November 16, 2006

"Taunting," you say?

Oh, we HAVE some of THAT around here--it being the lead-up to the big game this weekend pitting the fearsome Auburn Tigers against the puny weaklings of the Alabama Crimson Tilde, we have been brutal and ceaseless in our japery and mean-spirited humiliation directed toward the T-towners, and they have withered before the onslaught of vicious wit!

I would give them a big pile of rejoinders today, but I don't want to punish them too severely. I also have a bunch of work left to do and I don't have time to do too much.

THANKFULLY, our friend Nate McCord sent along a singularly stinging rejoinder that puts the Rammer Jammers in their places.

Actually, it's funny to the point that it's good no matter if you use Alabama or Auburn as the butt of it, but don't let anyone know I told you that.

ANYWAY, here goes:

"That's My Boy!"

A young man was accepted to the University of Alabama, but after packing up and moving to Tuscaloosa, about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he found that he had foolishly squandered in various nightclubs along The Strip all of the money his parents had given him to live on. Being a clever boy, however, he got an idea.

He called his father on the phone and said, "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Alabama that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father said. "How do we get him in that program!?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000," the student replied, "and I'll get him into the course."

So, his father packed up Ol' Blue with the $1,000 and sent dog and dollars both to Tuscaloosa.

Although initially overjoyed with the receipt of this newfound wealth (since it meant the ability to party some more), once more before the next semester was even close to being over, the money ran out. Since the trick had worked so well the first time, the boy called his father once more.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?" his father asked.

"Awesome, Dad--he's talking up a storm!" the son answered, "But you just won't believe this--they've had such good results with this program that they've started a new one to teach animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" his father exclaimed. "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program!?"

Barely believing his good fortune, the son said, "Just send $2,500 and I'll get him in the class."

As before, the unsuspecting father sent the money, and the son had a wonderful time blowing every last cent of it. But now with two semesters gone, the young man had a problem because with the end of the school year, his father will now find out that Ol' Blue could neither talk, nor read.

So he shot Ol' Blue.

When the 'Bama student returned home at the end of the semester, his father was all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can' t wait to hear him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy said sadly, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'"

At which, the father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

HAH! Those wacky Bama fans!

Posted by Terry Oglesby at November 16, 2006 03:35 PM

Terry, I posted a tall tale over at my blog
and my co-blogger Woody mentioned your blog in the comments. Coming over I was delighted to see that you are a fellow Munuvian and that your blog is equally delightful. I'll be adding you to my Highly Recommended Reading blogroll. The last bunch of jokes are by the way, oldies but truly goodies. Thanks for the chuckle.

GM Roper
Cancer Sucks

Posted by: GM Roper at November 24, 2006 12:13 PM

Well, thank you very much, GM! I appreciate the kind words and will be happy to have you come and sit a spell anytime you want. But as a warning, as you will come to find out, I live for constant positive reinforcement.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at November 25, 2006 08:56 AM