June 07, 2007

Illegal immigration.

Boy, the place is all lit up about this, isn't it?

I've been trying to figure out what's going on and personally, I think this is a very important issue, or not, and one that must be addressed firmly and positively immediately, unless it should be addressed irresolutely and tentatively at some point in the future, if at all.

Obviously, nothing meaningful can happen without security, and meaningful security at that, provided that much good cannot be done in some other way, such as through insecurity and a three-part carbonless paper form that can be easily filed underneath a file cabinet.

It is clear that families are being hit hardest by this, except for those people who have no families, or those families who have no people, none of whom will be able to grow up and share in the benefits guaranteed by the Constitution to everyone who lives outside the United States, among these being life, liberty, the pursuit of Paris Hilton, free day care, a million dollar per year minimum wage, no late fees or failure to rewind fees, and an opportunity to appear on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.

There has been much talk of a fence, which I am all for, because talking solves things a mere fence cannot, except for those things that only a fence can solve, which aren't that many, but still frightening, or not. I know I've wanted a fence for years, because I'm quite tired of neighborhood children traipsing through my backyard taking a shortcut to other people's houses to offer grass-cutting services they are trying to wrest away from illegal immigrants. And if the fence is not the answer (although I'm not convinced that it is, or not) maybe a better solution would be a long, large, very high permanent barrier used to protect my property. Or not.

Thankfully, we have Congress to sort this mess out, and for that we must all be eternally chagrined, unless they do exactly what we want, which is much, and in doing so secure for themselves a beloved position in our hearts as highly paid, barely qualified public servants willing to sacrifice the blood and toil of others. I feel confident they will continue to look after the little man, by robbing the big man, to whom they will then succor with a special loss regaining mechanism applying a multiplier of 1.008783 to reimburse him for the the losses to the little man, and that this will gladly be paid for by the middle sized man, whose remaining worldly goods will be transferred to a special secure government holding facility where they will be washed with special environmentally-sensitive chemicals and allowed to air dry naturally on a very large fence, and from thence taken by illegal men, pressed, folded (or placed on hangers) and given to the little man, who will sell them in order to purchase lottery tickets. Or not--it's still somewhat unclear in my mind. Except for the parts that are clear.

I remain firm in my conviction that we face trying times ahead, if these reform measures are not overwhelmingly passed or defeated right now, or some time later, or earlier, or not at all.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at June 7, 2007 01:52 PM

Clearly, sir, you are senatorial speechwriter material. Why do you languish in local government bureaucratic obscurity when you could languish in national government bureaucratic obscurity?

Posted by: skinnydan at June 8, 2007 08:42 AM

It is a mystery.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 8, 2007 08:45 AM