January 18, 2007

As you all know...

...I have a great fondness for a certain Morman toolsmith named John Moses Browning, (a moment of silence, please)

John_Moses_Browning.jpg

--and more particularly for one of his inspired creations, the Colt M-1911 pistol.

SO IT IS WITH awe and reverence I give unto you the story of its creation, (with a hat-tip to fellow disciple Nate McCord).

By way of full disclosure, forgive me, for I have sinned.

The 1911-A1 which I didst buy in my youth, I did indeed work upon its inward parts, and didst smooth them with the stones of garnet, and of carborundum, and with cloths annointed with lapping compound, and didst make the feed ramp shine as the sun upon a still water, for lo, the pistol was made by Auto-Ordnance, and wast not assembled with the skill of the artisans of New Haven, and didst have many pits and tool marks which offended mine eyes.

Verily, not only the feed ramp did I smooth, but also the stirrup, and the disconnector, and the sear, and the sear notch did I smooth, for the trigger and its workings were not crisp, and the letoff was notchy, and these too did offend me and my hands.

Lo, if such things are a sin, I have sinned greatly, but I asketh forgiveness, in that for the most part is is still as it should be, and dost not have the extended ambidextrous slide release, nor the extended magazine catch, nor the ventilated muzzle, nor the extended slide and barrel, nor the elevated site rib with three dot sight, nor the stippled and squared trigger guard, nor the beavertail grip safety, nor tiger stripe cocobola stocks with the thumb rest and the coating of Teflon and bright nickle favored by whoremongers, and it dost function perfectly in all other ways; yea, excepting for occasional stovepipes when using a low-grade reload target ammunition.

Amen.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 18, 2007 01:45 PM
Comments

I added certain geegaws to my 1911's. Flat mainspring housings (I have short fat fingers), WWI hammers (I like the short wide spur) and extended slide releases (I have short fat thumbs). Those things and pachmayer grips were my sins.

Does this mean I can't go to heaven?

Posted by: DaveH at January 18, 2007 02:19 PM

I put a bevertail on did a melt job, and a ambi safety plus fixed Novaks. Other than that the Colt still has the factory trigger and blue. She's good to go still after, um I guess 20 k rounds since '68.

Posted by: Chef Tony at January 18, 2007 02:30 PM

Dave, Tony, I can't answer for your salvation, but it might not hurt to go ahead and run out and shoot several boxes of cartridges as penance.

Mine is kind of an odd duck. For some reason, Auto-Ordnance shipped it with a wide spur WW-I hammer and an extended, overtravel-adjustable trigger. The rest of it was plain Jane GI stuff.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 18, 2007 02:44 PM

Ya'll really need to come out for a visit to Zion. You can see JMB's actual shop on display in a dandy museum stuffed full of one-off prototypes and first editions and lots of other shiny stuff invented by God's won gun designer. After the mueum trip and lunch, we'll go shooting!

Posted by: Nate at January 18, 2007 04:19 PM

::wistful sigh::

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 19, 2007 09:10 AM

Lo, for the site was blocked by mine overprotective employer, thus I am unable to witness the tale of creation.

Plus I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

Posted by: skinnydan at January 19, 2007 09:14 AM

I hate to do this, but it's too good not to steal and post here for the benefit of those such as Skinnydan who are prevented from being enlightened. (Thanks to the original writer for not suing me.)

Start Quoted Material

In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was the pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.

And shouldst thou muck with it and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely fail and have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.

And as the ages passed, men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911, and their metalsmiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clarity of mind being clouded by lust.

The artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans did charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it. And lo, they did install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord, for they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as He had warned, fearful malfunction to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the Lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

And being a deceitful spirit the Devil did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did function.

And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them, and which require a 'Dingus' to make them appear safe.

But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and did proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol, and with the trigger cocking pistols, for lo, their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken.

Yet man did not repent of his evil ways, but continued to gloat over these new pistols blaming Satan for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol the Devil didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-BOOM to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the Prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911's to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the Prophet intended.

Amen

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 19, 2007 09:24 AM