December 23, 2008

Two posts in one week!?

Well, I can't help myself--I got home yesterday to an excited bunch of kids who informed me I had a package on the doorstep, all the way from Utah! (The package, not the doorstep.)

Obviously, my first thought was that it was a package of lovely collectible Marie Osmond dolls as well as a torrid love note and several naughty pictures (like I get from her every year). However, when I saw the return address, I knew it must be something even better--and it was! It was from the Axis of Weevil's own Ambassador to the Beehive State, Nate McCord!

I busted open the box and was attacked by one of these little cuties. After prying its vicious snarling teeth off of my arm, I noticed the enclosed note:

Terry, the possum's a little gift for you that I just couldn't pass up.

I hope you and your family have a blessed and spiritual Christmas.

Merry Christmas to all your Oglesby clan from the Utah chapter of the Axis of Weevil.


Many thanks to Nate, although since the children saw this, I might not get to play with it as much as I'd like. Still, it is much appreciated and gets a special place of honor alongside the silver Johnny Lightning Corvette Sting Ray.

Also of interest was the little hangtag that came with the animal, full of intriguing facts about opossums. Did you know:

The opossum hideouts are located in a variety of areas including stumps, haystacks, vine tangles, attics, garages, road culverts, hollow trees, rock piles, crannies, under buildings, and in the abandoned burrows of other animals.

Okay, well, I do like the garage. It's really difficult to keep a rolling toolbox and do any kind of engine work in a hollow tree.

Opossums are not territorial and do not maintain separate home ranges.

First I've heard of that. I guess I should quit walking around my house marking my property line with pee.

They are exceptionally non-aggressive and non-destructive. They will not harm people or pets.

Yeah, right. You just keep thinking that, m'kay?

They are more immune to many diseases than the other animals and are far less likely to carry rabies.

That frothing at the mouth? Just root beer foam.

Opossums are beneficial to the environment because they eat pests, snails, and slugs.

Lemme tell you, it's not easy bein' green.

They have a remarkable resistance to poisonous snakebite such as the rattlesnake, cottonmouth, Russell's viper, and Asiatic cobra.

I credit my remarkable resistance to snakebite to be the result of being scared of them enough to not get bitten.

Opossums do not hibernate, and they are active at night.

That's why you see so many possums at all-night raves.

ANYway, that's your possum fix for the year. Thanks once more to Nate for making this all possible!

Posted by Terry Oglesby at December 23, 2008 09:47 AM

Glad to share the fun. But no pictures?

Posted by: Nate at December 23, 2008 10:27 PM

That site is something, Nate.

How about a cuddly stuffed scorpion, y'all?

Posted by: Janis Gore at December 23, 2008 11:03 PM

Well, Nate--I'm doing good to even have time to sign on. Now that I'll be off for a few days, maybe I'll be able to get some pics together.

And no poisonous bugs, please.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 23, 2008 11:40 PM

I'm sorely tempted to buy one of these for Lyman next year.

He has a girly reaction to spiders.

Posted by: Janis Gore at December 24, 2008 11:54 AM

Well another useless critter is the nutria Um I think I'm a lil off, the fur industry uses them. Oh Heck... Merry Christmas Y'all and forgive me as I haven't anything funny to say today.

Posted by: Chef Tony at December 24, 2008 12:22 PM

Janis, maybe that would be more appropriate for a Halloween gift. Then again, maybe we could just change the name of the song to "O Come All Ye Frightful."

And Tony, you're a chef--surely you can come up with a good gopher recipe!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at December 24, 2008 12:47 PM

A few legs creeping up over the edge of the son's stockings on Christmas morn would give me a little grim satisfaction.

Posted by: Janis Gore at December 24, 2008 12:52 PM


Posted by: Janis Gore at December 24, 2008 12:52 PM