February 20, 2006

Film Trailers I Saw That Guaranteed...

...I Won't See the Movie.

We got to the theater Saturday just in time for the previews. I can't quite recall any that seem compelling enough to have to go see, but there were a few for which the trailer was so craptacular that it's obvious someone made the movie to purposely lose money.

First up, Madea's Family Reunion. Frankly, I'm a bit surprised that the whole genre of foul-mouthed black guys dressing up as foul-mouthed women has gone on as long as it has.

Next, Aquamarine. A mermaid movie for teen girls. Please, just harpoon me now.

Third, Benchwarmers, a heartwarming Schneider, Spade, Napoleon Dynamite vehicle. "Heartwarming," as in, "it gives me indigestion just to watch the trailer, which is neither funny, nor amusing, nor humorous, nor witty, nor original, nor clever, but abundantly idiotic. And not in a good way."

The one I hate with a visceral hatred completely out of proportion to all reason? Hoot. The trailer started out so nice, too--kid moves away from the big city to some backwater place in Florida, befriends a little girl who shows him a cool place full of old boat wrecks where the kids hang out and make a clubhouse, then they find some cute little ground-burrowing owls--then it takes a turn where the kids have to Save the Owls. The book it's based on might read differently, but from what I can tell by the movie trailer, the evil earthraping landgrabbing development side of the story is basically a overblown, overwrought cartoon of adult people. It does have Tim Blake Nelson, although sadly he is not reprising his role of Delmar from O Brother, Where Art Thou?, but merely playing some kind of yokel. Frankly, I think it would be more compelling if the kids were trying to save a Hooters from being plowed under.

One that looks simultaneously stupid AND watchable? Nacho Libre--it has religion, masked Mexican rasslin, and the luminous Ana de la Reguera. Rrrowll.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at February 20, 2006 02:14 PM

I wanted to post on those awful trailers myself, but it's difficult to remember them all after soaking in a movie for two hours. For most of them I would turn to Lady Spud and either give a thumbs-down, make a face or comment "Looks like we'll be missing that one." Tim Allen switches places with a dog and then licks himself? Uh huh, there's a comedy goldmine.

I do remember the plethora of trailers for animated films coming out, and they all looked pathetic except for "Over the Hedge". "Ice Age 2" looked weak, and that one about the dumb dog trying to find treasure looked awful.

The ones coming out for the summer don't look too promising either. Tom Cruise being more Impossible?

Posted by: MarcV at February 21, 2006 07:05 AM

Oh, I forgot all about the dog movie. Blech.

Over the Hedge might be good, in that it has a possum. Although in some sort of inexplicable casting, it is voiced by Avril Lavigne. And after reading a bit more, I see that the possum daddy is played by William Shatner.

After all I've done to give possums a good name...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 21, 2006 08:47 AM