Possumblog

Me? Oh, nothing bothers me.

From Kitchen (and Volvo) Hand, a recitation of the things that make eating at a restaurant less than ideal.

My peeves? Well, let's see--#1--I surely don't like slow service. I'm one of those people with kids, and although they DO know how to behave in public, they ARE children and after waiting forever do tend to get squirmy and uncouth and bothersome of others. So get the vittles out pronto, Dude.

#2--Dude. I don't like it if you're duller than a rusty butter knife, Dude, so if you don't know what's on the menu, and don't care to find out, maybe it would be better to consider alternative employment.

#3--Lying to me about the service. I have never believed you when you tell me that the kitchen is backed up because one big table came in and ordered stuff. To me, one big table of twenty is not any differenter than five tables of four, ESPECIALLY when the dining room is very nearly empty anyway. So don't say that, just say something like, "I messed up and forgot to put in your order," or "the cook walked out, but first he peed in the soup."

#4--Don't get my order wrong, and then blame me. I know where they keep the knives, so don't make me go get one.

#5--Boy, I hate to say this one, but service that's TOO friendly. Longtime readers will remember Jennifer, the World's Best Waitress, who used to work at a chain restaurant close to where we went to church. She was absolutely fantastic--fast, efficient, friendly, knowledgeable, attractive beyond belief, and one of those nice people who's nice even when you're not the customer.

We were so impressed by her solicitude and all-around appeal that we got to where we would make a point of asking for her. We'd have a nice chat about non-restaurant stuff--kids, school, home repairs. But we did notice that the service began to slip a bit. And no matter how much I enjoyed talking to her (and it was a lot, because, I must mention again, she was REALLY attractive), there was a line that was crossed that I didn't particularly feel good about--when she would greet us and then have a seat with us to chat.

Look, I know it must be some sort of snobby classism or something (you know, because I'm so high falutin' and all), and I'm sure I'm evil for it, but if Kitchen Hand's notion of a restaurant being theater is right (and I think it is), then I'd like it if the traditional roles of staff and patron be respected. It's not that I expect toadying obsequies at every turn, and not that I think I'm too good to eat with the help, but everyone has something to do, and in the food business, that means getting the food orders to the kitchen and the food from the kitchen to the table. Although I enjoyed immensely having the company of not one but TWO attractive women to flirt with, I really just would have preferred getting my food. Add to this the expectation that I would continue to tip as well as I had in the past (when we were less familiar, and got better service deserving of a good tip) and, well, it made for something less enjoyable than it should have been.

#6--Dirty restrooms. Ick.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at July 25, 2006 02:31 PM