April 14, 2005

A rose by any other name…

What ho! A poetry reference on Possumblog!? Fear not, because it is only a way to introduce the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three, BABY NAME EDITION!

What with it being Spring and all, and all sorts of babies being a’borned, we have a round of questions here destined to make you all put in some serious thought on a very serious subject! The suggestion for the topic comes to us this week from Marc Velazquez, who starts us off with some news-grabbing celebrity-ness:

1. What names would you suggest for the offspring of --Denise Richards and Chuckie (the Wildman) Sheen; Britney Spears and that guy; and Prince Charles and Camilla, Dutchess of Cornwall, formerly styled Mrs. Andrew Parker-Bowles, née Camilla Shand?

2. The inspiration for the next set of names comes to us by way of resident peregrine-watcher Janis Gore from deep in the wilds of the Sportsman’s Paradise--to whit: what should be the names of the 3 (or 4) baby falcons born to San Francisco’s own George and Gracie? (You can click on the main website at UCSC and read all about them, or click here and see the most recent live image.)

3. Now, for the last one, I realize some of you have already made suggestions, but you’re just going to have to do it again. What is your suggestion for Dave Helton’s new baby horsey?

As we always state, anyone who wishes may play along, even if you’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name. Leave a link in the comments below (click the permalink if you want the comments to remember your name and e-mail so you won’t have to put it in a bunch) or just leave your suggestions in the comments if you want. Go forth and be nameful now!

Now then, for my answers:

#1-- I don’t have a good one for Denise and Charlie. On the other hand, I would suggest for Brit and “I need a bath” Kevin something artsy and high-tone. Taking a cue from the tale that Margaux Hemingway was named for the bottle of Chateau Margaux consumed by parents during the conception process, I suggest the upcoming young Federline be named “Colt 45.” Nice, because it’s like, a boy name OR a girl name! As for the last one, I doubt Chas and Cami would be in the market for such things, but should the need arise, I would suggest “Eww.”

#2--Bird names. Hmm. I’m not sure, but I think it’s somewhat pleasantly ironic that these efficient little killing machines are named for comedians. I would suggest keeping up the trend. Particular care should be given to shy away from naming them after foul-mouthed (heh--there’s a pun there) comedians like Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor, and try to stick with good, old-fashioned wholesome-type folks. I mean, you could pretty much see Lenny Bruce killing a pigeon, whether he was a falcon or not. It’s just so obvious. But not Red Skelton. It’d be even funnier if they snuck up on pigeons by pretending to be Gertrude and Heathcliff the Seagulls.

#3--For the last one, I already suggested Dave name the baby horse “Nancy,” after Nancy “War Woman” Hart, who left quite an impression on backcountry Georgia in the 18th Century. Of course, you don’t usually hear of horses named Nancy, although “Nan” sounds kinda horsish. But, since I’ve already suggested that one, I guess another name might be “Allis.” (What with Dave liking tractors and all the way he does.)

SO, there you go.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at April 14, 2005 08:05 AM

I think Brit and Kevin should name their child after my redneck alter ego, Mystee Krystyl.

Posted by: sugarmama at April 14, 2005 08:23 AM

1. Who are those people?

2. Since there may be either 3 or 4, I suggest Larry, Moe, Curly and if there is a fourth, Shimp.

3. Flicker

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 14, 2005 08:51 AM

There are four babies now.

Posted by: Janis at April 14, 2005 08:53 AM

Whhyyyy, I oughta...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 14, 2005 08:53 AM

If there is a fifth, we could name it Curly Joe by the way, not my favorite. Give me Moe, Larry and Curly.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 14, 2005 09:00 AM

I am up. I will point out as I did in my answers, pedantically, that Her Duchessness was actually not born Mrs. Parker-Bowles, but rather Camilla Shand.

Posted by: skinnydan at April 14, 2005 09:03 AM

Dan, you're right--I need to fix that. I just think it's funny to work in a word that sounds like "neigh" in the same context with Camilla.

And let's not entertain any more suggestions for Curly Joe. He is a blot on the fine name of Stoogidity.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 14, 2005 09:13 AM

1) Going with your suggestion, Terry, the Federline child could be named Boone, from Boone's Farm, of course. Britney is a Louisianan, which opens up a whole new range of possibilities.

2) The birds: Scorpio, Sam, Teddy and Charlie -- all killers, and all appropriate for males or females.

3) How about Nash for the horse, after Nashville, TN?

Posted by: Janis at April 14, 2005 09:31 AM

1. Israel Richardson-Sheen (later to be changed to Jake Martinez, when he drives in NASCAR), Bubba-Skeeter Spears-Federline (a double hyphenated twin dip), Prince Chuck and Camilla will produce WildThang (that's Lord (Lady?) WildThang to you!)
[Hmmm, maybe for that last one they could try "Josie", as in Josie Wales.]

2. Winken, Blinken and Nod (Linc and Julie if there are more birds)

3. Horse name? How about Gluepot?

Posted by: MarcV at April 14, 2005 10:46 AM

Oops, that should be Jake Estevez - wrong family.

Posted by: MarcV at April 14, 2005 10:48 AM

Not actually from Tex, though--it seems her work computer won't let her drop a comment in here, so she asked me to tell you all that her answers are up and may be read here.

(Yr obt svt)

Posted by: Tex at April 14, 2005 11:14 AM

It was a struggle, but I'm up! Now I get to change a stinky child! The excitement never ends!

Posted by: Sarah G. at April 14, 2005 02:50 PM

Nor the stinkiness!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 14, 2005 03:01 PM