March 08, 2007

Fun Facts About…

…My Friend Jeff™!

Okay, folks, I have tried. I have begged, pleaded, wheedled, whined, and implored Jeff to drop in and say hello to everyone, so I've had to finally fall back on the last of my persuasive tactics, that being threatening. I told him if he didn’t introduce himself, I’d do it for him.

This is what he gets for his stubbornness.

1. I found this hard to believe, but I’ve known Jeff for 18 years. He came to The Bad Place not long after the office had moved out to the Highway 280 area.

2. Jeff has lived all over the country, including Minnesota (where he worked at an actual Target store), Colorado, Louisiana, and Alabama.

3. Jeff graduated from LSU and is a registered architect.

4. What few people know, however, is that he managed to achieve both of these things while still being functionally illiterate. Jeff can only count to 39, and will occasionally substitute the “th” sound for “f” sounds in words. Thus, words such as finger will sometimes be pronounced as thinger.

5. Jeff shares my enthusiasm for interesting automobiles, and collects model cars. In addition to decorative thimbles, spoons, and Princess Di tea towels.

6. Jeff was one of my groomsmen when I got married, and I was one of his groomsmen when he got married. There is no truth to the rumor that he asked me to marry him.

7. Jeff’s casualwear of choice is a polo shirt tucked neatly into plaid madras shorts, and deck shoes. This could be the reason for the aforementioned rumor.

8. Jeff’s father, Jim, is a long-time employee of 3M, and has often blamed his exposure to industrial solvents for Jeff’s various conditions. Jeff’s mother is named Babs.

9. Jeff invented the name Pigmonkeygirl long before Manbearpig was born.

10. Jeff once witnessed the late Earl Hale--famed draftsman, Camel smoker, and Old Spice wearer--sneeze a load of nose contents all the way to the floor, then draw it back up into his head.

11. Jeff is one of the charter members of the Skilled European Driver Club.

12. Jeff once was secretly tape recorded saying uncharitable things about a man who is a psychopath. The recorder was hidden by none other than the insane man, proving the point that sometimes paranoid people have a darned good reason for thinking everyone talks about them behind their backs.

13. Jeff’s number one exercise activity is…

…bike riding.

my friend jeff.jpg

More to come later.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at March 8, 2007 02:08 PM

Oh, pull-eze. I was all set to believe you about him, and then you threw in that last one. Now I doubt half of those other things are true. Maybe there isn't even a MFJ.

Bicycle riding? Ridiculous.

Posted by: skinnydan at March 8, 2007 02:50 PM

If you only knew...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 8, 2007 03:16 PM

Hey! I collect decorative thimbles too!

Posted by: Diane at March 8, 2007 03:20 PM

Jeff glues them to his body, though.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 8, 2007 03:25 PM

So Terry, is that his picture?

y'know even if it ins't, it COULD become his picture rather easily....

Posted by: dave at March 8, 2007 03:38 PM

I dare not reveal everything I know, for fear of AGHHHHHH

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 8, 2007 03:49 PM

Maybe we should all welcome him with a big group hug.

Posted by: Janis Gore at March 8, 2007 03:56 PM

Nah--I've come to the conclusion he's just trying to be aloof and coy for the attention it gives him.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 8, 2007 04:00 PM

You Americans have such zany friends. There's an American journalist here (he came to cover the America's Cup in '88, got drunk, married an Australian and stayed) who is always writing about his friend Otis back home. Otis sounds like he is still living in the sixties.

Jeff is a much-loved name here, among children.

Posted by: kitchen hand at March 8, 2007 05:03 PM

Otis sounds a lot like my friend Aging Hippie Mike, who has managed to live for over fifty years without the usual impediments of adulthood.

As for Jeff, he actually does look about like Jeff from the Wiggles. Not as much as he does Pee Wee Herman, but close enough.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 9, 2007 08:42 AM

Hee hee - that wuz purty good! #4 was a hoot.

I was wondering if you were going to branch out into Chuck Norris-isms, but maybe you can save that for a later post.
{Jeff's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.)

Posted by: Marc V at March 9, 2007 12:28 PM

Well, actually, they CAUSE cancer.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at March 9, 2007 12:35 PM