July 21, 2005

It's been a while, but...

...it's time for FUN WITH REFERRAL LOGS!

How do I get these? Well, no use to quibble--let's just be entertained!

First up: kevin july 2005 xanga OR blogspot OR blogger OR weblog "he called me" -brittany -feferline. The oddest thing is Possumblog isn't even one of the returned results. Oh, and by the way, that should be 'Briduny Phepherlyne.'

Next up: recommendations for a viable business plan for Cracker Jacks. You college kids and your willingness to plagiarize from the Web! Anyway, I AM here to help, so here goes--

1) Start putting better prizes in the boxes.
2) One good prize would be a million dollars in each box. Or, maybe just one box. But please do away with the crappy tattoos.

There. Hope you get an A on your assignment!

I tend to get a lot of the next one, for some reason: mad possum. I'm not mad at all.

I recall receiving a similar request to this one a while back--"radio shack business hours"--my answer at the time is the same as today. Use the phone and call them.

NOW, for some super icky grossness, which I know you've all been craving. For some strange reason, we had a visitor here who wanted to know about sexual grandma medicin. All I can tell you is that Chet the E-Mail Boy's 100+ year-old Hmong ladyfriend Miss Butch swears by betel nuts. Then again, Chet swears by corn flakes, so who knows what the real deal is?

Now then, down in the extended entry is a long, boring list of search phrases that I pulled from the Movable Type stat counter. They don't have the referrer link, but they are nonetheless rather interesting....

jodi applegate wardrobe malfunction--Still looking for the pictures for this one.

white eyeliner--Please, don't.

ugly animals--This shows up a LOT. I don't know why anyone would come to Possumblog looking for ugly animals, though.

how to pronounce the word lopper--That would be "lopper." Glad to help.

nicest man of the world--No one around here fits the bill.

how to arrest someone--Best way is to start shouting "CITIZEN'S ARRE-UST! CITIZEN'S ARRE-UST!" like Gomer did when he was trying to arrest Barney.

ways to hurt yourself at home--I need to write a book about this one.

dutchess of cornwall--What a HOTTIE!

interesting stuff to talk about--Okay, folks, move along--nothing to see here.

Got several permutations of this one--mutual of omaha wild kingdom theme song. It went something like "BuhhBUHHbuhbuhBUHHbuh--WHOOOHEEEEE--buhmbuhm-bah-WHEE".

volvo high mileage--Not anything at all like the Mile High Club, I guarantee you.

reptile eating man--Hmm. Wonder if that would be news?

what name would you find on elton john’s birth certificate? Actually, several. His name, his mum and dad's names, and the doctor's name.

how to get a box spring downstairs--Actually, the problem is not getting it down, the problem is getting it down without killing yourself in the process.

is the price for teddy ruxpin too high? 2005--No! Buy several! They're sure to be collector's items!

get a bed frame upstairs--Actually, the problem is not getting it up, the problem is getting it up without killing yourself in the process. And yes, I realize that could sound rather risque.

architectural term for straight--According to my Penguin Dictionary of Architecture, that would be "straight." Alternatively, "uncurved."

how to make a rat puppet--Take one rat, insert hand. Alternatively, take one rat. Attach strings to its little limbs and tail and attach to a piece of wood.

dead possum deodorizer product--Nothing works.

why did the girls in the office put the man in skirt and heels--To get to the other side?

how to move adjustable bed to second floor--Actually, the problem is not moving it, the problem is moving it without killing yourself in the process.

the world with erors--Yep, it seems so.

i am childlike--HEY! MICHAEL JACKSON CAME BY! Or he will in a few minutes.

what s so hard about being me?--It's actually not at all difficult, as long as you don't mind the dementia.

inappropriate office attire--I suppose it depends on the office, but I think a suit made of rat puppets would be out of place just about anywhere.

ANYway, there you have it, at least for now.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at July 21, 2005 08:54 AM

I got a really good piece of spam the other day: "Pony rides - 25 cents - 2 for 50! appointee clasp"

Sadly it did not contain pony rides.

Posted by: Sarah G. at July 21, 2005 12:25 PM

Those darned spammers! The ol' bait and switch, the ol' pigeon drop. I tell you, there ought to be a law in this country--you promise pony rides, you darned well better GIVE pony rides.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 21, 2005 12:28 PM

Giving of actual ponies and accompanying ice cream, on the other hand...

Posted by: skinnydan at July 21, 2005 01:33 PM

Ow, ow, ow! I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying and my cheeks hurt.

Posted by: Jordana at July 21, 2005 03:28 PM

Well, I know I would NEVER promise something and not follow through. Unless there was a really good reason, like seeing a badger or something.

And I disclaim any responsibility for injuries suffered by Jordan while using Possumblog.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 21, 2005 03:50 PM