The guy I mentioned before who always burns his toast? Every day? Because he can't quite seem to grasp the idea of time and temperature? And he turns the toaster oven that sits on the small table outside my office on full power and then leaves for five minutes while the bread burns to a crisp? Every day? Him?
Well, he just did it again, and you know, he's gotten on my last nerve.
Time for a mean-spirited sign on the toaster oven denigrating those who burn their toast as buffoons of the highest order, and suggesting that if the toastor cannot bear to stand watch over the toaster for the minute that it takes to properly brown a single slice of bread, then maybe the person perfoming the toastflagration should buy his own derned toaster and keep it in his office where he's the only one who has to put up with the stench of carbonized flour.
Posted by Terry Oglesby at December 1, 2005 11:57 AMLook out! Possum on a rampage!!
Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at December 1, 2005 12:00 PMI wouldn't mind, except it happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Is a toaster oven that hard to figure out?! A friggin' spider monkey could do better at making toast.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 1, 2005 12:06 PMI'm sorry, but something about "friggin' spider monkey" made me laugh out loud.
I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. I feel your pain. Really.
Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at December 1, 2005 12:12 PMBUT CAN YOU SMELL THE BURNING TOAST!? AARRGGHHHHH!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 1, 2005 12:16 PMI thought that was you burning up with righteous anger?
And, unlike GOYL, I'm laughing AT you.
Posted by: skinnydan at December 1, 2005 12:32 PMFor the right price, I can make sure that toaster oven never bothers you again.
Posted by: skillzy at December 1, 2005 12:46 PMMaybe if the toaster oven suffered an unfortunate accident, like falling off the table and into the elevator shaft, that would fix the problem.
Posted by: Nate at December 1, 2005 12:55 PMMaybe the guy just likes his toast really well done...
Posted by: BillW at December 1, 2005 01:03 PMSkinnydan, you're going to hurt my tender feelings if you keep laughing at me like that.
Skillzy, Nate--I don't know WHAT you might be talking about. I am loathe to mess with it much--I think I contributed money for its purchase after the last one died.
And Bill, you could be right, although it would seem to be more convenient if he would just bring some charcoal briquets to work with him.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 1, 2005 01:11 PMPerhaps if you simply unplugged it for a few days, he would think it was broken and stop eating toast.
Then again, if he thought it was broken and petitioned for a new, more powerful one, he may succeed in setting the office on fire.
How about a suitably placed smoke eater?
Posted by: Diane at December 1, 2005 01:24 PM“it happens every single day.” So now you have lost your sense of tradition?
Posted by: jim at December 1, 2005 01:37 PMDiane, that's possible--as long as I've been working here, the circuit the various kitchen appliances plug into has habitually tripped the circuit breaker. He's been the cause of this several times, and despite the loud CLACK of the breaker and the sudden loss of power, it seems he could never quite figure out that it was the toaster or microwave or coffee pot that had overloaded the circuit. So, he would stand there and mumble to himself about the toaster not working. So, maybe an unplugging would work. At least for a little while.
As for the suitably placed smoke-eater, that would be my job.
And YES, Jim, I from here ever after eschew ALL traditions. That cause me discomfort.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 1, 2005 02:25 PMReminds me of that line from Apocalypse Now: "I love the smell of napalm (on toast?) in the morning."
Posted by: Stan at December 1, 2005 06:36 PMThe horror...the horror.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 2, 2005 08:25 AM