January 05, 2006

World's Ugliest Car?

I would rank it right up there with the Pontiac Aztek. Got my latest edition of AutoWeek yesterday, and no sooner had I opened it than my retinas were ripped assunder by photos of the new Chrysler Imperial on display at the '06 Detroit show.

Here it is--click at your own risk.

IT BURNNNNNNS! AIEEEEEE!

I've not been a real big fan of the most recent 300C and thought it was a bit chunky looking, but this--this thing--is more eye-watering than pulling out nosehairs one-by-one while watching Rosie O'Donnell reruns with the sound turned up.

It has the graceless charm of a Russian ZIL flatbed, the breathtaking misshapeness of a 1960 Rambler, the low sleekness of Cabrini Green, and yes, the funky chic outdoorsily urban gestalt of the clumsy and lamentable Aztek.

What has happened at the Chysler design studios!? Did they have to lay everyone off and hire monkeys? Are they all smoking crack-laced heroin steeped in toad scrapings? Is this some kind of early-arriving April Fool's joke?

The interior looks nice, though, so your chances of being visually disabled while driving is probably pretty low, unless you look out and see yourself in the reflection from a window, or see another one on the road.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 5, 2006 02:45 PM
Comments

I'm not sure I exactly understand what the purpose of that thing is. Do you suppose it is an attempt to build on of those weird almost SUVs such as those from Infiniti and Nissan?

Posted by: Larry Anderson at January 5, 2006 02:49 PM

According to their design chief Trevor Creed, “This is the car for somebody who has made it, who takes great pleasure in driving from place to place.” No word on if he said that with a straight face. They seem to think it's supposed to be something like a low-rent Bentley or Maybach. Looks more like an old Gelandewagen to me. (Which I could excuse looking like an army truck, because it was an army truck.)

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 5, 2006 02:57 PM

Freakadelic! Looks like they are doing drugs.

Posted by: Janis Gore at January 5, 2006 03:03 PM

This should serve as a valuable object lesson for all you kids out there on the dangers of illicit pharmaceuticals.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 5, 2006 03:07 PM

I think you actually nailed it on the head. The car is Rosie O'Donnell in car form.

Think of it as "My Mother the Car", with an irritating nasal tone, overlarge thighs, and a punim like a squished cantaloupe.

Posted by: skinnydan at January 5, 2006 03:15 PM

Good thing I had my Yiddish dictionary close by--so much of Rosie looks like a squished cantaloupe, I wasn't sure at first which part you were referencing.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 5, 2006 03:22 PM

Terry, you didn't include Mr. Creed's entire quote. The actual quote was “This is the car for somebody who has made it, who takes great pleasure in driving from place to place in Iraq.” Seriously, someone needs to see if this thing qualifies for a Sherman M-class designation.

Posted by: helluva at January 5, 2006 03:29 PM

What exactly is it?

Posted by: Jordana at January 5, 2006 03:30 PM

Iraq!? Haven't they suffered enough!?

Jordana, I'm not sure, but they seem to be thinking of it as a potential Chrysler flagship model like the old Imperial. Doesn't quite make it to look at it, at least the outside. It's certainly nowhere near as flagshippy as the Cadillac Sixteen concept from a couple of years back.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 5, 2006 04:03 PM

At least the Challenger showcar looks good, I think if brought down in price it'd be a good match up to the new Mustang. Both GM and MB/C missed on the GTO and Charger. I also am a bit iffy on the 300C but think the Magnum is flat out hot, then again I like the PT Cruiser even though it's a lil bit of a porker.

Posted by: Tony von Krag at January 5, 2006 05:43 PM

I'll agree with that--the Challenger looks verrrrry nice. The high price is for the Hemi, though, so I imagine lesser ones would be competitively priced with the Mustang. The Charger? Bleh. It's not that it's four doors, it's that it just doesn't look right. The Charger 4-door concept car from several years back that looked like a Charger had it much closer to right.

The Holden Monaro is a very, very good car, but if the market has a certain expectation, it's best not to ignore it. GM thought they could trade on the good glow from the GTO name, but they failed to understand just exactly how much people wanted something that reminded them of the real ones. They tried to blame it on consumer not being sophisticated enough (not being able to appreciate the good things about the car and overlook issues of styling and heritage), but they simply misread the market. Yet another reason why GM is drowning.

I'd like the 300C much better if it were a bit more tailored-looking. It's blocky, but not in a good way.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 6, 2006 07:50 AM

AMC lives!

Posted by: skillzy at January 6, 2006 09:01 AM

PS - I passed a real Bentley the other day on the Interstate, and I swear I thought it was a Kia or Hyundai or something until I got right up on it.

Posted by: skillzy at January 6, 2006 09:04 AM

Kill it before it multiplies!

And I say the last really good-looking Bentley was the '62 Continental S-2.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at January 6, 2006 09:11 AM