January 02, 2007

I hate Christmas.

Not really--it's just part of my plan to be bold and edgy this year. I actually hate cleaning up from Christmas. Especially vacuuming. I've mentioned it before, but of all tasks, vacuuming is the one thing I hate more than all other things. And I'm the only one who will use the vacuum in my house. Grr.

Anyway, we got the tree boxed away yesterday, and in a perfect recreation of a live tree, it scattered an assortment of needles all over the carpet. Got out the good ol' Eureka upright that came to our marriage via Miss Reba, started it up, and it made a horrible loud sound. It's actually been making a variation of this sound for a while, but yesterday's was nearly unbearable.

Couldn't see anything obviously amiss underneath, until I started looking a bit deeper where the plastic suction impeller was located. Hmm.

Several big chunks were gone. Which probably explains the weird loudness of the thing, and the fact that it had gotten to where it wouldn't pick up anything. Also probably explains that horrible clanking and clattering wheezing noise it made several weeks ago.


I think it's time for a new vacuum.

SO, I set off for the store yesterday.

Why are there so many choices? There must have been twenty different types of vacuum cleaners there on the shelf at Wally World, indistinguishable in most instances except for their colors. I started out thinking that I liked the bagless kind, so that narrowed the choice down to only 18.

Then there's something you have to figure out between your normal bagless and the super terrific neato keen cyclonic action bagless, which if you go for the tornado-in-a-tube type, further narrows things to about 15.

This is where is got confusing, because there were dual and single cyclonic things, and some were pricier but not for any particular reason other than having three more shiny things, and some had fifteen filters and some had only nine and some had lights and some had gizmos and some had jigglers and some had Edge Suction Power 2400 Technology and every single one of them boasted 987% More Cleaning Power! than everyone else.

None of them were guaranteed not to break on New Year's Day while you were trying to vacuum up fake fir needles.

I finally settled on a Hoover Fusion Cyclonic Upright Vacuum, mainly because its filters didn't have to be replaced, just washed out with water. Only problem is that I feel like an absolute clown using the thing--just look at it! It's a lurid combination of red and blue plastic that looks like a kid's toy, with all the weird lumpiness and faux-technosity of the peculiar looking Dyson models. Vacuuming is bad enough, but who wants to look like something out of a bad Japanese comic book while doing it!?

Oh well.

It works very well--too well. I never knew how much grunge was in that one little section of floor. It was easy to dump the junk out, though, and it is nice having all the various tools on the machine instead of slumped in the bottom of a closet. It does have a headlamp, which is of dubious utility, and a handle on the bottom so you can use it to clean stairs, which has always been one of those nice things to have that not everyone designs in.

Somehow, I don't think it'll last as long at the one I let my sister have, that my mother had given me when she got a new one. Best I can tell, we originally got it around 1976 or so, given its Harvest Gold color and The Price is Right flower-patterned bag. Anyway, as far as I know, it's still working just fine.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 2, 2007 11:04 AM

Oh, please.

You needed more luridity in your life anyway.

Posted by: skinnydan at January 2, 2007 11:58 AM

Lady Spud insisted that we get a Dyson about 5 years ago, after our Rainbow (pan-o-water) finally gave its last twirl. I don't miss having to figure out what to do with the slop-water. The Dyson does have to be dumped after each use or it obtains some "off" odors. I wish I had an air-compressor to clean out the "innards", though we've moved around too much in the past as well as not having the spare cash now for a decent one.

The pieces-parts fit nicely together, but it is mostly plastic, and we've had a few chipped/broken parts. I would have been happy with a bagless vacuum at half the price, but she wanted a Dyson, and we all want to keep mama happy.

Posted by: Marc V at January 2, 2007 11:59 AM

Yes, Dan, but having to slip on a giant pair of clown shoes just to vacuum the floor is rather irritating.

And yes, Marc, I know about keeping Mama happy. Luckily, she's happy just having someone to vacuum the floor, and doesn't care if the thing he's using cost a hundred bucks or four hundred bucks.


Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 2, 2007 12:25 PM

I'd add some nice flames and maybe some pinstriping. That's gaur rounnn teeeeed to make it work better.

Um, I should know better than to try to spell out how Justin Wilson spoke, I miss that man.

Posted by: Chef Tony at January 2, 2007 03:06 PM

I just wish there was some way to make the kids want to use it. Maybe if I told them it was an ice cream maker...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 2, 2007 03:19 PM