May 06, 2005

"I'm a Moron" Project is GO!

V-Day countdown now at -22:32:00 (or so--I mean, by the time I post this, it'll change again, and I just don't have the ability to set up a cool countdown clock to go here, although I did think about putting in a baby due date countdown, but that seemed rather pointless since it only counts days, and not minutes and seconds, so--wait--had to change the time again--okay, so just bear with me.)

ANYway, the deal is on for tomorrow morning at 9:30 at the Gardendale Shoney's parking lot, and I am so excited at having something else to tinker with! Because, you know, I have so much spare time in which to tinker with old cars. It has been fun to do all the research on what all breaks and tears up on these things--in just the last few days, I have amassed a set of nineteen bookmarks to various other Moron Project Enablers. One of the projects for later will be to repair the odometer gear. Seems they all break at 200,000 miles. Tiny nylon gear, with some sort of internal destruct mechanism.

Another will be to see if it needs a new engine wiring harness. I found out these can be faulty AFTER I made my examination. Had I known then to look for crumbling insulation on all the underhood wires, I might not have that weird puckering sensation in my lower gut. It's not a job for someone who's never worked with cars before, but if you have, it's not that hard. Time consuming, certainly, because you have to mark where everything comes loose, and then make sure you plug it all back up the right way. But that's probably worth doing, just so it doesn't burn up into a pile of ash in the middle of the Interstate. Nothing sours a Moron Project like sudden uncontrolled combustion, you know.

Let's see, what else--oh, yes--the lamps. For anyone who thinks that they just don't build cars like they used to, you're right. Cars are wonderful nowadays, and they've figured out how to make good quality plastic that doesn't degrade in the sunlight like something out of a bad vampire movie. Such things were apparently still quite unknown to certain manufacturers, however. So, some particular brands ::coughVolvocough:: of cars need some help in this regard, with plastic lamp lenses that have aged to a be as hard and brittle as Nancy Pelosi. Not a big deal to change them out, but they can be pricey. Which is another one of those things that comes with proving just how moronic your moron project can be. I'm going to try polishing them out first, just to see if that helps.

AND THEN, there'll be the 20 inch spinner rims! And the coffee can muffler! And the wicked cool racing graphics! And the towel rack trunklid spoiler!

Ahhh--so much fun to come. Oh--wait, gotta change the clock again--hold on. There.

Posted by Terry Oglesby at May 6, 2005 10:57 AM

Nothing sours a Moron Project like sudden uncontrolled combustion, you know.

Yeah, I wouldn't want an EXTERNAL combustion engine either!

Posted by: Stan at May 6, 2005 11:01 AM

It just so happens that I'll be cruising up I-65 tomorrow morning, and I should be passing Gardendale around zero hour. I'm very tempted to stop and get some spy photos of the transaction.

Posted by: skillzy at May 6, 2005 11:09 AM

Hmmmm--Stan might have an idea--a steam powered Volvo! You know, the big problem with past steam cars is the poor throttle response, and the need to build up a head of steam. But if you instead hooked the steam engine to a turbine-driven electrical generator, you would have something along the lines of the current internal combustion/electric hybrid cars (or a nucular submarine--but I think the state looks down on private use of fissile material). Hmmmmmm.

And Skillzy, I'm glad you said that because I have to remember to bring my camera, too. Be sure and stop by if you're in the area. Be sure to stand close enough to where you can be seen, but far enough away to appear suspicious.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 6, 2005 11:26 AM

Golden Corral and a Moron Project. I don't know how I can keep from coming to B'Ham now. Did any of your contacts mention dying alternators and fuel gauges and sundry other electrical problems.

I am so hurt you didn't take the "free" Mercedes.

Posted by: Larry Anderson at May 6, 2005 11:28 AM

Yes indeedy, Larry--seems the voltage regulators are susceptible to heat soak and keep the battery right at the point of discharge. BUT, there's a fix! (Of course.) Remote mounted regulator, away from the heat of the engine. I think most of the electrical problems trace back to those faulty looms. It really is amazing what people can get away with when you snooker them with the promise of fine European craftsmanship. But, at least it has been loved and doted over, so I'm confident that my ownership experience will be FAR different, and much more betterer, than anyone ELSE'S problems. Why am I so confident? Because, I am a moron.

As for the Mercedes, well, you've talked me into it. If you don't mind, I am going to have to keep it at your house, and I might not get to work on it very much. But thank you for giving it to me. I will cherish it forever.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 6, 2005 11:35 AM

Wait a minute, that's Golden Corral? Like a pen in a pasture? My bad, I thought I was eating in the undersea Golden Coral...

Posted by: Nate at May 6, 2005 11:38 AM

Mmmmm--seafood buffet!

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 6, 2005 11:46 AM

I thought nothing ruined a moron project like uncontrolled anything—except money and enthusiasm.

Posted by: jimbo at May 6, 2005 02:44 PM

Well, it's just that it's so much harder to drive a pile of ash that all the fun just goes right out the door...

Posted by: Terry Oglesby at May 6, 2005 02:55 PM