Possumblog

I assume the buxomness was fake too, making them appropriate companions.

Why do they do these stupid fire drills so I can't get my surfing done?

Dr. Possum employs a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in regards to enhancements of a femalenine chestal nature.

As for your second question, you obviously are unaware of the dangers posed by stupid fires. Unlike smart fires, stupid fires are several times more dangerous, and tend to conflagrationate important things like desktop mementos and printouts of basketball tournament brackets, while ignoring actual work-related materials that you would LIKE to be burnt to a crisp.

Stupid fire drills allow you to learn where your important things are so that you can quickly shove them into a box and take with you, rather than leave them for the stupid fire--your Most Dissatisfied Employee plaque, your autographed photo of WCBS reporter Tamsen Fadal, your cup of pens, your stash of cupcakes--all of that stuff needs to be gotten out so it doesn't burn up!

Dr. Possum,

Who, what, when , why, where , how?

If it looks like a duck and quacks, is it a minority?

Mr. Anderson, it was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the candlestick, sometime after the late local news, but before the end of Letterman's monologue. As best we can tell, he became enraged when he found out the victim was having a torrid affair with Miss Scarlet.

Mr. Mark V., that depends on if the item in question is a duck, or an elephant disguised as a duck. In the case of the latter, I can almost with certainty say that it would be in a very small minority.

In negotiations class we ask “who gets how much, of what, when?”

Didn't I leave a comment here already? Where did it go?

I find your world fascinating, Jim.

And Nate, yes, you did leave a comment, but you left it on another post. As usual, this did nothing to detract from the high quality repartee found on this publication.

Dr. Possum, sir. Some of the lettuce we are growing in the garden bed has a bitter taste.

A site I visited yesterday said to wash and store the lettuce in the refrigerator for a day or two and the bitterness would go away.

Have you found that to be true?

It couldn't hurt. I also like to cut the core out and sprinkle the whole head with baking soda and let it soak in a big pot or pressure cooker full of cold water. After you soak it, you then rinse it off with cold water and then put it in the fridge. Seems to make it taste sweeter.

I think it would work with heads of lettuce, too.

You might also want to have the soil checked for pH and make any necessary amendments, make sure the plants get enough water, and pick them early before they go to seed.

Dear Dr. Possum,

Do cars with bumper stickers have more accidents than cars without bumper stickers? Or does it depend on what the sticker(s) say?

[Dr. Possum is on an extended lunch break, needing nourishment after exhausting himself over answering the multitudinous millions, So I, Intern Spud, will attempt to fill the void he has temporarily left...]

Mr. Stan, gummint man,
It depends on the near-sightedness of the yokel driving behind the car having or not having the bumper stickers. Statistics do show a marked increase in accidents for vehicles still retaining the "Kerry and Edwards '04" badge of dishonor on their bumper, and statistics do not lie. Just ask Gore about the shrinking icebergs.
(Ooops, starting to ramble ... Dr. Possum ain't gonna be happy ...)

In the most recent research I have conducted, it has been confirmed that cars driven by unkempt hippies slacker dudes, with stickers such as "Gaia is My Co-Pilot" and Darwin fish plastered on their cars, have the highest likelihood of being in collisions with the front end of my orange Dodge Power Wagon "Simon and Simon" tribute vehicle.

Marc, I am not at lunch--I was merely accessing my research data--and as you can see, it only took 16 minutes between the time Stan posted and I answered. I MUST ask that I be allowed at least some time to formulate a proper answer that serves to broaden the scientific knowledge of mankind.

And I also must have time for my medical assistants to delicately wipe the hot wing sauce from my fingers before I begin typing.

Just ask Gore about the shrinking icebergs.

OK, is that Al Gore about shrinking icebergs, or Janis Gore about shrinking iceberg lettuce heads? I think I was distracted by that earlier question. (Baking soda and lettuce? Guess I never thought about THAT.)

Got to be Al. We only have romaine and leaf.

I think we must be talking about Leslie Gore.

I am learning that thingy about assuming, but such is a the life of an Intern.

Srinking iceberg lettuce heads eventually turn into brussel sprouts, and those are quite bitter.

And thank you for my need of sensitivity decorum when referring to a "Gore". I will try to call the former VP now global alarmist as AlGore, and the nice lady gardener as Miss Gore, or Janis if I'm feeling chummy.

That seems acceptable Mr. Velasquez.

But, any gardener worth his salt knows that Brussels sprouts are shrunk cabbage heads. That's a delicate process that I haven't mastered yet.

Actually I must applaud the Intern for his work ethic. I hope Dr. Possum is paying him at least as well as he pays Chet.

Actually, Chet pays me. And it ain't too good.
But I do have my health, so I have that going for me ... and, uh, Dr. Possum lets me have the caps from his Diet Coke bottles, with the chance to win valuable prizes. He claims he hasn't checked them on the computer, and that whatever I win I get to keep. He won't pay taxes, though, if I get the Hawaii trip.

Dr. Possum hires only independent contractors and has no employees of his own. It is the responsibility of these contractors to comply with Federal and local ordinances and regulations regarding issues of taxation. I would like to remind any contractors who feel their contract arrangements are less than ideal, I have no problem with soliciting new bids for services.

So watch it.

CHET'S an independent contractor? Man, I'd hate to see his tax returns.

Although I suppose Chet may be employed by a different business entity, come to think of it.

There seems to be some small misunderstanding here, and if I may, I would like to clarify it. Chet the E-Mail Boy is an employee of Possumblog Industries. Although Dr. Possum has had a long professional association with Possumblog Industries, he is not an employee of Possumblog Industries, and Chet the E-Mail Boy does not work for him. Dr. Possum answers questions for readership of Possumblog as a favor to me, and he is not compensated for this service.

However, it does seem that somehow Mr. Spud DOES work for Dr. Possum in a capacity as an "independent contractor," and further, that his contract is not paid directly, but instead funneled through some kind of funding mechanism agreement to between Dr. Possum and Chet the E-Mail Boy.

Possumblog Industries and its subsidiary companies categorically deny any knowledge of or involvement in any agreements between its employees and third parties.

It sounds like Chet needs a good tax accountant.

But I don't want to be paid in corn flakes.

Whew, I'm just like Rudolph and Herman* (the elf dentist) - I'm ... independent. [Cue the Fame and Fortune song]

This interning is not all it's cracked-up to be. And I'm getting tired of Cornaguin leftovers as my "compensation". Chet says the Cornatee's are all gone, but I have my doubts.

(* I think it's Herman, but I could be wrong.)

Diane, I wouldn't volunteer if I were you--you know how Chet gets around women, and you know how Miss Butch (Chet's 100 year old Hmong girlfriend) gets when other women get around Chet.

Spud, I think it was Hermie. Or Conan O'Brien.