Possumblog

T3 In Jeopardy?

Timmy Lee Pewitte
2/22/06

WEEVIL JUNCTION, AL (WNN)--Could the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three be imperiled by unseen forces seeking to eliminate it from the Internet?

Informed sources have stated that due to an increase in what is being termed "work-related" activity by the editor of the feature (sometimes called the "T-3," or the "jeudi trois," and occasionally, "Lorene"), it is possible that the long-running diversion may have to be cancelled for February 23.

Touted by many as America's best online question answering game, hundreds, and possibly even dozens of people, have expressed concern as well as shock, and occasionally irritation, with some indifference, and in some areas of the world, passing disdain, when confronted by the potential shutdown of service.

Mrs. Loujeanne Jones, 49, Godly Hollow, AL, expressed concern when told of the imminent outage, and asked why this reporter was on her front porch, looking, in her words, "so sexy."

After an arduous and time-consuming interview session, during which no alcoholic beverages were consumed, attempts were made to contact a spokesman for the Axis of Weevil or of the Possumblog Literary Consortium, LLC, co-producers of the Thursday Three.

Mr. Chester A. Clabbernaught, Deputy Assistant Vice Chairman for Electronic Mail Distribution, 117, of Cloode's Bend, AL, was asked for comment while attempting to exit via a back door of the editorial offices, located at Suite B, Pinchgut Industrial Park.

Feigning death, Mr. Clabbernaught requested emergency personnel be dispatched to his aid.

Upon arrival of an ambulance approximately forty-five minutes later, he was loaded into the vehicle and taken to the hospital. He offered no comment.

Although several persons could be seen behind the windows of the facility attempting to view the tumult in the parking lot, none would answer repeated knocks at the door.

Telephone calls to the office were not answered, except in one instance when what sounded to be a man answered.

Asked for comment about the potentially drastic consequences of not publishing a Thursday Three, he stated, in English, that he did not speak English, and for this reporter to please leave.

Attempts were again made to contact the office, until suddenly a door opened and a crudely scrawled cartoon of a certain prophet of a well-known religion of peace was thrown at this reporter.

Sensing the possibility of imminent terrible danger, this reporter bravely fled the scene in order to keep anything bad from happening to innocent property or bystanders.

Without being able to rely upon first hand knowledge, it is possible to offer only wild speculatation as to the possible reasons behind this sudden turn of events.

Although uncorroborated, it is felt to be safe to assume that the editorial staff of the Thursday Three has been captured and thrown down a well by aliens from another planet, or by Kevin Federline, possibly in order to finance a rap album by attempting to collect ransom money, or as a way of satiating an appetite for human flesh.

As is typical with the secretive Bush Administration in Washington, attempts to reach the State Department were unsuccessful. Being that the State Department refuses to deny this version of events, it can only be concluded it is true.

At press time, it is unknown whether or not the Thursday Three staff can be rescued from the well, or if the aliens or Kevin Federline have other hostile intentions.

Developing...

UPDATE! 3:49 p.m. CT

Timmy Lee Pewitte
2/22/06

WEEVIL JUNCTION, AL (WNN)--In a surprise move, the recent non-production scare for the scheduled "Axis of Weevil Thursday Three" seems to have been diverted though the clever use of a "back up plan."

A person close to the situation, known only as "Skinnydan," revealed that he has supplied the Possumblog Information Directorate with three high-quality questions for use tomorrow.

Using supersecret textual information and technology developed by the Israeli Mossad, this skinny "Dan" person was able to travel back in time and deliver into the mail system of the shadowy Axis of Weevil a set of questions that he guarantees will maintain the ultra-high level of gameplay offered in previous Thursday Threes.

Reached for comment, Mrs. Loujeanne Jones, 43, Godly Hollow, AL, expressed relief that the activities planned for tomorrow seem to have been resolved to the satisfaction of many.

After further intensive interviewing, in which no flash photography was used, Mrs. Jones allowed this reporter to continue his investigation.

At this time, it appears that either the aliens or Mr. Spears will release the editorial staff from the well, although there has as yet still been no confirmation from either the Department of Defense or from any other person employed by the federal government regarding whether or not their previously stated demands for ransom or sweet, juicy flesh have been satisfied.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at February 22, 2006 01:59 PM