April 04, 2006

Ask Dr. Possum!

So many questions this morning already, and Dr. Possum has been tied up with an emergency of the utmost importance! We are happy to report, however, that he successfully completed the extraction of a 20 ounce Diet Coke from the machine in the snack bar, and was able to remove the cap from the bottle!

NOW--as you are all so very aware, Dr. Possum, whose nut-sized brain is a veritable treasure trove of information about all things in the world, and NOT just those things that relate to the field of medicine, comes every week to answer YOUR questions about that odd rash you have down there, or about the latest celebrity rash. Most of his answers are highly accurate* although people are finally catching on that having a doctorate printed on diploma paper from Staples with the seal of John Frum Polytechnical probably means less than it should.*

SO, if you need medical advice* or just need to know what's what, Ask Dr. Possum--the lines are now open!

BUT, before we get to YOUR questions, there are two questions already in line ahead of you this morning--one from the lovely and fertile weedyanker Jordana Adams, who asks: "Are there any famous Bulgarians born in any year?"

Of course! Looking at the Wikipedia entry for the topic, we can see that there are literally several Bulgarians who could be considered famous! Such as Antoaneta Stefanova , who looks every inch as one would expect a Bulgarian chess grandmaster to look. (Although I think she would prefer the more ladylike title of "grandmistress.") There are a whole bunch more, and I would list more of them, but they have so many consonants in their names that it makes my fingers hurt to type them all. Suffice it to say there are more famous Bulgarians than there are famous possums.

NEXT, fellow doctor Jim Smith wants to know: "I don’t follow this but could you post a link to broken nose girl?" I have no idea who he could be talking about, unless he means Brokenose Girl on the hit Fox show 1440. It seems she actually has a name (Kim Raver), and her character actually has a name, too (Audrey Raines). But for me, it's just a lot easier to keep up with her and her spectacularly asymmetrical nasal protuberance with something simple, like a nickname.

In any event, this is her, and as you can see, her nose is quite simply the most odd thing on television--

--this side of NBC anchorman Brian Williams' nose, of course.

Now then--all of you with questions, please feel free to leave a comment below and the Doctor will answer as soon as possible after he gets back from the restroom.

*Obligatory disclaimer. "Ask Dr. Possum," Possumblog Lobster Traps, Possumblog Ink and Litho Supply, Possumblog Kitchens, Dr. Possum Clinic, and any other related corporate entities make no guarantee regarding the validity or accuracy of any information offered, because Dr. Possum is not an actual medical doctor. But hey, whatever, right?

Posted by Terry Oglesby at April 4, 2006 10:17 AM

What is the velocity of an unladen Australian sparrow?

Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at April 4, 2006 10:51 AM

Ferlin Husky!

No, wait--that's not right.

Anyway, I think you might be thinking of "the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow," and the accepted alternatives are either the African or the European swallow.

If we start mucking about with the equations by substituting alternative antipodal species, I fear that we may create a situation for which the world is unprepared.

Posted by: Dr. Possum at April 4, 2006 11:02 AM

Dear Dr. Possum,
How many Bulgarian mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Posted by: angie at April 4, 2006 12:03 PM

Sorry for the delay in answering, Angie--I had an emergency lunch I had to eat.

AS FOR YOUR QUESTION--although it might sound like the setup for a particularly cruel joke, the answer was forcefully given at the Fifth Congress of Electricity, held in Nesebur in 1958, at which time the standard number of persons required to change lightbulbs as determined by occupation were set down. Looking at my chart from the meeting report, it appears that seventeen mathemeticians were required, with the provision that at least two additional Russian advisors were to be present.

With the fall of Communism, these archaic rules were thrown out the window, and now Bulgaria, like every other former Soviet bloc country, have greatly liberalized their procedures so that only five mathemeticians are now required.

Posted by: Dr. Possum at April 4, 2006 12:51 PM

The local K-Mart has a JVC camcorder on sale for $189.99.

The cheapest at Wal-Mart is $229.

What do you think? Should I buy it?

Posted by: Janis at April 4, 2006 03:40 PM

If you have a Circuit City, Best Buy, Radio Shack, or other electronics store nearby, you should do yourself a favor and at least see if they have something comparable. If there's not one close by, and both K-Mart and Wal-Mart have the exact same camera, I'd vote with my dollars and go for the cheaper store. If there's some difference between the models, a good place to comparison shop is on Amazon.com.

Posted by: Dr. Possum at April 4, 2006 03:48 PM

Best Buy? Circuit City?


Where do you think I live?

We plan to do some shopping.

Posted by: Janis at April 4, 2006 03:50 PM

DO NOT MOCK DR. POSSUM! There is such a thing as the Internets, you know--you can always have them deliver stuff, even if they have to float it down the Mississippi on a raft.

Posted by: Dr. Possum at April 4, 2006 03:53 PM

Just missed a Sony for $129 at buy (dot) com.

Posted by: Janis at April 4, 2006 03:56 PM

You could try the local pawn shop too.

We found a set of golf clubs there for $30 -- perfect for learning.

They had some amazing buys on flat-panel and LCD TVs.

(I'm only sort of kidding.)

Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at April 4, 2006 08:23 PM

You're not kidding at all Francesca.

We have a gambling boat here that tears people up.

I didn't think about that.

Posted by: Janis at April 4, 2006 08:47 PM

I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $66218. Isn't that crazy!

Posted by: Betsy Markum at May 23, 2006 11:07 PM

Good morning, Betsy! I'm not sure if it's crazy or not, but I can say without hesitation that if your coworker IS a lunatic, I have an '86 Volvo I would be willing to sell to him and/or her for the bargain price of only $57,892.

Posted by: Dr. Possum at May 24, 2006 09:14 AM