March 26, 2007


Not much in the way of a yee-haw fun weekend. We actually had two funerals we were supposed to go to, but didn't manage to get to either one due to all the other junk we had to get done. This makes me wonder how good the turnout will be for my funeral, and if attendance will be slack due to all the stuff people have to get done. Won't be so bad, I guess, as long as it's not REALLY menial stuff like sorting bobby pins or something.

ANYway, Friday night the scrapbooking thing got called off, so the girls stayed home and we began the usual job of bulldozing loads of clothes into the laundry room. After we were all good and tired and I was near collapse near to 11:00 p.m., I got the word from Miss Reba that NOW was the time chosen by Oldest to open her birthday presents.

Why? I have no idea. Why couldn't Reba just tell her to wait? I have no idea.

So I sat on the couch with my head lolling back and forth as she tore into her various gifts. I think she likes them, although I doubt it will last very long. Never does.

To bed, and then I recall that the first part of Saturday was spent cleaning up outside. Got Boy to help me clean the kitty kage and sweep the porch, and we redid the interior of the cathouse so that the perches are in different places. Lightning seemed very confused by the change, which is probably good. Keeps him thinking.

Got dressed and took some boxes of old clothes to the thrift store, did some other junk, and started getting the kids ready for supper. Grandmom and Granddad had said they'd take us out to eat for Oldest's birthday, and not only that, Oldest's other grandparents were going to join us, and not only THAT, but #6 had promised promised PROMISED he'd be there.

Leading, inevitably, to a big melodramatic scene when he didn't show up. Someone seems not to be getting the hint when promises (which in actuality aren't "promises," but rather "good intentions to possibly do something unless something intervenes, and something always intervenes") are continually laid aside. I think the kid probably has a hard time telling people no, and if there's ANYone who doesn't like hearing no, it's Oldest. Of course, rather than do the mature thing and tell him to stop calling, she decides it's best to stomp around making divots in the house and being mean to us, while simultaneously calling his cell phone and house--repeatedly--hoping to get him to pick up. Again--hints of a growing-apartness are when the person you are stalking won't return your calls. And said person is actively screening said phone calls to keep from having to talk to you.


Denial, river, Egypt, etc.

From a dad's point of view, it's hard to see your kid being led along like this, and hurts worse when any advice is met with a fiendish little hissy fit. But, dad must still be dad, so I'll give all of YOU girls some advice. Take it or leave it.

#1, Life's too short, and there's too many good guys out there to be stuck trying to fix or change the guy you're currently obsessed with if all he does is make and break promises. Second, if he was dating someone when he started making eyes at you, don't be surprised to find out he's decided to start making eyes at someone else while he's dating you. (Yeah, funny how that works.) Third, be a girl--let him call you, and if he doesn't call enough for you, quit taking his calls. Don't be so danged needy. (See #1) Fourth, guys want one thing, and it ain't to sit there and talk with you about how dreamy Orlando Bloom is and what color you should paint your toenails. Even nice, God-fearing guys only want one thing. Even nice old decrepit Bible-toting married farts only want one thing.

We want that one thing all the time.

24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Want it while washing the car, while doing taxes, while shopping at Wal-Mart, while unconscious.

One thing.




So when your dad says "guys only want one thing," listen to him and don't think he's just being a jerk. And moms, when your husband tells your daughter that guys only want one thing, PLEASE remember to back when you were dating your husband, and DON'T lightly laugh and act like your husband is just being overprotective. He's not. If you run across a guy who seems like he DOESN'T want that one thing all the time, he's a) gay, in which case he still wants it, just not from YOU, or b) he's lying, in hopes that you'll think he's the kind sensitive type so he can do more than THINK about that one thing, or c) he's dead.

And thus ends this advice session. Advice for guys later.

After supper and histrionics, we went and dropped Rebecca and Jonathan off at church for a teen get-together they were having and then headed home to more laundry. Went back later that night to get the kids again, and had to make a stop at Walgreens to see if they had any orthodontic rubber bands, Boy having run out.

No, they didn't.

Home, bed.

SUNDAY! Up, shower, dress, get kids and wife up and dressed, to church, stayed awake(ish), got Catherine situated with a ride over to a friend's house for their in-between age lunch get-together, went home, ate the rest of the leftovers from the night before, and then went BACK to go get Cat from her luncheon/devotional thing. It was all the way down in Chelsea (not in England, but Shelby County) and despite the barrier presented by Double Oak Mountain, the old Volvo managed to keep all the oil in the engine and not spew it all over the road, which was quite a relief.

Boy, things sure have changed in Shelby County. Even when I was working over on 280 in the early '90s, there really wasn't anything except for Lloyd's restaurant past 119. And Chelsea was even further out than B. F. Egypt! But now it's just all one continuous strip-shopping-center smear from the Colonnade all the way to what was one the boondocks. Got to the house, waited while they finished up lunch, then headed back toward Trussville.

"You know, Catherine, not too long ago, all this was nothing but trees through here. That wasn't there. THAT wasn't there." She was unimpressed. And, well, I mean, sure--it had always been there since SHE was alive. We drove on, back past Lloyd's, past the giant Wal-Mart development. "None of this was here?"

"No, Sugar, just trees."

"Not Hooters?"

"Uhh, well, no, not that either."

"They call it Hooters because they have an owl on their sign."

"YES! They have an owl, and owls hoot, so that's why it's Hooters! Exactly why. Although it's kinda odd that they sell chicken wings and not owl wings, but, oh well."

"Yes, Dad."



"You've been alive a LONG time, haven't you?"

"Oh, yes, you better believe it."

"Like back when CAVEMEN were around!?"

"Yes, I had my own cave."

"So you ARE a caveman!"

She was obviously being silly at my expense, so the next few minutes of the trip, I merely grunted when she'd ask me stuff.

Home, sat for a while and folded clothes, then it was time to head back to church for a couple of meetings. And more teen angst!


We were having our last meeting before heading off to the church-related convention we go to every year over in Atlanta, and someone had invited #6 to come along. Now we're very conservative when it comes to Bible things, but there are some of our co-religionists (such as #6 and his family) who are even MORE conservative, and don't take kindly to things like church buildings equipped with refrigerators or congregations getting together to do things like Bible Bowl, so I knew all along #6 would not want to go to this, nor would his parent allow it. But somehow, SOMEone thinks he promised to go. And that he promised to come to the meeting, because it was the last meeting and if you didn't go, you wouldn't get to go to the convention.

So, yet another scene. I tell you, it's like living in your own version of a Tennessee Williams play.

Had our meeting, had our evening worship, had ourselves supper from Arby's, went ourselves home, got the kids in bed, finished folding clothes, and collapsed in bed.

As I said, not one of the Greatest Weekends.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at March 26, 2007 10:56 AM

I'm not sure who to credit for this one but, appropos of your overprotectiveness for your daughter, the adage goes -

Daughters are God's revenge on men.

Posted by: southtrek at March 26, 2007 11:09 AM

I don't remember needing quite this much revenge.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 26, 2007 11:14 AM

"No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather."

Posted by: Kathy at March 26, 2007 11:28 AM

Well, gee whiz...if the Apostle Paul didn't have a refrigerator in his church, why would WE want one?

(Just kidding...I don't see a problem myself, but I have encountered somewhat like sentiments in other matters churchwise.)

Posted by: Stan at March 26, 2007 11:33 AM

Hey, that Hooters is the one that is the home of the GREATEST TRIVIA TEAM EVAR!!1! And just to make things worse, they built a Dick's (Sporting Goods) right across from it.

Posted by: skillzy at March 26, 2007 12:14 PM

Whew--thanks, Kathy! With global warming, I'm pretty much guaranteed a snow and rain-free funeral! Although sorta hot.

Stan, if we could only have us an ice age instead of global warming, we wouldn't need refrigerators.

And, Skillzy I guess that tall shiny think outside of Hooters was a monument to Space Pen, right? Boy, I sure hope it was...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 26, 2007 12:48 PM

Most women do not truly appreciate the difference in how much men think about "it". Those women who do either are disgusted or use it to their advantage, thus the proliferation of Hooters restaurants and "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Is it spring break time on the Redneck Riviera?

Good luck giving subliminal messages to Oldest on going to school far away from home. It sounds like she'll need special prayers of protection when she finds out what it means to live by her own wits.

I'll be curious to hear how much her younger sisters will imitate her when their turn comes for teenage-angst girl. If we're all still blogging then ...

Posted by: Marc V at March 26, 2007 02:07 PM

What one thing do boys and men want? Food? haha just kidding.

Posted by: megabeth at March 26, 2007 02:23 PM

It's ALWAYS Spring Break on the Redneck Riviera, my friend! As for school choice, I think maybe she's decided the local area wouldn't be so bad. As for her siblings, so far they seem much more level-headed. So far.

And Megabeth, food is second.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 26, 2007 02:33 PM

I think naps are second as guys get older. Or maybe that's just me ...

The comic strip "For Better or Worse" has a funny on this same topic (what boys want, not naps) today.

Posted by: Marc V at March 26, 2007 03:08 PM

And you will notice the second question Gerald asked was about food.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 26, 2007 03:44 PM

It looks like my female who puts up with me and Cat have been intarwebzing. I'm not so upset about the caveman thing, it's just a bit disharmonious when M picks on me about my real tree camo curtains and refers to my place as a swamp w/furniture. I mean what's so bad about a few gun projects out in view? Or 5 or so, um make that 7 stuffed critters. A mans life is hard I tell yah.

Posted by: Chef Tony at March 26, 2007 10:16 PM

::sigh:: Tony, Tony, Tony--you're supposed to wallop her on the head with that great big club!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 27, 2007 08:24 AM

Um, Terry did I mention she has a .457 batting average and plays 2nd base on a womans softball league? Or that she was on both her collage & HS womans baseball teams while in Japan? I'm afraid she'll take a bat afters me if'n I mess up too much.

Posted by: Chef Tony at March 27, 2007 10:22 PM

No, you left out some very vital information, Tony. I would suggest wearing a batting helmet, catcher's mask, and protective cup AT ALL TIMES.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 28, 2007 10:04 AM