February 08, 2007

New! Bold! EDGY!!

As part of my effort to make Possumblog an integral part of what's hip and happening in popular culture, I have decided to do a few new things that seem to be all the rage amongst the famous.

Therefore, today I shall engage in an abusive, hate-filled tirade against blacks and/or Jews and/or homosexuals and/or millionaires with bad combovers; become a vegan; enter rehab; date Lindsay Lohan; catch an incurable STD; adopt a baby from a third world country like Luxembourg; become pregnant out of wedlock; be arrested by the Malibu, California police; enter rehab; become a Scientologist; get an authentic Maori tattoo; protest global warming; enter rehab; have lunch with Al Gore; enter rehab; write a book; become subject of blogwar when it turns out I did not actually write a book; apologize on Oprah; get in a fight on Jerry Springer; be center square on Hollywood Squares; open a restaurant serving dirt and compressed air; experiment with recreational vehicles; become a follower of Kabbalah; enter rehab; release a rap album; testify before Congress; demand reparations; swim with the dolphins; swim with the lobsters; swim with the polar bears; be attacked by a polar bear; enter rehab; write another book; rail against the wealthy; become a millionaire; travel to Iraq on a fact-finding mission; start a blog; write abusive, hate-filled blogposts against whites and/or Catholics and/or heterosexuals and/or Jack Bauer; enter rehab; nationalize the oil industry; produce my own one-man show where I sit in a chair in front of an audience and stare at them for four straight hours; release a Christmas rap album; become a Wiccan-Presbyterian; expose myself in a public lavatory; enter rehab; divorce three women I'm not married to; drive from Houston to Orlando wearing nothing but an adult diaper on my head; have an afternoon snack and five gallons of vodka with Nancy Pelosi; protest; wear a fur coat to protest people who wear fur; become a country music star; appear late at the Grand Ole Opry; cry; date a Baldwin brother; appear on Late Show with David Letterman and do a composite character based on Charles Grodin, Andy Kaufmann, and Joseph Stalin; apologize for being too hip for people to understand me; get the role of Chip for the upcoming My Three Sons movie; enter rehab; divorce a Baldwin brother; marry Anne Heche; demand an audience with George Bush; and go grocery shopping.

Oh, and today is also Mailout Thursday, so I have to get that done, too.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at February 8, 2007 08:41 AM

This little tirade should make you the top result for some interesting searches.

Posted by: Diane at February 8, 2007 08:48 AM

All part of my bold edginess. AND my edgy boldness. Both of which are very new.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 8, 2007 08:50 AM

Well I'm warning you, think carefully before going vegan. I promised my husband that we will never, ever, ever go to another vegan restaurant.

Posted by: Sarah G. at February 8, 2007 10:30 AM

Nope--gonna do it anyway. Whatever it is.

I just hope that it makes my steak taste better.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 8, 2007 10:45 AM

I'm not sure GM want that Vega wagon to be called the Vegan but it sure smelt like compost.

Posted by: Chef Tony at February 8, 2007 12:58 PM

OOoooohh--I LOVE smelt!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 8, 2007 01:21 PM

Who is Paul Lynde, Alex?

Posted by: skillzy at February 8, 2007 02:05 PM

Why, everyone knows he's Uncle Arthur.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 8, 2007 02:18 PM