July 27, 2006

Well, I suppose everyone has their own tastes.

But, still, you gotta think something might be wrong with the folks at something called Top Gear magazine. What's The Sexiest Car In The World?

The humble Fiat 500 has beaten the likes of Lotus and Lamborghini to take the title of the world's sexiest car. According to Top Gear magazine the 500 has "the allure of the wholesome and uncomplicated". "Everyone, from strapping blokes to fainting flowers of womanhood, looks sexually charged behind its wheel," the magazine wrote.

"It works irrespective of age, beauty, wealth and position; even a nun in a 500 seems to telegraph a faint tingle of the procreative urge." [...]

Ick. I'd rather not read a sentence containing both "nun" and "tingle."

As for their choice--the 500 is undeniably cartoony cute, fun, cheeky, etc., but sexy?


Well, I suppose if you think Minnie Mouse is hot, I guess it could be, but if your tastes in sexy run more toward the type defined by the amply-hipped signorina to the right of the Fiat, then seems like it would be awfully difficult to think of the Fiat the same way.

As for the rest of the list, this is it:

2. Aston Martin DB5


Okay, that's a pretty good one, although more of a masculine sexy than feminine sexy. But still a good choice.

3. Maserati Quattroporte

Of all the Maseratis ever built, and they pick the Quattroporte!?

Of course, they might be thinking of the newer model which, in fairness, is attractive, but to me the name has long been associated with this lamentable pile of crap, the Quattroporte III of the 1980s--

quattroporte III.jpg

4. Chevrolet Camaro

Again, with there being four different generations of Camaro, it's hard to tell which one they picked, or even why they'd pick the Camaro over the Corvette, or if they insist on picking the Camaro, why they don't at least throw a bone to its brother the Firebird. Probably because they're a bunch of European gits who were thumbing through a car calendar that had a Camaro in it. ANYway, I like the Camaro and Firebird, but the early second generation cars are my favorites--and oddly enough, they were hammered by the American hot rodder press at their introduction for looking too European.

Here's a 1970 Z/28--


(Stolen from here)

and here's a nice 1970 (1/2) Trans-Am--

trans am.bmp

5. Citroen C6

I repeat my "European git" remark. Although I suppose you could call it attractive, it's not sexy at all. Let's just face facts--Citroens exist only to be weird, not sexy. Sorta like a Goth stripper who works at a nude juice bar and keeps a severed hand in her apartment. If there was every a Citroen that was almost sexy, I think you'd have to give it to the SM (which doesn't stand for what you think it does).


But it was still weird, no matter what. And undependable. Something more along the lines of Sean Young during her James Woods period.

6. Lincoln Continental

::sigh:: WHICH ONE!? There was the original 1940 version which is stately and beautiful, but as sexy as Queen Elizabeth II, and the 1955 Mark II version which is breathtakingly elegant, but sorta not all that sexy-looking per se. And then there was every other thing that came down the pipe afterwards with the name Continental on it. NOT TO BE CONFUSED, however, with the--

7. Bentley Continental S1 Fastback

mulliner bentley.jpg

Now that's a car--but sexy more in the mature, full-figured, Maureen O'Hara kind of way, which is a very good sexy, but admittedly a more grown-up type. (Update--the picture I had up there was a James Young-bodied coupe, which looks slightly different from the Mulliner-bodied fastback.)

8. BMW M1

Eh. Nice car, rare, fast, all that. Eh.

9. Rolls-Royce Phantom

::sigh:: Well, maybe these guys DO think QEII is sexy. Sorry, guys--but there has never been a sexy Roller.

10. Sally the Porsche 911 Carrera (cartoon car)

Y'know, they probably never even figured out that the reason Sally Carrera is sexy is because the voice and mannerisms are those of the earthy, corn-fed Midwestern goddess Bonnie Hunt, who is American, and not some weird German girl who likes body-building and techno music.

My list? In no particular order (and yes, I know there's only eight):

Jaguar E-type
Lamborghini Miura
Ferrari 365 GTB/4, S/4 Daytona
'63-'67 Corvette
Ford GT40
Mercedes-Benz 300SL
Maserati Ghibli
Lotus Elite

Posted by Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 11:50 AM

What? No Spitfire?

Posted by: steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at July 27, 2006 01:16 PM

Only if you're talking about the flying version, Steevil, which you have to admit is quite sexy.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 01:36 PM

We had a Citroen when I was growing up -- it was definitely a weird car, but my dad loved it. My favorite memory of it was the automatic jack -- we once persuaded my dad to activate it and then drive around the block. We laughed hysterically, because it basically disengaged the entire suspension system. We felt -- and giggled over -- every little divot in the road.

But sexy? Not so much.

Posted by: Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady at July 27, 2006 02:08 PM

I like your list. The E-Type certainly fits at the top of the list. I think the 850 Sport Fiat was much sexier than that 500 and the 124 roadster always appealed to me too.

Posted by: Nate at July 27, 2006 02:19 PM

Anyone who would leave off the E-Type knows nothing about cars or sexy. That Ferrari you picked is a good one too. But don't forget the Alfa Romeo Spyder or the furry shexy '72 Ford Pinto. Well, mine was sexy when I was in it, anyway.

Posted by: skillzy at July 27, 2006 02:31 PM

GOYL--I will give it to the Frogs, their fondness for hydraulics is amazing. And the deal with the self-centering steering and the brake pedal that's a pressure switch--well, that's just so...so FRENCH! But let's face it, they're better at food.

Nate, of the Fiats, I think the sexiest would be the Dino, and I like the 124, too, in the same Elan/Alfa 2000/MGB sort of way, which is the same way I feel about the Miata--a very fun, cute car. But even though I might want one, I don't think of them as quite sexy.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 02:32 PM

What, no Honda Civic on the list?

I'm not a car guy, but that list is ridiculous. That Fiat is slightly sexier than my dad's 1975 Plymouth Valiant, but not by much.

Posted by: skinnydan at July 27, 2006 02:40 PM

Another vote for the Spyder from Skillzy, but I really like the old Giulietta a lot better.

And yes, Skillzy, you make any car deeeead sexy.

::stiffling laugh::

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 02:42 PM

And we can't be too hard on the Valiant, Dan--after all, it's the daddy of the Barracuda, which wasn't the least bit sexy in '65 (at least compared to a Mustang) but it did get better looking later.

And it did get a Hemi.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 02:48 PM

Now I know what it was Miss Kathie and I saw on I-97 a few months ago. It was a mint, pale yellow Merc 300SL. Appropriately enough, we were on our way to a wake for a car collector.

Posted by: steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at July 27, 2006 03:33 PM

I like the profile of that Citroen, though. I'd drive it.

On cars in general, I saw one of those Dodge Magnums on the road the other day in black.

It looked like a sport hearse.

Posted by: Janis at July 27, 2006 03:37 PM

Heh--sport hearse--reminds me of the old Boot Hill Express. (Which, of course, has a Hemi.)

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 03:47 PM

And Steevil, next time you see an SL like that, be sure to take a picture!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 03:48 PM

Late to the party (again) since I had to install a new server. Besides the indignity of omitting the (infamous) '69 Volare, famous in song, here's a Thurs. 3 for my choices:

1. DeLorean and those gull-wing doors in no-stain steel. (I know they have a model designation, but I'm too lazy to look it up.)

2. '67 Corvette. Sweet.

3. Chrysler Crossfire - nice rear.
(Oooh, is that not proper in polite company?!?)

Posted by: Marc V at July 27, 2006 04:21 PM

For those of us who prefer a bit more reliability, could we substitute the Mazda Miata for the Lotus Elan? The Mk I model of the Miata in particular was clearly inspired by the Elan.

Plus it starts every day.

Posted by: southtrek at July 27, 2006 04:25 PM

Seems someone got the thrust capacitors fixed on the Delorean and went BACK IN TIME! (I think Marc meant '79, not '69) Believe it or not, there was an article in one of the Hemmings magazines about a year ago from a guy who had probably the nicest original Volare in the world. The Delorean was officially the DMC-12.

I like the Crossfire, and a lot of the other stuff from DaimlerChrysler, but there's a bit too much abundance of heavy chunkiness that's kinda graceless.

And southtrek, the Miata is a peach of a car, but as I said a few comments back up, I don't think of it in the same way I would a Daytona.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 04:34 PM

Although, you are right--a Miata will generally start EVEN IF IT'S WET! Or dry. Or on a hill. Or if it's been setting for more than a day. And it doesn't require pulling the head to adjust the valve lifters every five miles. And there are no multiple SU carburetors to attempt to synchronize.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 27, 2006 04:36 PM

To me the SM, whew I'm finger tied is just one of the best/hotest/sexyist evermade. I much prefer the Lotus Europa even though at 6'1" 22" neck and 34" waist I couldn't cram me butt into one. a Cord in fire engine red ouzzes sex and a Ferrari 308 still today is pure in it's femine curves. Another car no one ever thinks about is the Volvo P1200 coupe and your right Terry Mrs. Peel in a E type is a killer image

Posted by: Tony von Krag at July 27, 2006 11:44 PM

I like the Europa, too, but to my eye it's still more mechanical than fleshy. I got home and last night thought about the Cord 810/812, and you're right--that one should be on my list. The 308 is nice, but it's still not quite as lurid as a 512BB, which itself still lacks something compared to a Daytona. The Volvo P1800s are nice, but I still have to put them on a slightly lower plane of sex-appeal.

And speaking of Mrs. Peel, although her vehicle of choice was an Elan, it really didn't matter if she had been driving a dump truck. Rrrrowwl.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 28, 2006 08:34 AM

Yes Terry, you are correct with the '79 Volare. I got all confused with my first car, a '69 Dart, which would never be confused with sexy, just dumpy.

Good reference to the time traveling for the DeLorean. I saw a show on it a while back, and the "12" in DMC-12 referred to the price they originally wanted to charge for it ($12k) but could not, as costs shot up and it sold for a few thousand more. Someone in Texas bought out the plant in N. Ireland and shipped all the remaining parts to Texas. They can either rebuild one or assemble one from parts for about $25k (or maybe it's $30k).

Posted by: Marc V at July 28, 2006 12:00 PM

I'd never heard that about the name (number?) but it sounds as reasonable as anything else. They aren't bad looking, but the lack of oomph from the engine bay is a drawback. I'd prefer an early Pantera or a late model Lotus Esprit if given a choice. But the sharp-edged styling of all of those (and things like the Countach) is still something to me that's more mechanical and less anthropomorphically sexy.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 28, 2006 12:56 PM

If ever Top Gear names Fiat 500 the sexiest car again, I'm afraid that they might lose their credibility.

I'd rather choose the Continental S1 Fastback. It's definitely a lot sexier.

Posted by: Joe at August 16, 2006 01:30 AM