who made a lovely lodge in the kitchen. (Not really.) As for the kids, I guess all of their artwork that I have hanging up. I’m really hoping they get good at creating wealth so they can take care of me in my dotage. Which is scheduled to arrive any day now.

3) I think most amazing still has to be Catherine’s wild ride down the stairs. She was around 6 or so and decided to see if she could walk down the stairs. Wearing Rebecca’s roller skates. She couldn’t. Sounded like a boxcar full of howler monkeys hitting the house when she came falling down the stairs, but she managed--amazingly--to land unharmed, other than a giant bruising of her feelings. She has not attempted the feat again.

So, there you go.

Remember

In a break from the usual frivolity of our Thursday Three offerings, Miss Diane suggested that we ask some questions this week in honor of the upcoming Memorial Day.

1. Have you or any of your immediate family members ever served in the armed forces, and if so, what branch(es)?

2. Were you or you family member ever on active duty during wartime?

3. If your family member died in service, how do you honor them on Memorial Day (or throughout the year)?

As always, we welcome anyone who wishes to participate--leave your comments below, or a link to your blog with your answers.

And to those families whose loved ones have given their lives in service to this country throughout its history, a very profoundly felt thank-you for their sacrifice.

They will not be forgotten.

As for my answers--

1. Yes, my dad was in the Navy from 1944-46, and was stationed in New Guinea not long after the Hollandia landing. I started a small webpage about him a while back and have gotten sidetracked on other stuff since then. I really need to get those photos scanned.

2. Well, I answered this one in #1, but yes, he was in amongst the fighting in the Asiatic-Pacific Theater, although I never recall him ever saying he was under fire, even though the Japanese were never very far away.

3. Thankfully, my dad did make it through, but we always fly the flag on Memorial Day (and other military-related holidays) as a show of respect for those who now are at ease.

So, there you go.

Kids today!

And parents!

Today's Harmonic Convergence Issue of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three is devoted to both of those species, and specifically to the certain likes or dislikes that they share.

This particular set of questions was inspired by one of Mr. Skinnydan’s (not his real name) answers to last week’s T-3 regarding sounds he remembered from childhood. His?

Music. My dad at the piano in the house, playing stuff I liked, stuff he liked. I remember especially a time when his likes and mine coincided far more than they do now.

1) What sort of music did your parents listen to when you were young that you liked?

2) If you have kids, is there anything you listen to that THEY like? (If you don’t have kids, you are free to make up anything to go here.)

3) What was the first recorded music (of whatever medium--wax cylinder, 78 or 45 discs, vinyl LP, RTR, 8-track, cassette, CD, downloaded MP3) you ever bought with your own money?

As always, everyone is encouraged to play along by either leaving your comments below, or a link to your blog.

As for my answers--

1) Well, my dad (and mom, to a lesser extent) loved big band music. The Dorseys, Mitch Miller, Artie Shaw, Benny Goodman, Harry James, Vaughn Monroe--and he was also fond of Hawaiian-themed music, as well as composers such as Henry Mancini and Montovani. And I thought they were okay, too. Not quite an undying passion for them, but even as a kid during the disco/Southern boogie rock era, they still had a nice spot in my heart. And I still have all the albums. Even if I don’t ever play them, I still like having them.

2) Being that aging baby boomers have such a stranglehold on pop culture, a lot of the stuff that was new when I was growing up is still being stolen and recycled today (sorry--I believe the polite term is “sampled�), so the sounds and rhythms of the stuff my kids listen to has a familiar feel. For the most part, we can listen to just about any station (short of gangster rap or some genres of country) and no one is really upset.

3) Let’s Get Small by Steve Martin.

So, there you go.

Something simple this week.

We’ve explored every possible topic known to humankind here on the Thursday Three, so sometimes it’s nice just to relax and ask some simple things.

So, here’s the AoW Model of Simplicity Version of the Thursday Three.

Please leave your answer in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog.

1. Who, beside your spouse, is your favorite person to go hang around with?

2. If you could only have one, would you pick a dog or a cat as a pet?

3. What part of your appearance would you most like to change?

There now!

As for my answers:

1. I would say probably My Friend Jeff, although we really don’t hang around together much at all. Then again, I don’t hang around much of anyone, being that I’m very antisocial.

2. I think right now, a cat would be better, mainly because they’re lower in upkeep. If you forget to feed one, they’ll go kill something. Forget to bathe it? No way--they’re self-cleaning, and not like the oven, because you don’t have to twist any of their knobs or lock their door.

But this is not to say I wouldn’t want a dog. The cat would get lonely without a friend, and dogs make good friends to all animals, even cats. So, first, a cat, then a dog.

Then a wildebeest.

3. I wish I had longer legs. I would be around 6-1 or so if my 29 inch inseamed legs weren’t so blamed much shorter in proportion to my torso. I look like a barrel set on tree stumps. With a huge watermelon atop the end of the barrel. (My giant head would probably be the second thing I would like to change a bit.)

So, there you go.

"Testing...testing..."

Sorry for the delay. I had today’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three all completed and ready to go, but the more I thought about it the more I disliked the entire concept. Thankfully, I was able to rely upon our crack team of university scholars, one of whom had sent along a set of questions late yesterday afternoon. Since I had at first thought I liked my (now-superseded) set of questions, I informed the good professor that I would use his set next week, but upon further consideration, I think his were much superior.

THEREFORE, let’s get right to the FINAL EXAM EDITION of the Thursday Three!

Dr. Smith (soon to be deep in the grading of final exams himself) sends along the following for your consideration:

1. What was your luckiest experience with finals?
2. What was your worst experience?
3. Finally, do you have any recurring finals nightmares?

SO, there you are. Remember, keep your eyes on your own paper. You may not use your notes or your book. Leave an open seat between you and other commentors. You may not go to the restroom until after you finish your test. Use of a calculator is not necessary. All cell phones and pagers must be turned off. You will be given partial credit for partial answers. Proper grammar and spelling does count. Please leave your comments below, or a link to your own blog. You now have only fifteen seconds left to complete your exam, and you must do it while standing naked upon your table and singing “Rule Britannia.� (That last part you don’t really have to do.)

Now then, you may open your test booklets and commence.

AS for my answers…

I hate to be a spoilsport on this one, but honestly, I have never had test anxiety. I have wracked my brain (which obviously didn’t take long) to see if I could remember any really good horror stories about tests gone awry, or even if I ever got really lucky on a test. Nope. I can’t recall ever forgetting I was having a final, never recall blowing one horribly, never recall acing one I shouldn’t have, never recall having my calculator blow up, or anything like that. I’d go, take the test, and leave. Sometimes I did well, other times not. In any case, I was never really surprised by my grade, good or bad.

WHICH, I SUPPOSE, is why I never have nightmares about final exams. As I’ve mentioned before, I DO have recurring dreams of wandering around an unfamiliar campus looking for a lecture room, but never because I’m having a test.

So, there you go.

"Annd we are ready in three, two, -- "

The Possum Broadcasting Company is experiencing technical difficulties. Instead of our regular programming, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three Newsreader Popularity Contest will be aired. We will return to our regular programming as soon as possible.

We wish to thank our East Carolina affiliate WJIM for providing the content for this program, and we encourage our viewers to comment with your thoughts on this opinion survey. Those who wish to complain about the question choice should take that up with WJIM.

1. Who is your favorite local television anchor?

2. Who is your least favorite local television anchor?

3. Have you ever known of anyone in your local market who made it to The Big Show with a national network gig?

Audience members are encouraged to leave your answers in the handy comment area, or to leave a link to your own station.

As a programming reminder, "Luther's Garage" will air from 1:23 a.m. to 1:29 a.m. on April 21. "Mincemeat Party with Miss Rozelle" will follow at 1:35 a.m., and will be rebroadcast on Sunday, April 30, immediately after the "Dr. Wayne G. Spraddle Gospel Miracles with Signs and Wonders Outdoorsman's Show."

Now then, the station manager takes this opportunity to offer his own commentary on the survey questionnaire--

1. Favorite local anchor? I sure wish the question was reporters, and then I would pick Mai Martinez. RRrroowwwlllll. And how. AAARRGHHHHHHH!! I just tried to go find her bio page from the WBRC website, but she's been ERASED! Surely to GOODNESS they haven't let her get away! Thank goodness, I had the foresight to copy her photo while it was still available.

COME BACK, MAI!

But, since we're dealing with anchors, I think I my favorite is probably a toss-up between NBC 13's Fran Curry or FOX 6's Scott Richards.

2. Least favorite? Can there be any doubt? I really like him as a person--he does incredible work in the community and is universally loved and respected and is one of the pioneers in Birmingham television. I just cannot tolerate listening to him "read" the news. Running a close second would be my Ron Burgundy Award winner, who would probably rank higher (lower) if I ever actually took the time to watch the ABC 33/40 newscast.

3. Gone on to greater glories? No one I can think of as an anchor, although I can recall a few who've gone on to being network reporters.

So there you go.

“It’s…�

The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, “Slapdash, Thrown Together, Mish-Mash of Leftover Junk� Edition!

::golf applause::

Being that such a thing as delivering three probing and exciting questions each week to you, our wonderful reading audience, requires such a tremendous degree of discernment and taste, of necessity it means it that there will be on occasion some questions that simply do not meet our high standards.

These questions may be illogical, or mere sentence fragments that do not even rise to the level of actual interrogatories, or they even might have been produced with inferior grades of vowels and consonants. Each of these sub-normal constructions are swiftly pulled from the production process before they ever litter your computational device, insuring you of the highest quality and enjoyment.

Unless, of course, we don’t have any questions, in which case we send a staff member to the basement and grab some of the ones that didn’t quite work.

BUT, to keep you from believing you are being given short shrift, we lovingly apply a content label specifying that they are of the category “Entertaining and Diverse Potpourri of Miscellany,� and ask you to be just as satisfied with them as if they were indeed the finest quality inquiries to which you are accustomed.

SO, for today’s episode, each of you answer the following by leaving a comment below, or by leaving a link to your personal online journal (what some persons call a “Weblog� or “blog�).

1. What is your favorite computer time-waster: Solitaire, Minesweeper, Online Question-Answering Memes, Mahjong, or other. Please specify why.

2. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done with lumber?

3. If you awoke one day and realized your dream of becoming a famous author had come true, what would the title of your second novel be?

4. BONUS QUESTION! How many previous Thursday Threes have been published on Possumblog?

Now then, go off to the luxury of your easy chair and answer those and let everyone see what you have to say.

As for my answers…

1. Well, I hate Minesweeper, even though I have a relatively good idea of how to play it. I take mahjong in spells--some days I can play a good while, others, not. I suppose Solitaire would be the one I play most often, although I really like Spider Solitaire that I have on my home machine, because it’s nearly impossible to lose.

2. Such a wide open category.

But probably the stupidest is when I was probably about nine or ten, and I got the bright idea of trying to scoot down my slide on the swing set while sitting on a short length of 2x6.

Well, it wasn’t that fun of a ride since it wouldn’t go. What to do? Hmmm. Since I knew oil made things slippery, I found my dad’s oil can and squirted some on the slide. However, I did not realize that sometimes oil could be slippery, and sometimes it could gum things up pretty well, especially when you’re talking about a lumber-metal interface. With the slide all greased up, I got on the board and started down, only to hit a very unslick portion. The board stuck fast, while my chubby little body continued its downward motion unabated, causing my chubby little butt to slide along the 2x6. This sliding did not stop until my chubby little butt came in contact with a small wedge of protruding wood on the side of the 2x6, which neatly entered my chubby right butt cheek and, having come to a secure resting place, broke off.

Ouch.

I ran crying into the kitchen with a rather alarming-sized splinter in my hiney, which my mom proceeded to remove from me with the aid of a pair of needle-nose pliers. Afterwards, I had to go to Dr. Brand’s office and get a tetanus shot. Which hurt just about as bad as the splinter.

3. “I Am A Famous Author, and THIS is My Second Novel.� Actually, the second book in my series will be entitled “Cornelius.�

4. I really don’t know--a whole bunch, I wager. Probably at least six or seven, or maybe even two hundred, or something like that. I don't know.

SO, there you go.

STEeeeeeeRIKE THREE!

Seeing as how the Boys of Summer have once again started playing their games again for this season, and seeing as how I can’t recall us ever doing a set of questions devoted to baseball (because, let’s face it, it’s not football and is therefore completely unimportant), it seems appropriate to use this occasion to the offer to the world the Weevil League Thursday Three!

Each of the following three questions have been painstakingly hand-written in the Dominican Republic, and we ask you to either answer them in the dugout below, or post your results on the scoreboard in your own park.

Now then, let’s play ball! [Yes, I realize the foregoing clichéd baseball talk sounds stupid.]

1. Do you really like baseball, or is it just something baffling that some people do?

2. Who are some of your favorite players?

3. What one thing would you change about baseball?

There now--take a swing at those!

As for my answers…

1. I like baseball, but have never loved it the way nerdy George Will loves it. It’s okay, but any sport where fans can get so bored they fall asleep is just not that high on my list of stuff to watch. And another thing that bugs me is that they let players wear jewelry. I get really tired of seeing all the necklaces and crap.

Women’s softball is a completely different story, however.

2. Hank Aaron, Chipper Jones, Bo Jackson, Bob Euker (personality, not gamesmanship), and yes, Charlie Hustle. No, I don’t think he should be eligible for the Hall of Fame (and spare me any of your arguments to the contrary), but he was an extraordinarily talented player.

3. Fewer innings. Seven is more than enough, and four would satisfy me.

So, there you go.

I Been Workin' on a Chain Gang...

I'm not sure what happened to the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three last week during Spring Break--reports came from various sources about it being seen with a beer funnel and a buxom Tri-Delt in Panama City Beach, but no matter what it was doing then, it's shown up for work on time today!

THIS WEEK'S thrilling set of questions comes to us via known restaurant-haunter, Dr. Jimbo Smith, who wants all of you to please take a seat and answer the following three questions:

1. What is your favorite chain restaurant?
2. What is your least favorite chain restaurant?
3. What chain do you wish was in your town, or at least a little closer to you?

As always, the questions are open for anyone to answer, even if you hate restaurants with nifty theme bric-a-brac screwed to the walls. Second, I think the definition of a restaurant is pretty broad, so it might be good to narrow it down by saying that it means a place with waiters who come and take your order, rather than a buffet place or a fast-food place. (Here's a list of chains from around the world for your edification and amusement.) Just leave your answers in the comments below, or a link to your blog joint with your response.

AS FOR MY ANSWERS--

1. Favorite? Hmm, well, most of the biggies have a presence somewhere in the metro area around here, and I've eaten at most of them. I suppose, based on where we go on Sundays if we have any extra cash, I'd have to say Ruby Tuesday. If we had all day to kill, I suppose I like Cracker Barrel better, but the one in Trussville and the one in Leeds take FOREVER to seat you and serve you, so you have to not really be hungry to go eat there. And, of course, if I'm by myself on the road, there's really nothing like Waffle House.

2. Least favorite would probably be Lone Star Steakhouse--I've only been in a couple, and both times the place seemed as though it were covered in sticky layer of filth, and the service was poor. I've never been to a Logan's Roadhouse restaurant, but the idea of peanut shells on the floor just doesn't do it for me.

3. This one is pretty hard, since Birmingham is a big restaurant town and as I mentioned, we've pretty much got at least two of every national chain somewhere in the area, in addition to all the local favorites. I really can't think of any place that I would just love to have that we don't already have.

So, there you go.

SNACK (n.)

{snăk; > ME snak = bite; > snaken = to bite; ? > MDutch snacken = to snap at}

1. A hurried or light meal.
2. Food eaten between meals.
3. The subject of today’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

Since we had such an overwhelming response to last week’s sugar-infused T-Three, and since everyone loves a nosh, a nibble, or a bite between meals, the Thursday Three Editorial Board decided to produce yet another post along the same lines as the last one, except different, in order to keep things from being too dull. And repetitive. And redundant.

ANYway, this week’s questions are these here ones:

1) What are your THREE favorite sugary snacks?

2) What are your THREE favorite salty snacks?

3) What snack food do you dislike, even though everyone else raves about it?

There now--that should keep you all busy for about five minutes!

As for my answers--

1) Well, I don’t eat nearly so much sugary stuff as I used to, and I’ve really always been more of a saltysnack person. Having said that, though, I must confess an affection for Brach’s Maple Nut Goodies (which are also salty), Necco Wafers, and cheapo, non-brand jellybeans.

2) Again, I have really tried to cut back on these things, but it is very difficult due to their luscious high-sodium, high-carbohydrate contents. First above all others would be Golden Flake Cheese Curls (NOT CHEESE PUFFS!), then there’s Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips, and third would be Combos Nacho Cheese Pretzels.

3) I don’t really like any of the gummy (or Gummi) stuff, especially Jujubes, although in fairness, I don't really recall anyone I know raving about how wonderful they are. And I’m not about to ever try either a Baby Bottle Pop or Fun Dip, either.

So, there you go.

Sweet, Sweet Thursday Three!

Thanks go out this week to well-known potater connoisseur Marc Velazquez, who contributes the following set of questions for just about anyone in the viewing audience. Take a moment to jot down your answers on the back of a 5 pound sack of sugar and put them in the comments, or leave a link to your own blog as we embark on the Sugar High Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

With the recent announcement by the "fat" police that our children are eating/drinking themselves to death (1/5 of American's calories are liquid, i.e. from sugared soft drinks), it's time to 'fess up on our sugar/drinking habits. This will be a 3X Thursday 3, and to be even more unpredictable, the bonus comes first!

BONUS - Sweet tea: your first choice of beverage, lemon or not, Lipton or Luzianne?

FOR WORKING FOLKS:
1. What do you drink the most at work, and do you bring your own?
2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)?
3. Do you keep candy at your desk/work area?

FOR AT-HOME FOLKS:
1. What do you drink the most at home, and do you change on the weekend?
2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)?
3. Do you keep a candy stash? Change its location periodically?

FOR TRAVELING FOLKS:
1. What do you drink when traveling? (Marc had “by plane� for this one, but I’ve changed it to be any sort of travel)
2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)?
3. Do you chew gum to help your ears pop on a flight? (Obviously, this is for airplanes, not cars or buses or trains, unless you happen to be on one that flies.)

SO, there you go, sweetie-pie!

As for my answers…

BONUS! Neither one--Winn Dixie’s brand of artificially sweetened tea sold by the gallon in the refrigerated case! Mmm. That's good tea. No lemon, please.

FOR WORKING FOLKS: (I assume this does include me, even though I am a civil servant)
1. What do you drink the most at work, and do you bring your own? Diet Coke. Bought from the machine in the basement, because I’m not smart enough to get a case and keep them in the refrigerator. I don’t know why I don’t do this.

2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)? What about cyclamates!? Anyway, since Diet Coke has it, I'll guess it must be Nutrasweet. Or so it says on the label.

3. Do you keep candy at your desk/work area? Just eye candy--lots of photos of Miss Reba.

Next batch--

FOR AT-HOME FOLKS:
1. What do you drink the most at home, and do you change on the weekend? Mostly water, weekday or weekend. Except for those times when we have some of that luscious Winn-Dixie tea…

2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)? We don’t use much of anything, but we do have a box of Splenda somewhere, and some packages of Nutrasweet.

3. Do you keep a candy stash? Change its location periodically? We’ve got candy all over the place, but no one--kids or us--really get in it that much.

Finally--
FOR TRAVELING FOLKS:
1. What do you drink when traveling? (Marc had “by plane� for this one, but I’ve changed it to be any sort of travel) If I’m driving, it’s usually Diet Coke.

2. Nutrasweet (aspartame) or Splenda (sucralose)? See the question up above.

3. Do you chew gum to help your ears pop on a flight? (Obviously, this is for airplanes, not cars or buses or trains, unless you happen to be on one that flies.) The few times I’ve flown I’ve never needed gum. I don’t chew gum that much no matter what.

So, there you go.

Well, by Jiminy, if New Orleans can have Mardi Gras…

…then the intervention in regular Possumblogging caused by me having to tend to my paid work shouldn’t stop us from producing yet another installment of America’s Favorite Weekday Internet Time-Waster, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

As you all know, lately it has become my custom to rely upon the kindness of strangers to supply questions for the T-3, and this week’s no exception. Thankfully, given that the amount of time I have this week to devote to such diversions is small, the questions are of the short, sweet, and simple variety. (And no, I do not believe this has anything to do with their author.)

SO THEN, let’s get on with the parade! The questions are these:

1. Whatcha reading?
2. …Listening to?
3. …Watching?

AND, in one of the biggest surprises of all, A BONUS QUESTION— Whatcha cooking?

Since our questionist didn’t specify, I figure you can be as literal or figurative as you want to be when it comes to defining things like time and material. Right now you’re reading this, right? Well, if you want to put that down, go ahead. Cooking up a big batch of manatee lasagna in a couple of weeks? Same deal.

Just leave your answers in the comments below or a link to your site and we’ll all come over and see what’s there.

NOW THEN, for my answers--

1. Reading? What’s that!?

Hee-hee. I’m so funny.

ANYwho, I’ve got a couple in the hopper at the house that I manage to read a bit of each night. I just finished one book I got for Christmas, Military History's Top 10 Lists--Great Commanders, Improbable Victories, Unlikely Heroes, and Other Martial Oddities by M. Evan Brooks. It was a jaunty, breezy ride through history, and although the real heavy lifting of the book is in coming up with the categories and possible “nominees� (for lack of a better word), the write-ups rely a bit heavily on excerpts of other author’s works. The author obviously has to know his stuff to be able to sift through all the lists and make comparisons, but I think I would have liked to have heard more of his voice in it.

One that I started at the same time as that one is one that I am in the middle of right now--World War II--4,139 Strange and Fascinating Facts by Don McCombs and Fred L. Worth. It’s basically an encyclopedia, which means great width, but not a lot of depth. It also seems very dated, even though it was published only about 11 years ago. There are some real corkers in there that would bear a bit more research before passing them along. What’s most interesting is the number of famous Hollywood actors who served during World War II, and not just in the “boosting morale� role. I can’t remember them all right off hand, but it would be nice if we had more folks in Hollywood like Jimmy Stewart or Charles Durning.

The other one I’ve got beside the bed is one I’ve barely gotten past the first couple of chapters on, but it is very informative. It’s Last Battle: The Mayaguez, the Lost Fire Team, and the End of the Vietnam War by Ralph Wetterham.

2. Listening to? Well, I signed up for that Yahoo! Launchcast gadget, where you can pick several artists and have your own little desktop radio station. I suppose there are other things out there that are easier to use or with fewer interruptions, but it’s pretty good for background noise. You get to pick several artists, and then they add in more that are supposedly related to your picks. Right now, it’s playing Loretta Lynn’s “Fist City.� I assume this is because in amongst all the baroque late-‘70s pothead/redneck/boogie rock bands I chose, I also picked The Dillards and Bill Monroe as two of my choices. (HEY! “Mule Skinner Blues� just came on! Wheee!) I suppose if I knew more about downloading music I would do that, but this is a lot easier, and it’s blessedly free of Eminem.

3. Watching? Well, there’s basically only four things on teevee right now--24, American Idol, The Office, and My Name Is Earl. I also enjoy watching reruns of the same 11 episodes of Fawlty Towers on Saturdays. I have a bunch of movies that I got for Christmas that I still have not watched.

4. Cooking? Nothing of note--last weekend’s rainy-day meat incineration duties have been about the extent of it lately.

Speaking of incineration, my lovely bride brought home a bunch of meaty shish kebob things Tuesday night, and yes, you guessed it, decided to use the oven broiler to cook them. And yes, as she always does, filled the house with acrid smoke. And the lovely screech of smoke alarms. ::sigh:: Why? I suggested after the fifth or sixth time I had to get up and open up the garage door that maybe we should consider baking stuff like this instead of broiling it. “Well, I HAVE the oven on BAKE!� I looked over there, and sure enough, the little dial was set to “Bake.� And the temperature all the way up to 500º. “Hmm. Well, maybe it’s the temperature, then--possibly we could turn it down to 350 or so--you know, like regular baking temperature.�

Yes, I know, I’m a moron to suggest it.

Anyway, there you go.

Thursday Three Emergency Broadcast Network

Although I was able to escape the deep dark depths after I got thrown into a well yesterday, I still don’t have time to play with anyone or anything today, so I would like to thank Long Island’s own Skinnydan for today’s questions for the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three.

Although they might seem awfully reminiscent of the Thursday Three from October 6, 2005, they are completely new and fresh, so let’s go ahead and plunge right in, shall we? YES! WE SHALL!

1) Are you the sort of person that's always late, always early, always right on time?

2) Is that true all the time, or are there things that will make you change your normal patterns (e.g. you're always early, but get to the dentist late)?

3) How good are your time management skills? Do you know exactly how much time you have, or do you look up at the clock & realize three hours have somehow disappeared?

Okay, all of you post either your answers in the comments below, or a link back to your blog. Me? I can’t get rid of K-Fed, and he really needs a bath and a shave.

BUT, here are my answers anyway!

1. Before I got married, I was usually always early to everything, usually by a half hour or more. Now that I’m married with four kids who seem to have no concept of time, being on time to anything requires Herculean effort. We usually manage to be (barely) on time for most things, but at extreme detriment to my blood pressure and fragile mental state.

2. No, there’s usually nothing that seems to trigger more lateness than anything else.

3. Most of the time, I know about what time it is and how much time I have left for the tasks I'm working on before I have to move on to something else. Not that it helps any.

So, there you go--now, I got work to do!

T3 In Jeopardy?

Timmy Lee Pewitte
2/22/06

WEEVIL JUNCTION, AL (WNN)--Could the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three be imperiled by unseen forces seeking to eliminate it from the Internet?

Informed sources have stated that due to an increase in what is being termed "work-related" activity by the editor of the feature (sometimes called the "T-3," or the "jeudi trois," and occasionally, "Lorene"), it is possible that the long-running diversion may have to be cancelled for February 23.

Touted by many as America's best online question answering game, hundreds, and possibly even dozens of people, have expressed concern as well as shock, and occasionally irritation, with some indifference, and in some areas of the world, passing disdain, when confronted by the potential shutdown of service.

Mrs. Loujeanne Jones, 49, Godly Hollow, AL, expressed concern when told of the imminent outage, and asked why this reporter was on her front porch, looking, in her words, "so sexy."

After an arduous and time-consuming interview session, during which no alcoholic beverages were consumed, attempts were made to contact a spokesman for the Axis of Weevil or of the Possumblog Literary Consortium, LLC, co-producers of the Thursday Three.

Mr. Chester A. Clabbernaught, Deputy Assistant Vice Chairman for Electronic Mail Distribution, 117, of Cloode's Bend, AL, was asked for comment while attempting to exit via a back door of the editorial offices, located at Suite B, Pinchgut Industrial Park.

Feigning death, Mr. Clabbernaught requested emergency personnel be dispatched to his aid.

Upon arrival of an ambulance approximately forty-five minutes later, he was loaded into the vehicle and taken to the hospital. He offered no comment.

Although several persons could be seen behind the windows of the facility attempting to view the tumult in the parking lot, none would answer repeated knocks at the door.

Telephone calls to the office were not answered, except in one instance when what sounded to be a man answered.

Asked for comment about the potentially drastic consequences of not publishing a Thursday Three, he stated, in English, that he did not speak English, and for this reporter to please leave.

Attempts were again made to contact the office, until suddenly a door opened and a crudely scrawled cartoon of a certain prophet of a well-known religion of peace was thrown at this reporter.

Sensing the possibility of imminent terrible danger, this reporter bravely fled the scene in order to keep anything bad from happening to innocent property or bystanders.

Without being able to rely upon first hand knowledge, it is possible to offer only wild speculatation as to the possible reasons behind this sudden turn of events.

Although uncorroborated, it is felt to be safe to assume that the editorial staff of the Thursday Three has been captured and thrown down a well by aliens from another planet, or by Kevin Federline, possibly in order to finance a rap album by attempting to collect ransom money, or as a way of satiating an appetite for human flesh.

As is typical with the secretive Bush Administration in Washington, attempts to reach the State Department were unsuccessful. Being that the State Department refuses to deny this version of events, it can only be concluded it is true.

At press time, it is unknown whether or not the Thursday Three staff can be rescued from the well, or if the aliens or Kevin Federline have other hostile intentions.

UPDATE! 3:49 p.m. CT

Timmy Lee Pewitte
2/22/06

WEEVIL JUNCTION, AL (WNN)--In a surprise move, the recent non-production scare for the scheduled "Axis of Weevil Thursday Three" seems to have been diverted though the clever use of a "back up plan."

A person close to the situation, known only as "Skinnydan," revealed that he has supplied the Possumblog Information Directorate with three high-quality questions for use tomorrow.

Using supersecret textual information and technology developed by the Israeli Mossad, this skinny "Dan" person was able to travel back in time and deliver into the mail system of the shadowy Axis of Weevil a set of questions that he guarantees will maintain the ultra-high level of gameplay offered in previous Thursday Threes.

Reached for comment, Mrs. Loujeanne Jones, 43, Godly Hollow, AL, expressed relief that the activities planned for tomorrow seem to have been resolved to the satisfaction of many.

After further intensive interviewing, in which no flash photography was used, Mrs. Jones allowed this reporter to continue his investigation.

At this time, it appears that either the aliens or Mr. Spears will release the editorial staff from the well, although there has as yet still been no confirmation from either the Department of Defense or from any other person employed by the federal government regarding whether or not their previously stated demands for ransom or sweet, juicy flesh have been satisfied.

The thrill of victory…

…the agony of the Thursday Three!

In keeping with the current spectacle before our eyes, of the world gathering to compete against one another in specially modified Ford Torinos, we bring you yet another installment of the World’s Finest Sport, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, Olympic Version!

Our questions were proferred this week by famed academician and ice skating judge, Jim Smith, who wonders the following:

1. Do you even watch the Winter Olympics?

2. What is your most memorable Winter Olympic moment?

3. Which Winter Olympic sport would you most like to try?

As always, anyone who passes the drug test may participate in the T3, and in keeping with REAL sports, there will be NO style points. You will be judged purely on objective criteria such as speed, strength, and how nice you look in a Spandex body suit.

ON THEN, NOBLE COMPETITORS! Leave your answers in the comments below, or a link to the answers as performed on your own blog.

As for my answers:

1. Yes, I do. I haven’t watched as much this year as I have some years, but I have watched a few minutes of speed skating, and the luge, and some of the downhill, and a little of the snowboarding. And for whatever reason, since NBC will NOT leave curling alone, I have been forced to see that, as well.

They won’t cover women’s biathlon worth anything (which, as I have noted in the past combines the best elements of sport--guns, muscular Nordic women, and a profound absence of Scott Hamilton) but, by golly, we have curling all over the place. I think it’s because of the absolutely silly nature of it--it’s a lot like the coverage ABC used to give to race walking in the Summer Games. It’s just weird to see such intense devotion to something so totally useless.

You know, kinda like blogging.

2. Most memorable? Oh, I suppose the same thing that everyone else remembers--the savage beat-down Sonja Henie delivered to Dick Button just prior to the ’48 Games in St. Moritz. Absolutely horrid, yet he still went on to win the gold. That takes real guts, you know.

3. Well, skiing just scares the bejabbers out of me when I watch it. For some reason, though, the luge looks like a lot of fun, even though it’s probably just as dangerous. Especially for a large man. Probably curling is more my speed. Or blogging.

So, there you go.

“Awww, she’s a brick howwwz…�

Yes, once more that music means it’s time for America’s Most Popular Internet Game, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, which is almost like the more aged Friday Five, excepting that it is on a Thursday, and we only have three questions.

LIKE THE ONES WE HAVE TODAY, furnished to us by famed back deck carpenter Jimbo Smith, PhD (Posthole Digger), who decided we should concentrate this week upon the king of the fine arts, the noble craft of architecture, specifically as applied to those structures built by taxpayers.

Each of you put on your hardhat and think about the following questions:

1. In your own hometown, what is the best public building?
2. Again, thinking of where you live, what is the worst public building?
3. And finally, either in your own hometown or just in general, what do you consider the best modern public building? (For the sake of argument, let’s let “modern� mean anything done since 1962, and not necessarily tied to the Modern style. Purely arbitrary, I know.)

Now then, think hard and either leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your answers on your blog. Remember, anyone can play along, even if you don’t pay taxes.

As for my answers…

1) Okay, I suppose I have to choose whether I want to consider where I actually live, or whether to take hometown a bit more liberally and apply it to the whole metro area. Seeing as how all the buildings I think are worth anything are downtown where I work, I suppose you know how this will turn out.

ANYway, I must first point all of you to “Birmingham Design,� Randy Sandford’s excellent site that is chock full of great pictures of Birmingham and its suburbs. Of special note is his page on downtown buildings, which can be found here, and includes four buildings I think are quite noteworthy for their stately presence and architectiness. (The linked pictures are his, by the way, and they are his copyright.)

The first building that popped in my mind when I read the question is the Robert Vance Federal courthouse building over on 5th Avenue. I’ve never been inside of it, but I enjoy the fine old thing’s skin greatly. It looks the way a courthouse should look.

As does the county courthouse, that sits across from where I work. Where the Fed spreads out, the county building piles itself up, but both are quite stern and serious as befits a people who had a stern and serious outlook on the sanctity of law.

Coming in third is a similar hall of government, my own little pile of stone where I work. This place was built in 1950, and for all the abuse it’s had in the intervening 56 years, it still looks pretty good. The annex looks like crap, however, and mainly because it was built when no one cared about buildings lasting for eternity.

Finally, another one across the park that always makes me feel good is the Linn-Henley research library, which was formerly the Birmingham main library. I love that building. Looks, smells, acts, and I suppose tastes the way a library should.

2) Worst? There are so many. Having been to the Social Security building where Stan the Gummint Man works, I would have to say it ranks right up there as a very ungood place. (Sorry, couldn't find a photo.) And just about any post office is a hellhole back behind the customer lobby, and I say this as someone who’s designed a few. The USPS has a thick book of hellhole standards that must be met, and frankly, given the oppressive suspicion attached to anyone and anything that touches the mail, it’s no wonder “postal� entered the lexicon as an adjective, rather than a noun describing the carrying of messages to and fro.

3) Best public building since ‘62, huh? Sorry, I got nuthin’. I suppose there must be something out there, but most large public buildings built in the '60s were too cramped and "functional," the stuff from the '70s was just cheap, from the '80s was too faddish, and from the '90s has been too dependent on the name of the architect.

So, there you go.

No, really--I really am kinda dense!

Another Thursday, and another Thursday in which I completely forgot about the most unforgettable, most fun, most engaging and stimulating activity ever to hit the Internets, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

SO, bear with me as I compose something on the fly this morning. Usually in these cases, the questions turn out to be something of a smorgasbord with no central theme. (When I take time and think them up ahead of time, they are usually a smorgasbord with no central theme AND are boring.)

Here's one--our local early morning news shows are constantly doing stuff to try to get an extra viewer or two to tune in on a regular basis. As you know, I wrote one of them off after they dumped the star of the Wendy Garner Show, and so I've been wandering around trying to figure out what to watch now. Kenny Smith gave a hint last week that things might be changing over on Channel 6, and sure enough, it's ("it" being Good Day, Alabama) running from 5-9 (!) every morning now, and the two anchors who can actually read a teleprompter and who actually seem to be awake are now there from start to finish. Still not quite what I'd like to see, though.

Which leads to our first question:

1. What sort of early morning television show do you usually watch?

And the second:

2. If you had your way and could create your very own show, what type of morning television show would you produce?

And the third is somewhat related:

3. What sort of television programming at a local level do you think needs to be improved?

There you are, question fans! Take a moment to leave your comments below or a link to your blog, and remember the famous words of Les Nessman, "Good day, and may the good news be yours!"

As for my answers...

1. Well, I switch back and forth between all the local stations, all of which carry some type of early morning pseudo-Today show type broadcast. I also stop in on the PBS station, which in the mornings runs some kind of adult social education program hosted by some weirdo with an English accent. He reminds me of Vincent Price, sorta. IN any event, none of them really engage me--as with most local media, they rely heavily on the sort of filler stories that I sometimes link to, but by the time they use them on air, they might be weeks old. I mean, come on! Passing along stuff that wasn't really that humorous two weeks ago that I might note simply because it was stupid, seems like not the best use of a television station's resources.

2. I think it would be great to bring back the Country Boy Eddie Show. For those of you who don't know, this was an early morning country-western music show/farm report/talent contest/variety show that Channel 6 ran for years and years--since the dawn of television until it was no longer cool to have local people on local television talking about local things--ESPECIALLY if these local things happened to deal with hardware and feed stores. But doggone it, it was actually entertaining, if a little hokey. It wouldn't necessarily have to be country-western, but something of an early morning variety show with some heavy emphasis on local news and weather and maybe some traffic reports thrown in would be something I'd watch.

3. I think there needs to be more kids programs--and NOT an endless stream of that stupid Japanimation crap. I'm talking about shows like the old Sergeant Jack or Cousin Cliff shows that used to come on here, and everywhere, for that matter. The concept for those two shows was the same as any of the vast range of Howdy Doody Show copies: low budget, genial host, bleachers full of kids, cartoons and puppets and special guests, and ice cream. I think it could still work. And yes, I am volunteering to take over and become Captain Possumroo.

SO, there you go.

(By the way, one of the best resources for the way television was in Birmingham is this site called Birmingham Rewound.)

I MUST PROTEST!

Silly old work, among other things. But that’s okay, because it DOES give me a nice little hook for this week’s Protest Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

The questions this week have been sent from that hotbed of campus protest, East Carolina U, by one of those agitating academics, Dr. Jim.

For some reason, Jimbo seemed to have been in a cranky mood last week when he sent these in. I hope for the sake of the contest, he’s still cranky. Or that all of you are. Or were at some time in your checkered past.

ANYway, enough of that. Take a moment and answer these three questions:

1. Have you ever been involved in a protest?
2. Have you been an active member of a political party and campaign?
3. What was the big movement of your generation?

SO, either leave a comment below OR a link to the answers on your blog. That is, if you dare, given the chilling winds of Rovian dissent-stifling that has cloaked our nation in a wet, smelly blanket of fear and trepidation brought on by the reckless cowboy imperialism of King Chimpy McHitlerburton. (Thankfully, I do have some organic aluminum foil available if you’d like to make yourself a mind control ray deflector for your head.) ANYway, answer those, and let’s see what’s what.

AS FOR MY ANSWERS…

1. Not really, although there was an incident in junior high school of juvenile prankitude involving the posting of a posterboard placard in a hallway; an incident that some think I was involved in. Thankfully, as Americans we all know now that such allegations are meaningless unless one can adequately define the word “is.� Likewise, it should be obvious that the various tenses of “is,� such as “was� are also included in this understanding.

Aside from being, or not being, involved in this, there was also the time that I was at Auburn where we had an “edible architecture� contest, involving the creation of building-looking things out of graham crackers and marshmallows and spaghetti and peanut butter. Some of my fellow mush-headed classmates determined such a waste of food was untenable, and circulated a petition decrying this mindless frivolity at a time when the roads and byways of America were choked with the desiccated bodies of victims of Reaganomics. Obviously, I signed the petition, because I was asked to by a girl-type classmate who was put together better than anything in my architecture textbooks. And then proceeded to participate in the contest along with the rest of the folks on my team. I suppose the fact that we did not win should be taken as punishment for being so shallow. Or possibly an indictment of college architecture professors who are so isolated from reality that they don’t know GOOD edible architecture when it’s right before their eyes.

2. Nope. I distrust political parties, although I don’t mind giving my opinion when one of them or their members messes up, or, for that matter, does a good thing.

3. My generation? I think it was whether the Stones had become too disco to still be considered a rock band. That, and the idea that reckless cowboy imperialism can be quite fun. ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

OH, and by the way--Sarah G wins the pool for closest time, being that she was the only one to put down a time. Her guess was 11:35, and the actual time of posting was 11:55:31 CT. Which is pretty close, I'd say. The only problem? Just as I was posting this, MuNu had some kind of conniption fit and went Tango Uniform, so no one can read Possumblog or any of the other fine Munuvians.

Oh well.

In any event, Sarah will be receiving the Possumblog--Home Version board game, with the special commemorative box art and genuine pewter playing pieces.

It's all part of that unpredictability thing.

Yeah, that's it! How better to explain the fact that you probably just now got here wanting to enjoy a fun round of the Thursday Three, and it's not here. Unpredictable, huh!?

Well, there's that, and the fact that I didn't quite get to finish preparing it yesterday because I had my dental appointment. And this morning I have to stuff envelopes. Meaning that there will be a slight delay in satisfying your craving for answering three questions on a Thursday. BUT KEEP CHECKING BACK! It will be up, I just can't predict the exact time.

HEY! Maybe we could have a pool--closest person to the actual time wins a valuable prize!

Good Thursday Morning, Everyone!

It being THURSDAY, you’re probably all excited about participating in another exciting and edutaining round of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, right?

Well, it’s a good thing YOU’RE excited, because these questions have been designed to suck all the exhilaration right out of the entire Internets!

To get right to it, then: Think about where you work, whether it’s in an office or factory or your own home, and tell us--

1) What sorts of activities that you have to do in your normal everyday life that are so mind-numbingly boring that you could just scream, if you cared enough?

2) Although you might think YOUR boring thing is the most boringestest thing of all, what do you see OTHER people doing around your workplace that causes you to think maybe you don’t have it quite so bad after all?

3) Conversely, what sorts of things do you see other people getting to do in their daily tasks that you think would be SO COOL if you could do them?

Now then, either leave your answers below in the comments, OR answer them on your online personal journal, which some people call a “web log,� or “blog� for short.

That is, if you aren’t too bored by the whole exercise, that is.

Now then, since I have the urge, my answers:

1) We have a software system that tracks building permits, and for stuff in certain areas of town, it has a place for our little division to sign off. If it’s exterior work, we have to put a hold on the permit for further review; if it’s interior (gas lines, plumbing, carpentry, furnishings, etc.), we don’t. It would have been nice if the people who set the program up had made a tiny check box for the plans-intake person to click so that interior stuff wouldn’t automatically get routed to us, but they wouldn’t. So, a big chunk of my time is wasted on typing in meaningless APPV indicators in little boxes, and then a blurb that says it doesn’t need further review. It wouldn’t be so bad if everyone else would check the system and see when stuff pops up (since everyone in my little corner has the exact same program and ability to sign off on things) but I’m the only one who ever takes it upon him- or herself to keep it up to date.

2) Well, I sure wouldn’t want to have to be one of the car tag issuing persons over at the courthouse. I also wouldn’t want to be the security guard at the desk down in the basement in our building.

3) Unfortunately, there are no really cool jobs in this building that I would really like to do. On the outside, I’ve always thought it would be fun to have my own bookstore, or diner, or garage, or fine art gallery. Really. And you know, I just got to thinking about it--it would probably be fun to have all four of those all wrapped up into one. Of course, the Barber Motorsports Park is just about that, except on an exceptionally expensive scale.

So, there you go.

HEY! I remembered to bring my new calendar today!

But, I forgot it was Thursday. Which means today’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three will start the New Year off in tepid fashion with a Slapdashed-Together Edition of America’s Favorite Online Questionnaire!

Scrounging around through my desk drawer and underneath the file cabinet, I found some vowels and consonants, which I have skillfully assembled using a nearly dried-out glue stick and a twist tie to come up with these questions. We ask that you use caution as you answer them, because the glue isn’t really sticking things together all that well.

ANYway, here we go:

1) What is the most important thing you ever forgot to do?

2) Do you try to keep yourself organized through a routine so you don’t have to rely so much on remembering things, or do you follow a more open approach based on what you want to get done during the day and try to actually think things through?

3) What do you have the most trouble remembering--people’s names, how to get places, or important dates?

Okeedoke--all of you go off and answer! Either leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog post.

As for my answers--

1) Thankfully, I haven’t devolved to the point where I forget REALLY important things. Life-and-death, job-related things I can still pretty much keep together. There have been meetings I have forgotten about, and minor details left undone, and occasional bills left unpaid, and I sometimes get sidetracked and forget to order material for the classes at church, but nothing that causes real headaches. Probably the worst thing I ever forgot to do was to remember that frozen biscuit dough should never be separated with a knife.

2) I have a slim routine, mainly because I do have such a fit with minor memory lapses. I keep telling myself that if I really, REALLY think hard about what I have to do and do it out of necessity rather than rote, it will keep me from becoming too familiar with a routine, which I think makes it harder to react in a timely manner to important stuff. That might not be right, but it seems to work okay for me on keeping the big stuff working. Minor details that might be covered if I had a more rigorous routine (writing thank-you notes, remembering names) would get done better, but my life is so full of last minute changes that I figure it’s better to let some of the smaller things go in favor of keeping the bigger ones herded in the right direction.

3) Names are probably the worst, and it goes back to #2--in the greater scheme of things, it’s a detail that just gets left off the list. I remember the people themselves, and what they do, and where I know them from, but it takes me a while before I can accurately remember their names. And yes, I know all the mnemonic tricks you’re supposed to use to do this, but I guess I figure if I eventually get it, it’s okay. Dates are another thing that I don’t do all that well with--anniversary, yes. Reba’s birthday, yes. My birthday, yes. Important dates in history, yes. Everything else, including kids’ birthdays, my mom’s or sister’s birthdays, not so well.

So, there you go.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Looking into the future, I see that I will be absent Thursday next, meaning that if anyone wants there to be a Thursday Three, you might better be volunteering now to host it, or volunteering someone else to host it, or there will be NO THURSDAY THREE! Which would be terrible!

Or not.

Anyway, if you are, or you know someone who is interested in having everyone come over and play, say so down in the comments so we can make sure this is in place and ready to go on schedule.

OR, we could just give it a rest until next year.

Ahhh--the raspy-voices brought on by the icy cold blasts of Arctic air

--the annoying high-pitched jangle of Rankin-Bass sleigh bells, the twinkling lights--it can mean only one thing, you know.

That’s right!

It’s the Second Annual Axis of Weevil Ramahannuchristmakwanzavus Thursday Three!

Yippee.

We understand that there are several different types of highly competitive holiday celebrations ongoing at this time of year, so we expect you all to behave and be nice to each other's religious and/or non-religious proclivities and not make the Animated Swingin’ Singin’ Santa Lite-Up Guest Greeter cry. Or Santa Monica, for that matter.

Remember, anyone (theoretically) can play along, and if you don’t do any celebrating of any sort, it’s okay. Just make something up and no one will be any wiser. Just leave your answers neatly gift-wrapped in the comment section below, or leave a link to your blog so we can all come by and oooo-and-ahhhh at your inventiveness.

Anyway, on to the questions, which were once again provided by our favorite East Carolinian, Jim Smith (not an alias, by the way), just like they were last year.

They are this:

1. Are you an early bird in the prep for the holidays, and if so, how early do you start?

2. If you decorate your house, when do the decorations go up, and what are they?

Now, this one is something of a repeat from last year, so you have the option of rewrapping it and giving it to someone else if you don’t want it. Also, it pertains more to those who celebrate gift-giving holidays (i.e., not Festivus), so if you don’t give people stuff, you might just have to come up with another question more suited to your situation, such as, “What is your least favorite Feat of Strength?� Anyway:

3. Do you go out of your way to find special, well-thought-out presents, or are you so harried and confused that gift cards make more sense?

Okeedoke--all of you take a big gulp of cheer and go answer the questions and report back to us on what you have to say. As for my answers…

1. My wife is--she shops and squirrels away packages all year long. I, on the other hand, am easily distracted by squirrels, and so wind up close to Christmas without having done all the thoughtful and tender and loving considerations I should have done. I try to start shopping in December for Reba, but am very often late in getting started. Like this year. I have her a few small things from the kids, but not the big, “Make Her Go ‘Awwww’� present. Then again, it’s only the 22nd, and Christmas is still a full two days away. Next year, I will do better, I promise.

2. We don’t do THAT much decorating, but even with the little bit we do, it’s still something of a last-minute thing. Usually the tree goes up during Thanksgiving--never any earlier. This year we didn’t get all the decorations out, and we STILL don’t have up the few small things I did get out. I blame the ACLU. We put up stockings, and usually some small single white-bulb electric faux candles in the windows, and a wreath on the front door, and a little light-up tree on the sewing machine table in the foyer, and sometimes put itchy plastic garland on the handrails of the stairs, and maybe a wreath on the landing, and the kids usually put up decorative doorknob doohickeys all over the house. And, of course, there's the giant poster of me in red swim trunks and a Santa hat.

Not really.

3. Since Reba does most of the shopping for friends and family, we come off as being one of those highly thoughtful and considerate gift-giving sorts of families. Were it left up to me, people would probably be highly disappointed in their $5 gift cards to the Dollar Tree. I’m glad I have Miss Reba.

Ah-ah-ahhh…not yet you don’t!

We’ve still got a good week left before even CONSIDERING doing an All Holy Day Version--this week, you’re just gonna have to WAIT. Or, you know, participate in today’s rendition of the game that’s sweeping the nation, the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, Unbearable Anticipation Edition!

Huzzah!

As is the custom, we will ask you three probing and insightful questions (or three just-regular questions) and you will either answer them in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog so we can run thither and gape at your answers there.

SO, what sort of questions today?

Well, as we noted, this is all about the thrill of waiting, so--

1) Have you ever camped out overnight to be able to purchase something? If so, what was it?

2) If your service in a restaurant has been abysmally slow because of the waiter, do you withhold a tip from the waiter, leave a penny or two for spite, leave something a bit smaller than a 15% tip, or go ahead and tip 15% or more just so if you come in again in the future, the waiter won’t spit in your food if he remembers you?

3) Do you ever listen to “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!� on NPR?

Now! Run away and answer the questions as quickly as you possibly can without delay! First one up gets a free autographed picture* of Ralph Waite!

*Autograph not included. Subject to all copyright restrictions.

NOW THEN, for my answers, wait no more!

1) No, of course not. Even when I was young, I didn’t do stuff like that, and I can’t imagine any reason to do it now. I just don't understand the urge to stand in line for something, especially for toys or stuff like that that are supposed to be hot items. Especially those people who wait in the hot sun or freezing cold.

2) I don’t tip for bad service. I’ve heard the arguments some people have for leaving at least 10% or so, even if you get bad service, but I remain unpersuaded that it’s good to reward bad service. On the other hand, I won’t leave a spite tip, either. For good service, I’m a waiter’s dream--I’ll tip well and mention to the manager if I’ve had good service.

3) Yeah, sometimes, but only if P.J. O’Rourke is on the panel. Most of the time it’s just too twee and baselessly smug for its own good.

So, there you go--and just WAIT ‘til next week!!

I know I promised…

But it’s still just a wee bit too early for the Christmannukazaastivu3Kingsdastice (and Boxing Day!) Version of the Thursday Three. SO, instead of that, we’ll offer up something ENTIRELY unrelated to anything remotely dealing with the high holydays, or shopping, in order to bring you the Non-Sequitur Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

1. What do you think is going to be the next big fad in blogging?

2. Have you ever stolen anything?

3. What is your favorite fish recipe?

Now then, as is always the case, anyone may play along with the quiz, even if you lived or traveled in the Congo between the years 1978 and 1990, or if you are prone to vertigo or peripheral hallucinations. Just leave your answers in the comments below, or a link back to your blog so we can all come look at your answers in person.

AS FOR MY ANSWERS--

1. I think probably what we’re already seeing--a big consolidation. It’s a bit like the car industry around the first part of the 20th Century--a huge amount of small players. Most were gone within a year, even if they might have been just as good, or better, even, than the ones who survived. But just like all those local, built-in-a-foundry cars died off, I think we’re starting to see the same in blogging. The medium is no longer just a playtoy (as were those newfangledy autoMObeels when they were new), but is now being seen by regular consumers as a viable information source.

Just as the Big Three were built from a variety of small, single-marque makers and suppliers, by the end of 2006 you’re going to see a lot fewer “mainstream� blogs, but their traffic will be much higher, and they’ll be more of a group effort by many people. (You know, sorta like a newspaper--whatever those were.)

Of course, there are some, like yours truly, who seem destined to become the Morgans of the marketplace--an oddball vehicle full of richly-crafted ash wood and leather, and hopelessly antiquated even by the standard of when the technology was relatively new. But, oh! So stylishly pointless!

2. Yes.

3. It’s been a long time since I’ve been there, but the Italian Villa in Irondale used to have the best stuffed flounder I’ve ever had. And you Birmingham old-timers will remember the trout almondine at the Ensley Grill.

Boy, am I hungry.

(Oh, and I realize those aren't actually the recipes themselves, just the name of the dish. I looked, but couldn't find anything like the recipie for the stuffed flounder, and the trout almondine is a relatively simple thing. I suppose you could just experiment and come up with something similar.)

Work?

NEVER!

Unless, of course, you're talking about the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, which today takes up everyone's favorite topic, gainful employment!

Now, since your humble host has been so very busily engaged in just such an undertaking (i.e., remunerative activities), he has had precious little time to cogitate properly upon a fitting and proper set of questions. HOWEVER, we do have the ability to rely upon famed government contractor Larry Anderson from Kudzu Acres, who has graciously blessed us with the following:

If all jobs paid the same and education and training were not an issue,

1) What job would you most want to have?

2) What job would you wish on your least favorite politician?

3) Where would each of the jobs above be located?

As is the usual case, each of you please place your answers in the comments below or leave a link to your blog. Remember, too, that the competition is open to everyone, even if you've never worked an honest day in your life.

SO, get to work!

As for my answers...

1) I have always thought it would be fun to a historical research type person, sorta like the weird goofballs on that PBS show. I really cannot stand those people, nor the show--it's tediously p.c., relies far too much on contrived situations, and just annoys me--but I would like to do the actual legwork and research and travelling to interesting places and stuff. Even the endless microfilm viewing.

2) Well, let's see--there's my usual troika of detestables--Kennedy, Pelosi, and Reid. I suppose being Hell's only boiler-stokers or being Michael Moore's bellybutton lint pickers would be a bit much, so maybe since they seem to think I need to pay more taxes, I'd gladly swap jobs, and paychecks, with them.

3) Since none of these really rely too much on geography (aside from Hell), I guess I would like to be closer to the coast. Really. Even with the hurricanes.

So, there you go.

Thursday Three!?

Not today, bucko!

Since none of you should be hanging around a computer tomorrow TODAY we're going to have a make-do diversion with a Weevilicious Wednesday One, to whit:

Name ONE traditional Thanksgiving food that you would be satisfied to NEVER EVER eat again!

As is always the case with these competitions, we ask you to either leave your answer in the comments below or a link to your blog, so we can all come over to your place and sit around in a sleepy daze on the couch with our pants unbuttoned.

Everyone can play, even if you're some kinda heathern and don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

AS FOR MY ANSWER--

Giblet gravy. My mother in law, God love her, makes giblet gravy every year. I cannot tell you how nauseated the sight of lumps of liver and heart and lights and boiled eggs in a rich brown gravy makes me. The sight, the smell--simply overwhelming. I love gravy, don't get me wrong, but I can do without all the sweetbreads. I like meat meat, not organ meat.

It took many years, but now she will set aside for me a little bit of gravy sans offal.

AND, although I didn't ask for TWO choices, if I had a second choice it would be cranberry sauce. I used to love it, but I just don't care for it anymore. I don't know if it's the flavor, which isn't really that bad, or the texture, which isn't really that bad, or if it's the slimy gloppy nature of it when it comes easing out of the can with all of the ridges and rings intact and plops onto a plate that seems to suggest not so much a gelled fruit condiment, but rather a slice from a giant dark earthworm.

Thursday?! THREE!

Once more, it’s time to put on your thinking caps and see what there is to find out about you. Today’s set of questions were inspired by Chef Tony, who gave us an insight a couple of days back about the type of house he’d like to build for himself if he suddenly became Croesus, Midas, and Bill Gates all rolled into one.

In that theme, then, answer for us these three questions:

1) If you had an unlimited amount of money, what sort of house would you like to have?

2) If you decided to chunk it and go the full Thoreau route, what sort of hovel would you like to have?

3) What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the house or apartment you live in right now?

There you go! In addition to your thinking caps, strap on that tool belt and get to work coming up with your answers. Remember, though--be safe and please don't forget to wear your safety goggles. As is the usual case, anyone in the entire world may play along--just leave a link to your blog in the comments, or if you’ve not managed to get your blog constructed yet, just leave your answers there.

AS for my answers…

1) I would buy the Gamble House in Pasadena. I find it one of the most intensely beautiful and sublime dwellings ever created.

2) Well, actually, I would really like to have an antique steam tugboat that I would live on and chug up and down the Intracoastal Waterway. Or maybe on Smith Lake.

3) We need another bedroom in order to keep the peace. I think we’ve decided to stay put (maybe) and add on to Boy’s room to give him a bit more space, and the area underneath where the patio is now will be enclosed and made into a fifth bedroom. Sometime in this process, I will go stark raving mad and be sent to the mental hospital.

SO, there you go!

Never being ones to let a mere trifle such as WORK stand in the way of a good time…

We herewith bring forth yet another round of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

And entirely appropriate to the occasion, given the amount of stuff I have to do, it this week's questions are both supplied by our intrepid University Research Cadre AND deal with work! Hard to beat that, my friends.

SO, to get right into it:

1. What is the thing you like best about your job?

2. What one thing--mind you THING (i.e., not people)--that you would like most to change about your job?

3. What do you wish people knew about your job that you think they don’t?

Now, just because you don’t get a paycheck DOESN’T mean you can’t play along--working at home with kids is just as much a job as coming to work in a dead gray civil-service job of never-ending meaninglessness.

Not that I know anyone with a job like that.

Also, don’t get yourself into trouble by being more forthcoming than you should if you think it might get back to Those In Charge. Other than that, feel free to play along by leaving your answers in the comments below, OR by leaving a link to the answer on your blog.

NOW THEN--WORK!

As for my answers--

1. Well, there is good pay and good benefits, and it’s inside work, and the odds of being crushed by a steam roller are relatively small, and I get to leave at 5:00, and it’s not particularly onerous, despite my constant complaints.

2. It would be nice to actually be able to do something creative, since that was the original job description, rather than being relegated to brevet assistant trainee to the acting assistant vice-assistant peon. Then again, there is more free time in such a posting.

3. I would like people to know that just because I work in this job doesn’t mean I am a complete idiot. I get along relatively well with the brain I have, and the fact that I don’t rip a new one for certain fair citizens who come in here full of bluster and protestations about how much they pay in taxes is not an indication of mental incapacity. It is merely that I’m being polite.

So there you go.

Well, now, if it’s not time once more for The Day-Before-Friday Three!

Today, since I have to get all practiced up for representing the ‘Stupid-Pointless’ branch of bloggerdom in front of a bunch of computer guys, I thought it might be good to do a little introspection to help me get my thoughts together about the topic. In doing so, I figured you could play along as well.

TO THAT END, we now present this week’s Axis of Weevil Thursday Three--Deeply Ponderful Edition!

Now then, answer the following questions either in your own blog and leave a link in the comments below, or use the comments as your substitute blog in case you don’t have one. As usual, anyone is welcome to play along.

SO--

1) If you have a blog, why did you start it? If you don’t have one, do you think you might start one? Why or why not?

2) What blogs do you read most often?

3) Finally, what do you consider to be the greatest strength(s) and most profound weakness(es) of blogging?

Okay, folks--go forth and cogitate, and tell us what you think.

As for my answers--

1) I started this blog mainly as a way to have an outlet for my thoughts. Simple as that. I enjoy writing, and it was easy to start, and it gave me a way to keep my thoughts ordered and give some structure to the tremendous emotions I felt after September 11. Like so many blogs, I consider this to be a product of that event, even though it was three months afterwards that I started it.

And I like having people read what I write--I don’t do this just for myself, which explains why it’s a public, rather than a private, journal. Maintaining it in the years since I started has been occasionally laborious, but rewarding nonetheless. And as always, I truly do appreciate everyone who has come by over the years, and especially those who have hung around long enough to become my friends.

2) Probably Instapundit and Outside the Beltway--I read just about everyone in the blogroll on most days, but I check these two several times during the day to see what all’s going on.

3) Strengths--immediacy, and the ability to find SOMEone, SOMEwhere, who is an expert on just about any subject. Those two things, when combined with a wide-ranging network of concerned people, create a very powerful information tool.

Weakness--rampant cretinism. When blogging as a means of information exchange was first coming into its own back in 2001, it was much harder to find the slack-jawed wingnut spit-slingers who tended to populate the LAST big thing, Internet forums. It was certainly nice to step out of the troll heavy, sock-puppet infested, flamewar environment--at least for the few months before they all figured out they could be just as stupid, fatuous, illogical, and fallacious in people’s comment sections, or in their own blogs. And they continue to spread, in direct proportion to their numbers in society at large. The only trouble is, they tend to be able to be much more prolific, in that the general population has to work for a living, and the Idiot Class is hardcore unemployable. Except as members of rent-a-protestor mobs.

But the strength of good information--if it is freely available--tends to drown out the less reliable (although screechier and sometimes more numerous) voices of the tinfoil hat crowd. (And yes, the part about "freely available" is a direct shot at anyone who thinks the UN should have control of the Internet.)

So, there you go.

Oh, sure--laugh at the weather guy get blowed away real good…

But don’t tell me YOU’VE never done stuff just as dumb!

Boy, I sure hope you have.

BECAUSE, today just happens to be Thursday, and after a long e-mail exchange with the always engaging, self-proclaimed weather junkie Sarah G., she just happened to hit upon an idea for a certain every-Thursday game we play around here. After witnessing Mr. Al Roker’s foolhardiness and subsequent fall-down-go-boomage during the late passing of Hurricane Wilma, Sarah said: “The Thursday Three should be about the most idiotic things you have done in bad weather.�
NOT BEING ONE TO TURN DOWN A REQUEST FROM A BRUNETTE WITH FOUR CHILDREN--we herewith offer you

The Axis of Weevil “Great Big Moron Against the Elements� Edition of the Thursday Three!

[polite applause]

Now then, we want you to name the THREE most idiotic things you’ve ever done to prove yourself against the forces of Mother Nature. This doesn’t have to be just weather, though, even though Sarah would probably like it that way, but can be any of the forces of Nature--gravity, weather, earthquakes, electromagnetism…

Was it that time you decided to practice being a Acapulcan cliff diver by jumping off the garage when you were 11 years old? Was it the time you ran naked through the dorm parking lot just to prove to your idiot roommate that you could do it in three feet of snow? Was it the hurricane you stood in to get a dramatic shot for television?

Well, whatever they were, either leave your three answers in the comments below, or a link to your blog entry per the subject at hand. Extra points will be rewarded for those instances where you required assistance to extricate yourself from your predicament.

As for my battles…

1. First, gravity. I’ve told this before, but when I was little, around 7 or 8, I had a condition called Legg-Perthes disease in my hip, causing me to either have to wear a leg brace or walk on crutches (this went on from the time I was six until I was nearly 10). Anyway, one day I was in the backyard of our house, and our house had a big hillside right behind it, maybe 10 or 15 feet high, that leveled off to a driveway up above. When I had been younger, I had been able to run down the hill and catch myself against the house.

ON this particular day, I stood there on my little crutches and wistfully remembered running, and got to thinking I could probably still do it. After all, I could get going on a pretty fast clip on level ground. So, I started running down the hill on my crutches.

Badly.

My forward motion caused me to nearly go tumbling head over heels, and I would have made it if I’d had about ten more feet of horizontal space for my crutches to catch up with my body.

As it was, I smashed my face right into the back wall of the house. Which was covered in rough split cedar shakes. Busted my lip open right under my right nostril by hitting it on the hose spigot on the side of the house--and still have a scar there today to prove it.

I didn’t tell my parents what happened until after I was grown, because I was afraid they’d get mad at me.

2. A stupid weather thing I did once was in college when I followed a long line of low-hanging hail and thunderstorms nearly to Tuskegee hoping to see a tornado. One never dropped down, but I am at a loss to explain why I thought I should be doing this, nor what I would have done had one suddenly swooped down.

3. Well, let’s see. Number 3 would probably be another weather thing, namely all those football games in high school we played out in the middle of thunderstorms. That was back before anyone really cared about kids getting struck by lightning.

So, there you go.

I'm going to lunch now.

When I get back, there better be a whole bunch more questions for the Thursday Three, or Larry's gonna get his feeling hurt. Because the whole thing was his idea. Not mine. No way.

“World’s Most Enjoyable Game.�

And the question is, “What are people saying about the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three?�

Yes, it’s time again for the most funnest thing in the entire world, the Thursday Three--this week with an exciting new twist that’ll have everyone talking!

Or not.

Taking the suggestion of one Larry Anderson from Kudzu Acres, Alabama, this week the T-3 will break with its traditional format of asking three probing and insightful questions, and instead will offer three pithy and cogent ANSWERS!

That’s right, this week will be the KARNAK THE MAGNIFICENT Version of the Thursday Three!

SO, donning my satiny, befeathered turban, I will now take this envelope which has been kept in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnall's doorstep and which contains a question (or three, or whatever), hold it to my head, and tell you the three answers that come to me...

--Madeleine Albright

--A 16 ounce framing hammer

--Snowcones

There you have it! Now then, go off and either make up a question that ties all three of those together in a HI-larious way, or just make up three questions that each thing is the answer to. An example might be “Name two things ill-suited to conducting American foreign policy and something you would find in a carpenter’s tool belt.� Just remember, though, unlike the example, hilarity is required! Or suggested. Or not.

IN any case, just leave your questions in the comments section below, or post your questions on your blog and leave a link. I’ll save my question(s) until later, because I have my paying gig to attend to at the moment. Also, so very sorry for the sudden dearth of possuminess yesterday afternoon--apparently the Munu servers blowed up real good again. Maybe they should have hit them with a framing hammer. Or Madeleine Albright.

Youuuuuu oughta be in pictures…

Or maybe even in the single most entertaining diversion in the entire world, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three--Entertainment Edition!

Our questions this week were closely guarded as they made their way from the university research facility in Greenville, East Carolina, and the results were tabulated for us by the esteemed accounting firm of PriceyOuthouseScoopers.

We remind viewers and participants that being asked to participate is an honor in itself, and that the acclaim of your peers should be sufficient for you without you getting all huffy if you don’t get some crappy statue or whatever.

THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE!

And the questions are…

1) In the field of television, what job would you most want and why? This includes entertainment, news and sports.

2) If you had to make a living performing live--that’s right, live on stage--what would you want to do?

3) If you worked in the movies, what job would you most want and why?

As you all recall from previous shows, you are asked to either answer the questions in the comments section, or, in a move guaranteed to add useless fodder to your online journal, post your answers on your blog and leave a link in the comments.

NOW, let the show begin! Go off and write your answers, and let us know when you’re done.

As for my answers…

1) If I was going to be on television, I’d like to have my own silly hour-long Friday night variety show, something like what I keep talking about for PossumblogLIVE! It would be something of a cross between the Grand Ole Opry, The Joe Franklin Show, Manimal, Monster Chiller Horror Theater, Firing Line, and that BBC2 special I saw in 1986 on cheese. OH! And I would have Sophia Loren as a frequent guest.

2) Live, eh? Well, I think Number One above would work best with a live audience, so that. Failing finding anyone willing to sit for something like that, I suppose I’d like to perform the one-man show I’ve been working on for several years, “JUNIOR! The Life and Times of Junior Samples.�

3) I think either Foley operator, or key grip. Or maybe dolly grip. Then again, best boy would probably be okay, too. Or craft services quality assurance technician. Or a stunt driver.

But really, I want to direct.

Busy Time!

GOOD MORNING, FOLKS! I bet you’re all here wondering what this week’s marvelous collection of Axis of Weevil Thursday Three questions are going to be, huh!

Well, you’ve got good reason to wonder, seeing as how once again all the crush of stupid ol’ work has made it nearly impossible to get anything fun accomplished.

IT IS, THEN, with a great heaving sigh of relief that our intrepid research staff foresaw this eventuality, and submitted a set of emergency backup questions suitable just for such an occasion! ::polite applause::

So, then, from the wilds of East Carolina, we give you the Time Management Thursday Three!

1. Do you usually need a clock to know what time it is or do you have that “time sense�?

2. Can you estimate the time tasks will take or are you always off?

3. Will you do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

There now--and with not a moment to spare! As is always the case, please feel free to leave your answers in the comments section below (if you click on the permalink rather than on the tag that says how many comments there are, it will remember your login data and you won’t have to keep putting it in) OR if you have your very own pretty blog, you can leave a link and answer the questions there. You know, if you have time.

So, go off and think for a minute or two and post your answers. Hurry along now. Go on.

AS FOR MY ANSWERS, eh. I’ll get around to it soon enough…

Like right now!

#1. I have no good time-sense, which is why the house has so many clocks. I can get very deeply lost in a task and lose all sense of time, so it helps to have some indicator of when I’ve got something to go do.

#2. ON the other hand, I can usually estimate pretty well how long things will take, unless it’s something completely foreign. In those cases, I tend to overestimate how long tasks will take.

#3. No. If there’s something that can comfortably put off until later, I’ll put it off. I might pick something up and do it early, but not unless I’m really, REALLY bored.

Now then, I’ve got stuff to do--it's Mailout Thursday, y'know!

Oh, aren’t YOU the lucky one!

“Why?�

WHY!?

Because it’s THURSDAY, and that can mean but one thing! Okay, two. But the one we’re most interested in is that it means that it’s once again time for America’s favorite blogparlor game, The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! YIPPPEEEE!

Yeah, I know--exciting times, eh?

But just wait until you get a load of these questions--

Today’s topic--SELF IMPROVEMENT!

1) What one language would you most like to learn to speak, or at least understand?

2) What one skill would you most like to learn?

3) What one character flaw would you most like to rid yourself of?

As always, the way to play the game is to either answer the questions down in the comments OR if you have one of those fancy “web logs� (or “blogs,� as the kids call them) write your answers there and leave a link in the comments. Obviously, anyone can play, unless you’re completely perfect. Like me.

As for my answers…

#1--Aside from English, I would really like to know ancient Greek. I know a few words, but aside from that, and knowing the alphabet, it’s like it’s a whole other language or something. Bible study would be more informative, that’s for sure. I have thought about doing some of the online courses, and still might. They do tend to cut into valuable blogging time, however.

#2--I wish I knew more about automotive electrical stuff. I would really like to be able to understand how to wire up radios and accessories and fix electrical stuff. I have a good grasp of mechanical things, because I can intuit by looking at things that if Part A pushes on Part 3, it opens Assembly X. Electricity is just so full of all those slippery electrons, and I can’t watch them do their work in the same way that I can with a throttle linkage. See above about online instruction opportunities.

#3--I’m not a very social person--I don’t like going to parties and such, and don’t like meeting new people, and I don’t try to remember people’s names. Part of it is shyness, I suppose, and then I suppose part of it is I am a little too picky about what I expect from people. Not that I expect them to be perfect or anything, but I really don’t like being around people who are real scattered and illogical. A little is fine, but there are some folks who are just too difficult to be around.

Anyway, so there you go.

Despite my ongoing struggle

...in dealing with the choices I have made in my life (i.e., deciding to be a productive citizen by acquiring an education and gainful employment) that continue to interrupt the Happy Fun SparklyZone of Fun that comprises this fascinating world of blogging, I COULD NOT REST EASY knowing that if I continued to do my paying work, YOU, the vast warm mass of Possumblog readers, would not be able to participate in the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

THEREFORE, dropping all things that could possibly interfere with the production of this feature, we set off to find out some things about you through the device of a carefully selected set of three questions. Each question is lovingly hand crafted out of genuine mahogany by villagers on a small island in the Indonesian archipelago, and includes a certificate of authenticity signed by their village chief. Not really. The questions are really just thought up by me, thus explaining the reason why they don’t have a rich, pleasing hue and don’t take polish very well.

I’m rambling, aren’t I? I KNEW it! I do that sometimes when I’m trying to deflect attention from the fact that I haven’t made up any questions. Hmmm. Let me see…

[TIME LAPSE OF MANY DAYS]

OH! Hey, I have an idea--let’s talk about life! Remember, this exercise is open to anyone who wants to participate--just leave your answers in the comments if you don’t have a blog, or a link to your blog if you have a blog. Blogblogblog. I hate that name. ANYway, LIFE. The Big L.

You ever wondered how your life might be different? Good, it’ll make the game a lot easier--

1) Name three events that occurred in your life that you look back on occasionally and wonder how things might have turned out if you had done something different.

2) If you could have lived in another time, what would it be? One stipulation--you have to be pretty much what you are right now--no going back in time and being Alexander the Great, no being Einstein or Moses or Casanova. If you’re a teacher, you’ll still be a teacher; a doctor, still a doctor; a car mechanic--well figure that one out on your own. You wouldn’t know the future, either--so no going back and betting on horse races and stuff. You would just be you, only in another time and place.

3) What one aspect of your life, such as your family, job, social life, spiritual life, creative ability, etc., do you find most rewarding?

Now then, that should keep you all occupied for a while!

As for my answers…

1) Oddly, these three events occurred when I was very young. The first one especially gives me the willies, even after 30 years or so.

From the time I was born until I was 14 years old, my family and I lived alongside the very busy U.S. Highway 78. Sometime when I was around 10 or 12 years old, when I was left home by myself during the summer break (yes, people used to do that), I got it in my head to go out and explore the surrounding area on my bicycle. Unbeknownst to my parents, this didn’t mean just the few house on either side of us, but a long, roundabout trek to the new subdivisions that had sprouted up miles from our home. This entailed riding my bicycle alongside said busy (dangerous) highway, as well as on all sorts of small winding (dangerous) roads that led to those other forbidden neighborhoods.

I did this a couple of times and got rather brave (stupid) about it and one day was out riding happily alongside busy (dangerous) Roberta Road. I thought I was being very safe by riding on the gravel shoulder, a full 12 inches away from the speeding traffic on my left side, and as I struggled along with my single speed bike, I was passed by a TRACTOR TRAILER. It must have been hauling stuff to one of those home sites or something, but it wasn’t something I was really expecting on a winding two-lane (dangerous) road. I felt it whoosh by, and kept pedaling, then watched the flatbed trailer whoosh by, and just as I thought everything was clear and it was past me, I tried to pull back over onto the road to avoid an upcoming culvert. I struggled a bit in the gravel and had to maneuver away from the edge of the road to the right for a split second before moving leftward. Just as I managed to get up on the road, the right rear edge of the trailer whizzed past my face. I hadn’t realized it, but the trailer was a lot longer than I had judged, and if I had pulled over that split-second earlier, I probably would have had my (stupid) skull crushed.

THAT put some fear into me, and I was always much more careful after that, but I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t hesitated that split-second. And, being a person of faith, if God was maybe looking out for me. I don’t know. But it still kinda nags at me.

--Another event was when I was in high school and got my knee torn up. I had always fancied that I might be able to go on to college on a scholarship (not a big school, but someplace where they could use a 190 pound guard--I was young and naïve that way), but that one sudden change really threw me for a loop. I really was in something of a drift for the next four years--the last two years of high school and the first two years of college when I was at UAB, before I finally buckled down and did something productive. Anyway, I wonder what would have happened sometimes if that big dumb lummox hadn’t tried to be a fumble-recovering hero and simply fell on the ball, instead of falling on it and rolling up the side of my leg.

--I think the last one would be the fact that not too long ago, it occurred to me that when I was in junior high, there was this girl who liked me.

I was so oblivious to her blatantly obvious (in the clarity that 20-some-odd years of life can bring) come-ons that it just makes me shake my head. But at the time, I was interested (obsessed) with someone else, and all of the attention the girl who liked me bestowed on me was really more annoying than anything else, even though she was really quite a cutie.

I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had woken up back then and figured out that when you run into a girl and one of her friends, and they’ve just been to the store, and they loudly giggle and open their shopping bags to show you the new panties they bought, that it might be a sign of something. To make matters worse, that this might have some significance really didn’t hit me until sometime after I was already old and married. Just popped in my head one day, and I just had to sit there and give myself a dope-slap and say “duh.�

2) Going back to the past, eh? I don’t know--I mean, we’ve really got it pretty good nowadays, you know? But I do have a fascination with the latter quarter of the 19th Century up to about World War I. Yes, I realize there were many pernicious social evils of the time, but it was also a time of tremendous artistic and scientific progress. One of the things that kept me from getting better grades in architecture school was that I wouldn’t copy stuff out of the newest Architectural Record like all the 'A' students, but kept poring over ancient issues of The Craftsman instead. Incredible stuff. Anyway, it was a very good time to be an architect, no matter where you were.

3) Well, I guess it’s my family. Even since I was young, I always wanted a family more or less like the one I have now, which I suppose is pretty strange for a kid to have thought about. But I suppose it’s just one of those things. I was really almost like an only child--my sister is seven years older than I am, so I was either a minor or major annoyance to her as we were growing up, and we were never any sort of a playmates or anything. And we lived so far from anyone else that I rarely got to play with kids my own age except at school. I think that’s why I wanted to have more than one or two children, and ones that were relatively close in ages. It is also why I have such a low tolerance for when they fight with each other, because it reminds me of how mean my sister was.

And I suppose the fact that my dad wasn’t around a great deal is one of the reasons why I try to do so much at home. I would like to have a bit more me-time (which explains the I Am A Moron Project), but I don’t ever want to get to the point where my kids think of me as “that old guy who changes clothes here.� Not that I thought that about my own dad, but he more involved than committed to being a parent, until very late in his life. I know he regretted the time he squandered, and I never want to have to feel that way.

Anyway, there you go.

5, 4, cue music, 2, and---

WELCOME EVERYONE, to America's Best Loved and Most Popular Day-Themed Meme Experience, The AXIS OF WEEVIL THURSDAY THREE!

And here's your genial host Wink Martindale!!

"Thank you, EVVVVVrybuddy!"

"HEY! That's not Wink Martindale!"

Okay, so we couldn't get Wink on such short notice--he's got a Publix opening in Jackson, Tennessee. But let's not let that get in the way of the exciting season premier of the T-3! 'Kay? MMM-kayyyyyyy!

As you all remember, the Thursday Three was developed by a crack research team at East Carolina University, located in lovely Greenville, East Carolina, with the intent of creating an alternative to the burdensome chore of having to answer all five questions in the long-running Friday Five meme showcase, AND moving it to another day when there isn't as much going on, AND giving the hungry blog-reading public something to read and participate in that is completely FREE!

FREE! I said!

That's right--the entertaining Thursday Three is, as it has always been, completely free of fees, charges, admission price, costs, or taxes, all due to the generosity of our sponsors--Roger's Bargain Village on the Highway 5 bypass loop, and Sparkles and Bows Dance Studio in the SandycreekVu Shopping Center, between the Payless Shoes and the Lucky 777 arcade. When you're in town, be sure to patronize the establishments of these fine folks!

Now then, ON TO THE SHOW! Since we've been in summer hiatus (and working out a contract with the writers) it might be a good time to review the rules of the show. Let's send it over to the lovely and talented Kit, the Wonder Cat, for a full explanation.

Stupid cat. I knew we shouldn't pay him before the show.

Well, I'll do it then--The Thursday Three is open to everyone who wants to play, even if you can't read or write or anything. It is open to international entrants, even those from such places at Nevada or Rhode Island. You may cut and paste the questions into your own blog and answer them there, and leave a (full and complete) URL in the comments (and yes, this is directed at YOU, Larry) below so we can all find our way to your answers, or if you want, you can just put your answers in the comments if you don't have a blog of your own, or just can't stand the idea of cluttering it up with unnecessary twaddle.

SO, let's find out what we're playing for today--we turn it over to Possumblog Sport Center's newest Football Pickin' Chicken, "Lil' Joe Biden," for an answer!

Today's Grand Prize is....

A BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE COUPON FOR ANY HAIR ACCESSORY AT Sparkles and Bows Dance Studio in the SandycreekVu Shopping Center, between the Payless Shoes and the Lucky 777 arcade!

LET'S GET ON WITH THE GAME! And yes, the questions are actually of a serious nature, quite unlike the setup. Today's questions are about self-reliance.

1. With the recent hurricane that hit the Gulf Coast, it has once again been made obvious that being prepared ahead of time can be the difference between life and death. Do you and your family keep an emergency pack of supplies ready to go at a moment's instant as so many people recommend? What all is in it?

2. If, heaven forbid, anything as destructive as a hurricane or earthquake or fire or flood were to hit your community, and assuming you stayed around or couldn't get out, what are some of the skills you have that you think could be utilized to start the recovery efforts?

3. How safe do you feel in your own community when it comes to disaster preparedness?

SO, there you go. Go off now and fix up your answers and leave them in the comments, or leave a link to your blog. My answers will be up in just a bit.

Okay--sorry about the delay, but I had to go have another meeting with the Exercises in Futility Director.

Now then--#1--We don't keep a big SHTF bag just waiting for, you know, the S to H the F. I do know the things to have in the unlikely event we have to evacuate somewhere, and I do know where they are in the house. Yes, it does waste some time to have to go round all that up in case of Bad Mojo, but knowing what to have on hand does beat just huddling waiting for a government bureaucracy to tell you what to do. And this comes from someone who works for a government bureaucracy. Anyway, we have a sufficient store of batteries, flashlights, travel food, first aid supplies, medicine, clothing, fuel, and yes, firearms and ammunition, to be able to hold out comfortably for three or four days, and uncomfortably for an indefinite period. My wife and I both have had pretty good first aid skills and the general sense to know which situations would be bad to get into. You know, like getting out and playing in flood waters.

#2--Well, more than anything else, I have pretty good organizational skills (no, really, I do--I just hate having to use them), and the ability to keep an even keel. My career choice as an architect would really be rather useless in the first days after something catastrophic, although it would be good to have later on. But if it's a matter of survival, you have to have a clear concept ahead of time about what things are most important to deal with, and rely on that sense of priorities under stress. People get wigged out trying to save items and things and stuff, and neglect personal safety. As for other skills, just a basic willingness to do things seems to be in short supply in such instances. Cleaning up and fixing and doing and scrounging--I'm a whiz at jury-rigging solutions.

3. Pretty good, I'd say. We had a flood two years ago when we had a late afternoon thunderstorm that dropped close to a foot of water in the course of only a few hours, and the Cahaba and everything draining into it went over the banks. It receded pretty quickly, but the whole downtown was out of commission for nearly two weeks, and it was a year before the City Hall and fire station were ready to be occupied again. But city services never really missed a beat--things were done in good time and staff moved all over the place, but it worked out pretty well. But, once again it bears repeating--no one should rely primarily on the ability of others to save you, even if they're good, competent people.

Been missing it, eh?

Just not the same, somehow? Needing a minor diversion towards the end of the week?

WELL, never let it be said that I am not accommodating! Chet the E-Mail Boy dropped a missive from famed North Carolinian Marc Velazquez at my desk earlier in the week. It reads--

If you're up for a Thursday 3 (or some other day -does it have to be Thursday? - it seems to have gone on vacation) - here's a possibility:

1. Samantha for "Bewitched"--Elizabeth Montgomery or Nicole Kidman? [And since Marc was considerate of the girls amongst you in question 3 below, I would like to add -- Darrin: Dick York or Dick Sargent or Will Ferrell? Ed.]

2. Favorite actor for Batman movies.

3. Favorite Star Wars "hottie" (if you could return to age 22 for one day)

For the gals: Harrison Ford or Hayden Christenson (or Ewan McGregor? Samuel L. Jackson?? Yoda???)

For the guys: Carrie Fisher or Natalie Portman?

For those of you who are new to the proceedings, you can either answer Marc’s questions on your own blog and leave a link in the comment section below, OR you can just leave your answers. Anyone can play (assuming some basic level of knowledge about various pop culture references), and the winner gets fabulous prizes! Not really.

ANYway, all of you go answer, and leave your links or comments. AS FOR MY ANSWERS…

#1--Well, this isn’t so tough. Nicole Kidman is just too danged scrawny. I really, really think she’s probably a nice person, but she’s nigh unto transparency. CHEESEBURGERS! MILKSHAKES! STAT! She’s tall and fair, and that’s really good, but she’s no bigger than a broomstick, and let’s face it, broomsticks can’t be that much fun. Elizabeth Montgomery, on the other hand, rrrowll! She also seemed to be a pretty good comic actress, back when the competition for such a title was much more stiff. Darrin? I suppose Will Ferrell, because he’s funny. Neither of the Dicks were very good, I thought. Dick the First was too oily and fidgety (and made me wonder what in the world Samantha could EVER see in him) and Dick the Second was too bland. Didn’t like either one. As for the upcoming movie, it looks like garbage. I’m getting REALLY tired of this parade of overblown cinematic sequels to drecky ‘60s television shows. Can’t you people come up with anything new?!

Which brings us to #2 on the list--Favorite Batman actor. I suppose Michael Keaton, because he was so danged funny in Night Shift.

Finally, #3--Again, gotta go with the non-anorexic of the two. (Although the torn-up white jump-suited version of Natalie from the fourth movie does come on pretty strong. At least until compared to the slavegirl-in-a-bikini look sported by Fisher.) Ms. Fisher also has the advantage in that she has a well-timed comic streak that Natalie Portman has never demonstrated. As for the guys, not that I care, because I don’t, because I’m a guy, but Indiana Jones was pretty good back when he was young and didn’t try to look younger by wearing an earring and messing around with icky Calista Flockhart, fer cryin’ out loud. I just wonder why Marc didn't mention Mark Hamill as a possibility. He was really good in Corvette Summer, you know.

ANYway, that’s all for me.

MAYHEM! CAR CRASHES! FASHION!

What else can it be but the SEASON FINALE EPISODE OF THE AXIS OF WEEVIL THURSDAY THREE!

Well, probably not very many other things, but be that as it may, if you've never participated before, be sure to participate today in our little quizzical diversion, because the Thursday Three is going into summer hiatus, and the producers of the show are not yet certain if it will return to the fall schedule.

In order to provide you, the reading audience, with the finest question-answering experience possible, we have a fine young writer named Dan (who is skinny) come up with the following set of burning, must-read, must-answer queries about your darkest secrets. As always, anyone may play along by either leaving your answers in the comments below, or a link to your blog with your answers. So, sit back, turn up the volume, and let's see what happens:

Your food court hilarity (which seems to have brought the lurkers out of obscurity) gave me some ideas. They may need work.

1) What is, or was, your favorite style of dress, or a particular item of clothing you remember fondly from childhood?

2) What style of dress do you remember being humiliated by as a kid, but your mother made you wear anyway?

3) What dress style/clothing choice do you remember as being unbelievably cool at the time that now makes you cringe? Would you actually burn pictures of yourself in the outfit if you ran across them now?

As for mine...

1) I have always thought a simple, dark, single-breasted, two button suit with plain front, uncuffed pants, and a white, longsleeve cotton shirt is very difficult to beat, if the suit's cut right and fits. This is what I wear to church, and what I want to be buried in. I never really had any favorite clothes from when I was a kid.

2) My mom always bought me good clothes, and nothing weird or awful. I do remember the husky size Toughskins with the reinforced knees that always faded at a different rate than the rest of the pants, but I never disliked wearing them. Kids were much less concerned about stuff like that when I was little.

3) When I was in the 8th or 9th grade (circa 1975-77), I had a brown leisure suit that I would occasionally wear to school, because it looked so very, very stylish. Swirly brown floral Quiana shirt, collar out, sleeves rolled up a touch, two-tone platform dress shoes.

Yikes.

And there exists a photo of me in the yearbook in this get up. Which you will never see. Unless I'm in a sharing mood.

An auspicious start.

Got up this morning, showered, saw wife off early so she could be at a 7 a.m. meeting at work. Meaning that I had to get all the kids to school this morning. No big deal.

Went about the house to urge them to ever greater levels of swiftness in their preparations, then went back to my room get dressed. Pants? Hmm. I think gray today. Tie? Red background, with a fine, vertically-oriented pattern of swishy swirly things in taupe and gray. Belt. Shirt--reached into armoire and pulled out a white cotton oxford cloth button-down shirt. Buttoned front, buttoned left sleeve, buttoned right sle… No button on the right sleeve. ::sigh::

Take off shirt and lay it over back of chair to repair later. Reached into armoire and pulled out another cotton oxford cloth button-down shirt. Button check. Front? Check. Sleeves? Check. Collar butto--hmmm. The right button seems to have been repaired by the laundry. A tear-out, thinly repaired with what looks to be equal parts spit, laundry starch, and string. A quarter-dollar sized thin spot all around the button. I try to see if it would be noticeable if the collar was buttoned.

Oh, yeah. And how.

Hang that one back up, and reach in and pull out yet another cotton oxford cloth shirt, although this time one with a spread collar. Run the button check. All in place, with no bad spots or loose threads. Collar stays in, button up front, left sleeve, right sleeve, tuck in, belt buckled, and finish up by strangling myself with a lovely length of brightly colored silk.

Inform children of the need to go downstairs and eat breakfast (mini muffins this morning!) and they start moving toward downstairs, somewhat. (Except for Oldest, who would never deign to do anything her siblings are having to do, saving her slavish behavior-copying for the cool kids at school.)

Boy had already finished his muffins, since he’s a boy and had long been dressed and ready to go, but for the rest, I got down three plates, and placed three muffins on each plate--orange, blueberry, lemon poppyseed. Cup of milk for Cat, glass of milk for Bec, glass of iced tea for Oldest. I moved Rebecca’s plate over to the spot usually reserved for Mom, so that she wouldn’t have to clamber over to her normal seat by the window on the backside of the table. Saving time, don’t you know.

Cat sat down and finished up quickly, then Bec came down and began eating. I got myself a glass of tea and sat there at my spot, reviewing some of her tests with her. At this point, she also began carrying on a conversation with Boy, who was wandering around the kitchen, and in order to magnify a very important point about science or video games or other such important matters, Rebecca decided to make a sweeping gesture with her right hand. This gesture reinforced her point by sweeping the entire 8 fluid ounces of bovine lactational product that had been contained in her glass into my lap and down the right leg of my gray pants, and finally into the floor.

::sigh::

I got Jonathan to hand me some paper towels to get the major portion of cow juice up, then squished my way back upstairs to change into my black pants.

::sigh::

Took them all to school, got here, and found that the work pixies must have gone on strike or something, because the pile of garbage I left on my desk yesterday evening is still here this morning. And I have an exciting continuing education class today from 11 to 2 on the sexy subject of chlorinated polyvinyl chloride sprinkler piping. Oh, and when I went to the manufacturer’s website to make sure of what I was talking about, I accidentally clicked on a .pdf link, which caused my computer to shut completely down, taking with it this entire little tale of mundanity, and made me have to attempt to recreate it as you see it now. It was much funnier before.

::sigh::

BUT, by gum, there IS a Thursday Three today!

Many thanks to Jordana Adams for hosting today’s festivities, in which the question all revolve around gradumicating!

(1) Who was the most memorable (good or bad) graduation speaker at a ceremony you've attended -- not necessarily your own?

Honest to goodness, I can’t remember. I don’t remember who did my high school or my college one. And I can’t remember anyone at my sister’s, either.

(2) Approximately how many graduation ceremonies have you been in as a graduate and how many others have you gone to?

Two for me, and I went to my sister’s three--HS, college, and med school. And my kids have all had kindergarten graduations (for some reason--I don’t understand the fascination with such events, either.)

(3) After finishing high school and/or college what did you do for the summer?

After high school, I had a job during college where I worked for a few months at Southern Research, but it wasn’t strictly a summer job. After I transferred to Auburn, I went to school every summer quarter. I had a two week break after graduation then went to work at my real job.

Bonus Question: What was your favorite graduation gift?

I would have to say my class ring, which is what my mom gave me. The one I wear now is actually a replacement--the one she actually bought for me I flung off my hand one night as I was throwing some tomato peelings into the compost pile in our backyard. Reba and I were married by then, and we looked and looked for that ring but never found it. I even got a metal detector from Radio Shack but couldn’t come up with it. So, I had to get another one. Homeowner’s insurance paid for part of it, oddly enough. But somewhere in the Hampton Place subdivision in Irondale, to this day there remains an Auburn class ring with my name in it. If you find it, please return it to me. Thanks!

NOW THEN--for the rest of the day, I will be busily shoveling manure.

School days, school days…

O those golden rule days!

Or, rather golden ruler days, when she’d come by and whack you on the back of the head with that great big yellow yardstick from the hardware store and tell you to pay attention.

BE THAT AS IT MAY, the topic for this week’s blog-filler game was brought about during a conversation with a certain East Carolinian as we reminisced about the teachers we had as children who had an impact on us (and not of the paddling kind). SO, without further ado, we bring you The Axis of Weevil “Excellence in Primary and Secondary Pedagogy Edition� of the Thursday Three!

As has always been the case, anyone may play along by answering these questions:

1. What three teachers did you have in grade school or high school who had the greatest impact on you, either for good or bad?

2. Which teacher do you wish you could go back and apologize to for your terrible misbehavior?

3. What do you think is the best thing to happen to grade school since when you were there?

Leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog and we’ll all come over there.

As for my answers…

1. I’m not going to use their real names, just to protect the innocent, but I think I would have to say the most memorable teacher was my second grade teacher who was probably ninety and dipped snuff. She was gross. Of the teachers who helped me most in later life, I’d have to say our English/history/social studies teacher who I had for several different classes over many years. I also went to church with her. She was a real whiz, although a no-nonsense sort of the highest order. The fact that I can still diagram sentences is due to her. I think the one who was the most harmful (at least to others) was a guy I had back in 7th or 8th grade for biology. He was the first teacher whom I could identify with confidence as being more ignorant than me. That’s not a good thing for a teacher or a student, but he was extra special stupid. I think I’ve mentioned him before--he’s the one who taught us that whenever you learn something, a tiny crease forms in your brain. Biology, my friends.

2. I never was bad as some of the other hellspawn kids--that just wasn’t my style--but I suppose if I had to pick one I’d have to apologize to the lady who taught us typing when I was a junior. Not for necessarily being a pest in class, but for saying mean things about her out of class. She’s really a nice lady, and went on to marry and have a nice family. I saw her about three years back when we were visiting Nashville and it was very strange because our relative ages are so much closer now. When she was our teacher, she was probably only about six years older than us, which seems like a lot when you’re 16 and she’s 22 or 23, but when you’re 40 and she’s 46, well, it’s just odd. You’re both middle-aged folks, you know? Anyway, her.

3. Well, of all the horror stories about the way public schools and teachers have gone all to crap with the lack of discipline and lack of intellectual rigor, I think our elementary school the kids attend now is pretty good, with smart and engaged teachers who truly seem to enjoy being around kids. And none of them dip snuff or smell like camphor.

Thursday, Thursday, Bo-Bursday

Banana-fana Fo-Fursday
Me-My-Mo-Mursday
THURSDAY!

Three three Bo-Bee--Oh, forget it.

Inspired by my razor-like insight the other day about the occasional folly of researching the meaning of one’s surname, frequent inquisitor Jim Smith wants to use the following for The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three “Name Game� Edition. Anyone who has a name may play along, and no, this has nothing to do with naming baby animals like the question from last week.

SO--

1. What does your name mean—any connection to what you do or who you are?

2. Any problems with your name? Do you wish it (either your surname or given name) was changed ?

3. Were you named for someone? If so, whom?

AND, in order to satisfy Jim’s insatiable need to supply MORE than three questions--

4. Do you go by your first name, middle name, shortened form--(ex. Jim for James)--or by some made-up nickname?

All of you think hard and leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog. And if your name is Chuck or Mitch, please don’t do the Name Game song.

My answer follows--

1. As I have already done this one earlier in the week, I'll just say that it's not anything that relates in any way to anything substantive about me or about what I do for a living.

2. It's uncommon, and so I do get some odd pronunciations, but never enough to want to change it. And thankfully, there haven't been any mass murderers or child-molesting pop-stars named Oglesby.

3. Actually, my first name is based somewhat on my dad's name--he was Alfred, and I am Alan. He didn't like Alfred though, and wouldn't let my mother use it for me. Terry came about because my SISTER was nicknamed Terry (short for Teresa) and I guess since they were already using it, they figured why bother making up a new one.

SPECIAL BONUS! Yes, I go by my middle name. It's a fairly common practice in the South, as is naming someone with the diminuitive form of a name, rather than the full name--for example, I'm not Terence, I'm just Terry. I had some doof in college swear that was wrong because no one is named that way.

He was a BIG stupid doof. Read a lot of Heidegger.

Anyway, I had (and still have) a friend from college named Sammy (not Samuel) and his wife's name is Becky (not Rebecca). Go figure.

ANYWAY, there you go.

A very wise man once said--

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.�

You know, that is just so true.

In any event, speaking of books (as we just were), and being that it’s Thursday, and being that something needs to be done to break us out of our respective springtime reveries, one Jim Smith (not an alias, by the way) sends in a suggestion for the our weekly bit of snoopiness, which he dubs:

The Spring Reading Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three!

1. Do you like to read one book at a time until you’re finished, or multiple things at once?
2. Do you do your browsing at the library, or do you prefer going to retailers such as Barnes and Noble and glomming up free samples of the publishing arts, pretending you’re actually going to buy something?
3. Which do you prefer--hard cover, paperback, or online?

And a special bonus question (or else Jim has lost the ability to count):

4. What do you read most often?

As is always the case, anyone who cares to may play along--and even if you don’t know how to read, just make something up--we’ll never know the difference. Leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your blog and we’ll come over and slouch in all your guest chairs and make ourselves at home while we read your answers at our leisure.

So, go answer!

As for my answers--

1) I could never read just one thing at a time--at any given time, I have about three book-books in various stages of being read, and five or six magazines.

2) A little of both. I suppose I spend more time at the library, because if I spent more time at the bookstore I’d wind up buying stuff that I would put on the groaning shelves full of other things I bought with intent to read and haven’t gotten to yet.

3) Depends, I suppose. I love old hardbound books, but then again, I love old books of any sort. For general reading, flimsy covers are fine. Online books have never really caught my fancy--I like being able to get up and walk around and go and sit in the reading room that has the porcelain chair and then be able to get up and go outside, and then be able to just put a piece of paper where I stop and not have to worry about turning the thing off. Also, online books are online, which means there’s the temptation to wander around and go check e-mails and E-bay auctions.

BONUS QUESTION 4) Magazines. Lots and lots of magazines. And just about any kind, too--technical journals, cars, decorating, crafts, guns, cars, art, science, history, cars, guns. I don’t really read that much of the news journals, health and fitness, or travel, or anything with thrusting bosoms on the cover--which is about 90% of the stuff on the magazine racks now. It’s gotten to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jennifer Love Hewitt on the cover of Highlights spilling out of handkerchief.

Hmm? Oh--sorry. Mind wandered there for a minute. ANYway, there you go.

A rose by any other name…

What ho! A poetry reference on Possumblog!? Fear not, because it is only a way to introduce the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, BABY NAME EDITION!

What with it being Spring and all, and all sorts of babies being a’borned, we have a round of questions here destined to make you all put in some serious thought on a very serious subject! The suggestion for the topic comes to us this week from Marc Velazquez, who starts us off with some news-grabbing celebrity-ness:

1. What names would you suggest for the offspring of --Denise Richards and Chuckie (the Wildman) Sheen; Britney Spears and that guy; and Prince Charles and Camilla, Dutchess of Cornwall, formerly styled Mrs. Andrew Parker-Bowles, née Camilla Shand?

2. The inspiration for the next set of names comes to us by way of resident peregrine-watcher Janis Gore from deep in the wilds of the Sportsman’s Paradise--to whit: what should be the names of the 3 (or 4) baby falcons born to San Francisco’s own George and Gracie? (You can click on the main website at UCSC and read all about them, or click here and see the most recent live image.)

3. Now, for the last one, I realize some of you have already made suggestions, but you’re just going to have to do it again. What is your suggestion for Dave Helton’s new baby horsey?

As we always state, anyone who wishes may play along, even if you’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name. Leave a link in the comments below (click the permalink if you want the comments to remember your name and e-mail so you won’t have to put it in a bunch) or just leave your suggestions in the comments if you want. Go forth and be nameful now!

Now then, for my answers:

#1-- I don’t have a good one for Denise and Charlie. On the other hand, I would suggest for Brit and “I need a bath� Kevin something artsy and high-tone. Taking a cue from the tale that Margaux Hemingway was named for the bottle of Chateau Margaux consumed by parents during the conception process, I suggest the upcoming young Federline be named “Colt 45.� Nice, because it’s like, a boy name OR a girl name! As for the last one, I doubt Chas and Cami would be in the market for such things, but should the need arise, I would suggest “Eww.�

#2--Bird names. Hmm. I’m not sure, but I think it’s somewhat pleasantly ironic that these efficient little killing machines are named for comedians. I would suggest keeping up the trend. Particular care should be given to shy away from naming them after foul-mouthed (heh--there’s a pun there) comedians like Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor, and try to stick with good, old-fashioned wholesome-type folks. I mean, you could pretty much see Lenny Bruce killing a pigeon, whether he was a falcon or not. It’s just so obvious. But not Red Skelton. It’d be even funnier if they snuck up on pigeons by pretending to be Gertrude and Heathcliff the Seagulls.

#3--For the last one, I already suggested Dave name the baby horse “Nancy,� after Nancy “War Woman� Hart, who left quite an impression on backcountry Georgia in the 18th Century. Of course, you don’t usually hear of horses named Nancy, although “Nan� sounds kinda horsish. But, since I’ve already suggested that one, I guess another name might be “Allis.� (What with Dave liking tractors and all the way he does.)

SO, there you go.

I'll TELL you what it means!!

It means that today marks the FIRST ANNIVERSARY of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three! In spite of all odds, in spite of an overwhelming lack of interest, this feature has survived the vicissitudes and vagaries of an ENTIRE 365 days, which is, like, a billion years in blog time, and it means that it’s time for something SPECIAL!

IN HONOR OF THE DAY, for today only, the Thursday 3 will be The THURSDAY 31,536,000! That’s right--a question for every second in every minute in every hour in every day of an entire year!

SO, since we have so much work to do, let’s get right to it, shall we? Our theme, given the fact that we have so many questions, will be a mixed grab bag of queries. (Remember, either leave your answers in the comments below, or leave a link to your answers on your blog. As always, anyone may play along, as long as you have the incredible patience necessary to wade through the whole thing.)

#1) If there was one thing you could change about the way you look, what would it be?

#2) In your house, right now, what is your favorite piece of artwork that you have displayed?

#3) Ahhhh, hmm. What…

Supposing the world ended yesterday, and--uhmmm…

Taking a string and a pencil, which--

This might be a bit more difficult than I imagined. Let’s try this again:

#3) through #31,535,998) What person living now would you most like to meet?

There. I suppose three is probably enough for now. ANYway, go answer those and let us know what you think.

As for my answers:

#1--I’d really like to do something with my gut. I’ve gained and lost weight so many times that my soft squishy middle could really use some lifting and pulling and tucking in and sucking out. Even if I got down to my proscribed-by-the-health-nannies perfect weight, there’d still be a roll around me that won’t go away. BUT, it’s a moot point--cosmetic surgery just isn’t one of those things I can ever conceive of having enough dough to indulge in.

#2--We have a gigantic hand-tinted engraving over our fireplace of Lower Manhattan from around 1855. It was published by F. and G.W. Smith at 59 Beekman Street, New York, engraved by C. Mottram and painted by J.W. Hill. It’s been a while since Googled any of this information to find out more about any of these people, but that’s almost beside the point when you see the beauty of the thing. It looks like a morning scene after a rain--low clouds to the north, but some sunlight slanting into the foreground, which is chockablock full of a variety of steam and sailing ships, or having their cargo transferred into smaller lighters. You can see the Hudson and East Rivers and the vast flat plain of New Jersey to the west. Church steeples are the highest things on the island. Wonderfully detailed--I sometimes will stand there and imagine being able to walk down the narrow streets and talking to the people on the ships. It has a lot of stories.

This isn’t a very good photo of it--it’s hard to get a detailed enough picture without getting glare from the flash. Anyway, I think it’s pretty darned cool.

And for Numbers 3 - 31,535,998 -- I have always wanted to meet Denise McCluggage.

So, there you go. Happy Anniversary!

OH! Now I have to go do the mailout for work, so it'll be a while before I get back. Sorry.

Hard to believe...

...but tomorrow will be the 52nd week of the Thursday Three. You know what that means?

Well, neither do I.