September 16, 2005

Uh-huh--Riiiiiiight.

Reuters "news" service comes at us with this jewel: Power-dressing man leaves trail of destruction

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building.

Frank Clewer, who was wearing a woolen shirt and a synthetic nylon jacket, was oblivious to the growing electrical current that was building up as his clothes rubbed together.

When he walked into a building in the country town of Warrnambool in the southern state of Victoria Thursday, the electrical charge ignited the carpet.

"It sounded almost like a firecracker," Clewer told Australian radio Friday.

"Within about five minutes, the carpet started to erupt."

Employees, unsure of the cause of the mysterious burning smell, telephoned firefighters who evacuated the building.

"There were several scorch marks in the carpet, and we could hear a cracking noise -- a bit like a whip -- both inside and outside the building," said fire official Henry Barton.

Firefighters cut electricity to the building thinking the burns might have been caused by a power surge.
Clewer, who after leaving the building discovered he had scorched a piece of plastic on the floor of his car, returned to seek help from the firefighters.

"We tested his clothes with a static electricity field meter and measured a current of 40,000 volts, which is one step shy of spontaneous combustion, where his clothes would have self-ignited," Barton said.

"I've been firefighting for over 35 years and I've never come across anything like this," he said.

Firefighters took possession of Clewer's jacket and stored it in the courtyard of the fire station, where it continued to give off a strong electrical current.

David Gosden, a senior lecturer in electrical engineering at Sydney University, told Reuters that for a static electricity charge to ignite a carpet, conditions had to be perfect.

"Static electricity is a similar mechanism to lightning, where you have clouds rubbing together and then a spark generated by very dry air above them," said Gosden.

Geez--and people wonder why no one trusts the media.

A. It says when he walked in the building, he sparked and the carpet caught fire, yet the employees weren't able to determine where the smell was coming from?

B. If he touched a door handle on the way in, it would have dissipated the charge before he even entered the building. Or, you know, if he was walking on the ground or something.

C. A cracking noise inside and OUTSIDE the building? You could hear it in BOTH places? Really!?

D. Scorched a piece of plastic in the floor of his car? Even though the car is grounded?

E. The firefighters tested his clothes with a static electricity field meter? Is this something they carry with them on the truck? And they tested his clothes--after touching them, which would cause any lingering charge to dissipate, and there was still 40,000 volts showing?!

F. And somehow 40,000 volts is somehow equivalent to heat? More volts and cloth catches on fire!? So, like, the rubber insulation on high tension wires that carry hundreds of thousands of volts doesn't catch on fire because....? Maybe it's just me, but I sure thought amperage would come into play here.

G. The jacket was taken and stored in a courtyard, and it somehow managed to CONTINUE to give off current, without any rubbing or other way of inducting a charge, and with no place for current to flow? It switched from a source of static electricity to producing measurable CURRENT!? And this current is measured using volts and not amps?

Ladies and gentlemen, that's one magic jacket.

Thanks, Reuters, for bringing us this amazing story before Weekly World News got ahold of it.

LUCKILY FOR US, The Standard has an alternative version, that is just as illogical, but less fun because it points out that there was no danger from Mr. Clewer's clothing because the amperage level was so low--yet they still managed to burn plastic?

Buncha crazy antipodes.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at September 16, 2005 02:36 PM
Comments

Aren't you working on a perpetual motion machine? You need to contact Reuters since this looks like the power source you have been seeking---or not.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at September 16, 2005 02:44 PM

Well, I was until I just figured out that I could power an electric vehicle by wearing a wool sweater and a nylon jacket and rubbing myself.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at September 16, 2005 02:48 PM

Maybe I could get the Super Truck up over 20 mph if I were to run a wire from my clothes to the alternator thereby charging the battery and saving the 2-3 HP drain from the or some such. 14.7 volts DC shouldn't hurt that much!

Posted by: Larry Anderson at September 16, 2005 03:15 PM

See!? THAT'S the kind of forward thinking that made this country great! And just think how much renewable energy we have tied up in circus clowns carrying those big bundles of balloons! All those things rubbing together, I mean, WOW! You could probably light up a whole city with that!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at September 16, 2005 03:25 PM

I think it might be easier to harness the running power of several hamsters. They multiply quick enough (16 days gestation!) and my cat can eat the older ones.

Posted by: The Other Terry at September 16, 2005 04:54 PM

And we could probably double their energy output by making tiny little nylon jackets for them! And for the cat!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at September 16, 2005 04:58 PM

Ummm, Terry? Wearing nylon jackets & rubbing yourself is a pretty good way to get arrested.

Well, where you live, anyway. Up here it's likely to get you an offer of a one-man show of performance art.

Posted by: skinnydan at September 18, 2005 07:46 PM

Naw--you can't get arrested for that here, either. And don't ask how I know.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at September 20, 2005 09:25 AM