Possumblog

As the youngsters say...

..."that's good squishy!" Well, they do, at least according to Lileks. Who am I to argue?

In any event, an entirely appropriate thought as I went over to the Parisian store at the AmSouth-Harbert building at lunch to do some last minute you-know-what. I am really at a loss this year, because a certain wife of mine has just about everything, and the few things she did want were quickly snapped up by the kids as their gifts to her. So I had to think, which is hard, and it makes my head hurt.

First stop was the newsstand/everything-shop, though, just to see if there might be an interesting stocking stuffer. They have everything--cards, cigars in a big humidor, ceramic cats, candles, Spam, newspapers, statuary of Santa playing golf, statuary of Santa in either Alabama or Auburn football jerseys, Precious Moments statuary, Penthouse, pantyhose, Beanie Babies--basically anything a downtown office worker would require to go through the day. But not really anything I wanted to buy for Miss Reba.

On to Parisian, where I browsed the cosmetic counter (she already has a ton of cosmetics), the jewelry cases (ditto), the racks with variations on the scarf theme (promising, but still not quite personal enough), the various leather goods (no comment)...hmm.

Upstairs, which promised Ladies Clothing--and Intimates!

HEY! A sale! Browsed the various racks of suits--she could probably use some more work clothes (ignoring for the moment that she already has more clothes than will fit in her closet), but it's very difficult to buy suits for her because of the Issue of Fit. I figure it's best to stick with stuff I know will fit, and suits must be tried on. ON around the store--too old, too silly, too big, too puffy, too too. Finally got around to some two-piece skirt and sweater sets that caught my eye--now that looks like her! Very nice. Found one that has a dark brown sweater with a light colored ring around the neck and a brown plaid skirt with fringey stuff up the side. Now then. Something else. Again, she has these, but I just couldn't help it--had to get her a nice pair of soft pajamas, and a nightshirt. They just looked like her. What can I say?!

Thus armed with my selections, I went and laid them on the counter for the lady to ring them up. She cast an eye at me very similar to what Aunt Esther might do, and jokingly asked me, "You pick these out all by yourself!?"

"HEY! I can do stuff like that!"

"Well, baby, you did pretty good for yourself! These for your wife?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I think she'll like those just fine."

Well, we'll see, won't we. We continued to banter a bit, and then I took them over to the gift wrap place, which was inhabited by Miss Good Squishy herself. My goodness--just as cute and perky and doe-eyed and blonde and round and firm and fully packed as could be. She apologized for the wait, took down my packaging requests (the gold stuff, the stuff with the big red dots, and the swirly silver things on the blue background) and said it was going to be about 20 minutes to get mine done. She was just so darned nice I couldn't have complained even if I wanted to.

So I went and ate me some lunch. Got a big salad from Wall Street Deli, sat and ate at the tables, and watched the world go by. I sure will be glad when the affectation of gaucho pants with boots fades. Every woman who wears those winds up looking like they're wearing those goofy high-water pants the guys wore in the original Star Trek.

Anyway, finished up, walked back to the store, stood and waited for everyone else to get out of my way, and asked for my goods. "Here you go, sweetie--just be sure to take the tag off the bag so she won't know what's in there!" I am such a sucker for any customer service person who calls me sweetie or sugar or honey or hon or stuff like that. Especially if it's a she-person. It's almost enough to make me like shopping at Parisian again.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at December 22, 2005 02:08 PM