April 27, 2006

Fortune Cookie Wisdom of the Day!

Well, now, it's been a while, hasn't it!

But it is such a beautiful day today that I felt I simply had to treat myself to a nice walk around the park and some of that nice Chinese food over at the AmSouth Harbert building. And to make it even more enjoyable, the bums in park have been given the bum's rush by a bunch of artist-types who are in town for the Magic City Art Connection event. This is nice for a couple of reasons--the interesting artwork, and the fact that the percentage of artists who are lucid and bathed is slightly higher than the usual park population.

ANYway, they're still setting up tents and the requisite funnel cake trailers today. If I remember to bring my camera tomorrow, I'll take some photos.

AS TO MY MEAL, it was quite possibly the hottest kung pao chicken I have ever eaten, despite the fact that it only had one pepper in it. I think they must have had a batch of gravy percolating with peppers in it all morning, but it was very fiery. (Which makes me wonder why we can't spell "fire" as "fier.")

It was a nice day in the food court, too--at least from where I was sitting, which provided an umimpeded view into the hair salon. Spring means tank tops, it seems. Which is a good thing.


Today's selection of Oriental wisdom:

Trying to outsmart everybody is the greatest folly.

You know, that is just so true. It's really much more efficient just to outsmart the stupid people--they still make up a big percentage of the population, but you don't have to try nearly so hard to fool them as you do that last two or three percent who are smarter than you. By the way, if you want, I have a list of 300 people who are stupider than you, and will be happy to send you a copy for only $14.95.

[Shhhh--don't tell anyone, but this is a big scam. See, people rarely send in the exact $14.95, and instead send a $15 bill and expect YOU to send THEM a nickel in change! Suckers!]

Next up, this:

Appreciate the caring people who surround you.

You mean the guys with the white coats and big nets? Oh, okay then.


5 12 23 36 39. 18


7 14 19 36 41. 22

OOOoooooh! As you notice, the number 36 showed up TWICE! I think this is a sign that Tim Sauter of Necedah, WI, will win the Aaron's 312 Busch race this weekend, driving the #36 Lester Buildings Chevrolet!

Or, you know, not. I mean, what do these Chinese fortune-cookie-writing people know about NASCAR!?

Posted by Terry Oglesby at April 27, 2006 02:08 PM

Is there anyone who doesn't know about NASCAR?

Posted by: Diane at April 27, 2006 02:35 PM

I think there are, believe it or not, some poor souls who don't. And you see where it gets them--writing fortune cookie fortunes.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 27, 2006 02:56 PM

So what return per person could I expect from your list of 300?

I have been waiting for months for my check to come from Nigeria and am starting to need cash pretty badly since someone seems to be withdrawing money from my bank account.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at April 27, 2006 04:18 PM

Well, you see, Larry--the idea is that you turn around and offer to sell the list to each of the 300 people on the list, and offer it to them at a discount, maybe $13.95. Then, when they send you a $14 bill, you pretend to mail them back the nickle in change, and pretty soon, you've got $4,500 rattling around in your pocket. AND, since they're stupid, you can sell them the same list over and over!

Now then, how many copies can I put you down for?

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at April 27, 2006 04:25 PM

Diane, there are many dozens of people here in what is euphemistically referred to as the "northeast" (and more appropriately as the home of latte drinking, suv driving, pantywaist liberals) have never heard of NASCAR.

Most of them think nascar refers to some kind of South American whole body Seaweed wrap with green tea.

Posted by: skinnydan at April 28, 2006 08:43 AM