...the writers of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three are all out trying to find gainful employment during the summer hiatus, we have all this free time on Thursday mornings to fill with something equally entertaining.
THUS, it is with great pride that we present for your enjoyment...
DO-IT-YOURSELF THEATER of the ETHER!
I'll give you the characters and setting, and YOU, the vast Possumblog readership, will get the opportunity to write your very own production!
GUARANTEED TO BE FUN, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!
SO then, let's see what we have:
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
REUEL J. PUDDLER--Crusty patriarch of the Puddler dynasty. Made his fortune in the broom industry.
GLADYS PUDDLER--Crusty matriarch of the Puddler dynasty. Maiden name Rutabenner, of the Albany Rutabenners.
NORDEAN PUDDLER--Dim eldest child of the Puddler dynasty. Given to fits of singing and shopping cart theft.
SAKS PUDDLER--Rakishly dissolute second child of the Puddler dynasty. Rumored to have been sired by SAKS FUNDERBURGER.
BRYTTANIEEGH PUDDLER--Youngest child of the Puddler dynasty. Graduated cum laude from AAA Community University. Rumored to have been sired by REUEL PUDDLER.
WILLIAM J. CLINTON--Handyman of the Puddler estate. Was won in a card game between REUEL PUDDLER and SAKS FUNDERBURGER.
SAKS FUNDERBURGER--Curmudgeonly paterfamilias of the Funderburger empire. Made his fortune in toothpick dispenser industry.
BRITTINI FUNDERBURGER--Vivacious materfamilias of the Funderburger empire and fourth wife of SAKS FUNDERBURGER. Maiden name Newly, of the Whispering Pines Subdivision Newlys. Graduated summa cum laude from Harvard Med.
TIM AND RICKY FUNDERBURGER--Twin sons born of ROBERTA LEE FUNDERBURGER, first wife of SAKS. Interests include gambling, drinking, and BRITTINI FUNDERBURGER.
NELDA FUNDERBURGER--Eldest daughter of SAKS, born of MONICA FUNDERBURGER, second wife of SAKS. Quiet, unassuming, favors sensible shoes, works for NSA in counterintelligence.
QUINN FUNDERBURGER--Burly, yet passionately artistic, plays offensive guard for local AFL-2 league and owns local gallery specializing in Russian Suprematist art. Born of CINDI FUNDERBURGER, third wife of SAKS. Secretly dallying with BRYTTANIEEGH PUDDLER.
MAYOR BLOOMBERG--Mayor of Palastski Township, bitter archrival to both SAKS FUNDERBURGER and REUEL PUDDLER. Father of CINDI FUNDERBURGER.
FLYING OFFICER WHITBEY JEROME SKATTLETON, RCAF (ret.)--Flew three supply missions to Northwest Territories in 1967 before becoming debilitated due to toe injury suffered from dropped pallet of canned mutton. Retired to warmer climes to nurse toe back to health, insists on being called full name with honorifics.
TOWNSFOLK, VARIOUS--Sturdy, good-hearted people who always vote Republican unless they vote Democrat. Generous, hard-working, loyal and not given to violence unless urged on by petty, damp-armpitted demogogues.
OPENING SCENE: Midday, Palastski Township-Bloomberg Municipal Justice Building, mob of TOWNSFOLK, VARIOUS crowd front staircase.
A woman screams as a baby carriage begins bouncing down the marble steps...
NOW! Each of you add your own paragraphy and direction, and we'll have the grandest two (or twelve) act blogplay EVER CREATED on a Thursday in June!
POST-LUNCHTIME UPDATE!
See how fun this is?!
NEARLY TIME TO GO HOME UPDATE!
We wish to thank everyone for your incredible outpouring of passion and creativity, making this the single most successful blogplay ever to have been done on Possumblog on this date! Of course, we couldn't have done this without our kind sponsors: Playtime Costume Rentals at East South Plaza; Lorenzo's Catering #3 at 923 West 154th Street; and Buddy G. Music and Trophy, Highway 9 Bypass. And our most profound thanks to Ted McGinley for stopping by and delivering a searing portrayal of Ricky Funderburger.
Thank you again, everyone!
Posted by Terry Oglesby at June 7, 2007 09:30 AMThis didn't generate much interest it seems. Too bad, I thought you were on to something.
I think the story about the guy getting stabbed with the deer antler sort of distracted everyone.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 7, 2007 03:12 PMAct V. Scene 1. The Puddlers have moved to Australia, where they have bought a farm in the Darling Downs.
ABOUT EIGHT IN THE MORNING. THE SCREEN DOOR BANGS AND REUEL STUMPS IN WEARING HIS GUMBOOTS. GLADYS IS POURING TEA AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, WITH A COPY OF THE SYDNEY MORNING HERALD IN FRONT OF HER.
REUEL J. PUDDLER: Damn. There’s a kangaroo loose in the top paddock. I better go and mend the fence, Glad.
GLADYS PUDDLER: I told you to mend that fence last month, Reuel. Rutabenners would have had it done on the spot. Foxes have been taking the chickens too.
REUEL J. PUDDLER: The Rutabenners can jump in the billabong, Glad. In fact, I think one of them did once. Was never seen again. (LOOKS UP) Who’s this? Morning, young feller. How was your night? Hope you were in before midnight.
A SCRUFFY YOUNG MAN ENTERS FROM STAGE RIGHT LOOKING AS IF HE HAS SLEPT IN HIS CLOTHES.
NORDEAN PUDDLER: Hmmprrhh. Hmmprh. Farffrrhhrrmm.
GLADYS PUDDLER: I see you’re being your usual eloquent morning self, Nordean. And yes, the bathroom’s free. But be out in ten minutes. Everyone else wants a shower as well. Plus, the newspaper says all the water's about to run out, the GM crops we just sowed are killing the bees, the drought will kill the cows and the temperature will rise and kill everything else.
REUEL J. PUDDLER: Gee, the Sydney Morning Herald is being uncharacteristically optimistic today, Glad, isn't it?
NORDEAN PUDDLER: Hmmrrppfffm. Shhekksssmmm?
GLADYS PUDDLER: Yes, Nordean, he’s already had his. He’s gone to work. Shame you don’t show the same endeavour as your half- ... I mean your brother.
REUEL J. PUDDLER: You can come with me and mend the fence, Nordean. Pack us a lunch, Glad. Cold roast lamb sandwiches and a thermos of tea. We might be some time. I didn't realise farms here were so big.
GLADYS PUDDLER: You might pick up the mail along the way, Reuel. I'm waiting on news from the Funderburgers.
THERE IS A SUDDEN AND VERY INSISTENT KNOCK AT THE DOOR. ALL TURN TO SEE WHO IT IS. CURTAIN.
We simply MUST do something about this whole time difference thing.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 8, 2007 08:51 AMI was thinking about adding something about bay Britni, but I was distracted.
Posted by: Janis Gore at June 8, 2007 10:32 AMAhem, "baby" Britni.
Posted by: Janis Gore at June 8, 2007 10:33 AMWasn't Baby Bay Britni named after Bay Buchanan?
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 8, 2007 10:55 AMThat's as clever a device as I've ever seen to lead a reader back to newer posts.
Posted by: Janis Gore at June 8, 2007 11:15 AMThank you. I just wish I was intentionally clever.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 8, 2007 11:30 AMThey'll find, one of these days, that brain synapses fire at a more random pace without sleep (and without socialisation), in a way that produces genius. If they haven't already.
Posted by: Janis Gore at June 8, 2007 11:48 AMThank goodness I get plenty of sleep and have lots of opportunities for interaction with my peers.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 8, 2007 12:13 PM