November 17, 2006
Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor being stacked up with a whole bunch of work-related stuff that I really SHOULD be doing...
...can prevent THE SEASON FINALE of Possumblog Sports Center from kicking off! So let's hook up our earpieces and our lapel mics and get right at it!
As we all know, tomorrow is the game most eagerly awaited by all true football fans across this great world of ours--the colossal, super-fantastic, neato-keen contest known as the Auburn - Alabama game!
That's right, the Iron Bowl!
First played in a small park in the Lakeview neighborhood, just to the southeast of where our studios are located, the year 1893 saw the birth of sport's greatest spectacle as the fearsome Tigers of Alabama Polytechnical Institute beat down a bunch of fops, bounders, and cads from across the state by a score of 32-22.
And now, 113 years later, it has now come time for the 71st meeting between the schools. The two schools did not play each other for a 40 year break after a viciously fought tie in 1907, but the series resumed in 1948, and Saturday will mark the 59th renewal of hostilities. (Which is something of a misstatement, since The Game is actually played all year long by people with nothing better to talk about.)
In any event, the rapscallions of the Druid City currently hold a 38-31-1 advantage over the Gentlemen of the Plains, but the thing that makes this year of some importance is the fact that 15th-ranked Auburn (9-2, 5-2 SEC) currently has skunked the Bammers (6-5, 2-5 SEC) for the last four straight years.
As I predicted at the very first of the year, after last year's four-fingered victory taunt by Coach Tuberville--
--the Bama Nation has been inflamed with a desire to give the Tigers a quite different finger to cogitate upon. Now, I will admit that I had much higher hopes for the Crimson Tide at the start of the year than they have demonstrated. I believed with everyone settled in and calmed down, they would have dominated this year and been much more victorious. One would think that a 9-3 team playing a struggling bunch of Six'n'Fivers would have nothing to worry about.
BUT ONE WHO THOUGHT SUCH A THING WOULD BE WRONG!
Oh, sure, the sportswriters like to point out the obvious things: Better team usually wins. (Thanks for that insight, Sparky!) But fans, the difference between "usually" and "always" is why they play the game, and that's the thing that makes all this so intense. Sure, Alabama might be craptastically inept, but as we all saw last week, even a wobbly opponent such as Georgia can suddenly call upon its will and determination (and an obvious deal with Satan) to turn completely around and do every single thing right. Likewise, even a good and luck-prone team can find itself performing so poorly that it could have done equally well had it stayed on the bus.
For this game, there's much more riding on it for the Tide, at least to hear their fan chatterings--a win might keep the young Shula boy at the head spot for another year, for instance. A loss? All bets are off--he might go, he might stay, but a loss would lead to a LOT of yowling and bitterness and whoopity-doo. Some have said he should maybe look into the NBA.
"Never Beat Auburn."
Heh.
Hehehehhheee.
BWAWWWHHHAAAHAAAAAAAAHHAA!!
Ahem. Sorry.
We are scrupulously non-partisan here at Possumblog Sports Center.
Anyway, another factor at play here is the dismay at being the butt of all that japery from the Auburn crowd--those ill-mannered bunch of cow-college upstarts who only have one national title to their credit. That tradition of championships means a lot to the folks in Crimson, and to be fair, it means a lot to this state, in that over the years it has generated a lot of favorable press--something quite rare given our ability to shoot ourselves in the foot with the media continuing to feed us ammo. So five in a row would be a bitter, bitter, pill.
As for Auburn's stakes in this, there's a bit less pressure. Our two SEC losses guarantee us no chance of anything more uplifting than an attaboy, and they further had the effect of eliminating us from the chance to play a BCS bowl. A win won't make us go up much at all, a loss would drop us down, but we know the post-season won't have quite the charm we thought (however briefly) it might once have had. And a loss is much easier to take if it results in a 9-3 season. If the shoe were on the other hand, and it led to a losing season, well, THEN someone might be hopping on a plane again and trying to recruit Bobby Petrino.
HAVING SAID ALL THAT, what's the actual deal here?
I don't know.
I think Alabama must win; I think Auburn has shown a great deal of weakness of late; it is a home game for Alabama; Auburn really is a better team this year in spite of the obvious weaknesses; Alabama has shown flashes of brilliance all year and some of their losses could have just as easily been narrow wins--like Auburn's have been; Auburn wants a thumb; Alabama doesn't.
Who knows what this all this will mean?!
I DON'T! Even looking at the cheerleaders does no good. (At least in predicting the outcome--they do make me feel happy all over, though.)
So, what does one do when he's unable to predict an outcome?
CONTACT A CELEBRITY!
As is usual with our Iron Bowl Coverage, we've brought in noted Auburn alumna and local media cutie Wendy Garner to supply us with a prediction!
"Hey Wendy--just wondering if I'm going to be able to get a special celebrity prognostication for the Iron Bowl score this week! Readers across the globe anxiously await your prediction, you know."
"Quit contacting me or I'll call the police!"
Such a merry jokester!
After several more attempts, I can now report that The Official Wendy Garner Iron Bowl Prediction is...
AUBURN 21 -- ALABAMA 17
Say you're not content with just ONE celebrity fortune teller?
WHAT SORT OF FIEND ARE YOU!?
Well, I don't know, but I anticipated that maybe the ladies in the audience would appreciate a little eye-candy as well, so we contacted noted psychic advisor James "The Amazing" Randi!
As I usually do, I sent him a long and someone crankish sounding e-mail begging for a celebrity prognostication, reassuring him he had plenty of time to consult various oracles and feel around in amongst some goat entrails.
He wrote back to say:
"I regret that my oracles are badly inflamed, and my goat died last month…
James Randi."
That's pitiful. Not to be overcome with some made-up sob story, though, I told him to buck up and start spouting off some of that otherworldly advice he's so famous for, with the thinly-veiled threat that if he didn't, I could just as easily make something up. TO WHICH he replied:
"You just don't care about the poor goat?
James Randi."
Maybe if we were playing Navy, but other than that, no. BE THAT AS IT MAY, I have it on good authority that if James Randi actually cared, his prediction would be...
AUBURN 121 -- ALABAMA 6
So there you have it sports fans, another win for the Tigers seems certain! Game kickoff is at 2:30 pm Central, with television coverage provided by See B.S.
BUT WAIT, THAT'S NOT ALL!!
There is the matter of the final malicious, mean-spirited taunt of the season! It has the benefit of at least putatively being a TRUE STORY.
I've waited since the Summer 2006 edition of Auburn Magazine hit my mailbox to tell this story, wallowing in anticipation of reprinting it here. Now, I have no idea if I'm violating copyrights here, and if so, I do apologize and remind everyone that as a Life Member of the Alumni Association and having foregone many opportunities to make use of the hospitality tent, I figure by all rights it won't hurt if I lift this little paragraph and use it here. Especially since it's funny.
ANYWAY, having dispensed with all the legal technicalities, here goes. This was in the article entitled 'War Eagle' Moments--AU flag-wavers tell their best tales:
And last but not least: A bum rap for 'Bama
Since our compilation of War Eagle moments began with a recounting of the battle cry's dubious origin, we leave off with another seemingly unlikely story--not that we question the truth of the tale:
Gulf Shores resident Bob Grant '75 dragged a University of Alabama alumnus along with a couple of AU buddies to a golf outing in Nashville, Tenn., for the Tigers' meeting with Vanderbilt several years ago. The "Bammer" was haranguing the AU alums about the battle cry and admitted he was puzzled by how enthusiastically their "War Eagles" were returned by total strangers. The trio tried to explain the mystique of the words "War Eagle" to no avail. Annoyed, their 'Bama-loyal friend spied a derelict in an alley and yelled "War Eagle!" to the bum. "You ain't gonna believe this," says Grant, "but without hesitation, the poor old guy hollered back 'ROLL TIDE!'"
BUT WAIT, THAT'S STILL NOT ALL!!
In the spirit of open-heartedness to our foes this week, the Possumblog Sports Center has decided to honor a Crimson Tider as our Possumblog Student Athlete of the Week!
This high honor is reserved for those students who show leadership both in the classroom as well as upon the field of competition, and our selection this week is none other than lanky 5-10 guard, Alyson Butler. The winsome blonde freshman from Cleveland, Tennessee is just now beginning her tenure with the Tide, but her high school credentials from Walker Valley High mark her as quite the brainy lass, with recognition as a member of the National Honor Society, Beta Club, FCA, Anchor Club and the Circle of Champions, in addition to being her class president, the class beauty, and on the Valentine Court.
SO best of luck to you in your Crimson Career, Alyson, and congratulations on being named the final PSAotW for the 2006-07 season!