Possumblog

A Commission!

I knew if I kept hinting at it, someone would finally hire me for my incredible architect skills!

Dr. Jim Smith, well-known professor (although not quite so much as Roy Hinkley, Jr.), made the following suggestion:

[...] Having trouble with the internets thingy today-- especially the mu.nu world. Also the nap slowed me down-- I'm learning that real good. I might even open a Dr. Jimbo's Nap and Laziness Center. If I added beer drinking I think men would like me better 'n that ol' Dr. Phil.

I thought this sounded pretty good (although I don't know any man who really likes Dr. Phil), and after suggesting he could outfit the place with La-Z-Boy recliners (in keeping with the theme of the joint), my client wrote back with this:

Could you design us a functional but comfortable building that would appeal to men-- I assume some women would be clients but not many. I like modern but I saw your screed on upkeep and this is a center for the study and propagation of advanced laziness. You could be the first test case if I could get you to realize that come Sunday morning, the sun will still come up regardless of what you did the day before.

Well, obviously that last part is just flat wrong, but as for the rest of it, let's do a little exercise and see if we can program--

DR. JIMBO'S NAP AND LAZINESS CENTER FOR THE STUDY AND PROPOGATION OF ADVANCED LAZINESS

Okay, first thing--locationlocationlocation. I have always thought that all that land in the medians of the Interstates would be the perfect place to put a building. Easy to get to by car (seeing as how laziness precludes walking anywhere), scenic, soothing sounds of traffic flowing by, no neighbors to come by and borrow stuff when you're right in the middle of a good dream, regular yard maintenance by state highway department crews or prison inmates, and occasionally neat stuff falls off of trucks and rolls into your yard.

Next, the building envelope--although Dr. Jimmy thinks I have an aversion to modern architecture, I don't really as long as it weathers nicely without having to be fixed and pestered with all the time. I figure a nice plain unfinished concrete framework with big expanses of self-cleaning glass. The concrete doesn't really need regular upkeep, and the glass lets you look out and see the great outdoors without actually having to get up and go outdoors.

Inside, there will be a ground floor parking garage, with elevators at each parking space to gently whoosh you up to the main level, where robot attendants will pick you up and carry you over to your favorite armchair over floors that are nice and smooth and easily cleaned by fleets of Roombas. After you've settled in to your chair--which will be equipped with a mini-refrigerator, individualized climate control, and a built in computer terminal/television/radio/rocket launcher--you may lean back and enjoy not doing anything productive.

Now then, since I'm lazy and don't want to do anything else on the project, you're all free to offer your own suggestions for additional features.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at March 16, 2006 03:51 PM