January 03, 2007

Smoker's Laugh

Stopped on the way home yesterday at the hair-cutting place to get sheared. It had gotten unruly and had that ugly roll of wiry curls at the bottom in the back that wasn't quite long enough to make a good mullet, but not short enough to be acceptably neat. Just looked ratty.

Anyway, signed my name, and resigned myself to not getting who I wanted. It was a completely different crew from the usual crowd, and none with the bubbly weird-haired vivaciousness of the usual cast of young perky chubby girls. The older ladies usually do a better job, but aren't nearly so talkative, unless it's to ask if you want your ear hair trimmed. I think the young girls are too embarrassed or grossed out to ask. Which is fine by me.

SO, waited for a bit, then got called back to the chair by one of the ladies with the youthful bobbed 'do, who sat me down and strangled me with the cape neckband. I tried to explain how I wanted it cut--"shorter-ish, all over, and thinned, and then something up the back so it doesn't look wooly. Kinda."

And off she went.

As I guessed, no conversation to amount to anything, just her occasional hoarse interjection to one of her coworker's questions. I don't know--maybe she had a cold like I've got, but I think her husky-voicedness was more the result of a two-pack-a-day Virginia Slims habit than a rhinovirus.

She more or less got toward the end, indicated by the huge pile of hair on me and the floor, and as usual, asked about my need for a trim of the disgusting old man hair growth on places other than my scalp. "You want me to trim your eyebrows?"

Now having gotten so aged and advanced in years, the fur atop my eyes is longer than it was when I was young, and occasionally even distracting, but I promise that even at its worst, I am no John L. Lewis. In most cases, errant strands can be coaxed back into a small caterpillarish shape, and in doing so help even out their appearance. For some reason, my eyestaches are a bit thin on the ends, so having some extra help from the center doesn't hurt anything. But if the center is trimmed too much, I'd wind up looking like I didn't have any eyebrows at all. So, I passed on the trim.

"Uh, well, no thanks--they're sorta thin on the sides, so I use the other part as something like an eyebrow comb-over."

Just a silly throw-away line, but it tickled her to no end, and despite sounding like she was going to force up a lung doing it, she gave a hearty phlegmy chuckle at the notion of a man having an eyebrow comb-over.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2007 11:17 AM

It's a shame you don't have before and after pictures to enhance the post. You could superimpose the poufy-haired one (Kim Jong Il) on a possum for the before pic.

I'm guessing you may not have gotten as much phlegm laughs if you had declined the brow-trim, tilted your head back and asked her to clip a few nose hairs. On second thought, a stranger sticking a sharp, pointed object into my nose (and who "nose" where it's been!?) does not sound very appealing.

[Hope you're not eating lunch while reading this.]

Posted by: Marc V at January 3, 2007 11:48 AM

Then again, you have eyebrows. The founder of this place: http://www.evelynsdrivein.com/, supposedly has to draw her eyebrows, after an accident with one of these: http://stovemanofmaine.com/fryolators.htm.

Posted by: steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at January 3, 2007 12:09 PM

I could only WISH my long-haired version of me looked as dynamic and leaderly as Dearest Brother Kim. It's nappy looking even when it's neatened up for work, but the unkempt version made me look like Nick Nolte's mug shot. Worse was when I'd put on a cap and I'd have this furry ring of bristly curls around the bottom. Ick.

As for nasal exploration, I'm not asking anyone to do that, and if anyone offers, I'm a'turning them down. It's just too close too what little brain I have left.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2007 12:10 PM

And Steevil, you are correct. It's sorta like that old saying about being sorry you have no shoes until you meet someone without eyebrows.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2007 12:11 PM

I just gave Nate a haircut last night and removed about three inches of Rebecca's long locks. Her hair is still long, the ends are just not as ratty.

Next up Jake and Max.

Tis the season for hair snipping around here as well.

Posted by: Sarah G. at January 3, 2007 01:19 PM

I need to start letting my mom cut my hair again. She's getting a bit shaky, but she's a lot cheaper.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2007 01:31 PM

I've learned to do a decent cut on the boys so now I even cut hubby's hair.

I figure by what we save by my cutting the rest of the family's hair I can splurge on myself at the fancy place I like.

Posted by: Sarah G. at January 3, 2007 01:44 PM

Eyebrow combovers! Now it can be told- Terry is the new The Donald!

How's that urination olympics with Rosie coming along?

Posted by: Nate at January 3, 2007 01:45 PM

I like the way you think, Sarah.

And Nate, as you can imagine, "IT'S YUUUGE!!"

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2007 02:15 PM

I bought clippers a few years back and started cutting the kids' hairs as well as Justin's on the same theory that Sarah had. Then I discovered that I'm just too cheap to go anywhere fancier than Supercuts for my own hair. Still, we are saving money.

Posted by: Jordana at January 4, 2007 10:23 AM

I save money by blogging. Or not.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 4, 2007 10:42 AM