May 25, 2005

I have reached the conclusion...

...that it is an extraordinarily bad idea to have to work for a living.

I believe the best course is to be independently wealthy and idle your days away on a beach somewhere, because if you work for a living, you are bound to have those times when there is someone in charge who acts in such a way that is contrary to all reason or logic, and even though it might not directly have an impact on you, you still regret the impact such irreason and illogic has on others; BUT, you can't really say too much about that person's ineptitude, because if you do, you could wind up as the target of a similar treatment. And that would be bad.

So. Now then.

I see several avenues to reach the state of being independently wealthy. I can inherit millions from someone. This will have to be someone unrelated to me, because no one I am related to has millions of dollars. I can invent something that no one can do without, but ever since that debacle with the Kerosene-Powered Can OpenerTM, I haven't had any other really good ideas. I could win the lottery, which would require me to gamble, which morally I have a problem with, but if someone GAVE me a winning lottery ticket, I figure I wouldn't be nearly so put off. So that's an option. Let's see, what else? OH, I could get a job--but only the sort of one that requires me to be independently wealthy and unproductive, and where I do not have any supervision to see that I am performing my non-tasks properly.

Or, maybe I just need to sit in the park for a while and talk to the squirrels and pigeons.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 10:25 AM

I'm also trying for the independently wealthy gig but don't seem to be making much headway. If I had not developed bad habits early in life, I wouldn't need so much money today. The bad habits? Eating regularly and sleeping under a roof.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 25, 2005 10:30 AM

That's what I'm talking about--I need me a job where I get paid to sleep under a roof and eat.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 10:41 AM


we need to come up with a new new Moron Project™ for this... something that will make all of us independently wealthy.

Posted by: DaveH at May 25, 2005 10:50 AM

Sitting in the park and talking to the pigeons and squirrels is someone’s job. It must be those people are there everyday.

Posted by: jim at May 25, 2005 10:51 AM

Maybe someone could make a movie about me--that always make people rich. It would be called "The Squirrel Whisperer," (but it would not have Robert Redford involved).

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 11:09 AM

Don Knotts or Jim Nabors as you?

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 25, 2005 11:16 AM

I'm thinking either Tom Selleck or Larry the Cable Guy.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 11:23 AM

Using the Slashdot formula:

Search the Internet for old klunky foreign cars.

Buy some of them.



Posted by: skillzy at May 25, 2005 12:32 PM

I've been saved by the "I Am a Moron" Project! I have an '86 Volvo that I am willing to part with for $20,000,000! CALL NOW!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 12:34 PM

So that's the problem with the Mercedes. I'm offering it for free. If I just raise the price I too can be wealthy.

By the way, the more I think about your Kerosene-Powered Can Opener , the better I like it. Maybe we could start a whole line of products, but I suspect that they would be more marketable if we said they were fuel cell powered with the cell converting kerosene to clean burning hydrogen.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 25, 2005 12:45 PM

Well, actually, it was a hybrid, with a kerosene burner under a small steam boiler, which was, in turn, hooked to a turbine connected to a generator that recharged a battery pack for the electric motor that ran the opening mechanism.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 12:51 PM

Larry, when we were looking to get rid of a dog, we read somewhere that you always charge a minimal adoption fee. While the lure of free may be compelling for some, a low, low price drives others wild and they take better care of something they paid for. So maybe you should offer the Mercedes for a bargain price. Why would anyone want something you are willing to give away? -- or something like that.

Posted by: Jordana at May 25, 2005 01:40 PM


I ofered the Mercedes to a fellow car nut for the bargain basement price of $500. He came by and looked it over and if he had had a trailer with him the car would be gone. Unfortunately, after a couple of days, the cold hard facts got past his natural inclination to rescue old decrepit cars and he regained his sanity.


I like the "elegant" engineering solution you propose for opening a can. Mr. Goldberg would be proud.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 25, 2005 02:05 PM

Well, he WAS proud until he burnt his hands trying to open a can of salmon with it. That kinda ruined everything. That, and the smell. And the noise. And the leaking battery pack. And the turbine blade that came off and punctured the wall of the kitchen.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 02:21 PM

If only you had made the can opener a blender. And the kerosene generator a WeedEater engine.

Behold, the Tailgator.

Amd if only you'd had the idea 10 years ago.

Posted by: skillzy at May 25, 2005 02:34 PM

::sigh:: Only $369.95!

I think I had things all backwards--I developed an indoor plant trimmer that connected to a blender base via a flexible driveshaft.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 25, 2005 02:43 PM