May 11, 2005

Suicide Possum!

How is it that Miss Janis has missed commenting on this story from her favorite columnist, Smiley Anders?!

As if we drivers didn't have enough to worry about just watching the roads around here, now we have to watch the sky too.

Amy Carmouche says it was "the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me."

She was driving down Highland Road one afternoon to pick up her son at school. Her 3-year-old daughter was in the back seat singing "Pop Goes the Weasel."

She says, "All of a sudden, the sunroof of my car explodes with a loud crash … shards of glass start to fall into my car. I'm able to keep my car on the road, but there's no place to pull over on Highland."

At her son's school she gets out to find "a gaping hole in my sunroof the size of a watermelon!"

Back home, she and her husband decide to go back to the scene and find what caused the damage, assuming it was a tree limb:

"There was no branch, rock, stick or brick to be found -- only a dead possum! It had fallen out of a tree and crashed into my sunroof. [...]

Elegiac poetry follows.

I, however, am still alive and well, not having decided to plunge headlong into any sunroofs. Yet. There is, after all, the matter of making sure the NINE HUNDRED DOLLAR and SIXTY-SIX CENT BILL TO THE WAL-MART VISION CENTER GETS PAID! Everyone got an exam. Jonathan required glasses for the first time ever. Rebecca required a stronger prescription and new glasses. Ashley required a stronger prescription, and contacts, and glasses. Reba required contacts. Only Catherine and I escaped not needing anything done, other than paying for the exam.

Hmm. "Pop Goes the Weasel," eh?

Posted by Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 09:33 AM

More like "Poof goes the Paycheck"

Posted by: skinnydan at May 11, 2005 09:57 AM

And it's the 66¢ that really hurts.

Posted by: skinnydan at May 11, 2005 10:02 AM

The problem was that I wasn't expecting everyone to need new glasses. I was thinking more along the lines of exams for everyone, and maybe having to pay around $300.66 or so. Imagine my surprise. A little here and a little there certainly adds up, even at Wally World.

Oh well. No more eatin' out on Sunday afternoon for the rest of the year.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 10:12 AM

And yes, the 66 cents was insulting, but not nearly so much as the 900 dollars.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 10:13 AM

My first approach to a bill of that size is to take a nap.

Posted by: Janis at May 11, 2005 10:43 AM

Mine was to jump up from my chair and scream, "WHAT!?"

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 10:50 AM

Now, hon, that's a reaction, not an approach.

Just think what the bill might have been had you gone to another place.

Posted by: Janis at May 11, 2005 10:57 AM

You knew something like the vision improvement bill was coming soon. It always does when you start a Moron Project. The apparently good wiring harness was just to lull you into a false sense of security.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 11, 2005 10:59 AM

Good point, Miss Janis--I suppose my approach when facing such a thing then, is to panic. With extreme prejudice. And you are right about the cost--the reason we started going there is because we spent nearly a thousand dollars about five years ago when Reba and Ashley went in to a well-known eye doctor here in town (with his own eyeglass shop) and I am yet to be convinced Ashley really needed glasses at the time.

And yes, Larry--the proof of a Moron Project is how much needful spending arises the moment after sinking money into the project. ::sigh::

I need to sell a van.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 11:06 AM

Terry, I feel your pain. It seems that there must be a law that the demand for money ALWAYS expands to soak up the supply of money--and particularly when said supply might have allowed a little "discretionary spending".

While I am not REAL happy with MY Wal-Mart glasses, I have to say they DID save me a good bit of money on them, else MY supply of money would have been drastically reduced a few years ago when I had to get two pairs.

Posted by: Stan at May 11, 2005 11:17 AM

We always go to Sam's for our eye needs. Justin tried ValuVision for his last appointment, because our insurance covered about $10 of the exam and they are closer than Sam's, and he was surprised to discover that there are places much worse than Sam's and Wal-Mart. They measured both his eye shape and his prescription incorrectly the first time.

Fortunately, at this point he's the only one with bad eyes. I shudder to think what our bills might be otherwise. Which is why I keep resisting getting my eyes checked.

Posted by: Jordana at May 11, 2005 02:12 PM

If nothing else, this whole experience allows me to dust off my favorite saying: "'I see, I see,' said the blind man to his deaf wife as he picked up his hammer and saw."

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 02:34 PM

Ninja/terrorist possums are jumping out of black helicopters on unsuspecting motorists and all you can think about is the cost of eye care?
I feel like Steve McQueen in the The Blob . Am I the only one who sees this for what it is?

Posted by: jimbo at May 11, 2005 03:29 PM


Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 03:40 PM

Ssssh—I’m listening for them black helicopters.

Posted by: jimbo at May 11, 2005 03:45 PM

I read the elegy, too.

Apparently, the sunroof was in a Lexus.

So what do we have? A tremendously fat possum? A really long drop? A fast driver? A substandard sunroof?

Posted by: Janis at May 11, 2005 03:51 PM

OK you think I’m way off about the ninja possums. Well what if the thing found at White Lake wasn’t an armadillo at all but a robopossum?

Posted by: jimbo at May 11, 2005 03:55 PM


Miss Janis, I would say a combination of the first three, combined with a moonroof not designed to handle the highly improbable occurence of raining marsupials.

Jim--everyone knows there's no such things as robopossums. And if there were, don't you think I would tell you?

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 03:59 PM

Trust the head possum? Not likely. If there are not robopossums then maybe the armadillos are heading north to take over from the possums. So the possums can be training for the invasion.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
I’m still working on where the badgers fit into all of this. I think the UN and the Trilateral Commission are involved somehow.

Posted by: jimbo at May 11, 2005 04:09 PM

Silly Jim, I would never tell you a fib. There are no such things as robopossums, and I don't care WHAT Lyndon LaRouche says. He's just wrong--at least about this particular thing.


::throws tarp over robopossum::

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 11, 2005 04:16 PM

There's a few too many ninjas around here and not enough badgers. Some folks seem to have gotten a bit hoi-polloi since they left us stragglers on the wrong side of Blogger.

Incidentally, can I nominate our resident engineering NASA type guy to figure out a few things?

A) The coefficient of drag on an airborne former possum; B) the mean descent rate of said late mammal; most importantly, C) the proper angle of attack for said expired marsupial to interact properly with the sunroof of an overpriced Toyota.

The rest of us can figure out on our own if it was an African or Caribbean possum.

Posted by: skinnydan at May 11, 2005 09:38 PM

You say hoi polloi like it's a bad thing...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 12, 2005 08:07 AM