Possumblog

Where was I?

Oh, yeah--I have no idea. You know, where I usually am.

So, Friday I picked up the kinder from Grandmom's and off to home we went to home. Got there, got unloaded, and the kids were outside in a flash to mess with their newest toy. Thursday when I had to make a stop at the grocery store, I had them with me and Catherine and Jonathan found a box full of balls.

"Daaaad-dy? Can we get a volleyball? 'Cause we're doing volleyball in PE. PLEEEEEEEEEZ?"

I am usually impervious to such beggings, even when offered by Catherine.

"No, y'all put that up."

"But we don't have a VOLLEYBALL."

Unassailable logic, that. "Look, put the ball back in the box and come on!" Did I mention that at the time I was on the phone with Reba, who was telling me stuff to get while I was there? Well, I was, so in this distracted state they CONTINUED to pester and molest the box full of volleyballs.

"Would y'all PUT that DOWN! NOW!"

"If we had a volleyball, we could play volleyball!"

::sigh::

Oh, good grief. It's just a volleyball. And short of duct-taping them to the floor, I don't think they were going to leave anything alone. So, in the first of many Bad Father moments to come, I did the exasperated-Andy-Griffith head shake where he just gives up and shoves his hands in his pockets and rolls his eyes.

As you all know, this is usually followed by Barney shooting his pistol in the courthouse.

Anyway, that was Thursday, so Friday they got outside in the backyard and started trying to make holes in the side of the house. Or break the windows. Hard to tell.

I went out and told them in a firm and authoritative, but quiet and level voice (i.e., yelled) for them to quit trying to tear apart the house. "Yes, daddy."

They went back to their game of imaginary volleyball. "How do you tell if it's out or if you've gotten it over the net?"

Rebecca said, "well, we just kinda pretend, sorta."

And thus we learn just how much of a moron I am.

"Maybe we need a net."

"DADDY'S GONNA GET US A VOLLEYBALL NET! COOOOL!! WHEN, DAD!? TONIGHT!?"

::sigh::

Good thing I only have one bullet in my shirt pocket.

We agreed that I would further discuss the matter with their mother, and we'd think about it.

More about that, later.

Suppertime, eat, clean up, sit around.

Reba and I sat and talked a bit, and for some reason, all the other kids went on to to their stuff but Rebecca stayed behind and sat with us. It turned out to be a remarkable conversation.

She's the most mature of the bunch, and it's possible to have an actual conversation with her without the subject HAVING to be about her, so we talked about a boatload of things. One in particular, though, tickled me to no end. Somehow the subject got to treating people nice, and she said she always tries to, but sometimes people just get on her nerves. One in particular?

Well, this summer when she'd go over to help Reba at her work, the maintenance guy there picked at Rebecca endlessly, trying his best to get her to talk to him. Rebecca is VERY quiet around people she doesn't know, and really not that talkative around the ones she DOES know. But the one thing she can't stand is people TRYING to make her talk to them. She just clams up even more. So, this guy would try to make her talk and I think he must have gotten his feelings hurt when she would refuse to jabber back at him (yeah, I know--big deal). So, she didn't like being around him. AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, he tends to use language of a most colorful and salty sort, best I can tell something of a cross between the late Acidman and a drunken sailor on shore leave. Now he'd never talk to Rebecca that way, but she overheard him on numerous occasions holding forth in all of his profane glory, and THAT made her dislike being around him, too.

We tried to tell her that some people just don't know any better, and for her not to ever talk that way herself. She said not to worry (and I don't), and then she let loose with one of the best lines I have ever heard. I laughed and laughed--she has become a wit worthy of emulation. After telling us she wasn't ever going to talk like that, she said of the fellow in question:

"He's just got a mouth full of Satan!"

Ladies and gentlemen, THAT is saying something! After I quit laughing, I asked where she heard that, and she said she just made it up, and from the best I can tell from looking at the Google machine, she indeed has come up with an aphorism for the ages.

I bow before her skillfulness.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at September 5, 2006 12:34 PM