May 31, 2006
Okay, I admit it.
My level of gustatory sophistication is only about three notches above that of a tapeworm. I realize there are all sorts of foods and flavors out there in the world, and all sorts of acquired tastes, but let’s be frank--they are really just too far above my ability to appreciate.
Snails?
Nah.
Sorry. I know--anything fried in butter oughta be pretty darned okay, but I’ll let you enjoy them.
Baboons?
Again, I realize some people highly prize them (Mmmm--save me one of those lonnnnng drumsticks!) but I couldn’t eat one.
Which brings us to another thing I just can’t understand--Clamato. Did someone just decide one day as they were cleaning out the refrigerator that they should mix the leftover clam juice together with the last dab of tomato juice, then mistakenly leave it on the counter, then drink it by mistake instead of pouring it down the sink, and decide it was REALLY good? Or was it some kind of college prank that got out of hand? Was it a dare?
Who knows. But I have never found the idea of mixing the drainings of a disgusting-looking bivalve mollusk with tomato juice to be one of those things that I had to try. I actually like clam MEAT but the idea of clam JUICE is repulsive on several levels to me, and the admixture of the noble tomato does nothing to stop me from blanching at the very thought of such an elixir. I suppose there must be someone who likes it, because it never seems to disappear from the grocery shelves, but I can’t think there are THAT many people who like it.
But then today, I saw something in the vending machine downstairs that went off the scale, something so far beyond my ability to comprehend it that I was simply at a loss--
I didn’t realize the humble tortilla really needed additional tomatoiness, or molluskity. Obviously, I had to buy a bag of them just to see what the attraction was.
Upon opening the bag, I noticed the chips were small, shiny, the color of fresh red meat, and had the bracingly revolting smell of clammy seaside tomatoes. The chips were relatively crisp, although I had to chew them as lightly as possible to keep from tasting them so much.
I think I like my chips without integral tomato flavor, and completely devoid of clam, but then again, I am a hopeless food rube. At least the bag was entertaining--
Bring flavor to your life! NEW ClamatoTM Tortilla Chips have the same unique, zesty flavor that you’ve come to know and love from Clamato®. With invigorating taste in every bite, you can liven up your day with new ClamatoTM Tortilla Chips!
!At least now I can rest easy knowing I’ll never have to eat any more of them, nor wonder if I was missing something by being left out of the next big food trend.
Posted by Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 10:10 AMOne more reason to keep kosher.
I do have to ask - what on earth possessed you to actually decide to try such things? I for one don't wish to waste my hard earned dollars and my daily allotment of unnecessary caloric intake on bizarrely flavored fat and crispiness.
I'd rather waste them on the good-tasting crispy fatness.
Posted by: Skinnydan at May 31, 2006 10:58 AMI am certainly glad you purchased and reported on these, saving me the temptation.
If you really want to see some wild flavors though, you have to try Korean snacks. Lots of those include squid flavor. Lots of weirdness.
Posted by: Nate at May 31, 2006 11:13 AM1. Actually, snails are pretty good. I've have escargot, hot with butter and garlic. Also, in RI, they have snail salad, served cold. The snails are sliced into what looks like pieces of chipped beef.
2. No, no monkeys or apes. Too much like eating Uncle Fred.
3. Well I don't drink the clam juice sold in the grocery store, that's for cooking with (and only comes in teeny bottles). But with steamed clams, usually a bowl of clam 'broth' is served with them, so you swish them around to get the sand off. Then you (well, I) drink the broth.
4. Don't think I'll bother trying the chips, since I don't especially like Clamato.
Posted by: Steevil (Dr Weevil's bro Steve) at May 31, 2006 11:14 AMWhy, Dan? Because I am a moron.
And it was a dare, although not one offered by another person, but rather by one of the voices in my head.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 11:14 AMThe thought of Clamato has always grossed me out, but for some reason the jars of Beef-a-mato have always seemed even yuckier to me.
Let me know how those chips taste when you find them!
Posted by: Jordana at May 31, 2006 11:42 AMNow that's just plain weird--I was sitting here wondering if there are other animal/tomato-juice beverage hybrids out there, and the one that leapt to mind was beefamato. After the wave of nausea subsided, I shook my head and figured there could be no such thing. AND NOW YOU TELL ME THERE IS!
Which means, in my quest to bring the goodness to all, Possumblog Kitchens is proud to announce our newest beverage line, starting with what made us famous--MANATEE! Rich, nutty manatee juice combined with the finest tomatoes to produce MANATEEMATO! MMmmm! That's great manatee!
Soon to follow will be Penguinato, with the juice of the freshest Emperor penguins; Nutriamato, full of succulent marmot juice; and Orcamato, killer flavor from the killer whale!
MMmmm--animal juice and tomato!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 11:57 AMMmm--Beef beverages!
Y'know, I just had an idea for another one: Escargomato!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 02:24 PMBut no possumato.
Posted by: Sarah G. at May 31, 2006 02:58 PMOkay, now you're just being silly.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 03:23 PMBeefamato is mixed with vodka to produce the Bullshot. Or tomato juice and beef bullion can be used.
Posted by: Janis at May 31, 2006 04:24 PMA better excuse for temperence I've not heard.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 04:30 PMBah. Tastes fine after 3 or 4 Bloody Marys.
Posted by: Janis at May 31, 2006 04:31 PMSounds like it'd go great with Chef Boyardee's Beer-a-Roni.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 31, 2006 04:40 PMOh the stories I couls tell. Y'all better be grateful I did sign them there NDA's *grin*
Posted by: Tony von Krag at May 31, 2006 07:41 PMDo any of those NDAs have anything to do with not disclosing what happens when you mix sake with nuoc mam?
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 1, 2006 08:00 AMLOX, Terry, Lox. No Dan I'm not talking 'bout salmon either.
Posted by: Tony von Krag at June 1, 2006 09:56 PMRocket fuel?
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 2, 2006 07:46 AMI actually like these Clamato chips.Many of my co workers also like them.Try them for yourself.I hope they are available in larger bags in stores actually soon.
Posted by: dj morse at June 23, 2006 01:28 AMWell, good to hear there is a market for them, D.J.! Read back through there, though--I DID try a whole snack bag full of them.
Alas, they just aren't my cup of Clamato. But, as I said, I am not a food connoisseur.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at June 23, 2006 08:31 AMAn endorphin rush of deliciousness - south of the border they aren't afraid to flavor with fish. I love 'em. Apart from the red color they are pretty natural too - not nearly as scary as the stuff in Doritos. YUM!
Posted by: Rob at July 10, 2006 01:54 PMAs I mentioned to Chef Tony a few comments back up the line, maybe we need to see about getting some chips with nuoc mam flavor--talk about fearlessness!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at July 10, 2006 02:23 PM