October 06, 2005

Fun With Referrer Logs!

Oh, today things are a bit racy--someone came by earlier wanting to get some free instructions on how to drive your man wild in bed.

Now, I have to admit, this is kinda out of our league, even for Possumblog, seeing as how I don’t usually invite men into my bed, much less with the intent of doing anything like driving them wild. But you know, if someone had a big enough urge to know to come to Possumblog to find this information out, then it’s up to me to try to help.

Because I am a helpful person.

And enjoy giving free instructions.

Now then, being that I am a man (at least on those occasions I am allowed to be by the female members of my household) I can at least speak to the things that would drive ME wild in bed, which you, the general reading public, may try (at your own risk) upon men which might occasion you own beds. I cannot say that these instructions would work on other men, so your results may vary. They are in no particular order as to efficacy, and nothing but your own discretion should prevent you from combining two or more of any of the items. Finally, none of these things have actually ever been tried out on me, so I’m really only speculating here.

FREE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO DRIVE YOUR MAN WILD IN BED

a) Sprinkle itching powder on the sheets.

b) Start a conversation about curtains while NOVA is rerunning that show about the Enigma code machine.

c) Disallow any flatulence, even if the auditory effect is humorous or somewhat musical.

d) Tell your man that you saw this picture on the Internet today, and that you’re just as limber, and then go to sleep.

e) Clip your fingernails or toenails.

f) Short sheet the bed.

g) Come to bed in a slinky robe, announce you have something really exciting hidden under your robe, then smile and slowly reach inside, and pull out this week’s sales circular from Kohl’s department store and mention that they’ve got some really cute stuff that’s on sale, and when your man notices that Daisy Fuentes is on the cover, angrily ask if he thinks she’s cuter than you.

h) Ask if the stove is off downstairs. After man has gone to check and returned, ask if doors are locked downstairs. After man has gone to check and returned, ask why man seems so grouchy.

i) Just when you’re both about to nod off, quietly ask if what Glenn Close did in Fatal Attraction was really all that bad, “you know, considering the circumstances.”

j) Wait until your man is asleep and put his hand in a bowl of warm water.

There now. Hope that helps!

Next up, we have this request--patricia heaton's rack.

Okay, look--I think she’s very nice, and nice looking, and frankly she is the only reason I ever watch reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, but isn’t this just a little much to be coming to Possumblog in hopes of seeing?! I mean, come on!

Well, okay, if you insist. But it's down in the extended entry because depending on where you work, it might be inappropriate.

patricia heaton's rack.jpg

Posted by Terry Oglesby at October 6, 2005 12:18 PM
Comments

YOWZA! I had no idea she had such a fine set of shakeables!

Posted by: skinnydan at October 6, 2005 02:41 PM

Dare I say it? Ah why not...
Spicey!

Posted by: Sarah G. at October 6, 2005 02:46 PM

And just the size--I mean, there's a good deal more than a couple of handsful there.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at October 6, 2005 03:45 PM

You are a mess!

And are you absolutely sure that none of those things have ever been tried on you in bed?? Some of them sound suspiciously familiar...

Oh wait. That's my house. Never mind.

Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at October 6, 2005 03:46 PM

NEVER! At least none that I would be willing to admit.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at October 6, 2005 03:50 PM