May 22, 2006

You want to know exactly how bad I need a vacation?

I seem to have been struck--however momentarily--with a case of blinding moronicity. WAY over and above anything I've ever even thought of. I have no idea why, other than my brain is so squishy I can't keep my chronic moron disease in check.

Last week sometime, I had checked eBay for any interesting junk for the Volvo, and somehow I got sidetracked and completely by accident found someone selling an old Sears/Puch motorcycle. HEY! I remember those from the catalog!

I always thought they were cool, but you know, parents and all--they put their footses down about any glimmer of hope I might have ever had for a motorcycle, or even a minibike. Which, by the way, were also in the catalog.

Anyway, after I got on up and got my driver's license and started fooling around with cars, I never really got the bug for anything else. I have been a passenger on a friend's motorcycle exactly once, and it was rather unpleasant.

But I think what stirred the moron fever most was when I got to reading about the little Sears bike, and noted the peculiar description of the engine. Quite possibly the most absolutely ridiculous engine you could ever cobble together, it was a twin cylinder two-stroke, with a shared combustion chamber, designed back in the Internal Combustion Paleolithic era. I did some more looking around and trying to figure out this bizarre "Twingle" configuration, and after reading a bit was completely baffled and mystified as to why anyone would spend so much effort on such an odd thing.

Which, of course, seems to the be the thing that triggers so many of my flaming moron episodes. You see, I seem to be becoming something more than a mere moron--I fear I am quickly getting to the point of being a crank, fascinated by weird things simply because of the weirdness of them.

I think I need to just go sit on log for a while and not think about anything.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at May 22, 2006 01:06 PM
Comments

Maybe the moron disease is spreading this time of year. I’ve promised myself a kayak as soon as I lose enough weight to not fit over the sides. I really mean it this time.

Posted by: jim at May 22, 2006 01:14 PM

Maybe it's the pollen or something...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 22, 2006 01:39 PM

How much does one of these Sears/Puch motorcyles go for anyway? I didn't even know Sears sold motorcyles, but then they pretty much sold everything at one point in time, even houses.

Posted by: Stan at May 22, 2006 02:02 PM

Have no fear, Terry. If you were truly a moron, you would have bid on the thing.

I think this is just a seasonal thing

Posted by: Skinnydan at May 22, 2006 02:10 PM

Amazing how our afflictions can remain dormant for so long then spring out when we least expect (or can afford) them. I for one, and my brothers, grew up using an Allstate motorscooter as a mini-bike. That was a Vespa with Sears Allstate badges hung on it and left such a lasting impression that I'm still riding scooters...

Except today, since mine died and I took it to the shop at lunch time.

Posted by: Nate at May 22, 2006 02:11 PM

Yep, they sold houses, and a version of the Kaiser "Henry J" called the Allstate, and these bikes, too.

The two that are still on eBay are $112 and $1,375.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 22, 2006 02:12 PM

And Dan, it's always open season with morons.

Nate, do you know yet what went wrong with your scooter?

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 22, 2006 02:15 PM

You know what you need? A collection of gasoline powered Maytag washing machines. Or at least some of those old gasoline engines that powered them. Those are plenty weird and wonky and make pretty satisfying sounds when running. Think of the fun you could have on the table behind the tree with internal combustion and gasoline.

Posted by: Nate at May 22, 2006 02:15 PM

Nate, you have no idea how much fun that sounds like. Or, maybe I could get a 50 gallon drum and find some old outboard motors.

Or do both!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 22, 2006 02:23 PM

Forget the outboard motors, get one of these.

Posted by: Sarah G. at May 22, 2006 03:57 PM