It is once again that time for the sports portion of our show, and as always, the most important game of the week, that played by the Not Undefeated, But Still Relatively Good, Auburn Tigers!
This week's game pits Alabama Polytechnical Institute (2-1 overall, 1-0 SEC) against the undefeated and Number 1 (Div I-AA) ranked powerhouse of the Gateway Conference, Western Kentucky.
The last time the two teams met in 2003, Auburn walked away with a 48-3 win, but the Hilltoppers return The Plains for the Tiger homecoming game full of the angry bitter angryness that only can come from a long bus ride and the knowledge that the team was chosen for its suitability as a safe sacrificial offering.
Auburn didn't sweat much in last week's practice/scrimmage/game, and everyone stayed healthy and the entire team got a much-needed workout, so it's hard to think that this week's game will be very difficult. EXCEPT, well, as the old saying goes, "on any given Saturday, when the chips are down, there's no place like home when the cows come there, which is like letting them out of the barn and then trying to close the door." Which just proves what a genius that John Madden guy is, you know? Anyway, I look for Auburn to be a bit sloppier than they were last week, and I look for WKU to be out for an upset.
Still, despite how much the football team might want to win, the true measure of their abilities appears to be pretty woeful. For shame, Hilltoppers--such a miserly use of pixels for your cheerleaders. Probably just as well, though--there does seem to be way too many guys. The Topperettes do have a few more photos (although still quite small). As has been the case in past such instances, I think we're going to have to go trolling for diversions within the other sports departments to find properly presented participant pics.
Well, let's see--there's the women's basketball team, which features players such as Cammie Campbell, a 5'-7" guard majoring in broadcasting, and statuesque forward Taylor Kopple. Moving to volleyball, there's statuesque middle hitter Megan Argabright, as well as statuesque middle hitter Whitney McCory. The women's tennis team sadly has no statuesque players, but at least they DO have someone from Floyds Knobs, Indiana. That's a plus! Moving on then to softball--lot's of statuesquery there! Especial notice is paid to Shelby Smith, the freshman 5'-10" catcher, who's just cute as a button. Still, despite all that talent, they just have no way of matching the power of the Tigers, who have yet another page of hard-hitting power to look at. Rah! Rah! Rah! And for good measure, Rah!
Mascots? Oh, please--Big Red!? I made fun of Ball State's cardinal last week, but that silly jaybird cardinal could wipe the floor with Big Red!
Mainly because Big Red looks like nothing less than a large sponge. Or maybe Jabba the Tuffet. Aubie, on the other hand, is a TIGER. Tigers are mean. And prone to groping.
I suppose it would be hard to have a mascot that looks like the top of a hill, but still, if Big Red is going to be your choice, why not work a tie-in with the Wrigley's folks and their fine brand of chewing gum?! Or, you know, maybe Clifford, the Big Red Dog. Or hire Red Sonja.
Anyway, enough of that stuff--let's get on to the most important part of the program, where we pick the score!
As you all no doubt recall from last week, Possumblog Sport Center's Official Football Pickin' Chicken, Lil' Joe Biden, predicted the final score between Auburn and Ball State to be 38-3 in favor of our beloved Tigers. As it turned out, the score was even more lopsided, 63-3, which meant that Lil' Joe Biden was safe for another week from being turned into fajitas.
HOWEVER, Chet the E-Mail Boy (who had provided Lil' Joe Biden certain inducements in the form of cornflakes placed on the bingo card to help him pick the scores) was terrified that since Lil' Joe Biden had not accurately predicted the outcome, he was doomed.
Well, despite being a cruel heartless megalomaniac, I'm not so picky that I can't just let it go, especially since the mistake was all to Auburn's favor. And he actually DID get the 3 point part of Ball State's score right. So, I was willing to let it slide.
Chet, though--well, he's an overprotective old coot, and as you also recall, had somewhat adopted Lil' Joe Biden. It was actually touching to watch as Chet would gently hold him and stroke his fluffy feathers and talk to him almost as if he were human. SO fearful was Chet of the certain demise of his pet at my hands that he took the unforeseeable step of hiding Lil' Joe Biden. Which would have not been nearly so bad had Lil' Joe Biden not been placed in the bottom of a turnip basket, which Chet then proceeded to fill with turnips.
Poor Lil' Joe Biden was found on Wednesday of this week, smooshed underneath a pile of the bulbous bitter roots. Chet is obviously heartbroken, but everyone was highly complimentary of the flavor Lil' Joe Biden added to the mess of turnip greens we had in the cafeteria today. He might have been an ugly stupid bird, but Lil' Joe Biden was tender and flavorful.
OBVIOUSLY, this means that for the third week in a row, we will find it necessary to obtain a brand new Official Football Pickin' Chicken. We got this one from a fellow who had several for sale, and he assures us that it has a proven track record of accuracy unmatched by any other barnyard fowl. To help assuage Chet's dismal mood, we allowed him the chance to name the new team member, so he thought long and hard, and decided upon someone he's been sweet on for many years. So, we present to you Nancy Pelosi.
In order to keep Chet from rigging the proceedings as he did the last time, we have separated them into separate boxes. In Chet's box, we have a stack of American Telegrapher magazines, and in Nancy Pelosi's box, we have a numeric keypad into which she can peck her prediction.
And the result?
AUBURN 48--WESTERN KENTUCKY 14
Posted by Terry Oglesby at September 23, 2005 01:28 PM
