Possumblog

In the kingdom of Ty-Ping...

That's the rest of what I did this weekend. Typed. And typed.

BUT FIRST, after my tiresome trek to the stadium, I was hoping to be able to go home and go to bed, and maybe get some slumber and rest and wake up refreshed Saturday morning.

Well, you know how this is going to go.

Oldest had to meet one of her school clubs up at Wal-Mart Saturday morning to sell school coupon books. Really puts the "fun" in "fundraiser," you know? So, the question of how to get her there--AT SEVEN A.M. That's right, seven o'clock in the morning. ::sigh:: Reba said she'd take her, and I asked her how it was she was going to get up--"Well, you might have to get up, too," she said with a winsome smile. ::sigh:: Why bother? I'll just take her and let everyone else sleep.

Now, unbeknownst to me, sometime during this exchange after we got in Friday night, Oldest had been told by Mom to call the person in charge and make sure of the time. Oldest took this to mean to call everyone she knew. But not their home, their cell phones. But, nobody was answering. And rather than leave a message, she just hung up. Apparently.

I say apparently, because as I was getting ready for bed and the ensuing lack of sleep I was going to get, the telephone rang. I picked it up, and in the background you could hear something, like someone calling from a phone booth. Much "hello"ing, no answer, then I heard Ashley pick up downstairs and say hello, and then hang on while I kept saying hello, so I told her to hang up, and then I hung up.

Five minutes later, the phone rang again--same background noise, but this time a voice after I said hello. Sounded like a teenaged girl. "WHO IS THIS!?"

Lots of attitude. "Well, who are you trying to call?" See, because you don't just call up someone on the phone and demand to know who you've just called. And you especially don't call adults and act like that.

"UGH! SOMEone just CALLED my NUMBER from THIS NUMBER! WHO IS THIS!?"

You know, I really wasn't in the mood for such crap. But I can't really blame the kid--I blame her PARENTS, who seem to have never taught her the finer points of ACTING LIKE A HUMAN when you use the telephone.

"Look, sweetie--as far as I know no one has called you from this num--"

"BUT YOUR NUMBER IS SHOWING UP ON MY PHONE--WHO IS THIS?!"

"No one called you." ::click::

Ashley came upstairs--"You haven't called anyone have you?"

Turns out she had. Several people, as I mentioned. Then the phone rang again. "WHJUPLAMAFOMENUMBAFO!? HOOBONTHFO!?"

"Pardon me?"

"SU'ONE CALL MY PHONE--WHO THIS?"

"Someone called you? No--oh--wait, hold on just a minute. ASHLEY!"

I gave her the phone and she nearly broke my hand snatching it away from me, but by the time she answered it, the caller had hung up.

I told her that she knows some very rude little children who shouldn't be allowed to play on the telephone. Which brings us to:

Telephone Tips for Teens Clip and Save!

1) I don't like wasting my time on the telephone. And, unlike you, I'm actually having to pay for it. So don't waste my time playing.

2) If you receive a call from an unfamiliar number, the thing to do is not call that number back and start acting all mouthy and put-out about it. Especially if it's an adult answering. Because you know how big people can act.

3) If you do decide to call back, quietly and politely state that you just received a call on your cell phone from the number, and politely ask if someone called.

4) If you are told no, don't automatically assume the person is lying. Remember that technology is a wonderful thing, and that there exists a method of running more than one set of telephone lines in a house, leading to more than one phone. These are called "extensions" and unlike the things you put in your multi-colored hair, they can be used by persons in remote parts of the house to make telephone calls, and said remote persons might HAVE made the call, and the person who answered YOUR call might not have known about the other caller in the house.

It's best not to argue if the person says they do not know how the number got on your telephone, rather, just excuse yourself and hang up.

5) And if you can't mind your manners, just shut your face and recall that there actually is a good reason for that old saying about children being best when they are seen and not heard.

For my own sweet child--when Mom says to call one person, she really means only call one person. She doesn't mean for you to call everyone you know. Second, learn to leave a message. ::sigh::

Anyway, all of that, and she still wasn't sure that it really was supposed to be at 7:00.

Up exceedingly early on Saturday, dressed, gathered her up and hit the road. Pulled in the parking lot right on time. Waited. Went in. No one. Went to the service desk. Nobody knew anything. Waited. I left her at the front and I went and got detergent and milk and fabric softener and a sandwich. Came back, asked if she was sure she didn't want anything, and waited.

Wound up waiting until 8:00. Nary a sign of any club members. Went the whole rest of the weekend expecting someone to call and ask why she missed out. Nothing.

Luckily, I was able to get up bright and early on a Saturday--all that excessive sleep was narrowly avoided!

Then, time to type.

I typed from 8 to 4:30. Then we went out to eat. I came home, and typed from 7:00 to midnight. I finished her paper. 65 pages. I am very happy.

Things that made it hard: Grammar--especially her subject-verb agreement and possessives. Only a minor difficulty.

Major difficulty? Her seemingly obsessive need to talk to me as I typed. About her textbook. About the kids. About the weather. About the coupon book she was reading. And not just talk, but recitations--she would read lists to me of things, such as the locations of various restaurants in the coupon book. Why? She just has to talk. She talks like I write. Excessively, and with much flourish of hands. Which is fine IF I'M NOT TRYING TO TYPE THINGS!

[Internal monologue] AAAGGGGHHHHH! SHUTUP!SHUTUP!SHUT!UP! Do NOT TALK! I don't need to know about the list you're reading! I don't want to see the stain on the shirt! I don't want to hear about the various iterations of the twelve different forms you use at work! SHUT UP! [/internal monologue]

"Uhm."

Thank heavens it's done. Now to take it to be bound during lunchtime. This time, I will be sure to remember to get wire-bound. Maybe.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at August 22, 2005 09:38 AM