April 13, 2006

Remember a couple of weeks back...

...when The Guy Who Always Burns His Toast nearly burned up the toaster with a piece of parchment paper?

Just now, I came in from lunch and saw him standing at the toaster oven again, waiting.

I came in my office, sat down, returned a call, and then began to smell the tell-tale odor of Fahrenheit 451. I ran out the door, and AS USUAL, he'd wandered off somewhere, and the oven was releasing a nice cloud of smoke. ::ding:: Yep, it's DONE, all right! Just then he came shuffling back up, and, because I'm nice, I chuckled and said I thought his paper was finished cooking.

"Hm, well, hm--that's...that's parchment paper--it's not supposed to burn."


Now, look. If it does it the first time you put it in there, that ought to tell you that yes, in fact, IT WILL BURN! It's PAPER, not ASBESTOS. If you put it in a cake pan and pour batter on top of it, why, yes, it probably won't burn then, because CAKE doesn't cook at 500 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT! UNLIKE THE TOASTER OVEN, that has a white hot heating element only ONE AND A HALF INCHES AWAY FROM YOUR PRECIOUS PARCHMENT PAPER!

What's the old Einstein quote--"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I think it applies in this case.


Posted by Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 01:13 PM

Aren't you missing the real story here? Don't you find it a bit strange that he is cooking paper for lunch? Although I suppose crispy paper might have a more pleasant texture than raw paper, I still don't believe it is very nutricious.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 13, 2006 01:30 PM

Well, he IS a Democrat of the particularly hard-core sort, but even then I don't think he's become so unhinged as to eat blackened cellulose.

He, for some reason, thinks he should put whatever FOOD he's heating up (today were two Mrs. Paul's fish sticks) onto a piece of parchment paper (since it doesn't burn, doncha know) because that will make it, uhhh, make it...be, uhmm, will cause the food to cook bett--

Okay--I don't think he has any idea why he thinks he should put flammable material underneath his fish, unless he thinks a toaster oven is sorta like a microwave.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 01:39 PM

Many years ago, when microwave ovens were first becoming available in offices, one my co-workers had a little problem. He took his can of soup, opened the lid, bent it back, stuck the can in the microwave. He was surprised at the light show that went on, as RF energy arced from the lid to the can.

The really scary thing is that this guy supposedly had a master's in electrical engineering. Our little group of 3 engineers was responsible for pre-mission analysis of the radio links to spacecraft. Needless to say, this guy didn't contribute much, but up 'til then, we didn't know just how clueless he was.

Posted by: Steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at April 13, 2006 01:57 PM

Maybe he's trying to not have to wash the pan he's putting them on. He doesn't have to take ten seconds to wash a pan; instead, you spend your afternoon inhaling parchment smoke.

Posted by: Diane at April 13, 2006 01:58 PM

Hehehe--electical engineers are so silly! As are bureaucrats...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 02:10 PM

I thought there was a tacit AoW agreement to not make fun of engineers. If not, I sure have missed a lot of good opportunities the last three years.

Steevil must be back on his feet and thinking clearly. That's good to see.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 13, 2006 02:16 PM

Actually I'm sitting on my butt in my bathrobe.

Posted by: Steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at April 13, 2006 02:18 PM

Steevil, I was going to say something like that but Terry would come back at me about being nice to the sick and shutin.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 13, 2006 02:26 PM

I wasn't making fun of engineers--only laughing at them behind their backs.

Thank heavens Steevil has on a bathrobe.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 02:26 PM

And the sick and the afflicted, Larry. We must not forget them.

Nor that they make easy targets of mean-spirited humor at their expense.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 02:27 PM

Yeah, I didn't take a robe with me to the hospital. I had a nice view out the window if I stood and stuck my head close to the glass--could see down the harbor and the Patapsco River. Had to remember to hold the back of the gown closed so people in the hall didn't get mooned.

Posted by: Steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at April 13, 2006 02:29 PM

Could the name of The Guy Who Always Burns His Toast possibly be Mr. Frumble?

Posted by: Sarah G. at April 13, 2006 02:47 PM

REMARKABLY similar, Sarah. I don't remember Mr. Frumble, but he certainly fits the bill.

And Steevil, remember you can always find another hospital gown and put it on backwards from the other one, if you don't like feeling the breeze up your stern.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 13, 2006 03:09 PM