Nothing like some kung pao chicken on a chilly day to make your insides all toasty warm like a blast furnace.
Why don't I order something else? Sometimes I do, but whenever the female half of the husband and wife team (who are not Chinese, by the way) who own the place is there, I forget everything else--kung pao is sorta the default order. If the husband's there, I can think better.
And while I'm thinking of it, unless you eat with chopsticks all the time, don't think you have to use them for Chinese food. I saw several folks out in the seating area struggling with them, and all for naught. It was especially painful to watch the young guy trying to show his mad stik skilz to his ladyfriend, because it was obvious he wanted to appear worldly and cosmopolitan as he ate his chain-outlet, downtown Birmingham Chinese food, and he was bedeviled by the fact that two sticks are the least efficient way to get food to your mouth ever invented. (Neglecting for a moment the use of trained gibbons to put food in your mouth for you.)
You know what the first Chinese guy who saw a fork said? "We invent the compass and gunpowder and paper and noodles, and you mean to sit there and tell me we've been eating with STICKS when we could've invented a FORK?!"
Yes, that's what he said. Of course, now they've all gotten in the habit of it, so to them it's no big deal either way, but over here, use a fork. Although they are less exotic, sometimes that's not a big tradeoff for keeping food off your shirt.
ANYWAY, that's not why we're here--today's fortunes are:
A single kind word will keep one warm for years.
I wonder if that means if I heap praise upon people I don't like, they'll burst into flames?
The constructive use of riches is better than their possession.
Hmm. Sounds like a good experiment to try. First, I need riches. All of you send me all your money. I'll see how that feels, then I'll use it for something constructive, like, say, a mansion, and then see it that makes me feel better. Okay, get to it! "Chop-chop," as they say!
TODAY'S LUCKY NUMBERS:
3 15 28 36 42. 17
5 14 25 36 40. 15
Posted by Terry Oglesby at October 27, 2005 02:02 PMSome questions for you, Round-eye:
1) Is the lady-type owner nice to look at, hence your inability to say anything other than Kung-Pao Chicken?
2) Has the use of a fork, in fact, kept food off of your own personal shirt?
3) What conspiracy do you think is behind the appearance of the mysterious "36" in both sets of lucky numbers?
Oh, one scientific note - Gibbons are in fact allergic to MSG, so you'd be better off training them to feed you American style fast food. Ideally they prefer feeding people macrobiotic diets that involve a lot of bean sprouts and organic Chai, so I might look elsewhere for utensils. You might want to try Three-Toed Sloths, who adore Szechuan.
Posted by: skinnydan at October 27, 2005 02:44 PM1) Oh, she's just pretty as a peach. A tall willowy blonde woman of indeterminate age. She's probably fortyish, but a lovely, healthy, toned version of such, who could just as easily be only 29. Always calm and pleasant and smiling and mesmerizing. And ding-dern it all, her husband's a nice, smiling, calm, pleasant guy--they make such a nice couple. But at least he IS a guy and I don't find myself blanking out when he talks to me.
2) Fork use is no guarantor in and of itself of a kung pao-free shirtwaist, given that one still must contend with gravity, which we all know is a stern taskmistress. But a fork is, nonetheless, better than two skinny sticks.
3) I think we all know the answer to that. Karl Rove.
4) Scientific points well taken. That's why they're even less efficient than chopsticks. Even LESS less efficient is giving them chopsticks, then getting them to try to feed you. That just makes a REALLY big mess. Stupid monkeys.
As for the sloth, I'll have to remember that. I never knew, and now that I do, I will have to get some of that new Purina Szechuan Style Sloth Kibble for our pet sloth.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at October 27, 2005 03:00 PMWait a minute- you've got a pet? no wonder you are so mean to your kids about getting a kitten or dog...
Posted by: Nate at October 27, 2005 03:09 PMSloths are just so darned easy to care for--put it in the tree, and it just hangs there. They don't bark, they don't scratch the furniture, and they scare the crap outta the squirrels.
Posted by: Terry Oglesby at October 27, 2005 03:16 PM