I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON!!
I missed the first two hours, but apparently they went and got Jack off that Chinese boat, and made David Palmer's brother the President, and got Chloe to pretty-up a bit, and there's a bunch of lunatic Peaceful Religionists running around wanting to kill us all and that ain't good and so we NEED JACK!
SO, last night, they've got him and he keeps telling Gray Haired Boss not to call him (copy that) and there's this bunch of non-swarthy, highly diverse group of prisoners that are being let go to satisfy some evil dude who promises bad things will happen. BUT, that's just a cover. Seems there's only one prisoner he wants, who IS swarthy and non-diverse, and he got to hide on the bus that was going to the airport. They sorta figured out who he was based on Jack's childlike trust in ANOTHER swarthy guy who is one of the bad guys, but on the whole, rather more reasonable than the other bad guys who just wantses their precious 72 virgins.
ANYWAY, this guy's bad, but he knows the prisoner guy, and so they do computery things and send his picture to the guards on the airplane, and they start searching for him amongst all the people, who by now have changed into their more familiar all-swarthy, all-manly mode, and of course, he's not on the plane because he's on the bus and there's an evil guy guard that we managed to let enlist and have a gun, and he sprang the evil guy to go to a warehouse to start their nefarious plan.
WHICH RELIES ON having a trigger, that was supposed to be delivered by some swarthy-guy-next-door type, who managed to get shot then go to the neighbor's house and get the Hot Housewife/Nurse to patch him up and threaten to kill everyone unless her Dopey Husband doesn't comply with all his demands for pills and delivery service of the triggering device.
SO, the Dopey Husband guy leaves and goes and offs the warehouse guy to steal the trigger, then still manages to botch everything by not going STRAIGHT to Jack Bauer, but instead goes and gives the trigger to the warehouse FULL of bad guys, who have a nuclear suitcase, and they start arming it and the Dopey Husband guy is all, like, "Hey, let me go!" and they're all, like, "No WAY, running dog infidel! We're terrorists--this is what we do. Putz!"
IN THE MEAN TIME, Bald Palmer pardons Jack's swarthy bad-but-good companion, but Cowboy Curtis has an oldtime beef with him because the swarthy guy's terrorist buddies had killed two of Curtis' squadmates, and Curtis was all up for evening the score, but we didn't find this out until it was too late, because for ONCE, Chloe (who, by the way, looks much cuter this year) told Jack she was--wait for it--TOO BUSY TO DO HIS SILLY SECRETARIAL WORK! Since WHEN did Pinchyface Chloe EVER NOT have enough time to download and wash and fold and walk the dog for Jack!? NEVER! I think she's gone over to the other side. Anyway, her dilly-dallying allowed Cowboy Curtis to sneak away before Jack's Swarthy Evil Friend got in the black SUV and take him hostage and set about to killing him, which made Jack have to SHOOT COWBOY CURTIS!
NO! WAY! Yes way! I don't think Curtis will die, though, because Jack is just that good of a shot. So he goes and throws up and tells Gray Haired Boss that this just isn't working.
And then the terrorists blow up their nuke, and that's BAD!
Other things?
The Nose Whistling Guy from the old Calista Flockhart Show is on Bald Palmer's staff, and he's a weasel, which we know because he keeps thoughtfully holding his arms akimbo. Chloe has two guys on the staff that she's been keeping company with, and both of them seem like real dunces. Suave? Yes. Pretty? Yes. Fashionably dressed in black? Yes. Dunces? Oh, you betcha. There's a good-looking brunette who gets coffee and stuff, and somehow Bald Palmer has an interfering woman he has to put up with who had some kind of secret papers and I expect her to do the head bob and the Z-Snap and put him in his place pretty soon.
NEXT WEEK!
Jack shoots someone and roughs up Dr. Romano from ER, who has miraculously regrown his arm that got whacked off by a helicopter. Copy that.
Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 16, 2007 11:02 AMYou didn't miss too much: Jack survived the Chinese because he didn't want to die for nothing, and now Grey-haired boss gives him a chance to die for something. When the swarthy non-diverse guys get their hands on Jack, they tell him they lied, and they just want revenge on Jack for past shoot-first-ask-questions-later events. So he is going to die for nothing.
This pisses Jack off, because he has his heart set on dying for something. He goes all vampire on his guard and escapes. (Jack knows how to vamp out since his alter-ego was in a cult-status vampire film 20 years ago).
There is fresh meat in CTU; Grey-haired Boss and Dragon Lady from last season are married (but living and working on opposite coasts); Chloe's ex-husband is almost as much of a PITA as she can be (she tells HIM that he needs to fit in more, as she has done).
That's about it.
Posted by: Diane at January 16, 2007 01:05 PMWow--I didn't realize that Gray Haired Boss and Dragon Lady got hitched! How sweet! But that long distance relationship stuff can't be easy.
And now that you mention it, I DID hear about Jack's Hannibal Lechter moment. Gosh, I sure am glad he's got a gun again. I'd hate for him to have to bite EVERYone to take them out.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 16, 2007 01:15 PM