Possumblog

Movies!

During my time off, I actually got to go to the moving picture show, not once, but TWICE! Good grief, no wonder movies seem to make so much money nowadays--you could feed a family of six for two days on the price of admission, which, of course, doesn't count the equal amount spent on flavored sugar water and a bucket of corn-flavored air. [/grump]

First up was a group effort to go see Cheaper by the Dozen 2, which included all of us, plus meeting Beau #4 at the theater.

The first version was pretty good, although still saddled with a bit too much contrived cuteness. This one, however, kicks it up a notch with even more contrivedness, and little of it directed at the cuteness factor. Somehow Steve Martin is no longer coaching, or he is, but whatever he's doing, it's in Chicago. Piper Perabo is unconvincingly way past pregnant, complete with annoying fake distended belly that keeps poking out from underneath her flouncy non-maternity tops. And she never sweats. Although she holds her back a lot. And when her water breaks, her shorts remain nice and dry.

Anyway, the family goes on vacation for old time's sake to the lake and decide to try to win some sort of stupid trophy from Carmen Electra (who has large breasts) and Earl Camembert (or Stan Schmenge), who doesn't. There is a subplot of one of the girl kids becoming a girly-girl, and the complete waste of film Hilary Duff, who plays a self-centered egotistical teenaged twit. Look, I go to the movie for escapism--not seeing a portrayal of self-centered egotistical teenaged twititude. Get enough of that as it is at home.

The scenes that were contrived to make me tear up and be all weepy worked, although not in a good way. Stuff like that shouldn't make you mad at yourself. It's not a bad movie, but it sure ain't no good, either. I give it two out of five curly possum tails, and I'm being generous.

You want something good? Read the book--the REAL book. (Admittedly, Lil wasn't quite as easy on the eyes as Bonnie Hunt, but then again, Bonnie Hunt hasn't got twelve kids.)

Other movie was one I took Rebecca, Jonathan, and Catherine to, as well as my big sister (detaining her from going home for another day)--The Chronicles of Narnia--The Lion, The Witch, the Wardrobe, and the Goat Man With A Disturbing Lack of Selfconsciousness Regarding his Goatiness, and His Unclothed Nipples.

I have a soft-spot for costume dramas, especially for those involving Jollye Olde, and what's not to like about C.S. Lewis? Overall, I have to say it was a very nice movie, although technical matters tend to keep it from being up in the great movie category. In this day and time, it's possible to do CGI so seamlessly that it's hard to distinguish unless you're just being a pedant, so you really notice it when the lushness of some effects is put into juxtaposition with some really lame-looking green screen stuff that wouldn't have passed muster even in the old Jason and the Argonauts fillum. Ebert's review is pretty much what I would say if I were a puffy movie critic, although I would like right now to call a halt to the use of the term "gob-smacked." It's everywhere nowadays, and really it works only if you tend to use other terms such as "po-faced git" in your usual conversation.

Anyway, the movie is very much okay, and not too scary for anyone younger than about eight or so. Very young kids might be put off by the violence of the battle scenes and the scary White Witch person who has sort of a Midas-like effect on people, in that when she touches them, they turn into mufflers. My kids liked it, and I did, too. With a couple of stupid provisos that deal with matters tactical. Because I can't enjoy anything without nitpicking.

But doggone it, don't insist of fighting a massed infantry on an open field when YOU have the high ground! Make the other side come to you! And if you have griffins who can carry boulders and fly along and bomb the enemy front lines, fly PARALLEL to the lines, NOT perpendicular. And second, unless they have machine guns, DON'T let them fly low enough to get hit by arrows! Stupid flying lion-eagles were just asking for it. And if you've got firebirds that come out of burning arrows, use a LOT of them, not just ONE.

Another thing--the goatman thing is just a little off-putting in more ways than one. Especially given a he-goat's well-known proclivity to vigorously goatify anything that moves, and even some things that don't. And when your goatman's only clothing is a silly SCARF, and he's a MUSICIAN, and he lures children into his lair with a promise of hot tea and scones, well, I mean, come ON! At least get him a nice blazer or something. And some pants, for goodness sake. Either that, or just be sure to have Thomas Mesereau standing by. And we're not even going to get into the minotaur/centaur deal. (Although I will say a couple of the girl centaurs were kinda hot.)

AND another thing--exactly what do people eat in Narnia? I mean, everything has a proper British accent, even the shrubbery. Sure, you can get away with vegetarianism around here, but when your carrots start screaming as they're peeled and boiled, I imagine you'd probably be a bit put off by it. Not me, obviously, but some might be.

Overall, though, despite my stupid nitpicking, I'd have to give it 4 out of 5 curly possum tails.

And those are your movie reviews for now!

Posted by Terry Oglesby at January 3, 2006 02:21 PM