Sorry about that, but we have a gnat problem in the office. They had the exterminator come by last week, and I think he thinks they're coming from a plant in one of the zoning inspector's cubicles. So he didn't mess with it. So we still have gnats. And they're not even really gnats, otherwise they'd be flying a bit lower. They look like fruit flies, and they have a terrible habit of flying RIGHT INTO MY FACE, which is highly disturbing and makes me appear to be having seizures when I start trying to swat at them. Because I really CAN'T swat them, since they're RIGHT IN MY FACE. People think I'm odd enough without finding me alone in my office slapping my own face.
Anyway, another one just flew by and I managed to stun it by slapping my hands together, and then it fell onto my keyboard, and so I started beating around trying to actually kill it. Of course, if flew away after it regained its composure.
Now then, as I was about to say, I heard a funny joke over the weekend.
There was a farmer and his wife who would go to the county fair every year, and the farmer always wanted to ride the helicopter. "Sure would like to ride that heliocopter." Each time, every year, his wife would invariably answer, "That cost fifty dollars, and you know fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The years went on, and on the old fellow's 85th birthday, he and his wife once more found themselves at the fair. "I have always wanted to go take that heliocopter ride, and by gum, if I don't take it this year, I might not ever get another chance."
"That cost fifty dollars, and you know fifty dollars is fifty dollars, dear." Their conversation was overheard by the helicopter pilot, who interrupted to make them a sly proposition.
"Tell you what, folks--I'll take BOTH of you up for a ride, and if you don't make a single peep about it, you won't have to pay a thing. BUT, if either of you say anything, you'll both have to pay fifty dollars."
The old farmer and his wife thought it over, and the farmer finally convinced his wife to climb aboard the chopper.
Once airborne, the pilot, determined to plug the rubes for a quick hundred, took the helicopter on a death-defying ride with all sorts of aerobatics for which helicopters were not really designed. Yet, he heard not a word from his passengers. He finally tired of his efforts and decided to land and let the old couple out.
"Looks like you folks managed to get yourself a free--" The pilot turned around and gasped, "WHERE'S YOUR WIFE!?"
"Well, I wanted to say something about ten minutes ago when she fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
Getting back to the gnat story... I had a friend in Nashville who farmed and brought garden vegies to his publishing office... He would slice the tomatoes and other greens and made a great salad to put on our bologna sandwiches. The gnats would swarm, his secretary ask, "what's these little flies?" Jerry winked at me and said, "Pecker gnats." After she left, we talked about the hot days following an old mule and how the gnats would swarm him... A day later, Elvis' Mgr. stopped in to look for a song, and ask, "Whats these little flies?" Pat spoke up and said, "They're Pecker Gnats." And didn't even crack a smile. He looked at Jerry, not knowing if he should eat the sandwich or not.
Posted by: osray at February 13, 2006 03:49 PMI see you understand what I meant when I said if they were gnats, they'd be flying a bit lower.
I remember when I was at home and my mother had a garden, I would be out there complaining about all the gnats and she'd say something about how I could get rid of them by dropping my pants.
My mother is a real hoot that way.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at February 13, 2006 04:02 PM