Larry Anderson, well-known wise man and government contractor, mentioned in one of the comments below a concept I was unfamiliar with, namely, Stupidity Flux. I thought at first it was that new movie with Charlize Theron, but Larry was kind enough to set me straight.
Now, this is going to get all technical and scientifical and all, so if you need any explainatory words, you'll have to ask Larry:
From observation, (Note the scientific tone of that phrase) I have noted that stupid people tend to group with similar people (thus the crowd traveling with Mother Sheehan). From this observation, I deduced that a positive correlation exists between the level of stupidity a person exhibits and their proximity to other stupid people. Thus we see that some agent must be present to account for this phenomenon. From the study of Physics (or it may have been 8th grade science), I remembered that a magnet has a field surrounding it that may be demonstrated with iron filings and a sheet of paper.
My startling contribution to human knowledge occurred when I realized that stupid people must be producing a similar field that interacts with the brains of those who are near them thereby producing more stupidity. I believe the effect to an exponential function (probably at least a cube of the number of idiots present).
The effect on non-stupid people seems to be hair loss or the graying of hair as brain cells are killed as interaction with stupidity flux fields emits a gaseous substance that either causes head hair to fall out or turn gray.
You may have noticed falling or graying hair as the “Toast Master” passes your cube.
I continue to work on a unified field theory to explain ear and nose hair growth.
I am pleased to help. My goal in life is to share my insights with those less gifted intellectually or whatever you choose to call it.
Oh, and to become a better typist.
Posted by: Larry Anderson at December 9, 2005 01:03 PMThere are a few corollaries and addenda to this theory, including the one I made up just now:
The gathering of two, vapid, meaningless human beings for almost any purpose, but especially for a reality show is related to the Stupidity Flux, but most often referred to as the "Unified Bimbo Effect." Occasionally it will be attributed to its foremost recent practitioners, the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie Effect.
There were those who sometimes called it the Jessica/Nick result, but that has very recently fallen out of fashion.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 9, 2005 01:12 PMJust when I almost have a unified theory worked out, some other scientist introduces a whole new set of data.
SkinnyDan, would your corollary explain the John the K and Howard the Dean duo?
I have a question for both of you--1) does this explain Congress? And 2) Can the stupidity field emanating from stupid people be used to generate power, or create a perpetual motion machine?
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 9, 2005 01:42 PMTerry,
I think it is "the" explanation for Congress and that also answers the second part of your question.
Posted by: Larry Anderson at December 9, 2005 01:56 PMLarry and Terry (now there's an act that should go on the road!), this post and subsequent exchange made me laugh out loud. Thanks -- because I really needed it today.
Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at December 9, 2005 05:22 PMLarry, the Kerry/Dean thing is a modern phenomenon known as "The Electability Paradox." It manifests recently as the desire for Democrats to find someone the country might actually elect, when what they really want is some wacko who wants to give the country back to the sea mollusks who owned it originally in the Pleistocene before the bipeds came and ravaged their ancestral home.
The natural result of the EP (known in the last election cycle as the "Teeth/Screech Syndrome")is the end result is the Dems get neither result and have to go home and compose love letters to Stalin, the last leader they had any real faith in.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 12, 2005 11:09 AMTerry:
1) No. Nothing explains congress
2) Yes. However the only resulting perpetual motion is neverending People magazine stories and endless repetition of certain E! Channel "news" programs, so it's not really being harnessed for anything particularly useful.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 12, 2005 11:11 AMOooooh---I LOVE People Magazine! That George Clooney is so dreamy!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 12, 2005 11:40 AM