YAY!! Everyone loves to complain, and everyone loves a complainer!!
And the morning started out so nicely.
But to the schmoe in the spiffy new PT Cruiser, next time you see a faded silver Volvo merging onto the Interstate ahead of you, it would be inadvisable to ever again try to speed up and cut off the driver.
Because you see, dear Moparetard, he had on his turn signal from the time he got on the entrance ramp, and was matching speed with the car ahead of him, and frankly, he couldn't care less if you want to smear your front bumper against the rear of his. So all of your minor theatrics of boiling up on his bumper and acting as though YOU were the one cut off only gave that perturbed Volvo driver a greater determination to use the traffic conditions and his superior sense of timing to make sure you never get ahead of him.
When you whipsawed over into the center lane, the Volvo driver could see up ahead that everyone was stopping, so your smugness when your maneuver got you one car length ahead quickly dissipated when that stupid slow Volvo cruised on past.
When you managed to catch up to it again, somehow the Volvo driver managed at the very last second to trap you behind some little old lady; yet another person whom you once again tried to intimidate by your little character flaw of reckless tailgating.
For all your sudden blasts of acceleration and stand-it-on-its-nose brake applications and rudeness toward others and exasperation, you managed to get nowhere any faster than that hateful faded silver Volvo, which you wound up not being able to pass all the way from Trussville to the 22nd Street exit.
Sir, there is a difference between driving fast and driving quickly.
SO, that little irksome detail of modern life has now gone by the wayside, and I feel much better belittling the person who caused me such tremendously minor grief. Do YOU have a complaint so minor that you'd otherwise be ashamed to even admit to it? What better place than here, on Mindlessly-Miffed Tuesday, to let loose and tell everyone your thoughts on the matter!
Got a peeve today? Tell us and allow us to either mock or comfort you in your distress. Just remember, if you get really angry, the management asks you to employ a healthy ration of jarns, nittles, grawlix, and quimps in order not to frighten the animals.
(Thanks to Jim Smith for the link.)
Posted by Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 09:38 AMI'll start off with a complaint about the lazy, no-count girl who works in our yard.
I have four six-packs of pansies that I told her she should plant yesterday because a rain was expected this morning.
Well, she didn't do it. And a perfect gentle rain fell all morning.
Girl should be fired.
Posted by: Janis Gore at December 12, 2006 10:00 AMMaybe she's just hard-of-hearing.
Or hard-of-doing.
I'd bake her a nice cake if I were you.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 10:20 AMI stopped by the BBQ Emporium for a coffee and to catch up on the. BJB told me I had a phone call. It was Lee telling me I had left my cellphone at home. Took me #*&%$ minutes to get home.
Posted by: Larry Anderson at December 12, 2006 10:25 AMI got my crankiness out on Sunday.
Now I'm just dealing with randomly barky dogs, the worst being the 14 grand dame that barks to be put on the dog sofa and then barks if she is not placed just so.
Posted by: Sarah G. at December 12, 2006 10:45 AMOh, come on, Larry--admit it was just a ploy Miss Lee was using to get you to come back to the house for a little bit more lovin'!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 10:46 AMAnd Sarah, I think I'd be having me a talking-to with that couch dog of yours. Show some slides of Alaskan sled dogs and say, "Hush, or this could be YOU, Barkypants!"
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 10:52 AMNo big irritations, but I knew what Dragees were for the simple reason that there are kosher Mentos in the world, and for some reason they are listed on the side as "Chewy Dragees." I was also familiar with aglet, peen, and rowel.
If I must complain, it is that I could have lived a long, happy life not knowing what "spraints" are.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 12, 2006 12:12 PMBut it gives new depth to the insult of calling someone "spraints brain." As for dragees, do they have the same effect as Mentos in a Diet Coke?
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 12:14 PMAlmost. The kosher ones do whatever the non-kosher ones do, only in either Hebrew or Yiddish.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 12, 2006 01:58 PMI learn so much here every day...
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2006 02:18 PM