Possumblog

Why do the ice dancers/skaters wear such hideous outfits? The men are all stuck in the 70's with their open shirts and the women, the less said the better.

If you feed a cold and starve a fever do you eat pork ribs when you want to heal a broken rib? Also is beer a good pain killer?

Funny you should ask that--I just read this catty little article, and this catty little article, and this catty little article, and quite frankly, I can't understand the fuss.

OF COURSE they're hideous--they have to do something to make up for the fact that they aren't participating in real sports like ice hockey or biathlon. So, why not go overboard with something akin to a gas explosion in a rag factory? If they didn't have that, no one would watch. Since it's all a made-up bunch of garbage anyway, I say give the audience a way to vote for costumery.

Or, you know, do like the ancient Greeks did in their Winter Olympics and compete without clothes.

Obviously, that answer was in response to Sarah, not to Jim.

Jim, what you are describing is an archaic practice known as the "law of similars," which says that you can cure or exacerbate conditions based upon eating or not eating things that are like or unlike what you are trying to cure or not cure. As I learned in medical school (*Editor's Note--Dr. Possum did not actually attend medical school) this law is very powerful mojo, and should be exercised with caution. Pork ribs, as you know, must be REMOVED from the pig in order to be eaten, so you might cause yourself to have to have a rib removed. This might not be so bad if you weren't married, because then the rib could be turned into a nice-looking helpmeet named Eve, or Eva Longoria, for that matter. Since you are married, however, it might be a bad thing to do. Just exercise caution, and don't try anything like downhill falling.

As for beer, it is good for killing slugs, pain, and the ability to distinguish between women who look like Eva Longoria and those who look like Helen Thomas. Again, caution is advised.

Do you answer real questions or just ones that give you the chance to show off your sparklin' wit? If it's the former ...

If a certain someone was in the market to replace the family vehicle, would you lean towards fuel economy or go with power/reliability? I just can't Focus on a 4-banger, yet with gas prices as high as they are, the difference between -17 and +28 mpg starts to add up in-a-hurry. OTOH, if you can buy a decent "large" vehicle for a few thousand less than a "light-in-the-loafers" econobox, then I would think that the difference in gas costs would not match the difference in vehicular purchase price.

And I can't get a Volvo, since the lovely wife is putting her foot down on getting a car built in this century, so don't even go there.

B-b-b-but, if the "law of similars" as I understand its use in homeopathic medicine applies here (symptoms of disease can be cured by SMALL amounts of substances that produce similar symptoms in healthy people when administered in LARGE amounts), wouldn't the cure for broken ribs in the Professor's case be breaking ANOTHER rib?

Just asking.

I don’t think so—Stan.

Dr. Spud, I presume? Of course I answer serious questions--anything that comes across the transom is worthy of careful consideration.

Such as--the new Spud Family Truckster! The biggest part of the equation is how much family you intend to haul, and how much stuff to go with it. As I recall, there are three Taters to consider, so you should have a much wider choice of vehicles. Personally, I think it's hard to beat something along the lines of a Mazda 3 five-door--good power, good mileage, good space, and interesting to look at. Similar stuff would be in the Civic/Corolla/Sentra range. I really don't think most people can effectively use the SUVs that are so popular. I'm not one of those cranks who think they need to be outlawed or taxed to death, but for the majority of people (who don't drive offroad, or haul boats or trailers, or work for various shadowy government bureaus), they don't make good sense. They do look muy macho, however, which is mostly what you're paying for. Hey, it's your dough. Whatever.

Also, I, being cheap, have come to the conclusion that unless you absolutely MUST have a new car, buying one that's only a few months old from a private party who lost a load on it is a better way to go. Depreciation is a killer.

NOW THEN--ON TO STAN'S QUESTION!

Yes, Stan, that is true to a certain extent (despite Jim's obvious ignorance of pure science), but I was actually thinking of whatever law of nature it is that makes people think raw oysters or ground up grizzly bear winkies are aphrodisiacs, not necessarily that whole homeopathic remedy stuff. So, although breaking another of Jim's ribs might tend to make him forget the first one he broke, it then leads to him having TWO broken ribs. Obviously not a state that can be carried on indefinitely, since ribs are a finite resource. So, ahh, hmm. I lost my train of thought. Let me go study on that some more.

I have a question. Why oh why have most of your responses today failed to include images of cheesecake? One brief mention of Eva Longoria in, like, 92 responses? Well below average.

Hence, I'll add some:
Cheesecake.
Cheesecake.
Cheesecake.

I'm not sure what's worse--that you would stoop to such low trickery, or that I would feel overwhelmingly compelled to click on each one in turn.

IN ANY EVENT, to answer your question, I try not to post too much of such things in order to keep from tempting those who are on a diet. Of whatever sort.

To be honest, it was a Pavlovian Experiment using the Good Doctor as a subject. Our Investigators wanted to see if such an Eminence Grease and Scientific Investigator as Dr. Possum would be able to tell he was in an experiment. Plus we thought if it was funny with one link, it would be hilarious with three.

Oh, please move back into view instead of hiding behind the toaster. The images are getting fuzzy.

Of course I knew. I was just playing along. And this isn't a toaster.

As per usual, excellent answers. The questions on the other hand----

Well, part of that is Dr, Possum's fault--for some reason, people don't seem to put a lot of faith in someone named Dr. Possum, and I think they tend to believe he could not ever offer an answer to a really REALLY good question. But he could, and he could do it in the third person to make it sound even more high-falutin'.

Well if we are talking about cheesecake, them maybe we should also be asking about the therapeutic benefits of ingesting regular amounts of ice cream.

Cruelty upon cruelty...

Not to derail the conversation on high-caloric comestibles, but I want to know...

What were you doing in MY DRIVEWAY Sunday night? And why did you insist on climbing my tree instead of high-tailing it out of there like any normal possum would have?

Ornery possum.

That's right my husband saw you Friday night. He was expecting deer and found you instead. Then you trundled off to the neighbor's yard (glad you realized that our yard is the yard of death).

Whoa, whoa, WHOA!! I'm not the only possum in the headlights, y'know. Did either of you ask for credentials? Probably not. And even if you did, I bet whoever that imposter was wouldn't be able to tell you that he received his doctorate from the University of Bratislava.

So, I claim complete ignorance.

As usual.

Oh, sure. You CLAIM ignorance, but how do we KNOW?

Oh,

...

Nevermind.

Being stupid DOES have its advantages.