Possumblog

Ask Dr. Possum!

Although this humble blog long ago was shuttered by its proprietor and no longer offers sustenance and solace to the poor lost and weary travelers of the virtual backroads of the electronic ether, we are quite happy to report that Dr. Possum apparently never got the closure memo.

Having swung by whilst on his way to a conference on mid-16th Century bawdy Dutch poetry, Dr. Possum was obviously quite stunned by the presence of a padlock on the front door of the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters Building. However, after some investigation of the side yard (and much subsequent beating and banging upon the wall of the travel trailer which serves now as my office/domicile/caretaker’s shed) he was able to rouse me from my usual midday torpor.

Overjoyed by his unexpected visit, I quickly prepared for him a wholesome repast of crackers and potted meat, and asked if he would be willing to stay for a while to answer all of the stacks of questions that have piled up since he last graced us with his presence.

Despite the urgency of his travel needs, he did agree to sit with us for a spell and dispense some of his wisdom and knowledge. To those of you unfamiliar with Dr. Possum’s oeuvre, he is a real doctor* and has oft-times been called upon to settle disputes and interrogatories of the most profound nature, and he stands ready now to answer similar inquiries on topics medical, philosophical, political, mathematical, and otherwise.**

SO THEN, to our first inquiry!

A “Mr. Larry Anderson” of the Northern Alabama District (whom some of you know as Mr. Larry Anderson), asks the following:

I really expected a Possumblog post explaining the background on Mr. Obama’s seal. Possimus isn’t it?

Regards,

Larry

Dr. Possum Responds: Far be it from me to tread where others have already done exquisite work of explaining the details of this recent kerfuffle. My compatriots Dr. Reynolds and Dr. Weevil have both ably “put this to bed,” so to speak, and little remains left to say about it.

Other than the fact that Latin being what it is, translations are malleable things, and given the candidate in question, could possibly have multiple hidden intentions. Vero possumus could very well be intended to communicate the message “Yes, I can be George Jones,” indicating a president who is signaling his intent to embark on driving the SUV of state aimlessly around the winding backroads of international diplomacy while downing fifth after fifth of demon rum, only to wind up hammered to the gills and careening into a bridge abutment.

And then write a song about it.

Likewise, vero possumus could mean, “Truly, I can be a stupid possum.” Able to be trapped after being baited with only a few kernels of sweet corn, playing dead in the face of possible aggression by its enemies, and a lingering musky odor are but a few of the valuable things possums are known for, and similar characteristics are sure to strike fear into the minds of America’s foes. Not for nothing was President William Howard Taft—“Uncle Billy Possum”—known as The Scourge of Malignant Evildoers.

Or it could simply be akin to Cockney rhyming slang—vero possumus being the rhyming derivative of “throw ‘im under the bus,” which I’ve been told is quite a commonplace activity within the Obama camp.

[A note from the Editor, in re Mr. Anderson’s putative “expectation” of a post: We remind all readers that Possumblog has been failing to live up to expectations since its founding, and we continue to strive to uphold that standard.]

Next up, YOUR question! Please leave your submission in the comments section below, and Dr. Possum will astound you with his genius!

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMERS:

*Dr. Possum it a real doctor in the sense that he calls himself such, and dares anyone to take offense. However, in a court of law, he would admit that calling himself a real doctor would not be looked upon kindly by a judge.

**Dr. Possum’s answers, while completely authoritative, are not to be considered as completely authoritative, especially when it comes to matters of life and death, or nuclear fission.

Ask Dr. Possum!

Well, look who just waddled into the spacious and inviting lobby of the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters than our old friend and boon companion, Dr. Possum!

As per usual, he has graciously deigned (I before E, except after C. And sometimes D.) to answer questions from YOU, the most inquisitive readership in all of the Blogiverse. Those who are new to Dr. Possum's tremendous braininess might wonder why he, of all people (or marsupials) is more qualified than anyone else to answer questions. Dr. Possum (although by all rights he should thrash you for your impudence) kindly notes that he is the world's leading expert on every topic, real or imagined, including such subjects of math, literature, shopping carts, nucular physics, medicine, and women's foundation garments.

SO FEAR NOT--ask anything you wish in the comments below, and Dr. Possum* will see to it that you are given an expeditious and satisfying answer!*

*Dr. Possum is a real doctor, although Dr. Possum himself is fictional.

**No warranty is expressed or implied that Dr. Possum's answers will be expeditious and satisfying.

Hey, guess who else is back from vacation!?

That's right, Dr. Possum!

He's just now entered our hallowed halls, just narrowly missing bumping into the hallowed water cooler and tripping over the hallowed door stop!

As you all know, Dr. Possum is the world's foremost authority on everything, and often stops by to assist us in making Possumblog ever more useful to you by answering any questions you might have. As a doctor*, Dr. Possum is fully and equally knowledgeable on matters medical, biological, geological, tautological, photographical, occipital, occupational, and accidental, and is therefore imminently able to assist you in your seach for information.

Have a question? Just leave it in the comments below, and after he comes to, Dr. Possum will give the all that you need to know!

*Dr. Possum is the holder of a Doctorate of Humane Numerals, awarded in 1949 by the University of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha. At this time, no credible evidence has been submitted to dispute the validity of this diploma.

Well, would you look who the...

...probation officer just dragged in! It's been a while since we last spoke, but you all will be happy to know Dr. Possum is visiting with us again today, which means it's time for another exciting round of ASK DR. POSSUM!

Dr. Possum, freshly arrived from Cannes, is here to answer your questions of a medical nature, as well as any other question on any other topic, including, but not limited to, crustaceans, radio theory, furniture assembly, naughtiness, the Kuiper Belt, chickens, and the meaning of life.

As you know, Dr. Possum has studied at some of the finest institutions of higher learning across the globe, and is one of the foremost authorities on everything. And he's a REAL doctor!*

So if you've got a question, leave it in the comment section below and wait just a moment, and throught he magic of the Internet, you will in only a very short time receive an answer.

It might even be correct!**

*Dr. Possum is NOT a real doctor.

**No warranty is expressed or implied.

When in doubt...

...call for Dr. Possum*!

Yes, when there's nothing substantive to say, who better to celebrate it than our own Dr. Possum, wizened counsellor to presidents and paupers alike, who uses his extensive knowledge of medicine, philosophy, nuclear physics, Pokemon, and all other subjects to assist his fellow citizens in living richer and more productive lives! He also manages to steal several boxes of office supplies every time he visits. ::shakes fist::

SO, if you have a question about a medical condition, integrated circuits, lobsters, or you're having a problem dealing with those annoying annoyances common to modern Western civilization, feel free to drop those in the comment box below and Dr. Possum will be happy to answer them. Or if not exactly happy, at least willing.

The Helpline is now open...

*WARNING: Dr. Possum could be wrong. It's never happened yet, but it could.**

**Okay, it has happened, several times, but no one was injured. Much.***

***This discounts both that incident at the Kroger in Gainesville, FL, and the Steam Carillon Convention in Frankfort, KY. But really, those could have happened to anyone, and Dr. Possum just got caught up in the moment.

Dr. Possum RETURNS!

It is an unprecented happening--that being that Dr. Possum agrees to return for a SECOND day of question answering--but last evening he received a special missive from The Land of Tomorrow, which meant that it was actually today, or yesterday, that the question was sent in. BUT NO MATTER, Dr. Possum wishes to ensure that no inquiry is left undone, even if they come from all the way around the globe. (The fact that Dr. Possum passed out under the Merganthaler has nothing to do with the fact that we still have him available today.)

SO, having given that bit of introductory exposition, we give you this:

Spam filters stopped me asking Dr. Possum this question at his weblog, so I’m emailing my question instead, even though it’s probably tomorrow or yesterday where you are and I’ve missed the Ask Dr. Possum boat.

Anyway: should I buy this car?

Yours in anticipation,

Kitchen hand

Dr. Possum responds:

Let's see--a 33-year-old Swede dressed in red with leather trim? Why, it's enough to make Dr. Possum forget his medical assistants who accompanied him to Cozumel! In a slightly more serious vein, it certainly looks like a worthy enough automobile--for those of the readership who use greenbacks and inches, the price works out to around $2,900 dollars, and the mileage to something like 136,269.2. That seems quite reasonable, at least on paper, and looking at only the tiny photos. As with all such purchases, it pays to first inspect the vehicle in person. Much in the way of dents and dings can hide in photos, and it's hard to get a feel for how it drives unless it's actually driven.

Dr. Possum gives a qualified "buy" recommendation, but reminds you that the last car he bought exploded.

SO there you are, Kitchen Hand! Let us know how it turns out.

Ask Dr. Possum!

Well, well--aren't YOU people lucky!

Dr. Possum* just dropped by after spending a week with a brace of buxom young Hooters waitresses at the International Fake Doctor Conference in Cozumel, and has agreed to spend a few minutes answering YOUR questions about YOUR problems, whether they be medical, emotional, navigational, mechanical, or seemingly insoluable.

As always, this work by Dr. Possum is pro bono, but you are reminded he only means the later, more conservative congressional Sonny, and not the semi-hippie Sonny from when he was married to that shrill shrew harpy Cher.

Dr. Possum asks only that you supply your question or problem in the comments below, and as soon as he is able, he will answer with all the vast store of knowledge he has acquired over the years. The answer you receive might even be accurate. This, however, would strictly be an accidental occurance.

*Dr. Possum is a fake doctor. But he IS a Fellow with the American College of Phony Physicians, and has the card to prove it.

"Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!"

AND DR. POSSUM!

Yes, The Doctor* is in the House for yet another happy and exciting time answering YOUR questions about life, love, medicine, nuclear physics, law, hobos, and ornamental horticulture, among other things.

Do you have a burning question? A conundrum? A quandary? An inquiry? Well then, you've come to the right place. Simply take a moment to write your question down in the comments below, and world famous Dr. Possum will take time out from his busy schedule and give you a personal answer--FOR FREE!

And trust us, it's a bargain at even twice the price!

All we ask is that you please agree not to sue Dr. Possum, because such things rarely go well for him.

SO--ask away, and be prepared for such clarity and succinctness as can only come by asking questions of a slow-witted, prehensile-tailed marsupial!

*The Doctor is to be used for entertainment purposes only. "Entertainment" being broadly defined, and does not necessarily include the emotion of mirthfulness.

HEY! I know!

It might seem very boring around here today, but that's only because no one realized the smartest man in the world, Dr. Possum, is in the building!

So you have this rash, or maybe a math problem, or possibly a philosophical dilemma, and you'd like an answer, a diagnosis, or just some attention because you crave virtual human contact. WELL, MY FRIENDS, Dr. Possum is just the person and/or marsupial to ask.

Feel free to leave a question below and Dr. Possum will examine it and think and research and scratch his tummy and give you the most correct answer you are ever going to find!

Remember, as a graduate of many online educational outlets*, Dr. Possum has many, many degrees in a variety of fields**, and is thus able to impart accurate***, scientifically-derived† answers to all of your problems. SO have at it!

*Graduate status pending in 8 of 10 institutions, with 1 degree completed in Telemarketing Science, and 1 degree in Video Stalking awaiting release of transcripts.

**Areas of study are available upon request.

***Accuracy guaranteed to nearest whole number.

†"Science" or "scientifically-derived" shall not be construed in a strict manner, and may include such things as SWAGs, Kentucky windage, or running items up the flagpole and seeing who salutes.

Ask Dr. Possum!

Hardly a day goes by that someone does not come to the palatial Axis of Weevil World Headquarters and knock on the screen door asking if they can speak to Dr. Possum about various aches, pains, maladies, malodors, mathematics problems, or other such quandaries they might have. Usually, our staff must demur and explain that Dr. Possum does not keep regular office hours, then gently shoo the person off the porch (reminding them not to lean too hard on the handrail, and to watch out for the septic tank cleanout at the bottom of the steps) and tell them to come back when they see his car in the parking lot.

WE ARE HAPPY TO REPORT that Dr. Possum's shiny new 1990 Hyundai Excel has just entered the parking lot!

Therefore, it's time again for another episode of Ask Dr. Possum! To prime the pump, we already have a few questions lined up that we gleaned from the vast Possumblog Referrer Log of the past several hours AND a special list of queries from the wilds of Australia!

First up, this question from the Internet (and we know it's a REAL Internet question because there are no capital letters or punctuation!): how can i break a coon dog from running a possum

Dr. Possum responds: It is obvious to me that the querist is the owner not of a coon dog, but of a possum dog. There is no way to break the dog from this behavior, although it is possible to either gather up the possums in your area and paint them black and white with little bandit masks, or alternately, get together all the neighborhood raccoons and shave their tails.

Next up, another question from the Information Series of Tubes: does getting a crown hurt on broken molar.

Dr. Possum responds: No, not at all. That is, if one discounts the pain associated with breaking the molar in the first place, the series of anesthesia injections administered by the dentist, the drilling and grinding to smooth the broken molar, or the taking of various casts of the broken tooth that require the jaw to be unhinged from the skull and twisted around backwards, then no, there is no pain at all.

AND AS PROMISED, from our friend Kitchen Hand down there in Australia, who made the mistake of going into a bookstore:

If bees ate oranges instead of flowers, would they make marmalade? Where do all the pens go? Why can't you herd cats? And what do they think about when they sit in the window?

Dr. Possum responds: 1) If bees ate oranges, they would not make marmalade, but rather would make a nice orange chutney.

2) Pens, which many people presume to be lost into the couch cushions or under desks, in actuality simply disappear into thin air, possibly into an interdimensional worm hole. This also explains why pens will often turn up where they were not previously, as well as appearances by Patti LaBelle.

3) It is a common misconception that cats cannot be herded, but in the 1870s American West, there were great huge herds of cats that filled the Great Plains and were brought to market in the great stockyards of Kansas City and Tulsa by whooping, rough-and-tumble catboys. The great herds eventually were overtaken by market forces, however, as ranchers switched to the meatier and more docile fur seals.

4) Cats think of the same thing whether they are on a window sill, or napping gently on a cushion: "How can I take over the world?"

We hope these are of help to you all. NOW THEN, if YOU have a question for Dr. Possum, hurry up and ask before he sneaks out of the building again!

*Dr. Possum is fully trained and accredited by several training and accreditation places, none of which are actually recognized by any other training and accreditation orgainizations. Use caution when applying Dr. Possum's advice as it can cause irritation or minor swelling.

Ask Dr. Possum!

A new year, an old friend!

Yes, the return of "America's Most Trusted Doctor"* to answer all of your health questions, or to question all of your health answers.

Dr. Possum is rested from his vacation and stands ready to help you overcome grippe, solipsism, bloviation, hysterical blindness, and nagging insecurity, all with a kindness and warmth unknown in most traditional venues.

Have a question about that thing on your head? Want to know the best way to treat that neighbor who won't return the wife he borrowed from you? Need change for a dime? YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE (except for the change). Just leave a question below, and shortly Dr. Possum will give you an answer.

Maybe even a good answer, but don't hold your breath.

*"America's Most Trusted Doctor" determined by a random telephone poll conducted on November 14, 1982, between the hours of 1:30 and 1:34 a.m. EST in three communities within the Greater Hartford (CT) Municipal District. Respondents were asked to choose between Dr. Possum, Dr. Possum, and Dr. Ima Possum, and were informed that none of the choices were actual medical doctors.

Ask Dr. Possum

In addition to our regular Thursday Three below, one of our Downunderling brothers, Kitchen Hand, has a culinary-type question regarding the distinction between herbs and spices.

Sounds like the perfect place for Dr. Possum to waddle in and be the end-all source for accurate information!

Dr. Possum, known to occasionally pretend to be an agronomist when he's not pretending to be a medical doctor, is well-versed in making up all sorts of answers, so this one should be no different.

Dr. Possum is also a loyal taxpayer, and therefore would like to direct readers to the United States National Arboretum website, which is only one of many U.S. Department of Agriculture super-dee-dooper websites, where the peoples of the world can come and take advantage of our good nature and open pocketbooks for the best information money can be wasted on to produce!

According to the revenue-suckers:

What is the difference between a spice and an herb?

Spices are flavorings, often of tropical origin, that are dried. Most spices come from plant fruits, as is the case for mace, nutmeg, black pepper, and cardamom. Cinnamon comes from the bark of a shrubby tree, and ginger comes from the underground rhizome of a plant. Herbs, in the culinary sense, are leaves of plants that can be used either fresh or dried to season food. In the botanical sense, an herb is any plant that does not have woody perennial stems like a tree or shrub.

There you go--the OFFICIAL definition as determined by the most powerful nation the earth has ever seen. Disagree if you will, but realize that if you do, you run the risk of being invaded by hordes bespectacled USDA bureaucrats.

NOW THEN, anyone else have a question that needs answering? Dr. Possum is standing by (a little too close, if you ask me) and is ready to help with anything you need to know, be it of a botanic, organic, or comic nature.

*Dr. Possum is really a doctor, if we consider "doctor" a term of art rather than one of competence in a particular field. Therefore, use caution in actually using any advice proferred by Dr. Possum, in that it could cause inflammation, irritability, or massive explosions.

Questions?

ANSWERS!

Why?

Because look who just walked in the door!

Yes, once more we've been blessed with an appearance by Dr. Possum, the Internets's one and only prehensile-tailed genius. Stopping by on his way to have his andirons polished, Dr. Possum has graciously agreed to spend a few moments with us so that you may ask him about your various aches, pains, and medical conditions. This, despite the fact that Dr. Possum eschews the formality of such societal constraints as having a license, or a doctorate degree. Yet, with his tousled mane of bristly gray hair, he looks authoritative enough to be of service, if you can't rush out and find someone who actually knows something.

SO, if you have a query regarding an ache, pain, irritation, tenderness, swelling, lump, bump, bruise, contusion, abrasion, or need information about rebuilding a 1970 GM Quadrajet carburetor, please take a moment and leave your question in the comments below, as we begin our latest round of Ask Dr. Possum!

Discaimer: What, are you CRAZY!? Don't EVER ask a possum for advice!!

(Although, I would have recommended this guy be a bit more careful in laying shingles.)

BY POPULAR DEMAND!!

It has been brought to our attention that the Internetses smartest marsupial, Dr. Possum, is not in the office nearly enough to answer questions that plague YOU, the reading public.

Dr. Possum, busy as he is in submitting various papers to peer-reviewed medical journals and surfing the Web for naughty stories, is hurt and chagrined to hear that his services have not been fully utilized in this particular forum, and so he at once scurried to his luxuriously appointed 1989 Buick Park Avenue Landau Classic, turned on the left turn signal, and made his way here as swiftly as possible so that NO QUESTION CAN BE LEFT UNANSWERED!

And so, as a service to you, the vast, sweaty Possumblog audience, YET ANOTHER ROUND OF...

Ask Dr. Possum!

If you have any sort of question, either scientifical or personal, Dr. Possum is now standing by to offer assistance, a kind thought, or a swiftly administered dope-slap to your forehead. Please leave your questions below, and he will be glad to answer them forthrightly and expeditiously. Accurately might be more of a problem, however.

Anyway, feel free to hold forth now.

*Disclaimer: Dr. Possum does not actually submit his work to peer-reviewed medical journals, unless one considers salacious vendors of common vulgar literature such as True Psychic Wonders or The Naturist's Notebook as medical journals. Dr. Possum's answers can often be obtuse, or acute, and as such could also be scalene and/or equilateral. They cannot be categorized, however, as accurate, unless there is a wide latitude given to what constitutes "accuracy."

Ask Dr. Possum!

Well, look who just waddled in--our favorite physician and dispenser of prescriptions, Dr. Possum!* It being a slowish news day--it's just the same crazy ranting dictators and Democrats, all doing their crazy and their ranting as people point and laugh--it seems like the perfect time to take a break and see what's ailing YOU, the world's finest blog audience. Hangnail? Typhus? Vapor lock? ANSWERS TO THESE MALADIES, plus many more, can be had with the merest pressing of computer keys. Just leave your question about your medical, parlimentary, agronomic, fiduciary, or ethical situation in the comments below, and Dr. Possum will adjust his spectacles, ponder, research, and break wind lustily while crafting a suitable answer for you.

SO, what troubles can he help you with today?

*Disclaimer: Dr. Possum is a medical doctor, but only in the sense that he claims to be one. He has not actually attended medical school, although once he did look at the naughty parts of the 1918 edition of Henry Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body. That being neither here nor there, one should be cautioned that the advice offered herein is only to be taken seriously if it actually sounds like it might be legitimate, but then only when all other measures have failed.

So Much To Talk About...

...So Little Motivation!

THUS, as is our habit when things slow down, it's time to reach out to YOU, the finest reading audience in the entire world, and see if you have any questions of an important, or unimportant nature, that you wish could be answered.

Obviously, I am not qualified to answer these, so we have brought in our resident eminent scholar*, and offer you an opportunity to Ask Dr. Possum!

If you have an inquiry regarding medicine, philosophy, art, NASCAR, religion (but I repeat myself), or any other topic, please feel free to jot down your question in the comments below, and Dr. Possum will provide you with a thoroughly researched and timely answer. Maybe.

IN any event, please feel free to fire away.

*Disclaimer: Dr. Possum does not actually have a doctorate degree, but he is smarter than approximately 23% of all doctorate-holders, and a better marksman than 98% of them. The answers given in response to questions are not guaranteed to be correct, although they could be.

Ask Dr. Possum

Questions? Oh, sure---people come here all the time for answers to questions. Because they know that I am a highly qualified and skilled doctor of some sort*, and they KNOW they can get the right answer. Such as the person who landed here by wondering Is it okay to eat a tomato that a mouse took a bite out of?

Believe it or not, ALL tomatoes sold in the United States are REQUIRED to have a bite taken out by a mouse to ensure the product is safe!

Hmm?

Oh, okay--so that's not really true. BUT IT COULD BE!

Anyway, from purely a practical standpoint, aside from it being really creepy to find nibble marks, you really have to figure that tomatoes out in the field probably have all sorts of critters a'biting on them before YOU get them in the store. If the bite was big enough to notice, I would probably not eat it, just to keep from getting all weirded out by the thought of a greasy little rodent scampering all over the tomato with his nasty little clawed feet and his hairy little plague infected body. But hey, that's just me. No telling how many things we eat that have been bitten on without even realizing it. Well, until we come down with an inexplicable disease.

In a not quite scientific related vein, we have a young reader who came by recently wanting to know: "what kind" of bracelets should 7th graders wear Judging strictly based upon the 7th graders with whom I have come into personal contact, I would suggest a pair of Smith & Wesson Model 300P Hinged Nickel Handcuffs with Push Pin Double Locking System.

NOW THEN--we open the comment lines for any of the rest of you who have any sorts of problems requiring a doctor's* attention, ask away, and remember--this advice is worth twice what you pay for it!

*Disclaimer--there is very strong circumstantial evidence that Dr. Possum is not actually a doctor, so it is advised that you not heed anything he says unless it's true. And maybe not even then.

Ask Dr. Possum!

It's been a very long while since our resident physician*, Dr. Possum, dropped by for a house call. For those of you who've been sick and waiting for his arrival, please accept our apologies and feel free to now send in your questions to him for a swift and accurate answer**.

As you all know, Dr. Possum has a curriculum vitae*** of a breadth and depth and girth unmatched by his peers--if he HAD any peers--and so any question you might have not only on health matters, but also of matters philosophical, social, or mechanical, he stands ready to weigh in with his weighty, uhh, words? Yeah, that'll do.

ANYWAY, in order to prime the pump, so to speak, we have this missive from a certain Jordana A., of Tennessee, who asks:

I have a question about lawnmowers.

I know you got a new one in the not too distant past -- when do you decide it is time to replace and not repair the old lawnmower? Does it have to quit entirely or does the trail of blue smoke from burning oil and the fact that it shakes off several bolts every time you run it (leading one to wonder why we don't find screws and bolts all over the yard from the weekly replacement of said items) seem to indicate that the old Murray is due for the great lawn in the sky?

I'm tending to think this might be the last season for the mower that came with the house. Justin isn't necessarily opposed to the idea of getting a machine that is less rattley and smokey. The main difficulty is knowing whether money would be better applied towards taking it in for a good overhaul with someone who knows more about small engine mechanics than my husband, who has tried all the usual things like changing filters and replacing spark plugs and putting in fuel stabilizer, or if it is just time to give up on the thing and move on.

An excellent question--which means it's a shame you're asking Dr. Possum, but here goes.

For some reason, I have found that it seems that once lawnmowers start running badly, there's not much short of a complete teardown that will make them run well again. Which means it's usually cheaper just to get a cheapo Wal-Mart model. The last one I had got to where I couldn't just get it cranked easily, and the sheet metal covering around the self-propelling feature was just torn to shreds, making it nearly impossible to push. As for shaking and rattling, I do remember fondly one cheaply made push-mower I had, the blade of which was so misbalanced that it vibrated so much that the engine started tearing loose from the mower deck. I finally gave up on that one when the crack in the deck went entirely round the engine, causing it so come completely adrift from its moorings. Anyway, donate your mower to the thrift store, and treat yourself to new one.

I suggest a nice riding one like this, which is environmentally-friendly, and very easy to operate.

Now then, who else has a question for the doctor?!

Disclaimers:

*Dr. Possum is a real doctor, although his credentials are recognized only by an imaginary licensing organization. Do not actually heed his advice unless it turns out to be accurate.

**Swift and Accurate Guarantee: The SAAG does not mean that the answers will indeed be received swiftly, nor that they will be accurate, nor in fact, that they will be answers at all.

***Curriculum vitae is not available at this time.

Ask Dr. Possum!

Having read the morning pixels and finding that they have absolutely nothing to offer in the way of substantive blog fodder, we are left with our Feature of Last Resort, Ask Dr. Possum!

Standing by ready to answer any medical questions you might have, as well as any questions related to all fields of the arts and sciences, including, but not limited to: nuclear physics, eschatology, marine biology, fly tying, and snacks.

SO, (after you've done your Thursday Three duty) if you have any questions that MUST BE ANSWERED, please leave them in the comments below and your inquiry will be answered with all deliberate speed.

Obligatory Disclaimer: Dr. Possum's credentials have been sent to the dry cleaners, and will not be back until 5:30 tomorrow. However, we are almost certain he actually does have some, but if you are a real stickler for such things, it might be best for you to not place too much stock in his advice. At least not until he gets his things back from the cleaners. WARNING: Plastic bag is not a toy.

Maybe it's the bird flu.

Or cholera.

Or dengue fever.

But making my head feel even more wooly and leaden than usual is the fact that it and my lungs are full of some sort of very tenacious semisolid epoxy of some sort. I made it worse Friday afternoon by cutting the grass. For some reason it was very dusty again, and I got a faceful of fine powdery soil and pollen and ground up bugs whenever I emptied the bag. Anyway, add in my usual lack of weekend rest, and I have precious little in the way of mental friskiness this morning.

What better time then to throw open the doors for a rousing round of Ask Dr. Possum! If you have any questions that have created a burning or itching sensation, now's the time to have that seen about. Just leave your question in the comments below, and Dr. Possum will scurry hither and yon and research and pick and probe until he has determined the correct answer, which he will then dispense to you free of charge.

Obligatory Disclaimer: Dr. Possum is a real doctor, in much the same way that Ward Churchill is a real Indian.

You know what we haven't done in a while?

We haven't had our resident medical expert* Dr. Possum come for a visit!

And it has nothing to do with any lawsuits that may or may not have been filed!

SO, if you have a question related to medical matters, or a question related to non-medical matters, and you would like them answered by a semi-arboreal omnivorous marsupial with a prehensile tail and opposable toe thumbs, well, then, YOU'VE come to the RIGHT PLACE!

Just leave your question (if it's a serious question, he will even answer those, and do so in a serious manner) in the comments below and Dr. Possum will be happy to dispense advice and wisdom to you!

*Disclaimer: Dr. Possum does not actually live in your computer, nor is he an expert on anything, medical or otherwise. Therefore, you should use caution in asking Dr. Possum anything, especially if his answers involve pouring gasoline on a fire, or on that peculiar rash you have.

Ask Dr. Possum!

So many questions this morning already, and Dr. Possum has been tied up with an emergency of the utmost importance! We are happy to report, however, that he successfully completed the extraction of a 20 ounce Diet Coke from the machine in the snack bar, and was able to remove the cap from the bottle!

NOW--as you are all so very aware, Dr. Possum, whose nut-sized brain is a veritable treasure trove of information about all things in the world, and NOT just those things that relate to the field of medicine, comes every week to answer YOUR questions about that odd rash you have down there, or about the latest celebrity rash. Most of his answers are highly accurate* although people are finally catching on that having a doctorate printed on diploma paper from Staples with the seal of John Frum Polytechnical probably means less than it should.*

SO, if you need medical advice* or just need to know what's what, Ask Dr. Possum--the lines are now open!

BUT, before we get to YOUR questions, there are two questions already in line ahead of you this morning--one from the lovely and fertile weedyanker Jordana Adams, who asks: "Are there any famous Bulgarians born in any year?"

Of course! Looking at the Wikipedia entry for the topic, we can see that there are literally several Bulgarians who could be considered famous! Such as Antoaneta Stefanova , who looks every inch as one would expect a Bulgarian chess grandmaster to look. (Although I think she would prefer the more ladylike title of "grandmistress.") There are a whole bunch more, and I would list more of them, but they have so many consonants in their names that it makes my fingers hurt to type them all. Suffice it to say there are more famous Bulgarians than there are famous possums.

NEXT, fellow doctor Jim Smith wants to know: "I don’t follow this but could you post a link to broken nose girl?" I have no idea who he could be talking about, unless he means Brokenose Girl on the hit Fox show 1440. It seems she actually has a name (Kim Raver), and her character actually has a name, too (Audrey Raines). But for me, it's just a lot easier to keep up with her and her spectacularly asymmetrical nasal protuberance with something simple, like a nickname.

In any event, this is her, and as you can see, her nose is quite simply the most odd thing on television--

--this side of NBC anchorman Brian Williams' nose, of course.

Now then--all of you with questions, please feel free to leave a comment below and the Doctor will answer as soon as possible after he gets back from the restroom.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Lobster Traps, Possumblog Ink and Litho Supply, Possumblog Kitchens, Dr. Possum Clinic, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because Dr. Possum is not an actual medical doctor. But hey, whatever, right?

Whaddya mean, 'it's been over two weeks'?!

Well, I'll be--it HAS been! Two weeks and a day since you all were last graced with an appearance by the world's most smartest marsupial, Dr. Possum, who takes the opportunity every so often to answer any sort of questions with which you might be burdened, even if they AREN'T of a medical nature, in his regular feature here on Possumblog, Ask Dr. Possum.

Dr. Possum, whose brain is the size of a walnut, still manages to dispense his tremendous knowledge of the workings of the human body, as well as the workings of life in general, with a calm, witty, and urbane manner very similar to that of other well-known physicians*, yet he never asks for your insurance card!

SO, if you have a question you've been hankering to have answered by a semiarboreal nonplacental mammal with a prehensile tail, fire away! (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Shoe Emporium, Possumblog Farms, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Discount Auto Mall, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because that would likely involve lawyers, and possibly, prison time. Remember, Dr. Possum is not an actual medical doctor. But it really shouldn't make that big of a difference, right?

HEY KIDS!

It's time once again to bring in America's Foremost Physician*, Dr. Possum, for more of Ask Dr. Possum!

Hooray!

As always, Dr. Possum stands by to answer your burning questions, or questions about that curious burning sensation you get when you handle walrus meat. Feel free to place your questions in the comments below, and Dr. Possum will answer them in order of receipt. You can even ask honest-to-goodness real questions about actual real subjects, and Dr. Possum will bend over backwards to try to answer them in a factual manner. No, really! Just remember you're asking a marsupial, and everything should be just fine.

Now then, ask away!

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Bait Shops, Possumblog Computing Software, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Realty, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because really, what is truth, right? I mean, you know, that whole "fake, but accurate" thing really is a blessing to civilization. So, you are more than welcome to ask serious questions of an intensely private nature, but be forewarned that the answer you receive is worth only what you pay for it. Dr. Possum is not an actual medical doctor. But he could be in some countries.

Why so little in the way of posting?

Good question! And in the spirit of good questions, what better time to bring in American's Smartest Marsupial Doctor for yet another informative and interesting round of Ask Dr. Possum!

As has been promoted by the Promotions Department here at the Axis of Weevil World Headquarters, Dr. Possum is once again available to answer your questions about all matters medical, and all matters non-medical, meaning anything that requires an answer (although not necessarily an accurate answer).

Money? Oh, perish the thought. We don't need money. Just send gold ingots.

Now then, for those who need help--the Ask Dr. Possum Line is open. Leave your questions (which, by the way, need not be limited to those requiring quackery, but might be on any topic for which you require soothing relief) in the comment section, and we will see that they are answered expeditiously.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Defense Specialties, Possumblog Publishing, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Lotion and Bore Grease, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because no one in their right mind should be trying to find out anything useful by using the Internet. So, you are more than welcome to ask serious questions of an intensely private nature, but be forewarned that the answer you receive is worth only what you pay for it. Remember, Dr. Possum is a real doctor, if you define "real" as "fake."

Speaking of making things up...

...what would Tuesday be without a visit from America's Most Helpful Marsupial? That's right, it's time once again for Ask Dr. Possum!

In keeping with our editorial directive to serve the public good, Dr. Possum is in th' hizzouse today to take your questions about life, the sciences, art, medicine (but not including any rashes or other gross stuff), and things like that right there.

As always, we request no money for this valuable service, except for a small shipping and handling fee, and any other sort of love-offering you wish to bestow. Small bills, please.

Now then, for those who need help--the Ask Dr. Possum Line is open. Leave your questions (which, by the way, need not be limited to those requiring quackery, but might be on any topic for which you require soothing relief) in the comment section, and we will see that they are answered expeditiously.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Industries, Possumblog Enterprises, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Farms, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because, let's face it, who asks a marsupial for advice!? So, you are more than welcome to ask serious questions of an intensely private nature, but be forewarned that the answer you receive is worth only what you pay for it. Remember, Dr. Possum is not a "real" doctor, but his advice has helped many people. Not really.

As part of our ever-expanding list of services...

...the Board of Directors of Possumblog Enterprises have decided to start a new venture, based upon the suggestion of one Jim Smith (not an alias) of Greenville, East Carolina.

Noting that the Possumblog writing staff has a great deal of life experiences between them, and always seem to have just the right answer to any problem--especially those of a pseudo-medical nature--Jim Smith (not an alias) suggested that we begin our very own Fake Doctor's Advice column. This suggestion was prompted by our advice to Jim Smith (etc.) to treat his severe cold by drinking plenty of fluids and petting his dog.

Therefore, we herewith launch our newest venture, Ask Dr. Possum, and request only that you pay our invoice for services as promptly as possible. Or else.

Now then, for those who need help--the Ask Dr. Possum Line is open. Leave your questions (which, by the way, need not be limited to those requiring quackery, but might be on any topic for which you require soothing relief) in the comment section, and we will see that they are answered expeditiously.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Industries, Possumblog Enterprises, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Farms, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because, let's face it, who asks a marsupial for advice!? So, you are more than welcome to ask serious questions of an intensely private nature, but be forewarned that the answer you receive is worth only what you pay for it.

As part of our ever-expanding list of services...

...the Board of Directors of Possumblog Enterprises have decided to start a new venture, based upon the suggestion of one Jim Smith (not an alias) of Greenville, East Carolina.

Noting that the Possumblog writing staff has a great deal of life experiences between them, and always seem to have just the right answer to any problem--especially those of a pseudo-medical nature--Jim Smith (not an alias) suggested that we begin our very own Fake Doctor's Advice column. This suggestion was prompted by our advice to Jim Smith (etc.) to treat his severe cold by drinking plenty of fluids and petting his dog.

Therefore, we herewith launch our newest venture, Ask Dr. Possum, and request only that you pay our invoice for services as promptly as possible. Or else.

Now then, for those who need help--the Ask Dr. Possum Line is open. Leave your questions (which, by the way, need not be limited to those requiring quackery, but might be on any topic for which you require soothing relief) in the comment section, and we will see that they are answered expeditiously.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Industries, Possumblog Enterprises, Possumblog Kitchens, Possumblog Farms, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because, let's face it, who asks a marsupial for advice!? So, you are more than welcome to ask serious questions of an intensely private nature, but be forewarned that the answer you receive is worth only what you pay for it.