I was obviously very late today, but due to no fault by anyone in our family. Reba and I have had to take separate cars this past two weeks because she's been tied up with billing at work, so I am unfettered by the potential for errors in judging preparation time.
HOWEVER, I can't control everyone else, and so this morning someone got the bright idea of recreating the recent Parisian carflagration on the side of I-59 inbound to Birmingham. Right there around Roebuck Parkway, meaning the usual delays and backups were exacerbated by flames and emergency vehicles and rubberneckers. I had originally planned to go on and go that way, but it was all at a dead stop, so at the last moment I decided to hop on I-459 and link up with I-20 down the road a ways. Just like everyone else.
Yep, it was jammed, too. But at least it WAS moving.
Now, unbeknownst to me, Miss Reba, who left the house before the kids and I, decided to go straight through. And, obviously, became mired down. In one of those odd coincidences, it seems that even though I had taken the kids to school, and gone a completely different route, when I-20 and I-59 finally merged into one at the airport exit, I had managed to arrive at the on ramp at just the same time as Miss Reba.
Again, I did not realize this until she called a few minutes ago and said I had an AWFULLY intense look on my face when I merged in front of her. I hadn't even realized she was there!
BUT, the most important part of the conversation, and the topic of this post--"Yeah, I was just toodling along, and I saw this old silver Volvo come by, and I thought, 'Hey, that's a pretty good-looking Volvo,' and it was all shiny, and had nice shiny taillights, and then I realized, 'HEY! That's TERRY!"
Surely you see the signs that my "I Am A Moron" Project has finally reached a fatal level on those around me!
Evidence?
A) She sees a car, and can correctly identify it as a Volvo.
B) Despite the poor condition of the paint on top of the car, she still seems to think it looks pretty good for its age.
C) She notices inconsequential items such as the taillights.
and D) She notices all of this without being prompted AND without at first realizing it was her moronic husband's car!
MwuhahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!! SHE'S MINE!!
I won't even go into when we went out to eat this past Sunday, and she noticed a late model C70 parked next to us that had headlight wipers, and she asked me if mine had those, and I told her no, but that it had space for them and they could be installed, and she didn't say, "Well, don't get any bright ideas," but rather, "Those look so CUTE!"
Posted by Terry Oglesby at November 10, 2005 09:31 AMI sincerely hope that as the assimilation continues Reba does not grow assorted Volvo parts as replacements for her originally manufactured parts, a la the Borg.
diane
Although, you have to admit that would be a lot more convenient to have her grow some spare parts, rather than having to go scrounge around in the junkyard for them!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at November 10, 2005 10:17 AM"Resistance is futile!"
Headlight wipers? What will they think of next?
Heated seats?
Posted by: Larry Anderson at November 10, 2005 10:24 AM"merge in front of her"
By using that term, I assume that you did not cut her off, swerving in and ahead of a female-type driver. And you didn't even notice her? At least she's not upset about that.
Posted by: MarcV at November 10, 2005 10:57 AMI'm hoping cupholders, Larry.
And Marc, I didn't cut her off, or I WOULD have heard about it. But no, I didn't notice her, although I did look up once and see a navy blue Focus, but I knew it couldn't be her because she had left five minutes before I did, and had gone straight on to work. I didn't realize she'd been stuck, and so it didn't occur to me that it could have been her.
And again, I was very intent on the task at hand.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at November 10, 2005 11:07 AMGrowing spare parts? There are SOOOOOO many ways this could be misconstrued, and I think I've thought of at least half a dozen without trying too hard.
On the other hand, should Reba start dressing like a Borg, things should get interesting a Casa Possum.
Posted by: skinnydan at November 10, 2005 11:17 AMI have to admit this assimilation thing is not going quite as I would have expected: I would have thought Terry would have been the one being assimilated. But it appears Miss Reba never even saw it coming. Who knew possums could be so crafty?
Posted by: Stan at November 10, 2005 02:37 PMOh, I'm in--but in order to make the experience easier, it's nice to be able to cloud the mind of others. Especially the ones who have the power to stop all the Moron Fun if they wanted to.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at November 10, 2005 02:42 PMHow could she stop it? You have to stand up for your Constitutional Rights:
"You'll have to pry my Ebay Account from my cold, dead hands."
Posted by: skinnydan at November 11, 2005 07:56 AMHEY! Are trying to make that come true!? I dare not say something like that lest I wake up very cold and dead!
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at November 11, 2005 04:51 PM